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Die Fat, Die!!!!!!! (w/pics!)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I'm feeling significantly less angry toward my fat now, but still holding on to my desire for its death!!!

I just want to reassure anyone who read yesterday that this is good anger, and only at my fat. There's a tiny bit of anger at myself for making myself fat, but I'd say that's maybe 2% of it and the rest is at the fat itself for refusing to budge.

It's like Blobby McFlabface, the chubberchaun who hides in my rolls and does everything he can to expand his flab mansion, has found some way to fortify his defences...

But I'll figure it out!! Somewhere in my constant bombardment of sprays from my freggie cannon and barrages of strength training bombs and intense cardio heat seeking missiles, I will find the weak point in his defences!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIGGERJEAN 6/15/2011 2:42PM

    Chubberchaun - the roly poly demon.

Death to it.

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SPACEYKP 6/15/2011 12:35PM

    Awesome blog! You can totally kill that fat and knock down Blobby McFlabface's mansion!


*I would like to note that I think I had a much better comment (at least I think it was funnier) written last night but SP freaked out during the storms and it never posted.*

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S3XYDIVASMOM 6/14/2011 9:57PM

    That is one ugly blob of fat. KILL IT!

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ILOVEDOLPHINS73 6/14/2011 9:11PM

    I'm with you....DIE, FAT, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!! I love this blog, it's hilarious, and I love your spirit. Let's kill the fat together.

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NMMAMA2011 6/14/2011 6:39PM

    I've got your back too. Take THAT, chubberchaun! (insert weaponry emoticon that doesn't exist)

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ANITA_NM 6/14/2011 6:07PM

    Die, Blobby McFlabface! :)

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CHRISTEL-LYNN 6/14/2011 4:13PM

    emoticon You are awesome!

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BETTERJULIA 6/14/2011 3:41PM

    LOve it! YOU can totally break down those defenses!

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MOONMANSON 6/14/2011 2:55PM

    Absolutely love the drawing. Kick Blobby's ass all over the place!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/14/2011 2:44PM

    DIE!!!! (fat)

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GODDESSELLIE07 6/14/2011 1:54PM

    LOL... you are too funny! You will definitely get there eventually. Blobby McFlabface doesn't stand a chance.

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I'm not Depressed, I'm ANGRY!!!!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Sorry it's been a while since I checked in, there's been a whole lot of LIFE over the last few days, and no time for blogging!!

The one thing that I really hate in my work out classes at the gym happened on Thursday. There weren't very many people in the class and so there was no one to hide behind so as not to see myself in the mirror.

There was just no avoiding my reflection.

I HATED it. Especially in work out clothes with my face all sweaty and everything jiggling about and generally in the way of some of the ab moves. It's just not fun.

At first I got totally depressed and overwhelmed. How was I EVER going to get to a place where I wasn't three times bigger than everyone else in my classes when it's taken me SO LONG to lose just 20 of the 120lb I want to lose. And that's the first 20, when I'm at my biggest, and it should technically go the fastest...

Needless to say I was not in a good headspace when I left the gym.

But something happend on the drive home, I stopped feeling sad and defeated and didn't want to cry and take pity on myself anymore. I got MAD. Like really mad.

F@%K all this fat!!
Screw it and the way it controls my life and my mood and my wardrobe and activities and self-estime and seemingly everything else.
I'm not letting it be in control anymore.
I get to be the boss.
I'm gonna kill it!! Die fat die!!!!

So I anger cleaned for a bit when I got home because I was too upset to sit still and, thankfully, binging when I'm upset doesn't really hold any charm anymore. Honestly it didn't even occur to me to binge. I was upset and needed a way to vent all my anger and frustration so my kitchen got really clean... My microwave is SPARKLING and no longer smells like a burnt bag of 100 calorie popcorn, by the way.

Normally I tell my friends that anger is a wasted emotion and to let it go, but this time I think I'm gonna go ahead and hold on to it. At least for a little while.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIGGERJEAN 6/15/2011 2:40PM

    Channel the rage, girl! It sounds like you were feeling really empowered!

