SHELLE13   34,568
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SHELLE13's Recent Blog Entries

I've lost over 131 lbs since 2003! And, I am still at my highest weight!

Friday, May 18, 2012

I have been struggling. I know its no secret at this point. And...after some really hard and stressful, emotional days and weeks, I know exactly why I am not losing. I am simply eating too much. Yes, it's healthy foods. Yes, I am avoiding fast food. Yes, I am exercising. But, none of this does any good with weight loss if you are still overeating. I am overeating.

I took every WW weight record I could find, and believe me, I found a lot! I have some dating back to 2003. I threw the weights, losses and/or gains that were in my weight trackers. Since January 5, 2003, I have lost over 131 pounds and gained over 95 pounds (on record).

Now, you might be thinking, why are you doing this? Why are you going back to this and dwelling on the past? Easy. I am trying to figure out why the heck I am still trying to lose weight!

I have noticed a few patterns...

1) If I know I am going to gain, I didn't WI. Or, I missed 2-3 weeks of meetings, then WI and gain 2-10 pounds!
2) If I lost consecutively, I would stop going to meetings and start over a few months later.
3) I don't think it was really sinking in that this is something I have to do each and every day, even AFTER I lose the weight. Losing a pound or two doesn't mean that I get to "treat" myself to food after my meeting.

I can't believe it's been that much since 2003! The funny thing is there are a lot of 0.2 or 0.8 losses, they really do add up! If I was 131 pounds lighter now, I'd weigh less than 90lbs and be anorexic! What I really need to do is get on track and try my best to stay on track. If I lose, I need to stay on-board and not go crazy with food. If I gain, I need to get back on track immediately and also figure out what I did that week that derailed my progress.

Wow! Still in shock...131! Since I started dieting in 1989, it probably means that if I lost an average of 14.5lbs a year, I have lost over 334lbs since 1989. It's time to end this roller coaster.

No more.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOBBBI_97 5/23/2012 2:13PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WIFEALF 5/23/2012 1:42PM

    i know how you feel...hang in there...we both can do it

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RYDERB 5/19/2012 4:06AM

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DJ4HEALTH 5/19/2012 12:40AM

    I think that you are learning from your past and that is good. Just remember that you can give yourself some prize but make it something that is not food., emoticon

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TAMMIEANN76 5/18/2012 9:30PM

    Some very important realizations there! Keep moving forward!

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COOKIE352 5/18/2012 9:06PM

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What? Me first?

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

As I was driving today...something hit me smack in the face. "Why don't I just do what's good for ME?!" Now...I know I have said this before, that I need to take care of me and not be worried about everyone else.

But...today, it seemed like an epiphany. It literally slapped me across the face. Why am I re-arranging my life to make everyone ELSE'S life easier? Why am I not doing what is GOOD or BEST for me? As those of you who have been following my craziness know, my job is causing me a lot of stress, problems and unhappiness. I need to move on, but I don't know where to go. I thought I should open my own business, but am having second thoughts about it now.

What is best for me? Maybe it is just to take one thing at a time and do what's best for me in the moment. I started doing that today. I went to the gym, now I am home and what I needed was to post this and get it in ink so it can soak in my brain for a little bit.

Why is it that many, many of us are overweight because we put OTHERS first and ourselves last? And...why is it so hard to change that train of thought?

I WILL get there!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLVINBUTTERFLYS 5/17/2012 12:58PM

    This is one of the hardest things I have struggled with myself! You can!
Hang in there!

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Kat

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LJCANNON 5/15/2012 12:56AM

    emoticonKnowing that we Should put Ourselves FIRST and Actually Doing it can be two VERY Different things!!
But You ARE Worth It, and it IS The Best Thing You Can Do FOR Your Family!! emoticon

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CHIBIKARATE 5/15/2012 12:31AM

    So very true we never figure out for ourselves enjoy your day huggzzz

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To help my weight loss....I am doing something I have never done before!

Monday, May 07, 2012

I have been up and down the same five pounds for the last six months. It's frustrating...but I know a lot of it has to do with ONE thing. TV!

