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SHRINKING_SARA's Recent Blog Entries

Let's do the math...

Monday, July 16, 2012

Okay here's my BodyMedia data and my nutritional data for the last week... and I was up 2# on the scale this morning... I was in a pissy mood all day! And I knew it which made it worse. Maybe I'm pre-PMSing, or you know, just having a BAD day...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARLOW10 7/17/2012 1:49AM

    I also woke up 2 pounds heavier than I was the night before. It did not make me a happy camper, until I realized that there was no way that I ate enough the day before to gain 1 pound much less 2, plus I had exercise in there. It has to be water weight. It's probably something like that with you too, which I know is super frustrating!

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SHRINKING_SARA 7/17/2012 12:20AM

    I did have a ton of sugar yesterday at a baby shower. Way more than normal. I guess I'm detoxing! Ugh.

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BLUEROSE73 7/17/2012 12:02AM

    when my weight loss stalls, I've found if I get back to the 6 meals a day - 3 meals + 3 snacks. It really helps.

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CRYMENIA 7/16/2012 11:30PM

    Maybe your eating is affecting your moods? For instance you might of had something high in sugar multiple days in a row but, today you didn't the withdrawal could be what is making you upset. Regardless of the numbers you have come a long way and should celebrate your accomplishments! Your doing amazing!

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SHRINKING_SARA 7/16/2012 11:19PM

    I think its boiling down to my eating...

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I will not be an emotional eater... I will not be an emotional eater... I will not be an emotional e

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I will not be an emotional eater... I will not be an emotional eater... I will not be an emotional eater...

Maybe if I keep saying it -- it will happen. I had to give up my cats this week. emoticon My allergies were just getting too bad. I've had these guys for six years since they were kittens, but sometime four years ago my stupid immune system reset. Apparently the area I'm living in is allergy central, and a lot of people who move here will develop allergies. I'm on three separate allergy medications and I've been doing allergy shots for over three years. But still -- I was going to try and keep them.

But then I had to realize that a) my parents refuse to let them into their house when I put my house on the market and b) I may be moving into a small apartment on the east coast after I graduate and I just can't have 4 pets (I also have 2 small dogs). So being an adult I found a new home for my boys. As of Tuesday night they are with two of my other friends who will be good owners for them. I'm just all upset that they're not at my house.

So Tuesday I was a mess. I was feeling anxious and guilty and guilty and guilty... and I didn't stop for McDonalds or go to the store for chocolate -- I just went home. And ATE. I ate a lot of "healthy" food. But instead of one portion -- I had five. My calories for that day were only 2400 so I didn't blow myself out of the water -- but then I did force myself on the treadmill to compensate for eating. I haven't eaten to the point of feeling sick in a long time. . . The treadmill time gave me time to think about it as I slowly walked off the gross feeling.

Yesterday I was better. I tried to recognize the depression funk I was in and not binge. I did okay yesterday. I got back to strength training which I've been avoiding -- and holy crap, my obliques are sore -- they forgot what it was like to be worked out! Today, every deep breath is like a deep muscle stretch--but in a good way. I know that what I did yesterday was helpful to my overall goal of being healthy.

And so today -- I will be strong. I will do some cardio. I will not be an emotional eater...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHEEKY1000 7/12/2012 9:45PM

    Oh this is terrible for you. The same thing happened to me. I'd had cats for years...then whammy! Suddenly I was allergic to them. I was very fortunate that my parents adored the cats and took them in. I too am an emotional eater and it's at its very worst when I feel out-of-control of any given situation. I "control" the food and then eat, like you, multiple portions. I don't need or want a quick fix to losing weight becaues I believe eating correctly and exercise are the keys, but holy moly! I really wish there was a quick fix to cure emotional eating. One that didn't rely on willpower alone.

Kudos to you for finding loving homes for your boys. You did what had to be done and that's not always easy.


P.S. LOVE your wallpaper!! Go figure.

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    Hugs to you! It's really hard to give up animals but good for you for stopping yourself and still getting up and exercising.

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DOBO61 7/12/2012 3:12PM

    Be kind to yourself and don't give in to that negativity! Maybe your mantra should be:

I will be a mindful eater...
I will be a mindful eater...
I will be a mindful eater...