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S3XYDIVASMOM 6/13/2011 9:22PM

    Anger can be very energizing. My first reaction to my high cholesterol diagnosis was anger. I'm not sure who or what made me angry, but I have to admit it got me up and going. Much, much better than self-pity. With self pity, i think i would've called the doctor and asked for the prescription to fix it. In my case, anger meant that no way, no how, was I going to accept the status quo. Sounds like you've arrived at the same place.

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MSPRING1987 6/13/2011 5:02PM

    Angry can be a huge motivation just make sure you stay angry at the fat and not at yourself. You are DOING IT! You are making the changes. I hate that the weight comes off SOO SLOW! It drives me nuts sometimes. It's been six weeks and I've barely lost 10 lbs! So I am angry too.

Awesome your house got clean! :) We are all in this together and I'm with you - DIE FAT!

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STILLWATERS811 6/13/2011 4:21PM

  I wonder if you've stopped to thank yourself for the fact that you discovered this anger as a result of...going to the gym!

Just think about it--you were doing something great for your weight-loss at the very same time you began to reach the decision "No more."

How marveious is that!?

You keep going to that gym and you'll get the weight off. You keep your focus on what matters--your health, not your reflection--and you'll find the strength to do what you need to do.


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SPACEYKP 6/13/2011 4:15PM

    That's so awesome that you were able to channel all your frustration into cleaning and not eating! There's absolutely nothing wrong with being angry. What's important is letting yourself feel that anger and frustration and finding a good way to work through the emotion. It becomes a waste when you let it linger on after its worn out its welcome and just keeps bringing you down. Any time you're forced to see your own reflection when you work out (I hate doing that too!) just use that as motivation to keep working harder! But if you do ever get angry like that again, you are more than welcome to come take it out on my house. emoticon

I used to think it was easier to lose weight faster in the beginning when you're at your heaviest too. I think I'll blame the media because "Biggest Loser" made it look easy. You are so motivated and work so hard, I know that you'll reach your goal, even if it takes a little longer than expected, and you'll have so many more years to live life to the fullest at your happy weight!

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BETTERJULIA 6/13/2011 3:26PM

    Great job on harnessing that energy even if it was in the form of negative emotions and anger. You are strong inside that body of fat - remember that blog about the fat around the middle, that fat that will be last to go away, remember that your building muscles and burning that and you WILL be a hard body again! Keep up your great work!

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CARLYG8 6/13/2011 2:17PM

    I don't think that being "angry" is a wasted emotion. I think that it is what needs to happen in order to fight back against the norm for us...acceptance and denial. We have to have a passion to make the change, and yes, I think that anger may be just the fuel to start the fire to make that change!! Having a clean microwave is just a bonus of that emotion!! You go are rockin' it!!

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DOLCEVITA256 6/13/2011 2:08PM

    Way to channel your frustration! emoticon

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MOONMANSON 6/13/2011 1:52PM if you've seen the Water Boy....I won't need to expound on how anger can work for you, instead of against you.

No, it's probably not the healthiest thing...but, you took it the right direction. Kick that microwaves a@@!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/13/2011 1:49PM

    Anger cleaning ... wow. I need to employ that strategy! You are awesome... you can do this. WE CAN DO IT!

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GOLOPTIOUS 6/13/2011 1:42PM

    I disagree with your friend that anger is a wasted emotion. I get more done when I'm angry than at any other time. It enables me to stop feeling sorry for myself and start making changes. Also, I get the house clean too!

I might have to make a "Die Fat Die" sign and put it up on a wall somewhere!

Not even allowing yourself to think about binging is proof that you're changing your life. Good job!

I haven't even lost 20lbs yet. I'm just about at 10 lbs lost and I feel like it has taken forever. But I keep telling myself that I'd rather it took me longer than to not lose the weight at all.