I paid attention to how much TV I watch and it is waaaaayyyyy too much! I was watching Army Wives last night (love that show) and one of the children was "asking" if he could watch a basketball game on TV. It struck me as a funny question because growing up, I never had to ask. In fact, I did have a TV in my room and would watch it every night to fall asleep.

In thinking about this whole thing...why do we limit children's TV time? Because it really is a waste of life. Not just time. They could be doing something more productive or creative or fun! Why doesn't this apply to me? My brain kept turning...duh! It should apply to me too! Just because I am an adult doesn't mean I should allow myself to watch 3 one-hour long shows back to back every night. That's just silly! What could I do with 3 extra hours a day?!

* Read an entire book!
* Start working on my business plan to get out of the job I don't like
* Laundry, house cleaning - Then I wouldn't have to do it on the weekend
* Gym! Duh!
* Meet up with friends
* Join a book club
* Go to a museum or exhibit that I want to see
* Call my grandma and catch up with her
* Scan my tax receipts now and stay up to date with them so I am not scrambling in April
* I could probably get a part time job doing something I love
* Volunteer work

There are so many things I can be doing, but I am CHOOSING to sit on my bum and watch TV. When I watch TV, I want to eat. It's a bad cycle that needs to stop. So this week, I am allowing myself to watch The Voice, Army Wives and Grimm (since Biggest Loser is over). That is 4 hours of TV for the week.

I'm interested to see what I will accomplish this week! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLHENDY1 5/7/2012 2:44PM

    Good observation! I watch too much TV & it's pointless TV that I'm not really interested in...

I'm taking your idea and limiting myself to only the shows that I really care about watching. I'll have so much extra time to get other things done!

THANKS!

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MELIBUG 5/7/2012 2:00PM

    I completely understand - the darn TV is a slippery slope and before you know it, you have some shows to watch every night. I gave up TV for awhile for the same reasons you describe, it got to be too much. After reading your blog, I realize I am getting close to the same predictament. Though I am less dependent on shows (minus a couple) than I once was, I do find myself still searching for shows to watch for a least a couple hours each evening. I may need to make a change myself.

Good luck to you!

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SHELLE13 5/7/2012 1:42PM

    Thanks, RyderB! ;)

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RYDERB 5/7/2012 1:19PM

    Wishing you a great week with great results to match.
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An unfortunate night to remember...My apology to my body...

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I had a rough week last week, good, but rough. Well, eating wise. I have a lot of stress on me and I guess it was more than I had anticipated. Yesterday, for the first time in a very long time, I got to the true starving point, but didn't want to eat because I knew I was going to a work lunch and would be spending calories there. Well, I now know that I should have brought an apple or something because I ate my entire plate at lunch, with the exception of a few beans, and it was Mexican food! Yes, spent a lot of calories there.

The rest of the day, I was super full. But had to stop at the Gluten Free store to pick up a few things. Well, got a free cookie and yes, ate it. My stomach wasn't feeling great. I wasn't going to eat dinner, but I have this dumb mentality that I have to eat something for dinner. Mind you, I was still full from lunch. So, I ate a small frozen gf pasta side dish. Later into the night...I started picking at an apple crisp I had bought for the rest of the week. Why? I wasn't hungry. I think I am finally realizing that this is my stress pattern. If I am stressed, I want to zone out and watch TV. Watching TV is my trigger to start eating. It's a horrible cycle, but I have realized just how tied into it I am. I need to re-train myself and unlearn this.

Last night around 1:30a, I woke up feeling miserable. I was still stuffed, and I haven't been stuffed in about 3 years. It felt horrible. Then...my brain started to register that horrible feeling, my tongue wouldn't sit down like normal and my stomach started to gurggle. A few moments later, I was on my knees with my head in the toilet, praying I hadn't ate the cookie, pasta or apple crisp. I spent the rest of the night running to and from the bathroom.

