Wednesday, April 30, 2008
I have been taking a weekly spinning classes for about the last month. The instructor is great and I about DIED last night! I missed last week because I had an appointment for work and the class starts at 5pm. So this week was terribly difficult. Also, I hurt my quad on Sunday getting up somehow and it was a little taxing on that muscle.
My brother is having surgery today for Kidney Stones, he is just 27. Everything is supposed to go easy breezy today and it is an outpatient surgery. Since I will be at the hospital this after noon about 1.5 hours away from home, I won't get to go to the gym. But, I will take my mom's dogs for a walk tonight, at least 30 minutes. Maybe my mom will come with us!
I think I am going to have to go to the 6am class tomorrow morning at the gym since there aren't any classes I like on Thursday afternoons. My goal is to put in 5 days of exercise this week. I am only at one, today makes two, Thursday three and I will need to go Friday and Saturday. Very doable!
Have a great day!
P.S. I am up 0.5lbs today. I think it's due to my spinning class last night. I drank 9 glasses of H2O, which is a lot for me. Although I didn't have to go to the ladies room that often, might be retaining water for the sore muscles!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Thanks guys for all the positive encouragement and you were all right! I weighed myself this morning and I was down 2lbs! Yeah! I have about 3 weeks or so to get to my mini goal of getting below 195 before my 30th. That means I would have to lose about 3lbs a week. I think I will be uber content if I am under 200! So realistically, I am looking at losing 5lbs. in 3 weeks, which is TOTALLY doable!
I feel like I have my head back on straight and I am so happy about that! It is amazing what a difference little things in life make and I am glad that I have SP to turn to. I hope you all have a great day. If you are in sunny California like me, try and keep cool and stay away from the fires!
Much happiness to you all!
Monday, April 28, 2008
So I have a habit of weighing myself every morning. This morning, I was at 206. Yesterday I was at 204.5! I think I am retaining water in my muscles from the 5K on Saturday. I feel a little swollen. We will have to see what happens tomorrow.
I know that I can flucuate about 1-2 pounds on any given day if I am eating within my calories. If I am not, I can flucuate 5-7 pounds on any given day. I am not going to hit the panic button just yet, but I need to make sure that I am watching my water, salt and caffeine intake over the next week. It may very well affect my weight loss. I also only got about 5 hours of sleep last night. That may have impacted it as well. Hmmm...we will see!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I just wanted to thank you all for your support and encouraging words! It means more than you may know!
Well, I did my 5k. I finished at 51:21, which is 1:22 longer than my previous one. Obviously, I walk...I did run for a whole song though, which was great for me! I was very proud of myself for going and finishing. I felt great afterwards! I want to start running, but will have to take it a little at a time.
We had great weather, in fact it was 90 degrees! Most of us were sweating before we started since there was little shade. I feel much better and I am glad that I made the choice to vent online than to eat. And, yes, crying it out helped a lot! I am learning that it's okay to cry...Not something I was able to do growing up.
So this morning, I went to weigh myself and I am at 204.5! That means I FINALLY hit my 20 lbs! I am so excited!!! I couldn't have done it without the support of SP and it's members. Thank you all! A special thank you to DivaLinda for always dropping me an encouraging, positive word when I needed it the most! You guys are great!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
I had a bit of an emotional breakdown yesterday. I emotionally vomited (cried) for about an hour and felt better. Work has been a bit volitile shall we say. There is a lot going on and I feel like I am spinning my wheels.
So tonight, after finally feeling better from the food poisioning, I get a text. My brother just got engaged to his gf. A quick background, this girl also made my brother not talk to me for 2 years and they both treated me like crude the entire time. I was always nice and cordial to the both of them, but since my brother is my mom's favorite, I was always the one to be wrong in her book. Needless to say this was extremely frustrating.
Regardless, they can have a happy life, I don't really have to be too big a part of it. That said, I am now the last "single" standing and the oldest as well. This is very frustrating to me when every time I hear my dad ask me, "When are you going to get married?" or "I want to be a grandpa," I feel like I am dissappointing him.
On another note, my birthday is coming up. Last year, my mom insisted that I not go with my friends to Vegas because they (my family) were all going to take me out. Well, everyone ditched me and my dad sat there apologizing. This year, my mom is trying to get some big surprise in order for me and it feels like she is trying to make up for last year. Now that my brother is engaged, this will be the first family event following it and I have the feeling that my birthday will be all about their engagement.
Not that I am trying to get attention or sympathy here. That is so not my intention. I moved about 45 minutes away from my family about 2 years ago. I did it for a reason. Most of my life has been spent doing things for everyone else. I have not done anything for myself. In fact, I feel kinda like the reason that I am overweight is because I never took care of myself and I felt somehow that everyone else deserved to be happy, but it didn't matter when it came to me. I guess it is just upsetting to me because this (my upcoming bday) is really the first time that my family has ever really done something for me. Now with the engagement, I know it will be about my brother, like it always is.
I just find myself wondering, why can't I be happy? Why can't I find someone that makes me happy? Am I such a horrible person? Why do I have to work so hard just to get any little thing in life when other people have them fall in their laps? I don't think I will ever understand that. I hate that I have had to work so hard for EVERYTHING. I just want a break for a moment, but I don't think that is coming my way. I am not usually this big huge pity party, in fact I am the last one to be feeling sorry for myself. I think tonight things are just changing so quickly, career, stopped seeing someone 4 weeks ago, money stress, my weight, etc., that I just ended up crying.
I know myself pretty well and come morning I know I will just suck it up and keep going. I think it was just important for me to write this and I guess in a way document it. I have cried more in the last two days than I have in the last year. I guess I just want something to go right for once without the blood, sweat and tears.
So, wipe up those tears and get to bed. I have a 5k to walk in the morning...by myself unfortunately. Oh well, I guess there is really only one person you can truly rely on in this life and it is me. So I guess I better start being a little nice and loving myself a little more or it is going to be a very bumpy ride!
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