Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I've been off my game lately. I felt great, I thought I'm looking better, I'm good.... it won't matter if I go out for lunch today... and then the next day... and then dinner the day after that... and then a weekend trip...
Oh wait. It does.
So now I'm up, I had a massive headache last night that prevented a good workout, and I felt crappy. My body is literally screaming at me to quit it and get back to the basics. So now I've got the guilt about screwing up my good streak with a few bad weeks, plus the anxiety that fat is magically going to reappear quickly on my body. Which it sort of has. I think now that I've lost this much, my body is fighting me to get back up to my old set point. Stupid biochemistry... You'd think that scientists could figure out weight loss, but we can't. Its too complex. I read a rather depressing article the other day -- after losing a massive amount of weight, your body literally uses calories differently. It assumes you've gone through a massive trauma, and even though physically you're so much healthier -- your metabolism is still freaking out about the change. The article was about how people who lose weight will ultimately gain it back, unless they're weird and super obsessive. Well guess what -- I want to be one of that 1-5% who keep it off forever. No more 200s!
I got on the scale this morning after just barely going over my calories for the day, and just barely working out (headache). And I was at first annoyed the scale hadn't moved. Didn't it know I put in the minimal amount of effort yesterday and expected a drastic result?!
It took me a second to realize, duh, you're the one with the issues here. My goal for this week is to track it all -- the good and the bad -- and be more mindful of my eating. I blew my calories on popcorners white cheddar snacks. Am I seriously going to get fat again by eating healthy food? The weight gain of this weekend was due to all of my poor food choices (3 days running) -- and guess what, I can't reverse that in 2 days. I hope to get it all figured out by the end of next week and be closer to my goal.
My motivation lately has been lacking. I felt too good. Well sorta. I had some emotional stuff with dating -- which instead of taking anxiety meds, I drank a bottle and a half of wine on the 4th and got plastered. Well that wasn't healthy and I learned about the hour and half I blacked out this past weekend = can you say embarrassing?
So back to being a teetotaler. It's calorically better for me not to drink and I know I can withstand the peer pressure to drink. I've done it for years -- I just need to remember that even though I may be going out -- I don't have to order food and I don't have to drink. I can be social without damaging my waistline.
I hit up Schnucks after work and stocked up on healthy stuff. 2# of strawberries, cherries, grapes, apples, salad mix, frozen pre-portioned fish, Jif PB to go tubs (on sale for a $1! So cheap), and my popcorners and skinny pop popcorn.
So far today I've been good. I seem to want to eat most of my calories in the morning/lunch -- then not have much left for dinner. I also workout at night, so I feel like i have to eat after burning 500 calories doing cardio... so I'm still figuring out what I'm doing...
I just wish I had a magic pill to make this all work... doesn't everyone? Instead I'm going to be one of those obsessive people focused on maintaining a healthy lifestyle. My body is basically in revolt right now over my 3 day binge. I'm still trying to get back to normal. No more caffeine, no more dairy, no more cheese especially, and no more excuses.
Monday, July 09, 2012
So I don’t hate cameras anymore… I don’t know when this switch occurred, but instead of the utter revulsion and hatred quickly followed by a scheme to get myself out of the picture – I just smile and pose and try to look cute.
I got preeeetty good at avoiding the camera. There are quite a few years of undocumented 250+ pound Sara. I was flipping back to pre-facebook days and there just are not photos of me. I have the requisite Christmas/Easter/family photos but none of me going out with friends.
This weekend I went on a Kansas City trip with friends to go shopping and go out. It didn’t go exactly as planned and I did not even bother with tracking. Normal, overeating, going with the flow and drinking too much Sara came out – I had RIBS(!), bread pudding, 4 fancy boozy unhealthy cocktails, and more… and guess what--I was up on the scale today. Right now I’ve been bouncing around the same weight up and down for the last two months. I’m almost at my goal weight. I’m not unhappy with my current weight. I still try to eat good and exercise 9 days out of 10 – but I just don’t have that same drive that I did when I was losing 5-10 pounds a month. Right now my body is in the “let’s adjust to this new weight” range. I don’t have the tenacity to lower my calories down too far either at the moment. I would say I run a deficit most days, but sometimes its only a few hundred calories, so its not adding up to a pound by the end of the week – but I know that before I get on the scale. I was a little annoyed by the reading this morning, but I know a weeks worth of good exercise and healthy eating should put me back down to where I was before.