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BALOOSMUM 6/13/2011 1:41PM

    Sometimes it's ok to be angry. It sounds like you're turning that emotion into something productive. You can do this- you ARE doing this!

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BECOMING_HOLLY 6/13/2011 1:40PM

    I'm so glad your anger helped you to CLEAN instead of BINGE! That shows you are really committed to the process!

I am glad to see you back, but sad that you aren't happy! Hopefully things turn around. Be MAD at the fat, but be HAPPY you are doing something about it!!

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SUSANSCH 6/13/2011 1:39PM

    Use that anger to fuel you! emoticon (is that angry?? I'm not sure...) And think of all the cleaning you can do (don't forget to count that in your fitness minutes...isn't there heavy cleaning?)...! Don't neglect loving the healthiness of your body though....Even if you are soooo angry at the unhealthy part. Appreciate the parts that are working too. Good luck! Go for it!

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Facepalm. (w/pics!)

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Sometimes I remain totally mistified by the completely and utterly obvious.

Even though I broke up with my scale around Christmas time and consider us "just frienemies" now rather than using it as the definition of my success, I still tend to check in with it fairly regularly. I mean, who can resist the intoxicating pull of a frienemy? I just LOVE to hate that scale. Usually it's just a jerk-face, but then every once in a while it tells me something nice, so I'm just not ready to cut it out of my life completely.

(If you don't get the reference, good for you for having standards!)
Well for the last week or so it went UP about a pound and then got stuck there. I haven't been upset by it or anything, but it's annoying. I wasn't surprised, because the same thing happened at the beginning of April: up a pound out of no where, hovered there for 2-3 weeks, and then like 7lb disappeared pretty much overnight.

Well why the reason didn't occur to me sooner I honsestly can't tell you. It's so obvious it's like it was literally slapping me about the facial regions and I just couldn't see it because it was so darn close to my eyes!

On April 1 I switched from 3lb freeweights to 5lb freeweights in my classes at the gym.

On May 30 I switched from 5lb freeweights to 6lb freeweights in my classes at the gym (and they're already starting to feel easy! I might be able to move up to 7's in July instead of August!)...

So let me guess... you've figured it out! I know you're all so smart!

Sometimes I just have to do things that cause me to facepalm...


On another note, since people seemed to appreciate when I let you know that I liked a beauty product in the past, I'm going to share my NEW new find that I love: the Aveeno tinted facial moisturizer. I've been using the regular aveeno facial moisturizer with spf 30 for a good 3-4 years now, and actually picked up the tinted one by mistake!!! I tried it anyway, since it was home and squirted into my hand before I noticed I had the wrong one and I might as well TRY it before exchanging it, right? Well I like it!! The only make up I wear is eyeliner and mascara because I cannot STAND the feeling of anything else on my face or getting on my clothes or having to worry about smudging it if I scratch my cheek, etc. I hate it!! Well I LOVE the tinted moisturizer. It doesn't feel any different than the regular moisturizer (which doesn't feel like anything) and doesn't look like I'm wearing make up but DOES even out the skin on my face nicely without really changing the color of it... I'm not good at explaining this, but just suffice it to say I like it! And I'm super pale and have freckles, so usually tinted stuff just looks weird on me....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETTERJULIA 6/13/2011 12:34PM

    Love these blogs! YOu're doing soooo greaT!

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SPACEYKP 6/9/2011 8:46PM

    That's awesome that you're moving up those weights so fast!

I love the illustrations again!

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MISSPIGEON 6/9/2011 7:47PM

    I just added a bunch more strength training to my routine and I'm facing the same spontaneous pound gain. It'd be amazing if I got a big drop afterwards like you did! Nice job moving up in your weights!

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MELLABELLAS 6/8/2011 7:58PM

    I love your pics! so cute haha.
I will be looking for that tinted moisturizer now since mt regular make up is too thick. great post!

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KEZRARAYNE 6/8/2011 6:16PM

    LOVE the illustrations!

