Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I'm feeling significantly less angry toward my fat now, but still holding on to my desire for its death!!!
I just want to reassure anyone who read yesterday that this is good anger, and only at my fat. There's a tiny bit of anger at myself for making myself fat, but I'd say that's maybe 2% of it and the rest is at the fat itself for refusing to budge.
It's like Blobby McFlabface, the chubberchaun who hides in my rolls and does everything he can to expand his flab mansion, has found some way to fortify his defences...
But I'll figure it out!! Somewhere in my constant bombardment of sprays from my freggie cannon and barrages of strength training bombs and intense cardio heat seeking missiles, I will find the weak point in his defences!!!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Sorry it's been a while since I checked in, there's been a whole lot of LIFE over the last few days, and no time for blogging!!
The one thing that I really hate in my work out classes at the gym happened on Thursday. There weren't very many people in the class and so there was no one to hide behind so as not to see myself in the mirror.
There was just no avoiding my reflection.
I HATED it. Especially in work out clothes with my face all sweaty and everything jiggling about and generally in the way of some of the ab moves. It's just not fun.
At first I got totally depressed and overwhelmed. How was I EVER going to get to a place where I wasn't three times bigger than everyone else in my classes when it's taken me SO LONG to lose just 20 of the 120lb I want to lose. And that's the first 20, when I'm at my biggest, and it should technically go the fastest...
Needless to say I was not in a good headspace when I left the gym.
But something happend on the drive home, I stopped feeling sad and defeated and didn't want to cry and take pity on myself anymore. I got MAD. Like really mad.
F@%K all this fat!!
Screw it and the way it controls my life and my mood and my wardrobe and activities and self-estime and seemingly everything else.
I'm not letting it be in control anymore.
I get to be the boss.
I'm gonna kill it!! Die fat die!!!!
So I anger cleaned for a bit when I got home because I was too upset to sit still and, thankfully, binging when I'm upset doesn't really hold any charm anymore. Honestly it didn't even occur to me to binge. I was upset and needed a way to vent all my anger and frustration so my kitchen got really clean... My microwave is SPARKLING and no longer smells like a burnt bag of 100 calorie popcorn, by the way.
Normally I tell my friends that anger is a wasted emotion and to let it go, but this time I think I'm gonna go ahead and hold on to it. At least for a little while.
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Sometimes I remain totally mistified by the completely and utterly obvious.
Even though I broke up with my scale around Christmas time and consider us "just frienemies" now rather than using it as the definition of my success, I still tend to check in with it fairly regularly. I mean, who can resist the intoxicating pull of a frienemy? I just LOVE to hate that scale. Usually it's just a jerk-face, but then every once in a while it tells me something nice, so I'm just not ready to cut it out of my life completely.
(If you don't get the reference, good for you for having standards!)
Well for the last week or so it went UP about a pound and then got stuck there. I haven't been upset by it or anything, but it's annoying. I wasn't surprised, because the same thing happened at the beginning of April: up a pound out of no where, hovered there for 2-3 weeks, and then like 7lb disappeared pretty much overnight.
Well why the reason didn't occur to me sooner I honsestly can't tell you. It's so obvious it's like it was literally slapping me about the facial regions and I just couldn't see it because it was so darn close to my eyes!
On April 1 I switched from 3lb freeweights to 5lb freeweights in my classes at the gym.
On May 30 I switched from 5lb freeweights to 6lb freeweights in my classes at the gym (and they're already starting to feel easy! I might be able to move up to 7's in July instead of August!)...
So let me guess... you've figured it out! I know you're all so smart!
Sometimes I just have to do things that cause me to facepalm...
On another note, since people seemed to appreciate when I let you know that I liked a beauty product in the past, I'm going to share my NEW new find that I love: the Aveeno tinted facial moisturizer. I've been using the regular aveeno facial moisturizer with spf 30 for a good 3-4 years now, and actually picked up the tinted one by mistake!!! I tried it anyway, since it was home and squirted into my hand before I noticed I had the wrong one and I might as well TRY it before exchanging it, right? Well I like it!! The only make up I wear is eyeliner and mascara because I cannot STAND the feeling of anything else on my face or getting on my clothes or having to worry about smudging it if I scratch my cheek, etc. I hate it!! Well I LOVE the tinted moisturizer. It doesn't feel any different than the regular moisturizer (which doesn't feel like anything) and doesn't look like I'm wearing make up but DOES even out the skin on my face nicely without really changing the color of it... I'm not good at explaining this, but just suffice it to say I like it! And I'm super pale and have freckles, so usually tinted stuff just looks weird on me....
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
The original plan last night was to follow up Turbo Jam with leftover burrito fixins and some steamed veggies for dinner. But when I got out of Turbo my tumbly had a rumbly, and it wasn't for burritos (for a change)...
I wanted nothing so much as a wide variety of vegetables!!!
So I decided to make a stir fry. I made a stir fry last week and loved it, so I got all the same veggies. I was so looking forward to tons of broccoli cooked up with celery, carrots, snow peas, and cashews in a home-made sugar-free teryaki type sauce over some nice brown rice...
My only concern was that it was lacking in protein, and I've been trying out being a "weekday vegetarian" thanks to a cool video spark budy BETTERJULIA showed me...
So I decided to get some tofu! I mean, what could be better? It'll just absorb the flavor of the sauce, it's not very expensive, the store by my house carries the good brand of the lite tofu in extra firm that's great for stir fry....
Could I be any more clever?
When I got home and pulled out the block of tofu, it looked rather tiny sitting next to my big pile of produce, so I decided to go ahead and chop up the whole thing for the stir fry.
I don't know if I got magic tofu or what, but I swear that slimey brick had regenerative properties!! It seemed like no matter how many little cubes I cut, there was still so much brick...
My pile of tofu in the pan just kept expanding...
Pretty soon it covered the whole bottom of the pan!! And I'd alreayd heated up the veggie broth and garlic I was cooking it in, so there was no going back...
As I added more and more veggies to the pan it became clear... The tofu had completely taken over my veggie stir fry.
Oh well, it was still delicious, and now I have a lot more leftovers!
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