Wednesday, August 08, 2012
Unfortunately on my 1 year anniversary with Spark, the phrase above I had to repeat over and over.
I got bad news at work today regarding an experiment. I should say, regarding a $50,000 experiment. So... bad. As in "don't have a panic attack and stuff your face bad." Then I thought I came up with somewhat of a solution, handled it the best I could, and then thought that I deserved some fro-yo.
Basically I did my job, so I deserve fro-yo? Nooo. I can have fro-yo if I want it, I don't deserve it, I want it. Two separate things. Then I had a mild anxiety attack over graduating and not being able to get a job I want, and the whole downward spiral... and I just knew that I needed to drive straight home. Do not stop. Do not go into a grocery store (I was going to get protein powder), just get home ASAP.
McDonalds wouldn't help, I'd just feel even worse. Taco Bell -- bleh. Shakespeare's pizza... that was tempting, but luckily I had my windows down so my hair looked like a crazy person. So I made it home.
And then I threw my remaining vanilla soy protein powder in the blender with soy milk, water, strawberries, and cheesecake jello -- and made a MASSIVE, gigantic shake/almost soft-serve protein goodness. I still have half of it in the freezer if I crumble later on my calories. So I had a pretty bad dinner--protein shake, air popped popcorn, and golden grahams (what can I say, I'm weird today) -- but I'm still in my calorie range. Oh and a 200 calorie taco salad, almost forgot about that (haha--200 calories for my taco salad vs. 1800 for one from Taco Bell -- I think I made the right decision).
Then I went on reddit. Reddit is a black hole that sucks my time. Thank you ex for sucking me into that world. Well one thing they have on Reddit is
www.reddit.com/r/loseit/ -- I like seeing people's progress, but then I kept thinking -- well I've done more than that. I've lost more than that person, and that one, and that one... and everyone is cheerleading them. Why am I in a bad mood today? Its strange how your brain can drag you to a dark place.
I just need to remember where I came from. I joined Spark a year ago to get the kind of support that I needed to keep going -- and thanks everyone, you've done just that. I think being able to get out the negative, cheer the positive, and show the progress has been beneficial to me.
I haven't made any of my goals for this year really... and that sucks, but I'm okay with it. I thought I'd be at my goal weight by now. Spark told me I could reach my goal weight... and I didn't. Why? I dunno. I'm working on that right now. But what have I done in a year with Spark?
1) I lost 47# this year. That is fantastic! I am so much better off at 179 than I was at 226.
2) I was ushered into ONEderland. It's awesome. I'm NEVER leaving.
3) I gained confidence in myself and my journey. When I joined I was afraid to post. Afraid to friend people *what if they thought I was annoying?! or boring!? -- no one here is! I'd say 99% of the people you friend on Spark will add you back. Its the greatest sense of community here.
4) I'm proud of my struggle. I'm more open to everyone about where I've come from. I've even told people, out loud, in public, that I've lost almost 100#. As I read from another person who lost a lot of weight -- admitting it out loud is almost shameful, because you're admitting how bad you were... but what I've come to realize is that people focus on the positive in your statement and not the negative. I have fit friends tell me that I've inspired them to workout. Me? Inspiring them? Really? Yes.
5) Everyone has bad days. It's how you cope and manage and move on that will determine your progress. I think I've finally figured out how to recognize my negative days and to either mitigate the damage, or work through it and not let one day ruin my goals.
6) I lost 34.4% of the old me. I am literally 63.6% of the person I used to be. That's HUGE -- well not huge anymore! I was looking at stats -- that's more than most of the contestants on the biggest loser ever lose. I need to quit my whining and drop and give me 2000 crunches (that's the plan anyway for later)
7) I apparently like to blog it out. Writing it down seems to help me with the stress and the joy that comes with this journey. So I'm going to keep doing it ;-)
8) Our bodies are more complicated that we can even imagine. I'm a biochemist and I can't seem to figure out my own biochemistry right now. Its complex, its going to take time, and I guess I'm running my most important experiment right now -- on myself. Eventually I'll figure it out, and get off this plateau, but until then I'm going to keep pushing.