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S3XYDIVASMOM 6/8/2011 5:44PM

    You know you're making progress even without the scales. Going from 3 to 5 and now 6 pounds, is a major big deal. It's nice that you can go up in 1-lb increments. I had to go from 5 to 8 lbs. If I am in a class, I'll usually pick up 8, 10, and 12 pound weights and then choose and use according to the exercise that I am doing. At home, it's 8 lb. for everything, until I get around to getting a heavier weight. I love your illustrations. Are you the artist?
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HUSKERSALAD 6/8/2011 2:52PM

    I like your wacky illustrations. Are they yours?

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/8/2011 2:14PM

    Oh I just googled the hair repair and I realized why I wouldn't have seen it - it's for blondies like you! Darn, I wish he made a brunette hair repair! I have used his brunette shampoo in the past and I did notice my hair color looked shinier and prettier!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/8/2011 2:07PM

    Great news about you gaining muscle! Who cares about one lb when you look so good!
Thanks for the beauty tip. I looked for that Jon Frieda Hair repair stuff and couldn't find it - but I'll look again. I am also pale with some freckles (less when im more diligent about my SPF). I like Aveeno products in general.
I don't use a ton of makeup but I started using something called the POREfessional from benefit (kinda expensive but I bought on ebay so it was cheaper), to fill in my pores and smooth out my face. One time when I got out of the shower my BF was like "Wow your pores are so big" not realizing it would give me a complex... and well, now I have a complex about my pores. emoticon

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The Tofu Hulk (w/pics!)

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

The original plan last night was to follow up Turbo Jam with leftover burrito fixins and some steamed veggies for dinner. But when I got out of Turbo my tumbly had a rumbly, and it wasn't for burritos (for a change)...

I wanted nothing so much as a wide variety of vegetables!!!

So I decided to make a stir fry. I made a stir fry last week and loved it, so I got all the same veggies. I was so looking forward to tons of broccoli cooked up with celery, carrots, snow peas, and cashews in a home-made sugar-free teryaki type sauce over some nice brown rice...

My only concern was that it was lacking in protein, and I've been trying out being a "weekday vegetarian" thanks to a cool video spark budy BETTERJULIA showed me...

So I decided to get some tofu! I mean, what could be better? It'll just absorb the flavor of the sauce, it's not very expensive, the store by my house carries the good brand of the lite tofu in extra firm that's great for stir fry....

Could I be any more clever?

When I got home and pulled out the block of tofu, it looked rather tiny sitting next to my big pile of produce, so I decided to go ahead and chop up the whole thing for the stir fry.

I don't know if I got magic tofu or what, but I swear that slimey brick had regenerative properties!! It seemed like no matter how many little cubes I cut, there was still so much brick...

My pile of tofu in the pan just kept expanding...

and expanding....

Pretty soon it covered the whole bottom of the pan!! And I'd alreayd heated up the veggie broth and garlic I was cooking it in, so there was no going back...

As I added more and more veggies to the pan it became clear... The tofu had completely taken over my veggie stir fry.

Oh well, it was still delicious, and now I have a lot more leftovers!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WINDSONG~ 6/8/2011 3:04AM

    Hmmmmm my dh loves it so far I am saying no but.....:)

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S3XYDIVASMOM 6/7/2011 2:57PM

    Sounds wonderful. Leftovers are so helpful in keeping us on the plan. "I don't feel like cooking. Ah! Look what I've got in the fridge...."

I think you can count your veggie craving as a nonscale victory.

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BETTERJULIA 6/7/2011 2:42PM

    Mmmmm sounds so delicious! I love that the video made such a difference for you! Keep rocking it - you're doing sooo awesome!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/7/2011 2:38PM

    I love tofu!! I've been taking a "break" from him for a while but maybe it's time we meet up again. yum!

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HUSKERSALAD 6/7/2011 2:10PM

    Aaah tofu, cousin of evil tempeh. emoticon
I like starting with the the tofu so it can brown a little. Then I set it aside and work on the veggie and reintroduce the tofu toward the end.

