Sunday, May 09, 2010
The weekend is over. A new week is soon to begin. And I feel residual agitation that I'd rather not carry with me into this fresh, new week.
I know I've come so far, but at times I feel the old habits peaking up their ugly heads. I think part of the agitation stems from the uncertainty of my job interview's outcome. The rest comes from a family situation that occurred on Saturday, which I am confused about and wonder what drove certain people to do or say certain things. All in all, I believe the agitation is based in uncertainty for which I can't get resolution. I just need to learn how to deal with it, just let it go.
Last night I succumbed to a little bit of emotional eating. I had a small ice cream sundae, which wasn't as yummy as I had envisioned before I ate it. It also did not take away the agitation. I am proud of myself that I had a very small serving, which was probably a fifth of what I used to eat if I had a sundae, but I ate over my calorie range for emotional reasons. Bummer. One small step backward, but with awareness. Now, I just need to figure out how to make peace with all of this uncertainty without using food.
I'm looking forward to my exercise tomorrow. Maybe that will work off some of my nervous energy. I'm curious to know if or how much exercise will help. I shall see tomorrow.
Have a great, fresh, new week everyone!
Friday, May 07, 2010
My job interview went as well as it could have gone. I don't expect that I will hear anything for at least a few weeks, but I am very hopeful.
Thanks to all who sent me encouraging words, positive thoughts, and prayers. You were with me today. I could hear you cheering me on and it helped to carry me through.
One thing I noticed during and after the interview was that I had more confidence than I have ever had in an interview. And although I have been self-conscious of my weight in past interviews, it didn't even enter my mind this time. I know I looked professional and my suit fit my body well. But even moreso, I felt confident in general. Turns out that what I am learning about and through exercise and weight loss has sent ripples through every other area of my life. This makes sense, of course, but having witnessed it so plainly today was a wonderful confirmation of how much I have grown since February. As a result, I really do hope I get the job, but I also know that I will be fine even if I don't.
Thank you all so much for your support!!!
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Today is not a bad day, but I would not describe it as a good day, either. I am physically exhausted and emotionally agitated/anxious over my interview tomorrow.
BUT I am not turning to food for comfort.
Also, some things have happened that are kind of back and forth. For example, I am exactly the same weight as I was two weeks ago. I gained and lost the same pound in two weeks. Not really a huge deal, because I KNOW hormones are involved. My wedding ring, which has been really loose lately, is so tight that I have indents in my poor, edematous finger.
On the up side, yesterday I had water jogging class, which I take once a week. This week, the "large" floatation belt was too big even at its tightest setting!!! Next week I'll move down to the "medium."
In preparation for my job interview tomorrow, I tried on a number of my business suits to see which would be the best. Most still don't fit.
But one looks great!
I just spoke with my hubby, telling him that I just can't seem to get rid of my fatigue today. He suggested that it was because I fell asleep without wearing my CPAP mask last night. He's right. I hit the pillow and was out, forgetting to put on my mask. I have mild sleep apnea, so the CPAP really helps me to get a good night's sleep. I'll definitely remember to wear it tonight, but today I am really dragging. No exercise for me today.
An SP "Healthy Reflections" email that I read today discussed knowing what you are made of. I actually reflected. Here's a part of the email: "[L]ow points are chances to learn what you're capable of when you refuse to be knocked down for good." In the past, I tried so hard to do things as perfectly as I could. I TRIED so hard, but I would ultimately do something that did not meet my ridiculously high standards, then I'd beat myself up until I was so frustrated and despondent that I'd give up, because what's the point in trying so hard? For WHAT? Now, I know for what. It's for ME! And forget about trying. I'm not trying anymore. I'm doing the best that I can and that's all I can do. My best is good enough. So I will DO my best without trying. I feel knocked down right now, but I wouldn't consider giving up on me. I'm doing my best today. I will do my best at my interview tomorrow. It is all I can do. And that is good enough.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Why was it great? No reason and every reason.
A big Woohoo for the day is that I was contacted about a job interview on Friday. The really amazing part is that I applied for this job July 15 of last year. I had assumed it was a definite no go a long time ago, but apparently not! Also, this job is as close to a dream job as I could hope. How amazing would that be if I am offered the position? I am SO hopeful. Everyone please send positive thoughts on Friday!
As THRILLED as I am about the interview, I didn't need it for today to be a great day. My phone rarely rings, but today it hardly stopped. I had some nice, catching-up conversations, took care of some business, etc. Also, for some reason I was interacting with a lot more people in public today than I usually do. I had a nice conversation about gardening with the instructor and another lady in my yoga class. Then, I had a great conversation with a wonderful 60+ year old woman who looked to be in her 40's. She was so kind and had such a wealth of knowledge that she was willing to share with me. Plus, lots of smiles and laughter.
Walking to the gym, I felt like I was a part of the landscape, part of the city. I can't really explain it, but often I am so in my head that I fail to really see what is right in front of me. Today, I seemed to spend a lot of time outside my own head. How refreshing. Today was also a gorgeous day. The world can be beautiful!
Finally, I feel great. I just read a Daily Spark Blog about a woman who reduced sugar for Lent. The author talked about feeling sluggish after consuming too much sugar and how she felt good and had more energy after removing most of the sugar from her diet. Maybe that's what's happening to me, too. I still eat sugar, but no where near what I used to eat. Plus, now I'm eating much more healthfully on a regular basis. On top of that I'm getting regular exercise and fresh air. And...I FEEL GOOD! I feel healthy. I have energy. Who is this person that I am becoming? I think I like it!
Yay to more great, crazy days!
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