Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I have so many thoughts this evening. Some from feeling triumphant and some feeling somewhat defeated all rolled up in a confusing, tear-inducing mess.
- Today in yoga the instructor said, "Wow! Impressive" to me during one of the poses. After class she told me that she can really see the improvements I've been making, that I carry myself differently, more open and in balance. This really meant a lot to me.
- I completed C25K's Week 5 Day 1, which included 3 five-minute jogs. Yay!
- On Sunday, I completed C25K's W4D3 outside (as opposed to doing it on the treadmill with speed control and a handy water bottle and towel). My hubby and I did it together, which was really nice (even though he can run circles around me and actually literally did). I just charted our course and it turns out that we jogged/walked over 4 miles. Woohoo!
- I never knew how much pride and self-confidence I could gain through physical achievement either by increasing time, speed, intensity, flexibility, balance, etc. It seems like most days I accomplish something I haven't been able to do before and I am even more encouraged to continue improving my fitness level.
- On "The Biggest Loser" tonight the contestants completed a full marathon. I think that maybe one day I could do it, too. What once seemed utterly impossible now seems within the real of possible. I cried as each contestant crossed the finish line.
- A friend was laid off from her job today. I feel so bad for her. On top of that, it brought back so many memories and feelings of being laid off from work myself. I thought I had worked through a lot of these feelings, but here they are again.
- I still have not heard anything about the job I interviewed for. I know it is still early to hear, but the longer it is the less confident I feel about getting the job. I tell myself that if it is meant to be, then it will be, but I keep having to deal with this fear that just wells up and overtakes me. I talk it down and feel better, but then seemingly out of nowhere it wells up again.
- I think I'm feeling overly emotional today, which is never fun.
I don't know if there's really a point to this blog, but I feel less overwhelmed having written it, so for that I am thankful.
Now I'm going to go do the dishes, because life goes on.
Monday, May 17, 2010
I woke up this morning feeling unsettled. I had a dream where I was at a hub train station. I remember that I vaguely knew where I needed to go, but could not figure out which train would take me to my destination. I had a little time to figure it out before the next train was scheduled to leave, but I could not get on any train until I knew that the train I was boarding was THE train to take me to my destination. I felt immobilized. I did not want to make a mistake and board the wrong train. The dream then switched and I was in a hub bus station. I was waiting in line for a particular bus, but was not sure exactly where the bus was headed. I kept trying to ask people, but no one seemed to know the destinations of any of the buses. I started to panic. Hmm. I wonder what my dream means...
I have definite weight-loss and fitness goals with incremental goals and strategies to get me to where I'm going. But after waking up this morning, I wondered why I had not applied what I have learned on SparkPeople to my life in general. I can ride the waves of life, but I'd have a much higher likelihood of ending up where I want to be in the future if I knew specifically where I wanted to end up. If I had a more specific vision, I could also then set long-, medium-, and short-term goals to help me get there. In short, I need more than a vague sense of my destination so I can pick the right train. I need to know the path I should take so I can make sure I get on the right bus.
I was once told by a wise and kind person that each person has five areas in which to learn and grow as an individual. The five areas are: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and social. To be a balanced person, the ideal is to have balance within and between these five areas. Since joining SP, I have a pretty good handle on what I need to do about the physical and how to go about doing it. My weight-loss and fitness journey, interestingly, has been helping me to grow and mature emotionally, and has given me insight into where I would like to be, which is at peace with my past and being a good parent to myself. That leaves the intellectual (which, for me, includes career), spiritual, and social. Figuring this out may take a little time, so I'm setting a goal to reflect daily until the end of this week and see what I can come up with by then.
Speaking of goals, last Monday I set goals for the past week. They were:
- complete all three installments of the C25K Week 4 program
- exercise each weekday and one Sunday -- 5/6 days complete
- eat within my calorie range -- successful 6/7 days
- finish reading the partial draft of my novel-in-progress so I can begin writing again -- not nearly complete
To keep me on track, I'm going to set a few goals for this coming week:
- complete C25K Week 5
- exercise daily M-Sa
- eat within my calorie range
- read at least a chapter a day of my novel's rough draft
- update my federal government resume
- apply for at least one new federal job
Here's to a joyous and productive week!!!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I'm relaxing in front of the television, catching up on national and world news and the latest political wrangling. I think back on how different things seem even from the beginning of this year. Yes, I mean pre-Supreme Court Justice nominee, pre-oil catastrophe, pre-volcanic eruption, and pre-attempted Times Square bombing. But I also mean pre-light bulb moment, pre-shedding of 20 pounds, pre-feeling healthier, happier, and more in control of my life regardless of what is happening in the world, nation, community, or in my own life. What is humbling is the only real thing that stands between me here now and me there then is that time has passed and life has continued to unfold.
