Wednesday, February 06, 2008
So, I think I am almost back to my normal self. If I know what that means anymore. I am leaving again tonight for a business trip and will be back on Monday. I had one heck of a weekend. For those of you kinda following, the guy I was upset with...Well, I was way wrong about that. I think it is the opposite. He actually seems to really like me, but he is (for lack of a better explanation) jealous of my time. He seems to be one of those guys that likes a lot of attention and I am one of those girls who doesn't have a lot of time. I do foresee a bit of a problamatic situation on the forefront.
Anyways, it has been a bumpy couple of days and we will leave it at that. Because I have been sick, I got down to 204 yesterday. I weighed myself this morning and gained 3.5 pounds overnight. I also have not been drinking water. I feel like I lost my way a bit but it has been interesting because this is the first time I have ever continously blogged and it seems to keep me connected.
Sorry for the ADD in these thoughts, I am just kind of typing and writing at the same time. A little perplexed about things, I am sure you can tell. Have you ever felt time stop? That's how I have felt all day today. It wasn't that things were going to slow or anything, it just seems like I am at a huge cross roads with work, this guy, where I want to be, who I want to be, etc. I thought I went through the quarterlife crisis already. But maybe it is not a crisis per say. Maybe, if we pay close enough attention, we can see that sometimes things just collide and cause everything to be complicated even though the day before was so simple. Okay, I need to stop. This is a bit much to be jabbering on about.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Just letting off a little steam. Not only is my nose stuffed, my voice gone and there is no oxygen getting through my nostrils, but on top of that, guys stink!
So, I have been absent here for the last 2 weeks due to travels for work and now have the cold/flu thingy I have. I met someone a few weeks ago and things were going great. I could not believe that I met a nice guy, sweet, attractive and he was treating me so well. Well, he had taken a couple of pics of him and I and recently got them developed. We were supposed to go out on Saturday and I had called him to figure out what time, where, etc. He told me he got the pics back and then didn't say anything. I thought, well, did I look terrible or something? So I asked him if they came out bad and he didn't say anything. So I moved on about Saturday and he was kinda brushing me off. Of course, I got defensive (typical me), and said, "We don't have to go if you don't want to." He stated it was fine and to call him on Saturday.
Now, is it just me or is this weird. He normally sends me a text or calls me everyday. I know, I know. I find it a bit much as well, but this was his pattern. After the above mentioned conversation, he has not contacted me at all. I am a little P.O.'d to say the least. I feel as though he thinks I am just plain ugly and unfortunately, I have self-confidence issues due to my weight. Had he called me names, got mad at me for something I said or did, or didn't like my family, I wouldn't be as upset. I think it just stung more for two simple reasons. First, this is the first guy in about 2 years that I started to let in and trust. Second, he hit on an issue that is very sensitive to me, my looks/weight.
So, I got upset, talked to a friend, shed a tear and I am now done with it. I blocked his email and deleted his number from my phone. If he wants to see me again, he can contact me and we will have to go from there. I know I am probably overreacting, but honestly? Do you not have the guts to tell me what you were really thinking about me? Or, did your friends make comments about my weight and now all of the sudden you can't be seen with me? C'mon! Nothing changed.
When are guys going to grow up?
Okay, I have done my venting. I will shut up now.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Okay, so I think I lost my way the last 5 days. Today was the first day that I have been truly back on track. I wanted to post this because I wanted to be able to look back at this in a few months and realize what the journey has been to me.
Last night, I was a little emotional and I suppose bored. I wandered in the kitchen and was looking around. I really wanted something sweet. I stopped for a moment and realized I wasn't hungry. For whatever reason, I took a pan, heated it up, threw in a couple of handfuls of marshmallows and made a small batch of Rice Krispy's. I then ate the whole thing!
I still don't really know why I did it, but I think I have realized that me, TV and evening don't mix. Today, I did well. I was poking around the kitchen again tonight, but made a different choice. I grabbed a bottle of water, stuck a jolly rancher in my mouth and it has made all the difference!
I thought it was important to capture this and maybe it will help others see that this is totally a learning experience. I guess I just need to understand that it is persistence, not perfection.
Friday, January 18, 2008
I just got back in today. I weighed myself (it was 2p in the afternoon) and I was at 213. I am not sure what that means. I know when I weighed in last week, I was at 210.5 but it was morning.
Over the week, I tried to stick to fruits, grilled meats and veggies. Although, there were a lot of cheese platters around and Lapeert's ice cream! If I had an ice cream, I did not get the waffle cone. If I had a burger, I ate the inside and left 1/2 or all of the bun. I walked 2 miles 3 days in a row and I snorkeled for 1.5 hours on one day. I tried to get in some activity when I could. I also think that I am severly dehydrated and may be retaining water. I will let you all know how the weigh in goes next Sunday. If I do NOT do the 5K this Sunday, then I will be weighing in.
I should have blogged while in Hawaii. I think I would have been a bit more focused. I didn't do terribly, but there are a few choices that I could have made differently.
I am learning and that's what this is all about!
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Last night I had a little bit of a relapse and ate Chocolate Chips. Yes, the baking kind. I don't know what got into me...I was doing so good and I wasn't even hungry! I got right back on track and am doing good again. Luckily it was only a 1 hour lapse! Traditionally, my lapses would start with an hour and continue for days. So rather than beating myself up, I decided that I would pat myself on the back for getting right back on track. I realize that this will happen from time to time, especially in the beginning. Once I have done this consistently, it will happen less and less.
On another note, I went to my first cycling class tonight. It was a beginning class and it kicked my butt! Actually, it kinda hurts to sit since the seat is not very comfortable. BUT, I sweated a ton! It was awesome. I would highly recommend trying it, just be sure to go to a beginning class. I will be attending this class for the next few months before going to a regular cycling class.
I am excited for Biggest Loser tonight! Aren't you???
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