Thursday, May 06, 2010
Today is not a bad day, but I would not describe it as a good day, either. I am physically exhausted and emotionally agitated/anxious over my interview tomorrow.
BUT I am not turning to food for comfort.
Also, some things have happened that are kind of back and forth. For example, I am exactly the same weight as I was two weeks ago. I gained and lost the same pound in two weeks. Not really a huge deal, because I KNOW hormones are involved. My wedding ring, which has been really loose lately, is so tight that I have indents in my poor, edematous finger.
On the up side, yesterday I had water jogging class, which I take once a week. This week, the "large" floatation belt was too big even at its tightest setting!!! Next week I'll move down to the "medium."
In preparation for my job interview tomorrow, I tried on a number of my business suits to see which would be the best. Most still don't fit.
But one looks great!
I just spoke with my hubby, telling him that I just can't seem to get rid of my fatigue today. He suggested that it was because I fell asleep without wearing my CPAP mask last night. He's right. I hit the pillow and was out, forgetting to put on my mask. I have mild sleep apnea, so the CPAP really helps me to get a good night's sleep. I'll definitely remember to wear it tonight, but today I am really dragging. No exercise for me today.
An SP "Healthy Reflections" email that I read today discussed knowing what you are made of. I actually reflected. Here's a part of the email: "[L]ow points are chances to learn what you're capable of when you refuse to be knocked down for good." In the past, I tried so hard to do things as perfectly as I could. I TRIED so hard, but I would ultimately do something that did not meet my ridiculously high standards, then I'd beat myself up until I was so frustrated and despondent that I'd give up, because what's the point in trying so hard? For WHAT? Now, I know for what. It's for ME! And forget about trying. I'm not trying anymore. I'm doing the best that I can and that's all I can do. My best is good enough. So I will DO my best without trying. I feel knocked down right now, but I wouldn't consider giving up on me. I'm doing my best today. I will do my best at my interview tomorrow. It is all I can do. And that is good enough.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Why was it great? No reason and every reason.
A big Woohoo for the day is that I was contacted about a job interview on Friday. The really amazing part is that I applied for this job July 15 of last year. I had assumed it was a definite no go a long time ago, but apparently not! Also, this job is as close to a dream job as I could hope. How amazing would that be if I am offered the position? I am SO hopeful. Everyone please send positive thoughts on Friday!
As THRILLED as I am about the interview, I didn't need it for today to be a great day. My phone rarely rings, but today it hardly stopped. I had some nice, catching-up conversations, took care of some business, etc. Also, for some reason I was interacting with a lot more people in public today than I usually do. I had a nice conversation about gardening with the instructor and another lady in my yoga class. Then, I had a great conversation with a wonderful 60+ year old woman who looked to be in her 40's. She was so kind and had such a wealth of knowledge that she was willing to share with me. Plus, lots of smiles and laughter.
Walking to the gym, I felt like I was a part of the landscape, part of the city. I can't really explain it, but often I am so in my head that I fail to really see what is right in front of me. Today, I seemed to spend a lot of time outside my own head. How refreshing. Today was also a gorgeous day. The world can be beautiful!
Finally, I feel great. I just read a Daily Spark Blog about a woman who reduced sugar for Lent. The author talked about feeling sluggish after consuming too much sugar and how she felt good and had more energy after removing most of the sugar from her diet. Maybe that's what's happening to me, too. I still eat sugar, but no where near what I used to eat. Plus, now I'm eating much more healthfully on a regular basis. On top of that I'm getting regular exercise and fresh air. And...I FEEL GOOD! I feel healthy. I have energy. Who is this person that I am becoming? I think I like it!
Yay to more great, crazy days!
Monday, May 03, 2010
Today is the first day of my committment to the Couch to 5K Program. For those who are unfamiliar, this program trains individuals to be able to run/jog a 5K race in 9 weeks (plus or minus depending on an individual's progress). Each week requires three sessions with each week getting progressively more challenging. I decided to start with Week 3, because I thought I could do it comfortably. Week 3 is:
- 5 min. warm-up
- 1.5 min. jog
- 1.5 min. brisk walk
- 3 min. jog
- 3 min. brisk walk
- 1.5 min. jog
- 1.5 min. brisk walk
- 3 min. jog
- 3 min. brisk walk
- 5 min. cool-down
So, today I hopped on the treadmill and went for it!
C25K Week 3, Day 1
I'm feeling more fit already!
In pilates today the instructor told us to place our hands flat on our hip bones to check our form by feeling how the hip bones are level. In my mind I could see my hands flat on my hip bones, but when I tried to place my hands the same way I had visualized I found that I couldn't even feel my hip bones under the inches of fat padding. I also notice that sometimes I walk by a mirror and am surprised at just how large I still am. I'm not judging myself, just recognizing that the person I see in the mirror is not who I'm expecting to see.
