Tuesday, April 30, 2013
I thought I would be able to drop about 10 pounds before my birthday....I am about 2 pounds down. I turn 35 in 13 days and that means that I will have been trying to lose weight for 26 years now! Ugh! I really hate that it has been this long and I am still trying to work my way through this.
So, I tried out for Biggest Loser last year and didn't get a call back. I had people staring me down and telling me I wasn't fat enough for the show. Of course, it wasn't the show people, but other people in line.
I am considering trying out again this Saturday since they are holding auditions about an hour from my house. I was also thinking of making a video because the auditions are only about 20 seconds long and I might have a better shot with a video than the audition...I am not sure. Maybe both???
In a way, I am a little uncomfortable about weighing in on a huge scale in front of the nation on TV, but at the same time, I am much more uncomfortable in the body I am in right now. What makes me nuts is I know what to do, but I am not doing it. I can exercise and I enjoy it, but I am not consistent. I eat healthy most of the day, but at night I have my biggest struggles. I even opted to not get cable after I moved so I wouldn't eat in front of the TV...which I have to say has worked. But I am watching a few shows online. However, my TV time has decreased from about 3-4 hours a day to about an hour a day, 3 days a week.
I just really don't want to begin my second half of life in an overweight, unhealthy body.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
A whole lot has been going on...the one consistent thing in my life has been my weight. Although, it ideally would be going down, I have gotten on the up 5, down 5 roller coaster and it's time to get off this thing.
My birthday is in 28 days. I was thinking on the plane today and a little tonight...there are changes I know I can make to get me healthier by my 35th birthday. I would LOVE to be in Onderland, but I know 16 lbs in 28 days is unrealistic. However, about 10 pounds in 28 days is a good goal! I would need to aim for about 2.5lb loss each week. I know if I really try, I can do it.
So what's stopping me?
Nothing! Today I start my challenge...To be a healthier in 28 days, before I become 35! What does that mean? I will get my exercise or 10,000 steps a day and I will eat less than 1600 calories a day. I will make the healthiest decisions I can each day, to care and be kind to myself. I will also refrain from speaking negatively or critically to myself. I will no longer tear myself down with poor self talk, but build myself up with positive, supportive thoughts and actions.
It's time, Kristi. It's time.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Have a great weekend and be sure to eat healthy and work out! ;)
Thursday, April 11, 2013
I've been struggling...for about 26 years! I am about to turn 35 next month and I am frustrated that I am STILL dealing with my weight challenges.
You would have thought I would have gotten it by now. Well, unfortunately, weight loss isn't that easy! As many of us find out. It isn't our bellies we need to get right, it's our brains. Our thinking, followed by our actions (or lack thereof) is what our weight is determined by.
Now...I KNOW what healthy eating is. I KNOW how much my body needs to exercise. I KNOW I am addicted to sugar. I have PLANNED to eat healthy, I have PLANNED to exercise, even putting it on my calendar, and I have PLANNED to ease up on the sugar. But guess what?
I DON'T do it! If I did, I would be losing again instead of going up and down the same five pounds again, like I did the last two years.
So what gives? Why the heck am I doing this to myself?
...a long-term habit....
Fear? Fear?! I have been heavy all of my life. I don't know what it is to be not fat. I know it sounds silly, but its fear that is driving that. I don't know HOW to be that healthy person... The person that doesn't make fun of herself first so others can't. The person who CAN go shopping with friends and buy clothes, not just jewelry. That person, that girl! I don't know how to be her. And, I think it scares the crud out of me.
And...I don't know how to be the girl that guys are attracted to...in fact, it makes me feel very uncomfortable to have a guy look at me for my looks. I know this sounds really silly, but it makes me feel very exposed, I might as well be naked. I think growing up, I developed fairly quickly and had attention from men, not the kind that you would really want, and I started gaining more weight. I know my weight is a suit of armor. And...I am afraid to take it off.
After having said all that...I know it's time.
It's time to...
...release this fear...
...accept and love myself...
...become healthy, not necessarily skinny...
...get my mind straight...
I started dieting at 9 years old and wasn't fat. I truly believe I gained weight because I learned how to "diet." I am going to be 35. It's time to get off this roller coaster.
Note to self: It's OKAY to be "Done Being the Fat Girl"! Other Done girls have done it, so can you!
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
I just saw the movie Flight this weekend and thought it was done brilliantly! As I am watching this movie, I am see this character, little by little, give in to his weakness. Over and over again. Even though it is not doing him any good...D'oh! I do that?! But with food! Oi!
I started to think about my life. The one thing I have battled with since I was 9, is my weight. I can't ever seem to get a consistent grasp on it for a long period of time. I have given in to my weakness (food/sugar) over and over again, continuing to destroy my health and my body. The one thing that will keep me here on earth...and I am destroying it. Why? What is causing me to eat, binge, or gorge on sweets? Fast food? What is keeping me from taking care of my body and being kind to myself? It is an interesting question, don't you think?
So, rewind to last week...I ran across something. I texted the photo to myself because I didn't want to forget it. The funny thing is, I have remembered it every day, a couple of times a day, since I first saw it. This is what I have had stuck in my head and barking at me every time I go to eat something...
Ain't that the truth?!
So why do I do it? Why do I eat what I know is not healthy for me? What do I eat things that defy my goals? What is propelling this addiction to food? Why am I not taking care of me? Why am I kind to others even if they are not kind to me, yet so critical of myself? Why do I think that just "one more..." won't show on the scale? Or on my body...in public? What is going on in this brain of mine? Really, as much as I would like to admit it, it's not my stomach, its my brain. Why can't my brain get fat instead of my stomach?! LOL! Anyways...
All very good questions...the only potential answer I have come with thus far is that I am eating to comfort, to soothe and to love myself. I need to find news ways to do this or my weight will never go down....
Hard to admit...
I thought about not posting this...but really, I think it's only going to help me (and hopefully someone else) with this problem.
I know I can overcome this. But, it will take time. It will take 110% effort every week, every day, every hour and sometimes every few seconds. Even when I reach my goal weight, it will still take the same amount of effort (or more) to stay there.
Yes, it will be hard...but I have a feeling, it will be worth it. =)
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