Wednesday, May 23, 2012
So I think this new guy that I'm dating might stick around. It also helps that he lives in the same town... but he started to put his foot in his mouth and I didn't speak up.
He's a doctor and somehow we got talking about a random topic... that led to a tangent... that led to him talking about having to do exams on obese people. It was a good thing this was over the phone or I might have seriously lost it and had a super weird look on my face. First off, he has like no idea of how much people weigh--he was joking about one woman who sounded morbidly obese and he guessed she weighed like 300#. At my highest I was 276, so that instantly felt like a jellyfish sting. I haven't come clean about my weight loss. It still feels kind of like a secret. I know it's not, but when some people hear that you've lost over 90#, they just assume you used to look like Jabba the Hut. Now my friends always told me I was "never that fat," but yea... I kind of was. So luckily for me this guy isn't on Facebook = can't see old pictures. I was talking to another guy off eHarmony -- I friended him on Facebook (which I didn't really want to do b/c of all of the old pics) -- and I haven't heard from him since Sunday. Granted I'm ignoring him to hang out with the doc, but still... there's that nagging part of my brain that thinks he went through my profile and ran.
So yea -- back to the doc. That was super awkward conversation. I mean he's a really great guy, and a super dork -- so I will get more comfortable with him. I'm already honest with him about how much I work out -- so he knows that I'm semi-fitness obsessed -- but he doesn't yet know about the 90#... Geesh. This feels so awkward for me. How did you all deal with this? I feel like it's coming, but we've only been on two real dates so I think its a little early for this nugget of information. With other guys I've dated I came clean, but those relationships sort of died. Plus I've gone on a bunch of really bad first dates so I never had to bring this up...
Now here's the kicker... I have a friend's wedding in a month. I'm going. I put a +1 down, mainly so I wouldn't get stuck at a random table, and if all goes well -- I may invite the doc to go in like two weeks. So this wedding is full of people I went to undergrad with -- who knew me when I was at my highest = size 22/24. Now I'm an 8/10/12 depending on the brand -- so they are ALL going to comment on my weight loss. So if this does work out and he does go -- then he's going to hear about it. SO I guess if it works out I have a deadline for spilling the beans... (God I don't want to go to another wedding stag!)
So yep. That's what I'm dealing with. My weigh in this week was 185 = +2#. I don't know what it was other than the wine and cheese and chocolate over the weekend. And the carb monster hangover from the week before. I'd like to think at least 1# of those 2# is muscle since I started the Bob Harper DVDs. My core is stronger, but dang -- I just do not do side burpes and I can only hold plank for like a minute -- so I'm still working on my fitness.
I've been a little nuts with working out for a long time. I mowed the yard for over an hour... showered... then did an hour of strength training while watching TV. I upped my workout expectations on Spark, and thankfully it upped my calories. I was already probably eating more than I should, 'cause 1200-1500 is hard! But even with all that the scale is NOT moving down. Grr--I need to buckle down and focus as much on my eating as I am on my fitness.
Work's been a little crazy. My boss has been gone since the 2nd day of May and he gets back next week. I have a review paper due on the 28th... I've been a super slacker so now the pressure is on to keep writing. If only it were as easy as blogging! So I need to ditch Spark and get to "work" work. I am trying to devote some of the energy I've devoted to my weight loss journey to my drive to publish research papers. The more I publish the better job I can get. It's almost a numbers game. You can have one GREAT paper in a fantastic journal, but if you have three or four good papers in other journals you're seen as a better candidate because you're more productive. Seeing as I don't have any first author publications this review is a BIG deal. For some reason though, I wasted an ENTIRE month not writing! What's wrong with me? I needed a reality check or an impending deadline to get me writing. So adios! I need to lock myself in my office and finish this paper!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Whelp, I've had an interesting week...
Not a great week for food, but I did work out A LOT! I'm mixing the Bob Harper DVDs in with cardio on my treadmill and I'm trying to walk more during the day instead of just sitting at my desk like I am right now.
I finally made date plans with a new guy -- not the crazy guy who wanted me to meet his parents like 4 days after I met him (who was already talking about our X-mas plans -- In April!?). This guy's a doctor in town -- and we actually hit it off on Thursday.
