Friday, October 05, 2012
This week...I just lost it! I think all of the crazy changes that happened last week just sinked in and I went beserk! I have to realize too...the second week before my peroid, I have the worst cravings and my brain jumps out the window. Note to self: Don't do that next month!
A very supportive SP Friend was doing a challenge where she posted what she ate each day. I think I am going to start doing that. I need to be more accountable and I will make myself take a pic, even if it's after! I think I need to visually SEE what I am doing to my body. I am going to do this for 87 days....since that's how many days are left until New Years Eve! And...it will get me through the holidays. I would like to be below 200, yes 199, by then. That's a goal of 23 pounds in 12 weeks, just under 2 lbs a week which is not super fast, but still healthy!
So here are my pics from today...haven't had dinner yet, so will add a little later.
Breakfast: 3/4 of a packet of Salted Caramel Smoothie + 6 oz of Almond Milk + Apple
Below is my Banana for my mid-morning snack, yup....got the apple in there but should have had it with the above photo. Learning process! LOL!
For lunch, I had a salad (Romaine under there!), with 3 cut up chicken sliders, sauteed (in Pam) veggies - Asparagus, Mushrooms, Broccoli, Zucchini, Garlic, Basil and 2tbsp of Balsamic Vinaigarette (45cal for 2tbsp) dressing. I added a little grated Parmesan (not in pic) after for 10 calories! Yum!
Second Snack (I was up at 5am this morning, hungry)
2- Light Fresh & Easy String Cheese
Dinner...hmmm....1c brown rice, with 3 chicken sliders, and asparagus! Had this after my 1hr Zumba class...
Dessert - Grapes! Was craving sweets....probably because this was my first day Sugar Sober! Woo hoo!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
"In life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action!" ~Anthony Robbins
This week...I read the above quote on my FB page from something or other. It kind of stuck with me and I think it applies so appropriately to weight loss! I KNOW how to do this program, I KNOW the pitfalls and I can probably even guide someone off a plateau...I have been doing this forever, along with other programs and learning about health. So why am I still heavy?
The simple answer is I miss ONE part of the program. The DO part! You have to DO the program to get results. You can talk about it until you are blue in the face, but like every 4.0 student has learned, theory and application are two different things! It is not enough to know how or what to do, you actually have to get off the couch, put down the cupcake and start working the plan.
Now...I have to admit, this didn't kick me in the pants until Tuesday, but I did lose -0.8 this week. That is great for me, especially since I am retaining what feels like several pounds of water due to sore muscles and it even hurts to sit down to tinkle! (I know, a little TMI). But, I also know I need to stay on track. This is usually where I lose the "DOING" part, after a loss (any loss) on the scale. I need to keep going.
I went to Zumba today and took the killer Zumba instructor, which I love, but was soaked when I left. I have tracked everything I ate today and wanted Mexican food, so went and got it. I still have most of it left because I am so full! But, I am going to hike Griffith Park tomorrow before I go to the Fair because I know that what I need to do to be successful. I do love exercise, that hasn't ever been an issue for me. It's being lazy and not getting off of the couch, truth be told!
I have to remember how blessed I am to have all my body parts that still function and make sure to use them! I know this sounds weird to say, but when I see someone with a disability scaling the same activity I am taking on, I feel ashamed. My body works and I am just being lazy. There is no excuse for that for me. I know better and I want to appreciate my abilities now and know that I am 100% capable!
Here is to another great week!
Don't lose focus, Kristi! Remember what you want your body to be able to do, how you want your body to feel and how much you can respect both yourself and your body if you treat it with love and kindness by giving it plenty of healthy foods, water and exercise! You are the only one that can change this life, so treat each choice you make honorably and don't forget to be mindful of your thoughts because thoughts become action/inaction!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
I guess it's not surprise...I am a big girl. I never saw myself like that though, until recently. I still thought that even though I was carrying weight, I was still not "that" big...whatever "that" means. I think it was just a way for me to accept myself. By telling myself this little lie, I somehow made it okay. Not good, just okay.