Now, I am not posting this to gross anyone out...but more for myself. I wanted to write this this morning to remember how HORRIBLE I am feeling even right now. How I don't want to eat anything. How I am afraid to eat right now because I don't want to vomit again. How this could have all been prevented. How I didn't listen to my body, but let the child in me have what she wanted. How I never want this to happen again. I'm sorry body.

My Apology to my Body
Body, I apologize for not giving you the things you really need sometimes.
I apologize for not exercising you daily.
I know we have some medical issues, but I am sorry for not making proper use of the things we have going for use. Strong legs, healthy heart and a good head on our shoulders.

I am sorry that I put you through this pain last night. I won't let it happen ever again.
I am sorry that I try and fail and try and fail, but please know I will always get back up and try again.
I am sorry that you have had to carry around an extra 80lbs when you didn't have to. I promise you that weight will come off and we will be lighter than ever!

I apologize mostly for not treating you with the respect and honor that you deserve. I promise that from today on, that will change.

Thank you for sticking with me through all these rough times, I vow to make the future much lighter and brighter!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RYDERB 4/25/2012 7:39PM

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DJ4HEALTH 4/24/2012 10:46PM

    Know what you mean., Do that too and still need to stop myself. Don't be too hard on yourself cause your body is already doing that. Use it the next time you want gluten foods and then say to yourself " Do I want to go through that again?". That is what I am now doing since I do the say thing that you did.

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A Little Dose of Reality: Its my choices that got me to this weight, no one else can change it but m

Friday, April 13, 2012

This week, I have done better than I have in months, food wise. I had a lot of challenges, but have done well. I need to get back into the gym, but am finding that my 1/2 mile walk to my car with weirdos walking around is intimidating me...especially if the classes are late. But...I need to find a way that will work for me. I am going to look at foldable bikes this weekend! Might solve the problem easily!

The biggest realization for me is that weight loss is nothing more than a CHOICE! Yes, I know, sounds terrible. But, when I eat more than my dailies, I am CHOOSING to keep this weight. When I have double servings, I am CHOOSING to stay a size 16. Is that what I want? The answer is NO. So, I need to start making difference decisions with my eating and exercise. Yes, I have a thyroid problem we just found out about, but I can still lose some of this weight regardless of that.

Choice is wonderful and terrible at the same time. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just do a pre-packaged diet, but I have done that before and I remember the feeling of being limited, deprived and embarrassed when I couldn't eat regular food. I am not a child anymore, so I need to take responsibility for my choices and start making ones that will make me proud and show a loss on the scale!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEACHEROF4TH 4/24/2012 12:11AM

    Good for you! You can do this! Hang in there, and let me know if I can help in any way.

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SARASMILING 4/19/2012 6:04AM

    You can do this! We're in this together. One step, one day, one choice at a time. We can do this!
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RYDERB 4/13/2012 9:59PM

    Personally, I love working out at home. It's so much easier for me, but I know some people NEED a gym to stay motivated. So, I hope you figure out a way to solve your gym problem. Food is a complicated part of my journey too. Good luck.
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LBFROMBUFAD 4/13/2012 12:11PM

    You are totally right. There is GREAT FREEDOM in taking responsibility for what goes in our mouth. We don't have to eat freeze-dried hockey pucks or wretched shakes. We can eat real, natural, whole food in modest portions.

Sure, it's not easy, but we are training ourselves how to eat healthy for the rest of our lives. We can't live on hockey pucks and nasty shakes forever.

I've got a very long road ahead of me, but I'm looking at it one day at a time. One meal at a time! One foot in front of the other. I am not alone - I have my Spark Peeps! And you do too!!! We can do this.

I also love that little guy's face/fist of determination!

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ALICIA214 4/13/2012 11:48AM

  First off,I love the picture of the little person who looks ready to take on the world.
You seem to be making a sensible approach to losing weight,slow is healthier and we
are more likely to keep it off mostly because of what we learn on our journey to being
fit and healthy. Keep up the good work and remember we are a huge support group on this site all you have to do is ask for it. Cheers

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Comment edited on: 4/13/2012 11:49:52 AM

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