Sunday, December 09, 2012
If you have been following me, you know that I tend to "forget" to blog when I am not doing something I should be doing. It is a silly pattern of mine, and yes, it is childish. I don't mean to, but I am trying to work on it. Which...is why I am posting today.
Day 4 was Thursday....Thursday I was emotional. Unhappy again back at my old job and on commission only now, so stressed about finances. What did I do? I had good intentions and put gym clothes on in the morning...Well, I ended up buying Creme Wafers (they are those wafer cookies that come in strawberry, vanilla and chocolate - yup, pure sugar) and eating 5.5 servings of the 9 servings in the package. Believe me, I was sad to do it, but I tracked every crumb/point that went into my mouth that day. After I did this, I didn't feel great and then had a waxy feeling on the roof of my mouth. Thank you creme filling. I tried to get back on track immediately, but because I had already spent 32 points on cookies, my day was shot. I did have a salad with lite dressing for dinner, so I didn't go totally crazy.
Enter Friday morning. Yup, the rest of the cookies were my breakfast. And, I was kind of a bum the rest of the day and did nothing (no activity). If you looked at my ActiveLink, you would have thought I was dead or sleeping. Total flat lined. But, I did count all my points and because of the cookies, I was at -24 for the week with my WPA. I really don't like seeing red in my tracker. It was inevitable that I would gain Saturday morning, not only because of the overage in points and the sedentary week (really, ActiveLink puts this right out there for you to see! It is quite fascinating since I thought I was a lot more active than I actually am. Chalk that up to "Duh," Kristi) but also because those cookies had a ton of SODIUM! I'm a bloater! I usually don't eat a lot of sodium (like popcorn, etc) two days before my WI's cause I know my body. Bloat.
Saturday...I went to my meeting and made myself get on that scale. "I" put those cookies in my mouth...time to step on that scale and acknowledge the results of my actions. Yup, up 1.6lbs. In looking at my WI's for 2012, I have been up and down the same 10 pounds since January! It's time to get off this roller coaster.
I did buy the new package of WW 360 items for two reasons.
1) The Success Book - 'cause it's obvious I need to have a little help since my success is not consistent nor truly success if I keep gaining it back within the month
2) The New Tracker - I do track on my phone, but I noticed when I track on paper, I almost always lose. This is not always true of my online/phone tracker. There is something about writing down your points physically that makes a difference for me. Yes, I know people are different and what I am learning is we all need to do what works for US, not others. So, I realized this is what works for me.
Now...the reason I am posting this is not to publicly shame myself, but to understand for me, that this is not going to be a straight line. I made some mistakes, now I need to learn from the mistakes and work on a few things...
1) Not turning to food when I am frustrated, stressed and trying to figure out how to not go broke...in other words, emotional.
2) Not allowing myself to be a bump on a log and being a couch potato
3) Writing down my food choices on a physical tracker rather than the online tracker
It is also important to recognize the things I did well, or better than before...
1) Tracker, even if the points went over, I tracked
2) WI - even though I know the scale was going to go up, I got on it
3) Got back on track right after my slip-ups, rather than taking it to binge-town
My New Years Resolution for 2013 is to learn from my mistakes and better myself by making small changes everyday.
Thursday, December 06, 2012
Well....last night a friend of mine and I went to a Stir event/mixer.
I'm sure you have seen the commercials on TV for these things. Only, I thought there were puzzles or something to do, but when we got there, there was nothing.
We get into the place, and it is like a junior high dance at the gym. People just standing around, guys watching every girl that comes through the door and no one really talking. Needless to say it was very odd. So my friend and I just get a drink and then find a spot to sit down at. We got to catch up and that was nice! Two guys came over to talk to us and I have to say, they were both very nice. Well traveled and good conversation. I don't think there was much of an attraction there, but it was at least interesting.
I am not sure if I want to go to one of these things again, if I do, it will be a "cooking" one so there is something to do! I also came to the realization that I am not very good at dating...my friend isn't either. Ha! I would guess that most of us in the room aren't very good at it, so that's why we were there.
I will chalk it up to experience!
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
So yesterday, I did fairly well. I have to be proud of myself for passing up the potato salad at the market though! It was about a cup or so, but the package said it was 3.5 servings, wow! Little servings. It was also 875 calories for the container! Each serving was 250 calories...I am glad I chose to NOT put that in my basket. I could have easily eaten the container in one sitting, but I left it right there on the shelf for someone else to purchase!
