Sunday, July 01, 2012
I am one of those people who always are covered up. I'm getting better. I started wearing shorts last summer. People were shocked! They always used to bug me about wearing jeans in 90+ heat and humidity in St. Louis -- and I shrugged it off. I mean honestly I was used to it, so you just deal. Plus who wanted to see my fat legs in shorts, right? At least that's what I used to think.
Well shorts/legs -- okay. But upper arms. Heeeeeeell to the no. That's probably my worst body image issue that I have, hands down. I inherited my southern grandma arms from the Oswalt side of the family. No matter how skinny my aunts or mom has been -- they still have jiggly, large upper arms. Its our genetic curse. Seriously, my one aunt got down to 120-130--toned all over... except for jiggly upper arms. I should start researching that jello gene and get rid of it! But I digress...
Yesterday was a float trip with my grad student friends. Now for the past four years I've skipped. Why did I skip -- two words. Bathing suit. Those two evil little words carry so much power. Now every female hates to go bathing suit shopping. Hands down, worst experience we all have to go through. I think it has to do with the fact that you can't hide in a bathing suit. Its literally all on display for the world to see. There's no cardigans on a float trip either. So I would have to go in a bathing suit (with no sleeves) or wear a t-shirt and a)look like a boy and b)get a rocking farmers tan.
So I sucked it up (and in!) and went bathing suit shopping a few weeks ago so I would go on this float trip. I found a cute one at Torrid -- super tight with built in Spanx-like technology -- and ruffles to hide lumps and bumps. Its cute. It completely smashes my boobs down so my B-cup was an A-cup yesterday, but it also smashed down my stomach so I dealt.
When I started the float I had on a ridiculous caftan. It was long sleeves, but suddenly I was like -- screw it. I took of the caftan and let my upper arms see sunlight for the first time in public since... I dunno... EVER! And I am not joking about that. I will literally not go in public with my upper arms exposed. I used to not even go around family with my upper arms exposed. I will eventually take a picture and show you all what I mean, but this was a huge deal for me.
So now I was not only on a float trip, in public, with cute guys around, in a bathing suit, but my arms were flapping in the breeze as I paddled. My friends were like "no one cares" and I had to think to myself. Okay -- on this float trip will the most important topic of discussion be my upper arms. No? Okay then shut up inner monologue and deal with it.
I had a bit of self-consciousness as we passed other groups on the river, but honestly I saw a lot of women with stuff hanging out left and right -- and they were having an amazing time and probably couldn't care less what the heck I thought about them -- so conversely -- they probably didn't even register a comment about me either.
So I dealt with my issues -- had an amazing time -- and really wished I would have gotten over my issues a long time ago and stopped missing out on life.
All told yesterday I had a workout! We got on the river at 11AM and finished at 6:30PM for a 10 mile float. I know I didn't burn a super amount of calories as we floated, but I did a bit of swimming, some paddling, and dragging of the canoe -- so I feel like I did pretty darn good yesterday. Today my shoulders are like -- what the heck was that!?! Even my upper arms are joining the complaint brigade -- and that feels great.
Today I'm going to try and get my virtual 5K in for Spark. I made a 13:45 mile on Friday night -- which is again -- my fastest yet. I think my goal is to be under 50 minutes. Anything under will be great. I can usually get one 14 minute mile in... one 15 minute mile in... and one 19 minute mile. I just can't keep up the quick pace the whole time. But hey--as we all like to say--that's still faster than everyone still on the couch!
Last thing: I've come to the decision that as a reward for losing 100 pounds I am going to go see a plastic surgeon about brachioplasty to remove all of my extra upper arm skin. I reached this decision after I realized that I no longer have an elbow! Its practically disappeared. My arms my biggest hang-up, and as my mom put it "yea if you do that then it will actually look like you've lost a lot more weight" Ouch -- yep -- thanks mom.
I know what she means though. She's got the same fat arms as me--but as I'm writing this I'm in a size small t-shirt that matches one that I used to wear that was an XXL. I just visited my college, and wanted to get this shirt to wear in public. Going through the sizes and picking out a small was the weirdest feeling ever. This is officially the first small shirt i've ever bought. Now granted its unisex, and runs large, but still. Holy crap. I need to take a picture with a size comparison and post it on my wall somewhere. Anytime I start to feel like crap --- look at the photo.
I'm still readjusting to my new size and life... but the small steps to get over the mental stuff (like wearing a bathing suit in public) seem so much tougher than running a 5k or doing 100 squat thrusts... am I right? Yesterday to me was a major therapy session for me to get over some of my hangups. a) not everyone is talking about how you look and b) if they are--they might be positive things about your weight loss or your attitude or a joke you just made. I need to take the negative narcissist out of my brain and start focusing on being present and active in my life.
Here's to July being even better than June and finding another place to wear my cute swim suit ;-)
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Okay so I've been lazy. I'll admit it. I was away from home and didn't necessarily make the best choices. I had to go up to my old college town for a friend's wedding... and who doesn't revert to their old ways when surrounded by the college town food that made them fat in the first place? Okay, I wasn't that bad. I managed to eat a small breakfast on Saturday so that my lunch at One World wouldn't be so detrimental to my waistline. Then I had a movie and the wedding... which was outside, but luckily not too hot. I ate smart the rest of the night, but completely blew my calories away with booze. Like waaaaay went over on booze alone. I didn't track it so I can't no for sure... but I know.
Sunday I was hungover (surprise, surprise). I ate okay... okay not great, at all.... I also drove in a car for six hours so there was NO workout. Then I ate some pizza from Saturday which was in my car off and on for those two days... and guess what. I should have just thrown it away. It freakin' fought me for the last two days. Monday I was down for the count home, not sitting upright at all, slowly dying. Tuesday food and I sort of became friends again... today we seem to be doing alright.