One thing I do feel like I am making progress on is my mindset. Like I said – I’m not unhappy with my weight. I think that’s the first time I could ever say that. I’m still lumpy, bumpy, and not perfect – but I’m happy with myself. I took a bunch of pictures this weekend on our trip – I was going out of my way to get in pictures instead of the other way around. I even went out at night in a TIGHT dress – without spanxs! I had to suck in my gut – it wasn’t perfect – but I rocked the dress. People openly stared at me – and for once I wasn’t self conscious. True it made me suck in my tummy, throw my shoulders back, and smile – but I wasn’t worried about what they were thinking. This time I just assumed they were looking at my butt in the dress (I did mention it was TIGHT right?)
So yet another major milestone emotionally for me. First the swim suit… now a love for photography… maybe these little steps will end up with a new found dedication to get those last pesky little pounds off.
Oh and here’s the dress – it’s a green and white ikat print from H&M – so awesome – and only $17.95! (hence why I went to KC for shopping!)
Monday, July 09, 2012
I found a lot of this relevant to my mindset right now. I'm not at my "goal" weight -- but I'm damn close and on a plateau that I'm okay with.
The Downsides to Meeting Your Goal Weight
You've worked hard to reach your goal weight. Now what happens?
By Rachel Wilkerson
When I started losing weight, I often looked at women who were thinner than I was and thought, “Wow, her life must be so easy.” I knew that once I got to my goal weight, I’d feel awesome, and healthy living would be just as easy for me as it was for all the “I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight” women around me.
Now that I’ve lost 75 pounds, I can say that I do feel awesome... but I can’t say that a healthy lifestyle comes easy. Weight maintenance isn’t as simple as I expected. While being at my goal weight has its perks, I have to admit: I failed to appreciate some of the great benefits I enjoyed along the way. If I did it all over again, here's what I'd do different:
Celebrate Better Health Just as Much as a Smaller Dress Size. I always thought I worked out for the health benefits (mental and physical) as much as I did for losing weight, but now that I no longer have thinner thighs as a goal, I’m seeing that’s not the case. I’ve actually been pretty disappointed in myself for not finding lowering my cholesterol as compelling of a goal as looking hot at a social event. (“Wait, am I really that shallow?” I ask myself at least once a week. “Yes. Yes, I am,” is my response.) It turns out knowing that I was doing something to change what I didn't like about my body was a huge source of motivation.
Relish in Being Able to See My Results. When I was losing weight, I actually looked forward to my weigh-ins and the feeling of my pants getting loose. It kept my motivation high. But now, I don’t really see results. Now I have to find other ways to measure my progress, whether it’s focusing on more toned shoulders or shaving a minute off my mile time. I wish I could say these things are just as motivating as seeing the scale change, but that’s not always the case.
Embrace Change in All Aspects of Life. Or a new anything. While you’re losing weight, you’ll probably find yourself shopping for new clothes and trying on something that you’d never even considered before. And then you find yourself trying all sorts of new things: new hobbies, new foods, new friends. It’s such a great time to redefine yourself. Now that I’m at my goal weight, life seems a little ho-hum. Sure, I could go out and try something new, but I find I’m less likely to do that when I’m not out buying new jeans too.
Remember: You Can Eat More When You’re Still Losing. Though I feel a bit less concerned with what I eat now, I have to eat fewer calories overall because I no longer need the energy to sustain myself and, well, a fourth-grader. With every 10 pounds or so that I lost, I needed to eat less. And that is hard for me because I really like to eat.
Enjoy the Support and Encouragement Along the Way. When I was losing weight, I felt like everyone was cheering me on. Now I feel like at best, they’ve lost interest; at worst, they’re waiting for me to fail and gain it all back. New people I meet assume I can eat whatever I want and don’t think I need any cheering on in a workout class, but the truth is, I have just as many moments of I’d-rather-have-slept-in-and-oh-my-god-why
-can-I-just-give-up-now as I did when I was 20, 30, and 50 pounds heavier.
I remember how frustrated I often felt when I was trying to lose weight, so I am happy that I finally hit my goal. That said, I wish I’d appreciated more of these benefits when I was feeling impatient about my weight loss.
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