This morning has started out well, I had a healthy breakfast. I had planned on going to the gym this morning, but have missed the 9:30a class because I was on work phone calls. I thought I could maybe work in a daytime work out since I do work from home. I now remember why this didn't work before. My schedule is a little hectic and it fluctuates all the time.
I think moving forward, I am just going to focus on ONE day at a time!
On another note, I am going to a singles event with one of my friends tonight. I am feeling a little nervous about it going and about my weight. Weight and dating for me has been a huge road block. I don't want to be so guarded yet I am also afraid of being teased and made fun of. I know it sounds silly at my age, but some men never grow out of that and it does hurt to be called names and be made the joke of. I really hope that doesn't happen tonight. I hope that it will be fun and there will not be any "incidents" of that sort. I don't think I am emotionally ready to be called "Fat" again by another man. I am still healing the wounds from the last time.
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
So, I made a decision this morning. I am going to get to a healthy BMI within ONE year! I need to lose 75.2lbs to get to a 24.9 BMI, which puts me in the healthy category. A friend of mine decided to do Healthy Wage. I was reading over the details and the goal of the plan is to get you to a healthy BMI within a year. This challenge makes the assumption that it is a do-able goal. However, what I liked about it was that they do use WW as a official weighing location. So...I thought, maybe this would be a good goal for me.
I have struggled with my weight for years. I think this last year was helpful because I am finally understanding why and when I eat things for reasons other than hunger. That is a huge step for me. And, I have gained and lost the same pounds throughout the year. I feel more ready to do this than I have in a while and I know the things that need to change to get me to a healthy weight. I don't want to be skinny, I want to be healthy. It is important for me also because I have struggled with health issues. I am hoping that some of these things will either clear up or make themselves apparently known when this weight disappears.
Today will be my first day to getting to a healthy weight. And, I am proud to say I have said no to 1) Carrot Cake 2) Lemon White Chocolate Cookies 3) Chips already this morning. I need to consistently remember why I am doing this and to think "Is this the healthiest, most nutritious food I can eat?" when I do choose to eat something. I think the other thing I have learned over this last year is that I can be lazy. Lazy to get out and exercise. Lazy to cook and cut up vegetables. Lazy to prepare my meals ahead of time. Lazy and accepting of convenience such as Drive Thrus, microwaveable meals, etc. Those things can be a part of a healthy diet with the right choices and if they are on occasion, but I know that is not what is happening with me.
And...I know I have said this before...but, my TV needs to be turned off MORE! I would have so much more time to do things if I would just turn the darn thing off!
I waste so much life laying on the couch staring at the TV. I know life wasn't intended for that and it needs to stop now. I will choose 3 shows I would like to watch each week, and that will be my TV time. I really don't need anymore than that. I could use that time to be more productive, get more sleep, clean the house, exercise, write, read, etc. There is so much more I could be doing, but I know I am wasting at least 3 hours a night on silly TV, and I don't really follow any shows but The Voice!
I have the power to change my life and I can start now! I am not going to wait until January 1st when I already know what to do now and I am going to end this laziness of mine! Finally!
Friday, November 30, 2012
I had posted a question about working from home, but one of the answers I got back was about mindset. Not what I had anticipated...but, it started me thinking...
All of this, the tracking, the activity, the portion control, green pyramid foods, etc. All of this is Mindset.
It's changing the way we do things, forever. Re-learning how we think....Re-programming if you will. I know that weight loss is not truly about the numbers on the scale, it's about what is in our hearts/minds and how we deal with our emotions. Many of us have learned at one point or another, that we can cope with food. Maybe it makes us feel better, maybe it makes us feel full instead of feeling other emotions, maybe it makes us happy, maybe it makes us forget or remember...whatever food "is" for each of us, the lesson is the same. Our mindset needs to change if it has caused us to gain weight and be unhealthy.
It is so strange how we can get these glimmers or moments of clarity and how quickly it can fade away. I don't want this to fade away again...so I am writing it down while it is fresh in my head.
Kristi, you need to change your mindset.
Food will never make you truly happy, it will never truly comfort you, it will not really keep you company, nor is it a real activity. Food is not love, food is not feeding the life cravings you have right now. You want to be happy, you want to be confident, you want to fall in love (not settle for someone because of your weight) and most importantly...you want a life that you do not have right now. The life you have right now is not making your heart sing, it is not bringing a smile to your face and it is not fulfilling you. Frankly, it is all work right now. There is not much you are enjoying. You know this, Kristi.
It is time to make some changes. Little changes so they stick. Remember what you life is like right now, so when you have the life you want, you don't ever give it up and come back to this place again. Keep it in your rear view mirror, girl!
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