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SHAREDJOURNEY1 7/12/2012 3:10PM

    The loss of a pet is always difficult. Sorry your heart is so sore at their loss in your life. You were good to them while they were in your care and you made sure they went to a good home when circumstances forced this change. Try to think of them as happy and thankful for all you did for them. They will adapt and you will always have your memories of them and you can eventually move on to acceptance.
As an emotional eater myself, I know how easy it is to turn to food. As you continue on the healthy lifestyle journey you become more aware of emotional eating. Your heart still wants to eat but your head starts thinking; Is it the food I want or the comfort of food? Why didn't food make me feel better this time? Slowly you put those thoughts together and then you can see that food really isn't the solution. Facing those difficult feelings is really the only thing that will soothe your heart.

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FIERCE_FABULOUS 7/12/2012 1:48PM

    its tough to have change force upon you because of your health. but at least your kitties are with friends and not strangers, so you can always visit them! =) the binge came and went, and you didn't let it bury your day, you got on the treadmill, you worked it out. you remained strong the next day, and it will only get better and better. you recognized why it happened, now its time to correct it and move on. so proud of you =)

Comment edited on: 7/12/2012 1:48:51 PM

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The slip and slide of weight gain

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I've been off my game lately. I felt great, I thought I'm looking better, I'm good.... it won't matter if I go out for lunch today... and then the next day... and then dinner the day after that... and then a weekend trip...

Oh wait. It does.

So now I'm up, I had a massive headache last night that prevented a good workout, and I felt crappy. My body is literally screaming at me to quit it and get back to the basics. So now I've got the guilt about screwing up my good streak with a few bad weeks, plus the anxiety that fat is magically going to reappear quickly on my body. Which it sort of has. I think now that I've lost this much, my body is fighting me to get back up to my old set point. Stupid biochemistry... You'd think that scientists could figure out weight loss, but we can't. Its too complex. I read a rather depressing article the other day -- after losing a massive amount of weight, your body literally uses calories differently. It assumes you've gone through a massive trauma, and even though physically you're so much healthier -- your metabolism is still freaking out about the change. The article was about how people who lose weight will ultimately gain it back, unless they're weird and super obsessive. Well guess what -- I want to be one of that 1-5% who keep it off forever. No more 200s!

I got on the scale this morning after just barely going over my calories for the day, and just barely working out (headache). And I was at first annoyed the scale hadn't moved. Didn't it know I put in the minimal amount of effort yesterday and expected a drastic result?!

It took me a second to realize, duh, you're the one with the issues here. My goal for this week is to track it all -- the good and the bad -- and be more mindful of my eating. I blew my calories on popcorners white cheddar snacks. Am I seriously going to get fat again by eating healthy food? The weight gain of this weekend was due to all of my poor food choices (3 days running) -- and guess what, I can't reverse that in 2 days. I hope to get it all figured out by the end of next week and be closer to my goal.

My motivation lately has been lacking. I felt too good. Well sorta. I had some emotional stuff with dating -- which instead of taking anxiety meds, I drank a bottle and a half of wine on the 4th and got plastered. Well that wasn't healthy and I learned about the hour and half I blacked out this past weekend = can you say embarrassing?

So back to being a teetotaler. It's calorically better for me not to drink and I know I can withstand the peer pressure to drink. I've done it for years -- I just need to remember that even though I may be going out -- I don't have to order food and I don't have to drink. I can be social without damaging my waistline.

I hit up Schnucks after work and stocked up on healthy stuff. 2# of strawberries, cherries, grapes, apples, salad mix, frozen pre-portioned fish, Jif PB to go tubs (on sale for a $1! So cheap), and my popcorners and skinny pop popcorn.

So far today I've been good. I seem to want to eat most of my calories in the morning/lunch -- then not have much left for dinner. I also workout at night, so I feel like i have to eat after burning 500 calories doing cardio... so I'm still figuring out what I'm doing...

I just wish I had a magic pill to make this all work... doesn't everyone? Instead I'm going to be one of those obsessive people focused on maintaining a healthy lifestyle. My body is basically in revolt right now over my 3 day binge. I'm still trying to get back to normal. No more caffeine, no more dairy, no more cheese especially, and no more excuses.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLUEROSE73 7/10/2012 4:27PM

    You can do this.

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TAMIPCHICAGO 7/10/2012 3:54PM

    Wouldn't a magic pill be nice? Or maybe just if our bodies would obey "logic." They don't always follow the prescribed rules that if you eat right and exercise you WILL lose weight. They do it when they danged well feel like it, and you have to accept it or go crazy. LOL We'll get there, and as long as we don't forget where we were before and why we wanted to lose it in the first place, we'll keep it off too!