9) For me - trackers aren't optional. If I don't track my food on Spark, I usually go over my calories every single day. I also don't feel bad when I go over my calories when I don't track. For some reason if I don't see the number in black and white, my brain can convince me that "it's not that bad." Well "it's not that bad" turned into huge upswings in my weight -- so now... I track.
10) I feel great after a workout. No one ends a really rough, tough workout and says, Oh I shouldn't have done that. Now I love tracking my fitness minutes and getting 1000 a month. I can tell you I wasn't doing that much a year ago. My fitness level has increased SO much. I'm even delaying my surgery a few weeks so I can run/walk my first 5k. I am looking forward to publicly doing a 5k.
Who am I?
Someone who made the decision to join Spark a year ago... and someone who thinks that was probably the best decision for my continued weight loss that I could have possibly made.
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
I have some random pictures to share. One is of my new cereal bowl. I've started eating organic golden grahams knock offs with soy milk as a post workout recovery, or a quick breakfast in the morning.
I have my old cereal bowl (which let's be honest, I would fill up) next to my new cereal bowl. It's a 1 cup bowl from measure up bowls ( www.measureupbowl.com ). I found these bowls through a GMA steals and deals segment, and bought 2. The larger bowl has lines at 0.5 cup, 1 cup, and 1.5 cups -- the smaller one is 1/4 cup, 1/2 cup, and 3/4 cup -- which incidentally is the serving size of my cereal. So 3/4 cup cereal filled to the line on the inside of the bowl -- 1/2 cup soy milk to the line -- viola done -- 150 calories.
A serving just doesn't look as sad in the small bowl -- and we eat with our eyes as this site often tells us. Plus using this forces me to be conscious about my portions. I'm not eyeballing it. I'm not guessing two portions when the larger bowl probably held 3...
My Aldi's ran out of center cut bacon *die* It was 25 calories a slice for real bacon! The turkey bacon I bought is 30 calories a slice and it tastes like... well... rubber turkey bacon dog treats. So I switched up my breakfasts and started eating oatmeal with fresh berries.
I'm not meeting my protein goals as much as I should be, so I might opt to make a protein shake or two this week. I've been keeping up with LDRICHEL's protein blogs the past few days and just picked up some cheesecake jello pudding mix to whip up a strawberry cheesecake shake for breakfast tomorrow. haha, I wonder if Spark monitors blogs and food trackers to see if there's been a strong uptick in the addition of cheesecake jello and zucchini this week ;-)
And now a random picture since I did put it in the title... My pom's haircut is growing out. She either a) looks like a sloth or b) looks like me after a good workout
And now my dilemma. I'm currently 20 days away from surgery. I've told some people. Not everyone... since it technically is plastic surgery. I'll post before and after photos on here of my arms. But I don't really want to post them on FB for the whole world. I've thought about creating a Facebook page to show off that kind of stuff and be all positive and post motivational stuff... but I'm kind of a chicken. But then again, I really do want to post fun photos like this on there:
So for now, I started a Tumblr: shrinking-sara.tumblr.com
That was yesterday. I'm trying to get moving more. I had a caffeinated tea yesterday morning, and had a ton of energy to keep going. I'm essentially caffeine free, so maybe it was just a crazy buzz. Today I feel like a freight train hit my face. Even my undereyes were puffy today. Add to that my quads still haven't recovered from whatever the heck I did to them on Sunday and I just don't feel like moving.
But I am. I am going to get up off this computer chair, throw on "Let's Kill Hilter" a really fun Doctor Who episode, and get moving.
(and I'm completely ignoring the fact that my scale once again said 180.4 even with a 1200+ calorie deficit yesterday, 1000+ calorie deficit the day before, and a 1200+ calorie deficit the day before that. I'm going to assume its broken. Well, unless it magically weighs me in the 170s tomorrow)
Monday, August 06, 2012
SO I blogged this morning at how annoyed I was with the scale. I seriously wanted to throw it (well not really, it was expensive) but I felt blindsided by the weigh-in.
I stayed home today to edit other people's work from my lab. Also, I'm trying to avoid my labmate from hell. She should be receiving the news this week that she isn't going to pass quals. Needless to say, and I'm not joking, we're hoping she doesn't take this as badly as the guy in Aurora did. So I stayed home.
