Monday, April 18, 2011
Not in like a "screw this I do what I want!" stuff my face and lay on the couch way, don't worry!!!
In a, sometimes it's okay to change my plans kinda way. And it is, and I just need to get over all the messy control issues around it and give myself a break!
I'm trying to remind myself that I am doing incredibly awesome FOR ME in the situation I'm in currently. I've been planning a big fundraising event for work for the last 6 weeks or so that will take place this Thursday.
It's important to remind myself that when I planned a similar event for the beginning of February my whole life went out the window for the 5 weeks leading up to it. I was stressed, I lost too much sleep, I turned to junk food for support, I didn't exercise even once, I drank a ton of diet soda to caffeinate myself and almost no water... it was bad news!
Sure, there have legitimately been a couple of times I've had to stay too late at work while doing all the detail stuff and having meetings over the upcoming event to go to the gym, but I haven't stayed when I didn't have to. I haven't binged ONCE this month, and only binged for ONE weekend last month. That's HUGE for me as someone who usually binged every day in the not so distant past. I'm getting myself to the gym and keeping lots of craft projects at hand to help deal with all the stress. I'm doing a better job of planning ahead and sticking to a timeline at work. Only this weekend have I started waking up in the middle of the night with nightmares of not being able to find the right size tablecloths.
I have to remind myself that there is a difference between having an excuse and making an excuse.
When I actually HAVE to stay late at work unexpectedly and miss the gym, I HAVE an excuse to miss exercise that day.
I HAD to stay late on Friday to finalize our catering and table rental contracts. It is not my fault that I can chase my boss around all week and get no results until it's about 30 minutes past the last minute. I cannot make him be more organized. I do not have the credit card. I CAN be proud that I set up a good enough working relationship with these companies that they let me get these contracts to them at 6pm on the Friday before the event because things worked smoothly with me last time.
It is not only okay but AWESOME that I chose to do some hardcore housecleaning and organizing all day Saturday instead of a structured workout. I got sweaty, I must have gone up and down the stairs at least 40 times, I lifted and carried a lot of heavy stuff, and the results are so worth it. I probably even burned just as many calories!
So now my downstairs under the stairs closet is clean, well organized, has EMPTY shelves for storage of things to come and is not floor to cieling, wall to wall to wall to doorway just STUFF piled on top of more stuff with a mystery smell lurking in there somewhere. My upstairs former linen closet is now a game, puzzle, photography, gift wrap, travel bag, beach stuff closet and well organized in a way where I can see everything that's in there at a glance WITH ROOM TO GROW. The closet in the guest room is getting pretty full, sure, but everything is clean and organized and there's still plenty of room for a guest to hang some clothing if they wanted to. My kitchen drawers are finally cleaned out, lined with the really cool contact paper I ordered for them MONTHS ago, and tons of stuff from them has been neatly packed up to go to the Salvation Army.
So did I work out this weekend? No. But am I okay with that? I'm working on it!
Friday, April 15, 2011
There it is! Photo evidence of how hard I worked out last night! Not to worry, it doesn't hurt. I didn't even notice I had it until dear BF started poking it on the couch last night and then told me it was there when I didn't react to the poking. And, why yes, those ARE fuzzy fluffy blue bunion correcting slippers, thank you for noticing. I'm just HAWT like that sometimes!
Looking forward to trying 2 more work outs from my dvd's this weekend! I plan to do one after work today and one at some point tomorrow while I'm home alone.
We have plans to go to my good friends' new apartment as their first guests since they got settled. We helped them move so we earned it!! She's going to make home made manacotti (no idea how to spell that) and garlic bread and we're supposed to bring wine (I'm gonna bring a big salad if she's not already making one), but I'm surprisingly un-worried.
Sure, I splurged a little last Sunday, I had some chocolate covered bacon on Wednesday, and tomorrow has a good chance of putting me a little over my calories again, even with careful planning... but I'm just not that stressed over it. I'm working out so much lately that so long as I'm no more than a couple hundred over I don't worry about it (and that's only on these special days). I just try and stay really low calorie on the days in between. It's like calorie cycling for real life, I guess?
Maybe it's because my concentration right now is really on getting in shape rather than on losing weight. I'm still eating carefully, because I DO want to lose weight, but not with my usual weight loss tunnel vision... I just really want to be buff again! In the past I was working out to get thin, and getting in shape was a positive side effect I was excited about. Right now I'm working out to get in shape, and losing weight is a positive side effect I'm excited about.
I didn't really think of it in so many words until just now, but I'm excited about it. Maybe this is exactly the change in focus I've been needing to stop the lose-gain-lose-gain-lose-gain endless cycle?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
That's right, spicy chocolate covered bacon. You read it right!
Bestie was able to come for her Wednesday visit with the wee baby niecelet for the first time in like a month yesterday. We met in college in Santa Cruz and both feel in love with chocolate covered bacon from the fancy ice cream and candy store downtown the minute we saw it!! Obviously it's a little unusual, though I hear they're starting to carry it in some stores now, so when one of us goes to Santa Cruz we always bring back at least one piece of chocolate covered bacon for the other one.
While I was up there Sunday I picked up 2 pieces of dark chocolate covered and 2 of the new spicy version. I was planning on sharing the dark chocolate ones among my cousins who'd never tried it and saving the 2 spicy pieces for her visit. Well then all my cousins chickened out and no one wanted to try it, so I saved all 4... Which means yesterday afternoon I ate 2 pieces of chocolate covered bacon. IT WAS DELICIOUS!!
