Friday, October 07, 2011
I am in desperate need of a schedule, a routine, something I can stick to. I am doing horribly at my newest attempt to lose the weight & get healthy! I can make a schedule, but I won't stick to it.
I need to find a way that will make it work for me. I have always been a night owl and really doubt that I can change that. So how can a night owl have a schedule? One that will work when they are busy through the day? I have the most energy in the evening, usually I want to clean, or do other activities from 4pm to 1am!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
So I took a week away from the computer. To my shame my eating habits went into the crapper, but tomorrow is another day & it is going to be okay. I am just going to start again tomorrow, a new slate. Easier said than done, but I really want to lose the weight. My emotional eating binge on the 21st was the last time I tracked. Today I did horribly, tomorrow WILL be better!
I have great news! My husband got that job after all! I am so excited, he got a new letter today. The only bad part it is he will be gone for 5weeks, I will only be able to see him for a day or two after the first week, then he'll be gone to Texas for 4 weeks. He'll be gone for Thanksgiving. He doesn't start for about 3 weeks.
The way I am choosing to look at things is like this. I gave it all to God, but I chose to take it back. BIG mistake, one I make too often, and He said "Fine, you think you can do it! Deal with this!" and he gave us the denial letter, I spiraled. Now, I am giving it all back to Him, and I am just going to trust Him to guide me on this, sure to be, ROCKY path.
I quit seeking inspiration, a bad mistake for me... I need it, I need to know that I am not alone, and that others have struggled & succeeded. I need to build my confidence & my relationship with God. So often I find a passage from The Bible and feel the need to share it.
I will give you peace and quietness.
-- I Chronicles 16:11
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”
--Norman Vincent Peale
Happy is the man who finds wisdom and understanding for the
gain from it is better than gain from silver and profit better than
-- Proverbs 3:13,14
“The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed - it is a process of elimination.”
*In this case I am the sculpture & the artest... chipping away at my own flab*
In time of trouble . . . He shall set me upon a rock.
-- Psalms 27:5
Glory to God, May He Bless You!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Ugh, I feel awful! I ate way too much, made far too many bad choices, and this is the result:
CALORIES CARBS FAT PROTEIN
Totals: 2079 261 80 77
Today I started off pretty good. I felt awful last night, I went to bed a 730pm. When I woke, not long before noon, I ate a hard boiled egg & a del monte fruit cup. Not bad at all. Then I was told to check my husbands email, he should be getting the official hiring letter from the job he is trying for. I checked it, there it was, I was sooo excited, then I opened it.
"Unfortunately, you have not been chosen to move forward in the selection process.However, your resume and/or candidate profile information will be maintained in our active files. Please remember to keep your candidate profile unlocked as our recruiting team continuously searches our database to identify candidates with specific qualifications."
Heartbroken, I thought we finally got a break in life, I thought something was actually going to go right! I was wrong, again. He called his friend who works for the company, he had just talked to his boss, who had told him to tell Rich to check his email. He doesn't know what happens, but swears it must be a mistake. I really hope so. I really do.
So, went looking for something to eat, not even realizing that it hadn't been very long since I had ate the egg & fruit. I found some ham & cheese hot pockets in the freezer, ate them without even reading the calories. Then my mom asked me to take her to Waynesburg to see her parents. On our way she wanted McDonalds, had 2 cheeseburgers plain, a medium fry, and a medium root beer! While eating it I said to myself "Stop, you don't need this, and you aren't even hungry." Then I took another bite. I finished it all. Stopped to see my aunt who works at the dollar store, bought a box of nerds, ate about 2 servings of those. Got home, and ate a blue bunny black cherry chocolate bar thingy...
I sat at the computer & forced myself to do the calorie count. I guess it could have been worse, but that number on the fat was aweful!
Now I am trying to watch some inspirational videos, listen to some music, and talking to God to try & lift my spirits so I can move on from this.
Thanks for reading, I just needed to put it all out there.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
*This blog contains references to God, faith, The Bible, and much more, if you are offended by any of this please do not read on*
Oh long and dark the stairs I trod,
with stumbling feet to find my God,
Gaining a foothold bit by bit
Then slipping back and losing it.
There came a certain time when I
Loosened my hold and fell thereby,
Down to the lowest step my fall
As if I had not climbed at all.