It hit like 3PM, I was goofing off, Sparking, not really working. So I decided to get off my butt, put on some scary Doctor Who episodes (aka-adrenaline inducing), and walk it off. For some reason I'm really tight from Saturday and Sunday. My leg muscles are stiff. I think the squats from weed pulling tightened up my quads a lot. So I didn't go that fast. . . but I went 10k. 6.2+extra miles. It wasn't fast at an hour and 52 minutes, but I did it. Haha, and I found out my treadmill turns off after awhile if you keep going at the same pace without changing for too long. I sweat a ton, and I feel better. I'm going to do some pilates moves to loosen up my leg muscles and then call it a day.
Oh and everyone try out the zucchini pasta they're pushing on the blog. Its good. I used to not like zucchini, even when my mom pan fried it with corn meal and parmesean cheese... I didn't like it. But now my silly adult tastebuds like it. I mixed high fiber pasta with the zucchini after I cooked the pasta + meat sauce = delicious. I used a vegetable peeler to make long strips of it, and the hot pasta and hot sauce cooked the zucchini just enough. I now have 2 more serving in the fridge for later this week, and I'm looking forward to them. Mmm.
And now my favorite quote from Legally Blond: Elle: I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't. (no husband... just happy endorphins)
Monday, August 06, 2012
I think my Monday weigh-ins might be doomed. My evil enemy, and former bestie of last week went back to that stupid number 180.4. Its a very specific number that keeps popping up. I think my digital scale must have a glitch that it weighs me at that very specific number far too often.
I was optimistic this morning. I ate in my calorie ranges, worked out, did everything I was supposed to... and... nope. My small victory of being in the 170s disappeared. I'm going to blame this on the fact that somehow I ate 57 grams of fiber yesterday (wtf?) -- so maybe a good treadmill workout tonight will make tomorrow's weigh-in better.
I am literally so sore from this weekend. This is what I did:
cleaned my room, top to bottom, organized my dresser, cleaned out my closet, organized my jewelry, vacuumed the whole house, steam cleaned the carpets and mopped the floors, cleaned both bathrooms, cleaned out under the cabinet of my bathroom sink, cleaned out my dining room, cleaned my kitchen (twice), unpacked my juicer and used it, went through all of my mail, pulled weeds in my front yard, mowed the front yard and half of the backyard, went grocery shopping, washed and blow dried my dogs, did four loads of laundry, and fit in a strength training workout and pilates.
So yea. I was busy. My armband guestimated 2600 calories burned on Saturday and 2500 burned on Sunday... Right now, I'm annoyed.
I know it will probably be better tomorrow -- but I wanted to just throw a hissy fit when I saw 180.4 again...
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Someone just asked me what my tips for Sparking are -- and how to get back on track. Here's how I'm staying on track...
So I have my ups and downs and times where I want to quit and binge and say screw it all. The trick for me is to get on Spark. And read. Read articles, read the daily spark blog, do what ever it takes to get to a bonus spin. My goal is to get a bonus spin everyday.
I also read a lot of blogs. I keep adding new friends constantly so I have more, and more blogs to follow. I just check the friend feed every day and see what everyone is doing.
If I am on a binge, I'll track it. Every time I go grab something else out of the kitchen, I force myself to add it on the computer or my phone. Then I can reeeeeeeeally see what I'm doing. Sometimes I'll feel like crap for everything I've eaten and then see its only been 1800 calories. It's not that bad. Crisis averted. 2200 calories -- a bad day, but not a total loss. If I ever go over 2400 or 2600, I just tell myself that is now my cheat day to reset my metabolism. One day won't kill me. Its quitting that will kill me.
So keep tracking, keep Sparking, and don't forget why you started. If you ever get in a bad mood, remember why YOU started. What are YOU doing this for? Do you want your life to keep going as it is, or do you want it to get better? Don't do it because everyone tells you to -- do it because YOU want to do it for YOU.
I might blog this... haha... like my third blog of the day. I think blogging helps because it shows you that people are checking in on you -- and that all of Spark wants you to succeed. No one will judge you here. They are all positive. They all care. They all want to make the same healthy lifestyle change that you do, and that makes a world of difference. I post a lot of things on here I'm to chicken to post on Facebook, and its okay, because here we are all in the same boat.
So get to Sparking!
Get An Email Alert Each Time SHRINKING_SARA Posts