So now my mom is staying with me. I've blogged in the past about how she's a negative influence. She wants to lose weight, but will cram her mouthhole full of anything after about 6pm. I think its some of her meds, but she'll eat good all day, then blow it after dark. Luckily I'm not a night-munchie person--I'm usually working out--so I don't know exactly what to tell her. She's staying for an indefinite amount of time. Their getting their roof replaced at home from the hail storm damage, so she brought her three dogs to my house to play and keep them away from the mess/workers. So now I have five dogs, two cats, and my mom in my house (crowded much!?)
I haven't run in almost a week -- I haven't worked out since Friday... And I am desperate to get back. I think partially due to the food poisoning, my weigh in this week was smack dab where it was last week 180.6. So luckily the weight didn't magically replace itself on my body. Also I think this gave me some time to heal up. I switched running shoes which killed my left ankle. So then I switched back to my old shoes. A few days into my run 60s, powerwalk 90s, I woke up with excruciating hip pain. Like I thought I dislocated my hip! I'm going to try running again, and if I can't walk tomorrow I'll go see my doc to see what's up.
I used to take an NSAID for hip pain -- starting at like 17. I thought it was probably just due to my weight... but now with like 100# gone (almost!) that's not an excuse anymore... wtf? Does anyone have hip pain with running? I also take a daily glucosamine chondroitin supplement to help with this -- and have for years. It's usually been enough--I just don't want to hear I'm developing osteoarthritis at 27.
So plan for today. Get better food in the house. Go home. Run! Walk... Run! repeat. I just have to make sure the puppy learns to stay the eff away from the treadmill.
Monday, June 18, 2012
This was on my Groupon this morning. I bought a white one ASAP -- all of the cute colors sold out immediately. $10 for an $80 HRM is a steal!
If you do think you might end up buying one -- go through this link: http://www.groupon.com/r/uu30345324 and I can get a referral credit ;-)
Monday, June 18, 2012
SO I planned on cleaning my house. I planned on working out. I only did one of those things--luckily for me if was the working out. I'll find time to clean later -- well before Wednesday when my mom gets here anyway.
I was feeling pretty lazy this weekend, but I decided if I'm going to sit around and do nothing, I can at least be moving in front of the TV. Saturday I did a bit of lazing around--then started doing core exercises. I ended up getting most of my movements in while shopping. I had to go out and get a wedding gift for friends, and then I ended up finding new running shoes on clearance at Marshall's. $28 for New Balance -- yes please. They're a pretty ugly dark grey/bright orange color -- but hey, aren't running shoes all a little ugly? Then I ended up buying two new pairs of workout shorts. I find myself constantly doing laundry -- I work up a sweat 5-6 days a week -- and I just can't bring myself to wear my longer pants during this heat! Then I splurged and bought a caftan. I'm going to be out in public in a bathing suit in 2 weekends... for the first time since like -- jr. high or something crazy. I did go on a float trip with two friends two years ago--but I felt horrible and judged. I still sorta do. I'm nervous. So a bright flowy caftan will be my security blanket for this float trip.
Then I went grocery shopping. I found these new popcorn chips call Pop Corners. YUM. So good. They had a white cheddar one at Shnucks and its gone. I usually just end up portioning out 2 portions since I know I will want more than one -- and dang they are good! Plus lots of strawberries (which are already gone) and salad and such...
When I got home I decided I still didn't want to do cardio. SO I did some more strength training -- weight lifting stuff at home.
Sunday was my OMG I don't want to clean day... so instead I worked out. I started with some sit-up/crunch combos... I did like 2000 or so. Then some pilates... Then I biked for 75 minutes on my stationary bike... then I did 25 minutes of run 60s, recover 90s, repeat... Which is the fastest miles I've done -- 14:30! That's still pretty slow, but for me that's FAST! I'm going to try to keep that pace this week, and then switch to run 90s, recover 60s, repeat -- for the next week. I still don't like running -- but the high afterward when I saw exactly what I did -- and was ABLE to do was really surprising. I really want to run the 5k in August. One of my friends here wants me to run in a 10k -- I just don't know if I can do it. I mean I should try -- but I feel like I might end up walking most of it. She's more of a runner than I am -- and my skills are no where near ready yet.
I'm also probably in a good mood because I've been getting more attention lately. I received some really stupid texts on Friday from the guy that dumped me last week. I was soooo annoyed. But then over the weekend I got asked out by a guy on OKC and we're going to do coffee tomorrow... I'm a little "meh" about it, but hey -- why not at least meet up. Then I got asked out by a guy on eHarmony for this next weekend... maybe... (I'm also canceling eHarm -- its not worth the $ right now) But the one that's a little more exciting is a guy that I was talking to awhile ago--and we ended up missing each other and not meeting up. He was at the Cards game Saturday and we started texting again. He's from Chicago -- but he's going to come back down in July and we're actually going to go on a date at Busch. That's pretty hard to top for a first date -- a guy flying down, buying tickets, and taking me to a Cards game. That's way better than the loser who just dumped me--so I'm excited for that one.
Plus this week I've been focused on what is going INTO my mouth. I started tracking religiously this week. I even started tracking the food before i ate it to make sure i wanted to eat it. This morning the scale was at 181.0. So I'm back down to the weight that I was two weeks ago... I lost the 2#, gained the 2#, and now lost the 2#. *fingers crossed* they stay gone. So for right now I'm 5# away from my "goal" weight of 176 = 100# total lost. These last 10# have been a bitch. So now I'm just focusing on those last 5#. I'm just going to try and keep this positive momentum going.
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