And as I lay despairing there,
there came a footfall on the stairs
And 'lo' when hope had ceased to be
My God came down the stairs to me.
I know that I have blogged more than one today, but I found this poem & I felt like it was something I had to share. I think that all of go through this in our lives. I feel such great hope knowing that no matter how many times I fail my Father, my Lord, is still going to be there.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never
come to an end; they are new every morning. . .
-- Lamentations 3:22-23
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
Do you believe you can change the world? Probably not, but you can change your world! If everyone chose to change their world then together we could change THE world. Am I making sense here? I honestly believe that if you choose to you can change the world you live in, there will be things out of your control, there will be things that you cannot change, but the change you can make makes all the difference.
Do you have some sort of release for your pent up emotions? If not that is step one. You cannot take care of the world when you don't take care of yourself. Find a way to do get rid of it all. Give it to God, meditate, write in a journal, talk to a therapist, do what ever it takes your to get emotionally balanced, or as balanced as you can get.
Step two can be a bit more challenging. Put yourself out there and spread happiness, love, & peace. Smile to each new face you see, give words of encouragement, show your love and support for your family and friends, resolve issues instead of arguing on. If you do this everyday, you will drastically impact the world around you, you will have lightened the spirits of those who you have near to you, they will in turn (eventually) do the same for you. You will be happier that you helped someone, that you made someone feel good, that you took a proactive approach to changing the world.
That is it... if you do that you will have changed the world. Do what you can, don't focus on what you can not. Put yourself out there & and "Just Do It".
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."
-- Edward Everett Hale
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
because I want to be confident.
because I deserve this.
because I want to grow old with my husband.
because I want to have kids.
because I feel like I owe it to myself
because God granted me this body, who am I to trash it?
because I've been blessed with this life & all I've done so far is screw
because my family needs me
because I want to feel sexy
because I want my husband to see me as sexy
because I want to be able to were sexy lingerie, not feel like I need
to find something that is "attractive" and covers up enough of my flab!
because I don't want to want to have sex in the dark anymore
because I don't want to have to feel like I need to dress quickly while my hubby is out of the room
because I don't want to lie when people (recently in the ER) asked what I weigh
because no matter how good I feel inside it isn't reflected outside
because I want to feel good on a daily basis, not just every now & then
because I want to be able to rock climb with my husband
because I want to ride & fit on the back of that motorcycle my husband wants so badly
because I want my husband to want me
because I want to walk in the room & turn heads because I am beautiful, not because I'm huge
because I'd like to go to eat with my family in a restaurant & not feel like every person that looks at me is thinking "Doesn't she think she's had enough?"
because I want to be a good role model for my family, almost all of which is obese
because life is hard enough with out an extra 80 pounds
because the real me shines through occasionally and I like her
because there is no point to life if you are not happy, and I can not truly be happy with all this weight
because I want to be a mom so bad that it hurts
because when I do have kids I want to be a good role model for them
because I want my facial hair to go away! Yes, I have facial hair, sideburns and a few hairs that grow out of my mole. This is caused by PCOS.
because I no long want to have to explain to people what I just said^
because I want to buy pretty clothes
because all the jeans that fit my "waist" sag like I crapped my pants
because all the jeans that make my butt look nice I can't eve get close to buttoning
because I want to be able to keep up with my husband when walking up a hill
because if I get myself healthier maybe, just maybe my husband will do the same and quit smoking, for good this time
because I don't want to live in fear of my husband leaving me for someone who isn't obese
because I never want to hear a kid, or anyone else, say to me "You're fat" ever again
because I want to reduce my risk of heart disease, diabetes, and alzheimers
because I want to live to be in my late 80's like my grandparents
because I want to run a 5k
because nothing tastes as good as feeling thin
because I don't want flights to be akward for the passenger next me
because I want to be able to comfortably ride rides at amusement parks & not be in line thinking "Am I going to fit? What kind of seat is it? Will that bar come down over my boobs?"
because I don't want to have to deal with the embarrassment of having to exit a ride because I don't fit. I haven't had this happen yet, but if I don't get my act together soon the day will eventually come
because life is to dang short to be spending it in front of a screen
because I can
Get An Email Alert Each Time SHELLYRENEE86 Posts