Thursday, May 13, 2010
Today's small victory is that I did my very first unassisted roll up in pilates class today. This goal has been three months in the making. Woohoo! I have yet to conquer the dreaded teaser, but with the success of my first roll up, I consider myself pre-teaser certified!
Today, I also completed Week 4 Day 2 of the Couch to 5K program. Yay me! I am so proud of my so-not-a-runner self pressing on to become a lean, mean, jogging machine!
This week I lost 4.5 pounds. Woohoo! This after a two-week stall of gaining and then losing the same pound. I tried not to let it get to me when it happened, telling myself that I'm doing everything I should be doing and my body will let go of the [water]weight when it is ready. Well, I guess it was ready because there it went. That puts me at a total loss of 21 pounds in roughly two months. Amazing! This sounds like a big victory, and it is, but I am exactly one third of the way to my goal weight. Even so, that goal is feeling a heck of a lot closer today than it did just two months ago.
Because of the weight loss, I'm starting to look and feel differently, too. I ran into an old colleague of mine the other day. The first thing she said was that I had lost weight. I guess it's starting to show. Yay! Also, I noticed that my stomach doesn't stick out as much when I am seated and I don't feel the pressure on my breathing that I used to have. I didn't notice that the pressure went away, but last night it occurred to me that the pressure wasn't there anymore. That's huge! I've noticed that my skin is much better now. I really was suffering from acne and especially cystic acne for several years, which is very painful. I was on antibiotics for months at a time. The antibiotics really helped, but each time I went off of them the acne would return. Well, I've been off the antibiotics for about a month now and the acne hasn't really returned. Yeehaw!!!!!
I could keep going, but can you tell I'm feeling really good? That may be the biggest victory of all!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Yesterday’s plan was to do a pilates class, then complete Week 4 Day 1 of the C25K Program. My walk to the gym usually takes between 8-10 minutes. I decided to jog to the gym, which I thought shouldn’t really be much of a problem at this point. Well, after 1.5 minutes I was feeling winded and took it down to a brisk walk. It kind of bummed me out, because how could I up the C25K training intensity from last week to this week if I had trouble breathing after only 1.5 minutes? I started to doubt my ability to move up to the Week 4 intensity and wondered if I should just repeat Week 3. I finally decided that I’d try to do the Week 4 intervals, but if I couldn’t do it, then I’d drop back down to Week 3.
After pilates, I got on the treadmill and started with the warm-up walk, still thinking about my decision to “try” to do Week 4. Then something hit me. “Try” has, hidden within it, a sinister belief that one is not confident of success. It also has an implied ability to quit, because, after all, you accomplished your goal of “trying” even if you didn’t succeed at whatever it was you were “trying” to do. Trying lets you duck out at any point when the going gets too tough for comfort. I decided that this was not acceptable. I was going to DO Week 4. And if I really couldn’t, then I wouldn’t do it, but I wanted my body to determine that and not my mind. I then thought about how this relates to life in general. Don’t “try” and just DO. Have the confidence that you can accomplish more than you even believe you can accomplish, but the only way to know is to go for it, to push through the self-erected mental barriers and achieve something that you can be proud of.
So I made a decision that I would complete Week 4 Day 1. To do this, I needed to complete the 3/5/3/5 min. jogging intervals. The first two were good, but the second three-minute interval was more challenging, because my chest had started to tighten up. But I reminded myself that I had done even more before, so I knew that I could do it. I’m not going to lie. The last 5 minute jog was not easy. My breathing was getting pretty ragged at the end. But when I knew I only had one more minute until I completed W4D1 I took a deep breath, relaxed, and jogged passed the finish line, breathing relatively easily.
This is a life lesson. I don’t want to be a “trier.” I want to have self-confidence and pride in my achievements. So for now on I want to remember to not try anymore, just DO!
Sunday, May 09, 2010
The weekend is over. A new week is soon to begin. And I feel residual agitation that I'd rather not carry with me into this fresh, new week.
I know I've come so far, but at times I feel the old habits peaking up their ugly heads. I think part of the agitation stems from the uncertainty of my job interview's outcome. The rest comes from a family situation that occurred on Saturday, which I am confused about and wonder what drove certain people to do or say certain things. All in all, I believe the agitation is based in uncertainty for which I can't get resolution. I just need to learn how to deal with it, just let it go.
Last night I succumbed to a little bit of emotional eating. I had a small ice cream sundae, which wasn't as yummy as I had envisioned before I ate it. It also did not take away the agitation. I am proud of myself that I had a very small serving, which was probably a fifth of what I used to eat if I had a sundae, but I ate over my calorie range for emotional reasons. Bummer. One small step backward, but with awareness. Now, I just need to figure out how to make peace with all of this uncertainty without using food.
I'm looking forward to my exercise tomorrow. Maybe that will work off some of my nervous energy. I'm curious to know if or how much exercise will help. I shall see tomorrow.
Have a great, fresh, new week everyone!
Friday, May 07, 2010
My job interview went as well as it could have gone. I don't expect that I will hear anything for at least a few weeks, but I am very hopeful.
Thanks to all who sent me encouraging words, positive thoughts, and prayers. You were with me today. I could hear you cheering me on and it helped to carry me through.
One thing I noticed during and after the interview was that I had more confidence than I have ever had in an interview. And although I have been self-conscious of my weight in past interviews, it didn't even enter my mind this time. I know I looked professional and my suit fit my body well. But even moreso, I felt confident in general. Turns out that what I am learning about and through exercise and weight loss has sent ripples through every other area of my life. This makes sense, of course, but having witnessed it so plainly today was a wonderful confirmation of how much I have grown since February. As a result, I really do hope I get the job, but I also know that I will be fine even if I don't.
Thank you all so much for your support!!!
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