Thursday, August 19, 2010
IT’S ONE THING GETTING CAUGHT WITH YOUR HAND IN THE COOKIE JAR,
BUT THIS…THIS IS REALLY EMBARRASING…
PLEASE...DON’T TELL MOMMY
I am on a mental plateau again. For the longest time I was doing 1200-1400 calories and not going down on the scale. Everyone kept telling me that wasn’t good for my 5’11” frame. But I just kept feeling that with the extreme heat (and no AC) at least I held my own. Then for the past few days, I’ve been eating more around 2000 (I was having a LOVEFEST with whole wheat toast and raisin bran cereal).
Well it’s over…we broke up last night.
I threw the empty box out. I feel so used.
I’m thinking of admitting myself into a rehab center for hard core Carboholics.
I have all kinds of fruits and veggies in the house, but like a guided missile, I always zero in on Starchy Carbs. I think I’ll invent a security detector on my doorway that zaps you with a taser in the tush when you try to bring contraband into the house.
I will call it the CARBONATOR.
And of course there is the exercise issue….
The TUSH-ZAPPER Portable Taser Exercise Motivation Device: a separate auxiliary device with a timer that allows you to sit for a maximum 2 hours before it zaps you to get up and move. That should be attached to my backside.
I'm applying for patents on my new inventions.
In the meanwhile here's the price list if you would like to preorder.
The CARBONATOR Security System (4 easy payments of $29.99).
The TUSH-ZAPPER Portable Taser Exercise Motivation Device ($19.99)
Deactivation/Detachment Charge for TUSH-ZAPPER $100,000
Okay…I know, I know….QWITCHERWHINING
Today’s entertainment selection is a new exercise regime for you exercise fanatics. You’ve got to see this. INDIAN POLE GYMNASTICS (click on the link)
Who thinks of doing these things