Tuesday, October 18, 2011
It was a rough weekend. Yesterday was good and I went to the gym for an hour long Zumba class. My eating was within my points and I got my water in. This morning, I received my decision letter from the health company that begins with "K" (will refer to as K for the rest of this post) for health coverage. I currently have another healthcare provider and they deny everything and pay for nothing. K declined me because my BMI is too high and an abnormal pap. Although, nothing ever became of the latter, but it was in my history.
I am super frustrated....
Over this past weekend, I did not go out but made myself face a lot of the emotions I have been eating to get away from. I realized that a lot of my unhappiness stems from two things, my weight and my job. What I also realized is that I can change all of that. Recession or not. Fat or not. I can get a smaller apartment and possibly a roomate and cut my rent in half. This will help to prepare me for a major pay cut, which is what I will incur when I change industries. I hadn't planned on not having health insurance, although I went for years without it. How is it any different now?
It's very frustrating that an insurance company considers an overweight person as having a "pre-existing" condition and therefore be too much of a risk that you can't even take their money?! The crazy thing is, I am probably more healthy than the skinny people with a proper BMI. I am not on any medications related to weight, yet I am the risk. I don't smoke, yet they will take a skinny smoker. Its ridiculous...Aren't they (K) the ones that are always running eat healthy and lose weight ads? Beyond that, the K employee that helped me had a picture of himself on his K micro-site and he is also very overweight. Funny because he works for the company, yet they automatically accept him. But me, I am denied when I am paying out of pocket. It makes absolutely no sense.
Maybe this is the thing that I needed to happen to get so pi**ed off that I make myself healthier and happier...
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Not sure whats going on with my body. I am wondering if my weight loss last week was a fluke. I am back up to where I was the week before last, but haven't gone crazy. I am still within my points, but last week was emotional. Maybe that cause my weight loss?
I am a little worried about getting on the scale on Saturday. I don't want it to be a gain. I know my TOM is coming up and that could be part of it. But, I am going to make these two days great days!
On another note, I am wondering if weighing in each day helps or hinders me. I am scared to get rid of the scale. I was supposed to, but couldn't part with it!
Just thinking out loud...
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
This morning, I open up Facebook and read a few stories...I get down to the Men's Health Magazine Quote of the Day. The quote is "Donít quit, COMMIT. Being healthy and fit is a choice you make every single day."
It is a great quote and I am glad that I "liked" Men's Health Magazine (for whatever reason). I have been thinking about this for the last hour or so...I think somehow in my head, health and fitness didn't tie into an EVERY SINGLE DAY thing for me. Maybe it's because we always hear to exercise 3-5x a week, not every day. Maybe it's because I have gotten in the bad habit of allowing weekends to be less disciplined than weekdays, so it's not every day. Maybe it's because I don't have something majorly wrong with my body that I see every day. Well, other than the fact that I am super fluffy compared to others. However, I don't know myself thin as I have never been thin. So what I see in the mirror is my so called "normal."
I think this quote has been very impactful to me. Not only because it is stated as something you do every day. But, it is also stated as a CHOICE. I can choose to be healthy or I can choose to be a tubba wubba. (Thank you WW boards for that lovely description! Tubba wubba). But it's true. It's my choice. The ironic thing is, if I keep choosing to be a tubba wubba, I won't get to have a choice anymore because health consequences will arise and I won't be in such a privy position.
Very strange. A lot of weight loss is about perception and all of it is controlled by your brain, not the body and not by food. Weight loss is all mind and never about willpower or weakness in the face of food. The latter is often what we tell ourselves. I know, I have been there.
It's time for a change and a new perception.
Saturday, October 08, 2011
This week has been harsh...to say I am under a lot a stress would be an understatement. Financial stress is the worst thing in the world and I am utterly convinced that I hate money. It is the cause of so many problems and is even worse when you don't have any.
So this week was more than challenging, but I broke down emotionally. I am not a crier, never have been. However, I think I have cried more in this week than I have in the last 10 years. Therapeutic, some would day. But it is not in my nature to do this. However, last night, I finally slept for the first time in what seems like years! It was so nice to wake up rested. It has been so long since I felt that way...
Also this week, I didn't let myself eat emotionally. This was difficult, and I think the result was tears. So, is essence, it was a good week for me. Very hard. Very difficult to deal with. But, it also showed on the scale. Down 2.6! I couldn't believe it. I think this journey is going to be even more difficult than I had ever imagined...and maybe that's why I have reverted back to old habits in the past.
The difference this time is, food is not working to soothe myself. It is not bringing me the comfort that I used to seek and find. When that doesn't work and you are an emotional eater, you end up opening the flood gates of emotion and let me tell ya! It wipes you out!
Despite all that, I think that sometimes, well in my case, it is probably the best thing I can do for myself.
Thursday, October 06, 2011
This is the first time in a few years that I have not been in school. It is a hard adjustment, especially since I don't particularly like my job. I am finding in the evenings that I have my biggest troubles with eating. I do fairly well during the morning and afternoon, but at night is when I usually have a problem going over points. This has been true for as long as I have been a WW'er.
So last night, I realized that it's probably because I don't DO anything. I sit on the couch and watch TV. Now...there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that after a long work day. I get it. However, I have a problem watching TV and NOT eating. The two have seem to be connected in my world somehow and I need to learn how to not do that.
I was thinking, other people must do something else with their evenings besides watching TV (or shuttling kids around). So, what do you do? How do you keep from falling into the couch/food habit, if you have that habit? Just curious...
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