When I was in my late 30s, I had to make a decision of whether to attend graduate school. I really wanted to, but was concerned that I was getting older and what it would mean to completely change jobs/career. My decision came down to time. I would eventually be 40 no matter what I did. I could be 40 with an advanced degree or I could be 40 without an advanced degree. Time would march on regardless. So I made the choice and today I am so pleased that I made the decision to go back to school because my 40th birthday came and went, but when it did I had my advanced degree.
In February, I had a choice; I made the decision to take care of my body. I continue to make that choice daily. I look into my unknowable future and see a time when I am fit, healthy, and active. Because of the choices I make daily, I am already there. The only thing that stands between me and that day is time. I am going to enjoy the journey, because I take comfort in knowing that the destination is inevitable.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I've been reading on an SP message board about how delicious Lean Cuisine's Butternut Squash Ravioli is, so I decided I had to try it. The ravioli dinner is from the "Spa Cuisine" line and is described as "butternut squash ravioli in a creamy sauce with walnuts, snap peas and carrots." The picture of the ravioli looked less than appetizing, but the pictured vegies looked fresh and crisp.
In the grocery store next to the Lean Cuisine dinners was the Eating Right dinners, a Lucerne product that I think is a Safeway brand, but don't quote me on that. Anyway, Eating Right also has a Butternut Squash Ravioli dinner described as "tender ravioli stuffed with butternut squash topped with golden walnuts in a creamy sauce." This picture looked much more appetizing than the Lean Cuisine box, because the ravioli filling looked bright and creamy and it seemed to have more vegies per serving. I decided to conduct a head-to-head comparison.
Bottom line: Lean Cuisine raviolis were far superior in taste and texture.
The Lean Cuisine raviolis were tender and the filling was delicious and flavorful, especially when compared to the chewier, nearly tasteless Eating Right raviolis. Aside from the raviolis, both had crisp, fresh vegies and a nice, creamy sauce. Even so, I think I'll have to agree with the recommenders on this one. I purchased two more of the Lean Cuisines today. I don't plan to purchase the Eating Right raviolis again (although this brand does have some other delicious entrees).
Just the facts:
- Both dinners have 280 calories, although the Lean Cuisine is a slightly larger serving size (280g vs. 238g).
- Lean Cuisine's sodium is slightly higher (490mg vs. 330mg).
- Lean Cuisine's total fat and saturated fat content is lower (7g vs. 9g/2g vs. 3g).
- Both dinners have 10g protein.
Friday, May 14, 2010
A few days ago I read something online at Oprah.com that has been wiggling around at the back of my mind ever since. The article was by Martha Beck and the topic was Trust. Beck discussed the meaning of a quote by Lao Tzu that included a phrase about trusting people who aren’t trustworthy. When I first read this, I thought it was a crazy bit of advice, because only a fool would trust the untrustworthy. After all, it wouldn’t take too long before said fool was shown why the untrustworthy are labeled as such. But Beck went on to explain that her interpretation is that you can trust the untrustworthy to be untrustworthy. In her words, “if someone in your life . . . [is] perpetually failing to keep promises, tell the truth, quit drinking, or show compassion, this is exactly what you can depend on them to keep doing.”
My translation: the likelihood of someone acting differently is far less than the likelihood of that same individual acting as they usually do. Therefore, to keep hoping that someone will finally treat you as you dream or hope they will is highly unlikely. Accept people as they are. Trust that people will continue to be who they are and act how they have acted in the past. Trust that past actions are a very strong indicator of future actions. If past actions have not or would not provide you with what you need, then accept that and accept them as they are. Or don’t. But don’t expect them to change. How absolutely simple. So why have I been hoping that certain people would be and act other than how they have always been and have always acted? It is time for me to grow up, to accept reality, and to trust that, for better or worse, people will continue to be who they have always been.
Reference: “Who’s Never Going to Let You Down?” by Martha Beck in O, The Oprah Magazine, February 17, 2009 (http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Martha
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