Anywho...of the men I have dated in my past, ironically, none of them have been overweight nor have they been the type of guys that dated larger women in their past...and yes, maybe this was also feeding into the little lie I have told myself all of these years. So...Saturday comes along. I threw my friend her Bachelorette and through all the hub bub, this guy comes up to me trying to talk to me. Well, I was focused on trying to make sure our 9 girls in our party stayed on the Club Crawl, that was my first priority. I wasn't even thinking of meeting anyone.
This guy seemed nice enough, and he reminded me a lot of Carlton from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air! (Yes, at one point he was talking and I wanted him to bust out the dance!) I was nice to him, but just kinda walked away as I had seen him talking to my friend and her sister a few moments before. I just figured he struck out and now he was trying to talk to me. Yes, that has happened to me many times, it's like the guys try first string, second string and I was always third string. Anyways, he tried to find me at the next club, but I was searching for the bride who ran off with some guy and missed the club. He found me again at the third club and I thought, maybe I am just being too judgemental. I gave him my number...and thought I will see where it goes.
I end up talking to him for over an hour on Sunday...come to find out, he attends these BBW events. For those of you who don't know...that stands for Big, Beautiful Women. I have only seen one of these events (from afar) once before and many of the women were on the larger side (300+) and...I think that it's great that they have these events. I also think that's why he was attracted to me. I think that's when my own lie to myself just hit me smack in the face! I am not thin....I am not just carrying an extra 20 or 30 pounds...I am the girl that's made fun of in movies....I am a full-fledged big girl! It hurt me a little to realize and recognize this, it just hurt because I think Truth hurts sometimes.
On the other hand....I also realized something else. Although this guy was overly nice, I knew after talking to him for about 15 minutes, that he is not right for me. And, just because I am a big girl, doesn't mean I have to accept ALL guys that pay a little attention to me. Despite my weight, I am smart, I am kind, I am funny and I love my friends and family deeply. Despite my weight, I still need to be selective in who I let into my heart and not slip into the pitfall thinking that no one better is going to come along.
And...I know, even though it is shallow, I know that men see my weight first when they meet me. It doesn't make it right, but it is how it is. When I start treating MYSELF with more love and respect and start losing this weight....I know that I will have even more opportunity to meet a man that I am attracted to, that I find smart and funny and that will respect and love me as well. And...it won't be because I settled on someone because of my weight. My weight, for once, will have no bearing on who makes my heart smile and that...that is probably the best gift a girl can give to herself.
Sunday, September 02, 2012
I have decided to come back to WW...I have had a lot of stress and unfortunately, I have allowed myself to resort to food. So, I now have a new starting weight. However, I am happy to report that I went to a meeting yesterday (my old meeting, with my old leader) and weighed in. I knew I had gained, but to be honest, the hardest thing was making myself step on that scale in front of someone else.
I understand a little more about myself by taking a break over these past few weeks. I have been under a lot of stress and I have allowed it to affect my life. I was letting life "happen to me" instead of making things happen in my life. Yes, there are some things that are not in our control, but there is a lot of things that are. I was allowing the stress of my life to take rein over everything and its not healthy for me, in both the physical and emotional sense.
I will still be tracking with SP and WW for a while, until I get a handle on what calories and points work for me. With that said, it's time to get back up and start a new!
Friday, August 24, 2012
As you may have seen, I have been MIA for about a month or so. I was still going to Weight Watchers, but was gaining and losing the same three pounds. My stress level has been through the roof because of my job and I just needed a break from tracking calories, tracking points, going to meetings, etc. etc. Also, a friend of mine was going with me to WW and she would tell me what she ate (it was usually bad, burgers, fries, chips, cheetos, etc), and she would weigh in and still she would lose. It was frustrating to me because I would try to hard, then I would have a bad day and I would gain at my weigh in.
So...I decided to stop going. It would be one less stressful thing for me to worry about. Well...I was still tracking here or on MFP and I still was going up and down. This last week, I just stopped dieting and tracking. I lost 3 pounds. However, over these last two days, I have found them, plus about 4 more pounds! I am now at the highest weight I have ever been in my life. I am also feeling terrible about myself and hating the reflection I see looking back at me in the mirror.
What it comes down to is I control what I put in my mouth. Cravings, for me, are just emotions I am trying to not feel or hide from. There is a lot of unhappiness in my life right now, but nothing is going to change unless I do.
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