Tuesday, April 24, 2012
I had a rough week last week, good, but rough. Well, eating wise. I have a lot of stress on me and I guess it was more than I had anticipated. Yesterday, for the first time in a very long time, I got to the true starving point, but didn't want to eat because I knew I was going to a work lunch and would be spending calories there. Well, I now know that I should have brought an apple or something because I ate my entire plate at lunch, with the exception of a few beans, and it was Mexican food! Yes, spent a lot of calories there.
The rest of the day, I was super full. But had to stop at the Gluten Free store to pick up a few things. Well, got a free cookie and yes, ate it. My stomach wasn't feeling great. I wasn't going to eat dinner, but I have this dumb mentality that I have to eat something for dinner. Mind you, I was still full from lunch. So, I ate a small frozen gf pasta side dish. Later into the night...I started picking at an apple crisp I had bought for the rest of the week. Why? I wasn't hungry. I think I am finally realizing that this is my stress pattern. If I am stressed, I want to zone out and watch TV. Watching TV is my trigger to start eating. It's a horrible cycle, but I have realized just how tied into it I am. I need to re-train myself and unlearn this.
Last night around 1:30a, I woke up feeling miserable. I was still stuffed, and I haven't been stuffed in about 3 years. It felt horrible. Then...my brain started to register that horrible feeling, my tongue wouldn't sit down like normal and my stomach started to gurggle. A few moments later, I was on my knees with my head in the toilet, praying I hadn't ate the cookie, pasta or apple crisp. I spent the rest of the night running to and from the bathroom.
Now, I am not posting this to gross anyone out...but more for myself. I wanted to write this this morning to remember how HORRIBLE I am feeling even right now. How I don't want to eat anything. How I am afraid to eat right now because I don't want to vomit again. How this could have all been prevented. How I didn't listen to my body, but let the child in me have what she wanted. How I never want this to happen again. I'm sorry body.
My Apology to my Body
Body, I apologize for not giving you the things you really need sometimes.
I apologize for not exercising you daily.
I know we have some medical issues, but I am sorry for not making proper use of the things we have going for use. Strong legs, healthy heart and a good head on our shoulders.
I am sorry that I put you through this pain last night. I won't let it happen ever again.
I am sorry that I try and fail and try and fail, but please know I will always get back up and try again.
I am sorry that you have had to carry around an extra 80lbs when you didn't have to. I promise you that weight will come off and we will be lighter than ever!
I apologize mostly for not treating you with the respect and honor that you deserve. I promise that from today on, that will change.
Thank you for sticking with me through all these rough times, I vow to make the future much lighter and brighter!
Friday, April 13, 2012
This week, I have done better than I have in months, food wise. I had a lot of challenges, but have done well. I need to get back into the gym, but am finding that my 1/2 mile walk to my car with weirdos walking around is intimidating me...especially if the classes are late. But...I need to find a way that will work for me. I am going to look at foldable bikes this weekend! Might solve the problem easily!
The biggest realization for me is that weight loss is nothing more than a CHOICE! Yes, I know, sounds terrible. But, when I eat more than my dailies, I am CHOOSING to keep this weight. When I have double servings, I am CHOOSING to stay a size 16. Is that what I want? The answer is NO. So, I need to start making difference decisions with my eating and exercise. Yes, I have a thyroid problem we just found out about, but I can still lose some of this weight regardless of that.
Choice is wonderful and terrible at the same time. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just do a pre-packaged diet, but I have done that before and I remember the feeling of being limited, deprived and embarrassed when I couldn't eat regular food. I am not a child anymore, so I need to take responsibility for my choices and start making ones that will make me proud and show a loss on the scale!
Thursday, April 05, 2012
I have been thinking a lot this week about my ups and downs with weight. I have also been thinking about what I DO know about health, nutrition and the WW program. I came to two conclusions.
1) I know a WHOLE LOT about health, nutrition and the WW program. I can be a leader when it comes to knowledge. LOL!
2) I am being LAZY. I know what to do, I am just not doing it. And, this time around I am not allowing myself excuses. So there is no reason why I can't. I am just not.
That only leaves one possible path for me. To just DO THIS already! I know exactly what to do. And, I know my body better than any leader, friend, family member or even doctor for that matter.
I did find out yesterday, that I have a thyroid issues. My anti-bodies are supposed to be under 35 and they are at 105! So, I am being put on a new prescription and that should help balance me out a little since my hormones are going crazy and causing hair loss, brittle nails, achy joints and weight gain.
Despite all that, I can control some of this weight gain. I know it in my heart. I just need to get off my duff and do what I need to do. I read a great quote this morning....
"You might well remember that nothing can bring you success but yourself." ~Napoleon Hill
I was starving today! I didn't plan very well. I had to go to Target on my way home to pick up a prescription and I so wanted Robin Eggs! Then I got the shakes...I needed to eat. Felt like I was going to pass out. Considered chips, then a bag of M&M's...but guess what? I bought two low fat string cheese's and ate them in the car, with a bottle of water. When I got home, was still starved. I think I just let myself get too hungry. But, instead of eating a yogurt, then an apple, then almonds, you get the picture. I actually MADE a real dinner! Check out my pic!
Very proud of myself today. I could have trashed the day so easily with the 30+ ppts bag of Robin Eggs, but I didn't! One win for the brain! Woot woot!
Get An Email Alert Each Time SHELLE13 Posts