Friday I spent my evening working out. I knew I needed to step up my gain. I was thinking about doing 10k on the treadmill but around mile 4.6, I realized that I like having toenails and it was probably a good time to quit. I'm working on getting my distances up. I usually always at least do a 5k -- I guess I just need to start adding more distance in.
Saturday my friends and I headed to Hermann for Maifest at the wineries, which apparently was in my mind a "eat everything you see in front of you day." So I oooover ate, and drank a few cups of wine. It was a good day, but for all of my preparedness of bringing veggies and fruit -- I ate bread and chocolate. I didn't really eat dinner that day though -- I was hungover at 5pm when I got home. So of course I drank a bunch of water and worked out. It actually wasn't as horrible as it sounds.
And then the Doctor called and we had a nice chat... and made plans for Saturday night.
I grilled out at my place a healthy dinner of steak (top sirloin), grilled asparagus, grilled brussel sprouts, and grilled yellow squash. Yum! I also budgeted it all in my calories for the day, and I worked out Sunday AM before I cleaned the house. And after Sherlock on PBS, we decided to go out again later this week. So I'm all smiles.
I just need to be more vigilant on actually eating within my calorie range. According to the scale I'm up a pound or so, but I'll just wait for that to go back down... I'm working hard exercising, I just need to work hard on not putting such bad food down my gullet.
I'm off to see if my friend passed her comps... we're not sure if she will, so the girls and I are going to be there to go get her a drink regardless of how it goes.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
I'm taking a break from writing at work to write on Spark, go figure. I still can't seem to find the motivation to write this review paper. We got asked to do it by someone my boss met at a conference. And with my boss gone for this entire month, and the review due on the 28th -- I'm writing the entire thing. I mean I knew this would happen, my boss literally does the bare minimum amount of work to get by -- and let's be honest a scientific PI that takes off an entire month of vacation isn't serious about staying relevant.
So anyway, I need to buckle down and write this paper. I need it for my future career to have a strong publication record, it will help on my applications, and I want to write the paper, but somehow I just don't have the motivation or the focus to actually do it. I tried moving out of the lab down to my student office to write down here since there are fewer distractions, but I just find new ones. Like now I really want to try a "water marble" manicure. Seriously go YouTube that (or not if you're actually being productive!).
I found the dedication and the motivation to lose 90 pounds, but why can't I apply that to my everyday life? Like right now it's 2:30 and I'm thinking about everything I can do when I get home. Like do I want to do a kettle bell DVD or take it easy with pilates? Even though I should rest today.
That's another thing. I have got HUGE guilt about rest days now. I threw a Glee party yesterday and indulged in some food... so once everyone left at 9:30 -- I felt antsy. Like I could feel the calories I had just eaten. Plus since I had a lot of sugar, which I normally don't, I was wired. So I spent an hour on my treadmill at a 5% incline at a 17 minute mile pace... Some rest day huh? My legs are now sore, my gluts and shoulders have recovered though. So now I think I might attack my abs tonight. See planning ahead for exercise, but not for finishing this paper which will be part of my dissertation...
I think I took the Spark blog yesterday about working out as your job a little too seriously. I need to still exercise, but actually do the job that is my job! Grad students with a crappy PI at the end of their PhD can really string it out. I know I am!
So that's my verbal vomiting... I need to go back to actual writing. *sigh*
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Even as I say I'm going to take a rest day I'm feeling guilty. Guilty to miss a workout. Who am I? I did a new kettle bell workout DVD -- Bob Harper's Kettlebell Sculpted Body. I made it through... barely. I've never used a kettlebell before and today my shoulders are feeling it. Add to that the fact that this DVD also targeted my gluts, which were still sore from the day before -- and I think I'm done. I'm using these DVDs for the first time mostly (I bought 9 of them after all!) -- so I still need to figure out how to mix them up.
If I wasn't throwing a party tonight I'd be doing cardio -- but since I'm having the girls over to watch Glee there just won't be time to work out -- so rest day it is. I think my butt will thank me Wednesday!
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