This has been happening more often lately. It is like my mind has already made me thin, but my body hasn't caught up yet. This is very strange because for so many years it was the other way around. I thought I was fat, but then I'd see pictures of myself and wonder why I thought that because I didn't look at all fat in the pictures. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to the day when my body catches up with my new mental image of my physical self.
Last night I watched a two-hour episode of "Ruby," which is a TV show about the journey of a morbidly obese woman trying to lose weight. I can't believe how much I cried during the program. Ruby and a group of her overweight female friends went to a 6-day retreat to delve into the reasons why they suffer from food addiction. Every story was so moving. At one point in the show, the counselor comments about how such behavior is often rooted in early childhood. I thought a lot about that after the show was over and came to realize that I think the turning point in my life was when my father and step-mother divorced. This realization shed a lot of light for me on my situation and gave me insight into why I feel and act as I do.
I know this journey is a long one and will surely continue even after I have returned to a healthy weight. But every step I make in the right direction moves me one step closer to my ultimate goal of being an emotionally and physically healthy person.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
April was something of an emotional rollercoaster, but Iím happy to report that Iím learning every day, while losing weight and getting fit. I lost 8 pounds in April, which keeps me right on track for my goal of 63 pounds lost by the end of October. As part of this effort, I logged 1605 fitness minutes, which is a huge improvement on how much exercise I used to get. I also passed a major milestone when I jogged for two miles for the first time in my life.
My weight loss was not without its own bump. Last week, I weighed in on Wednesday, as usual. The scale told me that I had gained 2.5 pounds since the previous weekís weigh-in. I hoped it was a fluke, and I think it was. I weighed in on Thursday to double check and was down to a one-pound gain for the week. For the last three days I have been holding steady at zero pounds lost or gained since last week. Iím not exactly sure why this happened but have my suspicions that it was related to hormones.
Before SP, a weight gain would have really bothered me because Iíve been exercising and eating right most days and I did nothing that should have caused a weight gain. But Iím not the same person I was a month and a half ago. I know now that I am headed in the right direction even if, at times, my body needs time to catch up, add muscle, go through hormonal cycles, etc.
I am also happy to report that my friend told me on Friday that she noticed Iíve lost weight in my face. My husband told me yesterday that Iím looking more fit. Something is happening and itís definitely for the goodÖno matter what the scale says.
So April is behind me and May is waiting to be written. My goals this month are:
- To be more consistent with my water intake;
- To follow the Couch to 5K program, starting on Week 3;
- To read my ĺ-done novel and begin to write again, with a goal of completing at least one new chapter;
- To submit at least 10 jobs applications;
- To ace my internship interview scheduled for the end of May; and
- To continue to achieve the goals I set for fitness minutes and calories.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I am in awe right now. I just ran (jogged?) for two miles straight. It took me about 26 minutes to do it, which is 15 minutes longer than I have ever jogged in my life!!!
When I started on SparkPeople in March, I could just jog a minute before slowing to a walk. I was doing intervals, but that was my max at any one time. Then, I was able to up it to 3 minutes. Yay! The last time I was on the treadmill I was so proud when i jogged for 11 minutes straight before my lungs gave out. At that time I set myself a goal of jogging for 1 mile straight. Goal accomplished.
Today after pilates class, I decided to see if I could beat my old record. I hoped for a mile, but would have been tickled with 12 minutes straight. I was so absorbed in my music and reading the closed caption on MSNBC that I didn't realized I'd passed 12 minutes and then some. When I did finally look down at the read-out, I saw that I wasn't too far from one mile, so I decided to see if I could do it. My lungs were getting tight and I was breathing pretty hard, but I was so close!
I watched as the digital read-out went from .99 to 1.00. And then I cried...just a few sobs escaped, but a guy happened to be walking by and came over to see if everything was okay. I absolutely broke down, telling him that I had just run a mile for the first time in my whole life. He congratulated me, told me I was doing a great job, and gave me a high five. I can't remember the last time I felt so proud. And thank you, Mr. Anonymous Gym Man for your stopping and for encouraging me and sharing this milestone with me!
After the one-mile mark, a strange thing happened. My lungs relaxed and I could breathe normally again. My legs still felt good, so I decided to see if I could go for just a little bit more. I was almost to 15 minutes already, so I thought that would be my stopping goal. But I waved as I passed on by. As I neared the two-mile mark, my lungs were starting to tighten up again and I didn't want to overdo it (if I hadn't already), so that became my final goal. AND I DID IT!!!!!!!!!
Here's the best part...I've been struggling with blisters for over a year every time I've used the treadmill. Two months ago I went to City Sports and was fitted properly for running shoes. I am thrilled to say that I have no blisters. My shoes, along with my wool socks, are my two (four?) best friends today. Here is a picture of my shoes smiling:
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