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Over-Estimating My Hawtness... (w/pics!)

Monday, June 06, 2011

Sometimes with all these dratic changes happening on the inside, I forget that the outside progress is a bit slower going...

I'll discover that I can do some new maneuver in one of my work out classes and suddenly think I look like a gymnast or ballerina!

It's like my brain sees my new-found ability to actually pull my leg up without my knee bent in front of myself to stretch something like this:

Only to discover that to the rest of the world it's really something slightly less graceful...

Usually there's really a lot of straining and a tongue sticking out for better concentration (you know it helps!) and various bumps and rolls and things in the way...

It's much like when I have too much to drink and suddenly, after wearing out both of my dance moves, I decide I am, in fact, capable of dancing like a sexy pop star...

I'll spare you the illustrations on that one. No one should have to see it and I'm sure you can picture it just fine...

But that's okay, the outside is bound to catch up eventually, right?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETTERJULIA 6/7/2011 2:39PM

    Wooohooo! I love these!!! So funny and I agree w/ Kexrarayen about hyperole and a half.

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LILYBELLE8 6/6/2011 9:53PM

    I'm convinced that you are on to something!! When the inside is right, the outside has no choice but to follow along - perhaps not as quickly as we think it should, but it does happen!! Happy dancing (or whatever?)

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CINDYJWOODS 6/6/2011 8:00PM

    Oh yeah, I get this delusion in my sexy "mature lady" swimsuit (one piece with a skirt). Yesterday my nineteen year old said, "wow mom, you really do look better in your swim suit-good for you." I was really working it. emoticon

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S3XYDIVASMOM 6/6/2011 5:43PM

    It's funny, but when you feel that way, you're halfway to convincing the world you really are that way. Don't ever doubt your hawtness.

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BALOOSMUM 6/6/2011 5:42PM

    I do the same thing!

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-STINA- 6/6/2011 4:46PM

    LOL!! So true!! I have been there many a time!

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SPACEYKP 6/6/2011 4:39PM

    I feel the same way! I always seem to be a much better dancer when my Wii Zumba game tells me I'm getting all the moves right than when I'm in a Zumba class full of people who actually have rhythm.

I love your illustrations!

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JUST-AMY 6/6/2011 4:11PM

    Oh, I can sooo relate! Thanks for my laugh o' the day!

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CARLYG8 6/6/2011 4:00PM

    I am still laughing. Way too funny!!!!!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/6/2011 2:15PM

    emoticonlove it!!

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KEZRARAYNE 6/6/2011 1:55PM

    You totally made my day with this blog! I do that alllll the time! (both the gymnast and the sexy popstar) and I really needed that giggle. :)
PS. your drawings remind me of a SUPER funny blog hyperole and a half. google it...totally worth it. :)

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SNHSNH 6/6/2011 1:52PM

    haha, if I watch any sort of ballet on tv or in a movie, I suddenly think that I'm somehow as super graceful as they are.

I'm always wrong.

too funny!

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MOONMANSON 6/6/2011 1:29PM

    How about I felt awesome in these (likely vanity sized) smaller clothes today, and some guy at the grocery store was like "I'm sorry to be the awkward one, but your shirt's on inside out!"


h. We all have those moments.

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VEGWICKED 6/6/2011 1:20PM

  I feel that way all the time! emoticon

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WITTYKITTY1989 6/6/2011 1:20PM

    emoticon I do the same thing! =D Don't let it detour you, I'm sure you look amazing!!!

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TIGGERJEAN 6/6/2011 1:20PM

    LOVE it!

Yeah - I hear you - the other day in yoga when I had to look at myself doing moves in the full wall mirror was a bit disturbing. I tend to believe my hips are a bit smaller than they actually are. (Have you seen the Matrix - Residual self-image - it would be great if we could mentally project our inner self!)

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KIWIEVIE 6/6/2011 1:16PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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