Friday, February 01, 2013
If there is one thing that makes me want to eat everything in the world, it's something that freaks me out. Whatever that might be, if it's scary enough, I want FOOD. Really bad food, too. And LOTS of it.
I have a job interview this afternoon and I'm not THAT nervous for it but it didn't even cross my mind to log my food until just now and that was after I almost mindlessly purchased myself a big ol' donut.
And that's what it is - mindless eating. Just shoving food into the face. Why do I do that when I'm stressed? Because as I'm just learning how to have a good relationship with it, I've been codependent with it for so long I don't know how to eat it without it being the soothing and calming menace that it is.
At some point, if I keep this up, that codependency will fade over time and I will naturally gravitate toward something else (God only knows what that could be!) to help me zone out and turn off the craziness inside my head.
Isn't that messed up that food has been the numbing agent all this time? Ultimately, this is the core of why I'm fat. But hey! Now I know and knowledge is power! keep my head up! happy friday.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
There are times after I eat something (especially something high in protein which will keep me satisfied for a long while) when I still "feel" hungry. But my stomach isn't growling, I don't have that pang in my stomach. Yet I still feel like I haven't eaten enough - it's what I call phantom hunger.
Phantom hunger is the number one killer in my diet. If I eat something that will keep me full for the next few hours, then there is no reason why I should be eating anything else in those few hours.
For example, this morning I made a peanut butter banana yogurt smoothie. The protein in the peanut butter and the greek yogurt have kept me satiated for the last three hours. But my mouth, my throat, my guts are telling me to feed it. Granted, it is coming up on lunch time BUT it doesn't mean I am hungry. It just means I am feeling....phantom hunger! I will eat when I actually FEEL the hunger and not just "feel" like eating.
I know we should eat something every few hours regardless, but I am smart enough to know that there is a difference between one kind of hunger and the other. Yeah, one is actually real. lol
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Never feel bad about throwing away excess food. You either waste it in the garbage or waste it on your hips. Either way, you're wasting it.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I feel totally derailed by all the events going on in my life right now. Today, I'm starting over.
First, I'm mega-stressed about my living situation, since I'm going to be moving into my own place in March. I have been apartment hunting for the last 2 weeks and it has been killing me looking at the places I can afford. I found a place I really liked, it was already rented but the agent didn't know it, and I ended up taking a lesser place in the same building for the same price. It's basically the same place, just not updated. Still frustrated that I couldn't get exactly the one I wanted, but excited that I have a place secured in the location I want at the price I (think) can afford.
Second, I've been hanging around a "new man in my life" and he's been hanging around in my head, totally distracting me from the focus it takes to eat right and get to the gym. I really didn't want to like this guy; I fought it for a while. But he was relentless. He's funny, cute, smart, a total gentleman and he is crazy about me. I don't know where that's going and it's not really the main event in my life as it might have been before I changed my lifestyle, but he's still rattling around in here making little waves in my routines.
Third, I hate my job and wish I didn't have to do this for a living, but I'm glad I have a job in this economy and that I haven't been laid off (yet). I don't know where this job is gonna go, but I flip-flop between being grateful and being totally defiant about it to the point of distraction.
In all, I have to start over from here and get back on track. I haven't been 100% on tracking my calories and I have only moderately worked out a few times in the past 10 days. I should be tracking everything I put in my mouth - and I mean every little calorie - and I should be working out intensely for 5 days a week. Period.
I want to live my life free from derailment. I have the tools I need for living on the path I need to stay on; now all I have to do is use them. None of this is in my control and I am learning how to just go with the flow. I feel like I'm still fighting everything. I am learning how to live free from fighting all the things that happen in my life - and how to just go with whatever the universe puts in my path with ease and as much tranquility as I can muster, without it disrupting my flow in taking care of myself - i.e. losing this fat suit!
My goal this week is to do cardio for at least 30 mins per day with 10-15 minutes core/machines until next Wednesday - intense work outs. ...and then get back into my regular routine of intense work outs 5 days a week with Sundays and Wednesdays off, with the calorie counting and Friday cheat meals - just as I originally planned for this journey.
Anyway, that's all I got for now. Toodles.
staying on track,
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