I know it's not exactly 'diet' friendly... so good thing I'm not on a diet!!!
I have absolutely no regrets over it. It's a tradition, one we don't partake in that often, and it was delicious and totally worth it!!!
Now that doesn't mean I'm just eating it and not doing anything about it, mind you. I intend to double up on work out classes again tonight, and am feeling much more positive about it after my good experience with trying it last week.
But I'm sure glad the chocolate covered bacon store is a good 50 miles away!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
I went to RIPPED at the gym last night even though Blobby McFlabface was in fine form with about 9000 excuses to skip it.
"You've only had one rest day after exercising 7 days last week, you're sore!"
"You're still tired from not really sleeping Sunday night."
"You should go to the grocery store earlier so you're not eating so late."
"You're so busy at work, it'd be so easy to work that extra half hour and have more done before your visit tomorrow so you can leave early to hang out."
Blah blah blah blah blah Blobby!!!
I just concentrated on knowing that I never regret a workout, but often regret skipping them!
It's all about sticking to that plan of doing what makes me feel good about myself rather than what makes me feel "good" in the moment. It's not, you know, EASY a lot of the time, but it's better in the long run. The immediate decisions may be hard, but feeling good about myself is a lot easier than sulking and pouting and regretting and wishing and just generally beating myself up the way I do after making those instant gratification decisions.
Well last week in RIPPED was my first time doing the class with 5lb weights instead of 3lb, and I was able to do everything but the over the head shoulder parts. I've never been able to do the WHOLE over the head shoulder part even with the 3lb weights; I generally have to take some kind of small break. Well last night I decided to go for it with the 5lb weights the whole time, I just told myself I could do it one arm at a time on that part if I needed to. When we got to that part I made myself at least TRY to do it... and it was REALLY REALLY hard, but I just kept repeating to myself over and over in my brain:
I can do it, just tough it out, it's not THAT many reps, my arms aren't REALLY going to fall off, I can do it, just a few more, I can do it, I candoit IcandoitIcandoitIcandoit ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow OWOWOWOWOWOW OUCH!! OUCH!! THEY ARE TOO GONNA FALL OFF!!!
And then it was over! I did the WHOLE THING!! And that was AFTER the push ups set!
I really love feeling so strong again for the first time in so many years. I may not be getting as small as I'd like to as quickly as I think I should, but I'm getting noticeably stronger by the DAY. That feels really good. It's an obvious sign that all my hard work is paying off, even when there are so few other signs and they take so SO long.
I just have to keep reminding myself that I'll take strong and healthy over thin. Strong and healthy lives longer! If I just keep concentrating on strong and healthy the smaller sizes will come, but I need to stop worrying so much over the sizes and the double chin and concentrate on being able to do just that little bit more in every single gym class. That's a much bigger accomplishment!
Anyone can eat fewer calories for a while and lose weight. There were tons of people all around me in that gym class who couldn't do what I was doing! Even people that have been going longer but don't push themselves as hard.
I know we're not supposed to compare ourselves with others, but I can't help it! I love seeing and feeling myself getting stronger and fitter than just a few more people at a time, and looking to those super in shape people and now KNOWNG, and not just wishing, that I can get there.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Well I skipped out on my gym class last night. I couldn't get out of work until 5:30, so I'm technically justified in not being at a 5:30 gym class, but I could have rushed over and done half of it, so I half-slacked. I also could have done at least the 20 minute work out on my new turo jam dvd's while dinner was cooking after our quick trip to Costco. BUT, it's also my first rest day in a week, so I'm not actually feeling any guilt over it. My abs aren't sore today for the first time since LAST Sunday! And now I have groceries!
I stayed at the absolute bottom of my calories yesterday to make up for my Sunday splurge, and brought in a whole big bag of healthy snacks for my work fridge this morning! I'm well stocked in greek yogurt, apples, baby carrots, and brought a whole flat of sparkling water from Costco (to help me skip on diet soda).
My gym bag is in the trunk for RIPPED tonight and I'm hoping to do the 20 minute work out on my turbo jam dvd's while I'm home for lunch to make up a little bit for skipping yesterday.
Now I just have to be careful that a mostly justified day off from exercise doesn't turn into a week of excuses!! It's so easy to just listen to Blobby McFlabface telling me I worked out so hard LAST week that it's okay to take it easy this week.
No it's not! I'm feeling strong again and I cannot WAIT to look and feel as strong as I did when I considered myself an athelete. That's my real goal at this point. I really don't care what the scale says, I don't have a specific pant size in mind for a goal, I just know how I used to feel and I want to get back there. I'm having some good signs that I'm on my way this week! The 3 pairs of 18 pants that I used to not be able to button properly a couple weeks ago but am wearing just fine now are all suddenly a bit short in the rise in the back. This might seem weird, but to me it's a good sign. When I was in really great shape I had really muscley thighs and butt. I used to have to pick my jeans size to fit those and always had a lot of gapping in the back of my pants unless I took them in. Now let's be clear, I am NOT one of those people that carries extra weight in my butt and thighs, quite the opposite. They tend to get smallish if I'm not working out while my spare tire just grows and grows. So my pants are fitting over my spare tire AND getting tighter in the butt and thighs - that means I'm doing really well at my goal of getting really buff again!!!
Sure, the scale is probably not going to have any thing nice to say at my monthly weigh in on the 27th because of it, but it really makes me look forward to the tape measure!
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