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    Sorry to hear that you've been having a rough time. Maybe being super obsessive for a bit will be to your advantage. It'll get you back into the groove!

Good Luck!



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RACHELRUNS26 7/10/2012 3:39PM

    Don't give up!! Unfortunately, maintaining a healthy lifestyle (at least for me) is one of those things that I have to put effort into to maintain my results. I always thought it would be easy once I was skinny. I feel great yeah, but it's not necessarily easy.

When I slack off, it shows up pretty quickly. Now it's not some dramatic thing to have 1 day off, but if you let it go long enough, it can add up...I lost ALL of my last year's progress and gained back 25 lbs in like 3 or 4 months of old eating habits/no exercise. So I guess the moral of my story is that it's okay to take 1, 2, even 3 days off...don't kill yourself over it, but do get back out there and back on track (like you've done). Get back to the food and workouts that work and ditch the bad habits before they become lifestyle again. I speak from experience. :(

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PEPPDOGG 7/10/2012 3:28PM

    Just remember.....DON"T QUIT!! No matter how many "bad days" or "bad meals" you have, don't give up! Keep chuggin along! It's never going to be too late to start again! You can do this!! Make sure that you don't put so many "no more" statements on yourself that restrict yourself. What happens when you feel restricted?? YOU REBELL! So start with a couple of "no mores" and then when you feel like you have control of can add more! Good luck!

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So I don’t hate cameras anymore…

Monday, July 09, 2012

So I don’t hate cameras anymore… I don’t know when this switch occurred, but instead of the utter revulsion and hatred quickly followed by a scheme to get myself out of the picture – I just smile and pose and try to look cute.

I got preeeetty good at avoiding the camera. There are quite a few years of undocumented 250+ pound Sara. I was flipping back to pre-facebook days and there just are not photos of me. I have the requisite Christmas/Easter/family photos but none of me going out with friends.

This weekend I went on a Kansas City trip with friends to go shopping and go out. It didn’t go exactly as planned and I did not even bother with tracking. Normal, overeating, going with the flow and drinking too much Sara came out – I had RIBS(!), bread pudding, 4 fancy boozy unhealthy cocktails, and more… and guess what--I was up on the scale today. Right now I’ve been bouncing around the same weight up and down for the last two months. I’m almost at my goal weight. I’m not unhappy with my current weight. I still try to eat good and exercise 9 days out of 10 – but I just don’t have that same drive that I did when I was losing 5-10 pounds a month. Right now my body is in the “let’s adjust to this new weight” range. I don’t have the tenacity to lower my calories down too far either at the moment. I would say I run a deficit most days, but sometimes its only a few hundred calories, so its not adding up to a pound by the end of the week – but I know that before I get on the scale. I was a little annoyed by the reading this morning, but I know a weeks worth of good exercise and healthy eating should put me back down to where I was before.

One thing I do feel like I am making progress on is my mindset. Like I said – I’m not unhappy with my weight. I think that’s the first time I could ever say that. I’m still lumpy, bumpy, and not perfect – but I’m happy with myself. I took a bunch of pictures this weekend on our trip – I was going out of my way to get in pictures instead of the other way around. I even went out at night in a TIGHT dress – without spanxs! I had to suck in my gut – it wasn’t perfect – but I rocked the dress. People openly stared at me – and for once I wasn’t self conscious. True it made me suck in my tummy, throw my shoulders back, and smile – but I wasn’t worried about what they were thinking. This time I just assumed they were looking at my butt in the dress (I did mention it was TIGHT right?)

So yet another major milestone emotionally for me. First the swim suit… now a love for photography… maybe these little steps will end up with a new found dedication to get those last pesky little pounds off.

Oh and here’s the dress – it’s a green and white ikat print from H&M – so awesome – and only $17.95! (hence why I went to KC for shopping!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKY3126 7/9/2012 5:05PM

    Ummmmm....hello! You are rocking that dress! You look amazing!

Everyone needs a weekend of fun and too much food and drinks sometimes. Glad you had fun and you know that you will get back on track. And when you are ready, you can focus on losing your last few pesky pounds. For now though, you look smokin hot!

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Article from Shape -- The Downsides to meeting your goal weight...

Monday, July 09, 2012

I found a lot of this relevant to my mindset right now. I'm not at my "goal" weight -- but I'm damn close and on a plateau that I'm okay with.

