Wednesday, November 09, 2011
I wasn't supposed to be weighed today, had I known, I would have worn something different. I was in jeans, full jewelry and tennis shoes. Yep....back up again. Ugh! I thought I did fairly well yesterday. Today...I am running out of veggies and I have 5 points left for dinner tonight.
So, what is dinner going to be???
Spaghetti squash (0)
2tsp Olive Oil (2)
Banana if I am still hungry (0)
Then, I am going to Zumba at 8pm tonight! I am just so mad I had to get on that scale. Then, they gave me a sheet as I left with my BMI on it (Yes, I know it's high...I told ya I am on WW trying to lower it) and a note on how to lose weight.
The crazy thing is I was here to get my birth control prescription renewed. I left feeling even worse about myself. Sitting here being frustrated, I wouldn't let myself eat any more until I figured out why I am frustrated and wanting to eat. It's because I am angry. Do doctors think that we don't know we are obese? Do they think that we don't know what healthy eating is? Why has no doctor ever asked me WHY I might be overweight? Or, WHAT is propelling me to make poor decisions? Nope...it's you're fat, here's a sheet cause you're an idiot and don't know what healthy eating is, and you need to exercise.
Duh! I exercise 3-5 times a week, an hour each time. I eat more fruits and veggies than most of my skinny counterparts. I take a multi-vitmin every morning and I don't drink soda (diet or regular) of any kind, just water. I don't keep unhealthy or processed foods in my house and I haven't had gluten (breads, pasta, processed foods) since July this year! AND...despite all that, I am STILL struggling with my weight!
One bright spot in the visit...a nurse clinician told me I should have my Anti-Thyroid checked. She said she had gained 40 pounds and then she pointed to her neck. She had a large horizontal scar across her neck and said that after she had her thryroid problem fixed, she dropped the weight immediately. I have been tested for thryroid issues because my mom and my grandma both have it. But I was only tested for regular thryrod issues, not the anti-thyroid. Thank goodness for that nurse! If it wasn't for her, I might have stopped for Mexican Food after the appointment since it was lunch time. But....I didn't!
Time to get back in the right frame of mind!
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
I have been struggling...there is a lot of change going on in my life...I am moving again (moved in July) at the end of the month, I am going from a 1BD/1BA apt to sharing a condo, I am trying to find a new job and my group of close friends have recently changed. It's a lot and I think it has been reflecting in my eating.
Yesterday, I did well!
I only went over my dailies by 2 points! And, I got 8 glasses of H2O in, as well as a Zumba class. I got on my scale this morning (I know I wasn't going to do that, but its habit) and yesterday I was 223....this morning I was 219.5! Saturday, I was 220, but did damage on Sunday and was up 3lbs! Goes to show just how important each day is.
So, I am stoked that yesterday went well. I wanted to make sure I wrote about it so I could carry it in today. Here's to another great day!
Monday, November 07, 2011
When I weighed in on Saturday, I had gained 3.4 lbs! I had exercised and had been pretty good during the week. The weekend was another story, not horrible, but not good. It always seems when I start exercising, I gain. I am learning to accept that. However, I also learned that if you screw up the weekend, you can kill your weigh in even if you are good during the week.
So, Saturday, I gained. I did okay Saturday, went over my points by about 9...used my weekly points allowance as I knew I would since I was at a baby shower. Sunday....ugh, Sunday. I was a slug most of the day, did do a 4 mile walk and grocery shopping, but that was it. I had a 79 point day! (I usually get 33). I ate the whole thing of hummus with carrots and the rest of my Gluten Free cookies, which was 5 total. But, those easily put me in my 46 points over.
Have you noticed my pattern? I do eat healthy stuff, but I just can't seem to control the portions. It is frustrating for me to, because I know better! So rather than let this snow ball continue, I have decided that I am going to STOP it today! I had a healthy breakfast scramble with 5 servings of veggies and both of my oils for the day. I will make a healthy lunch and I am going to the gym tonight. I will also get my 8 glasses of water in today. (I haven't gotten my water in for almost a week now).
I need to remind myself that this is something I need to do EVERY DAY! I cannot take a "break" on the weekends and mess myself up for the rest of the week and then again on weigh in day. I need to break this habit that weekends don't need to be as OP as the week because that will keep me where I am at, up and down the same 5lbs.
This week, my commitment is to myself. To make myself important and to take care of me because I deserve it.
Thursday, November 03, 2011
Yesterday was really tough for me. I ate more than I wanted, I wasn't hungry, but stress is there and this really lazy girl feeling. I am not a lazy person, but lately, I just don't feel motivated to do much. I think it's because I dislike my job and I would rather stay in bed than get up in the morning and go to another day of blah.
I know eating is not going to make it better. I know this! But, for some reason, last night, I ate instead of going to Zumba. And, I love Zumba! I was sitting on the couch watching Top Chef and just felt like I had my feet stuck in cement. I was paralyzed....and it wasn't cause Top Chef was on. I have it on my DVR. But, the crazy thing is I was sitting there knowing I would feel better if I went to Zumba, but I didn't move. It is craziness!
On a positive note, I tracked everything I ate last night. I when I said I ate...it wasn't like ice cream and candy. I have Progresso Light Soup for dinner, 94% Fat Free Popcorn, Broccoli (I know!) and carrots with Hummus. It wasn't like it was a full fledged binge, but I felt myself not being in control and it feels like a runaway freight train when it happens.
I did get on the scale this morning and I am up 4lbs! However, I didn't drink much water yesterday and I had both soup and popcorn. There could be some salt issues playing here.
What it comes down to is this. Why won't I do the things I need/want to do to lose this weight? Why does it always seem that I am purposely doing things to sabotage myself or keep myself at this weight? I think a lot of it stems from my lack of self-worth and self-confidence. In some weird way, I think I believe I don't deserve to be thin and healthy. The stupid thing about that is I know that it's crazy and absurd to believe that...this seems to be a constant struggle with me.
C'mon Kristi, get it right girl!
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
I was just thinking about this weekend. It was a tough one for me. The weekend was busy and there were temptations all over the place. Overall, I did well with my points. However, before I had reviewed my tracker, I was thinking I did terribly. Why?
Well, I had remembered hearing about a study from Cornell that said the average person makes 200 food-related decisions in ONE DAY!
No wonder! I had to have my WW OP hat on 200 times for the last 3 day! That is 600 times....I'm sure the average WW has more stress on him/her for each decision because we are torn by what we should do OP versus what our old habits would do. It is a constant struggle and I think, well for me, it is super draining!
I know I need to be OP for the rest of the week. And, I think it will be a little more manageable because I will be in a bit of a routine, without much deviation. Routine does help us enforce good habits without having to think too much about it.
I think this is something that most WW'ers struggle with because have to make healthy decisions when you have made not so healthy ones in the past is difficult. I suppose if it were easy, there wouldn't be too many overweight people in this world.
Here's to a great day with success on my 200 food related decisions!
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