The Downsides to Meeting Your Goal Weight
You've worked hard to reach your goal weight. Now what happens?
By Rachel Wilkerson

When I started losing weight, I often looked at women who were thinner than I was and thought, “Wow, her life must be so easy.” I knew that once I got to my goal weight, I’d feel awesome, and healthy living would be just as easy for me as it was for all the “I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight” women around me.

Now that I’ve lost 75 pounds, I can say that I do feel awesome... but I can’t say that a healthy lifestyle comes easy. Weight maintenance isn’t as simple as I expected. While being at my goal weight has its perks, I have to admit: I failed to appreciate some of the great benefits I enjoyed along the way. If I did it all over again, here's what I'd do different:

Celebrate Better Health Just as Much as a Smaller Dress Size. I always thought I worked out for the health benefits (mental and physical) as much as I did for losing weight, but now that I no longer have thinner thighs as a goal, I’m seeing that’s not the case. I’ve actually been pretty disappointed in myself for not finding lowering my cholesterol as compelling of a goal as looking hot at a social event. (“Wait, am I really that shallow?” I ask myself at least once a week. “Yes. Yes, I am,” is my response.) It turns out knowing that I was doing something to change what I didn't like about my body was a huge source of motivation.

Relish in Being Able to See My Results. When I was losing weight, I actually looked forward to my weigh-ins and the feeling of my pants getting loose. It kept my motivation high. But now, I don’t really see results. Now I have to find other ways to measure my progress, whether it’s focusing on more toned shoulders or shaving a minute off my mile time. I wish I could say these things are just as motivating as seeing the scale change, but that’s not always the case.

Embrace Change in All Aspects of Life. Or a new anything. While you’re losing weight, you’ll probably find yourself shopping for new clothes and trying on something that you’d never even considered before. And then you find yourself trying all sorts of new things: new hobbies, new foods, new friends. It’s such a great time to redefine yourself. Now that I’m at my goal weight, life seems a little ho-hum. Sure, I could go out and try something new, but I find I’m less likely to do that when I’m not out buying new jeans too.

Remember: You Can Eat More When You’re Still Losing. Though I feel a bit less concerned with what I eat now, I have to eat fewer calories overall because I no longer need the energy to sustain myself and, well, a fourth-grader. With every 10 pounds or so that I lost, I needed to eat less. And that is hard for me because I really like to eat.

Enjoy the Support and Encouragement Along the Way. When I was losing weight, I felt like everyone was cheering me on. Now I feel like at best, they’ve lost interest; at worst, they’re waiting for me to fail and gain it all back. New people I meet assume I can eat whatever I want and don’t think I need any cheering on in a workout class, but the truth is, I have just as many moments of I’d-rather-have-slept-in-and-oh-my-god-why
-can-I-just-give-up-now as I did when I was 20, 30, and 50 pounds heavier.

I remember how frustrated I often felt when I was trying to lose weight, so I am happy that I finally hit my goal. That said, I wish I’d appreciated more of these benefits when I was feeling impatient about my weight loss.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VLKSHA 7/17/2012 11:25AM

    Sure the maintenance goal isn't as glamorous, but if you put yourself out there for support, it will come. I believe fitness goals/teams would love your support too.

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BLUEROSE73 7/17/2012 12:03AM

    It's too easy to forget to enjoy the journey. Thanks for the reminder

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CRYMENIA 7/16/2012 11:42PM

    I like this! It raised a question for me though: Is it because we enjoy seeing our results and being cheered on that most of us gain our weight back?

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JULIA1154 7/9/2012 4:48PM

  I don't find it whiny. Instead it sounds to me like someone who's rather unsettled and unsure of where to go now that she's met a major goal (and that's not uncommon, no matter what the goal).

There's a lot of talk on SP about losing weight, not so much about maintaining that loss and the truth is that it's just as tough at times to maintain as to lose. Thanks for raising the topic, Sara.

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SMUSSETTER 7/9/2012 4:42PM

  Good article. Thanks for sharing!

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QUIERRA 7/9/2012 4:42PM

    This blog was very enlightening, especially the part about no longer having to look forward to the weight loss. I found that to be interesting. As someone who is still on the weight loss journey, I'd say that this was very helpful so that I can prepare for what to do in the future.

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IACTA_ALEA_EST 7/9/2012 4:12PM

    I liked it. been there. lost 60 lbs and didnt know how to maintain it.
Now Im back. Learning some of those lessons.
Doing things differently this time for me would be thinking
I want to work out, not I have to.
stuff like that.
thanks for posting.

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SHRINKING_SARA 7/9/2012 4:08PM

    It's a little whiny no?

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