Saturday, October 08, 2011
This week has been harsh...to say I am under a lot a stress would be an understatement. Financial stress is the worst thing in the world and I am utterly convinced that I hate money. It is the cause of so many problems and is even worse when you don't have any.
So this week was more than challenging, but I broke down emotionally. I am not a crier, never have been. However, I think I have cried more in this week than I have in the last 10 years. Therapeutic, some would day. But it is not in my nature to do this. However, last night, I finally slept for the first time in what seems like years! It was so nice to wake up rested. It has been so long since I felt that way...
Also this week, I didn't let myself eat emotionally. This was difficult, and I think the result was tears. So, is essence, it was a good week for me. Very hard. Very difficult to deal with. But, it also showed on the scale. Down 2.6! I couldn't believe it. I think this journey is going to be even more difficult than I had ever imagined...and maybe that's why I have reverted back to old habits in the past.
The difference this time is, food is not working to soothe myself. It is not bringing me the comfort that I used to seek and find. When that doesn't work and you are an emotional eater, you end up opening the flood gates of emotion and let me tell ya! It wipes you out!
Despite all that, I think that sometimes, well in my case, it is probably the best thing I can do for myself.
Thursday, October 06, 2011
This is the first time in a few years that I have not been in school. It is a hard adjustment, especially since I don't particularly like my job. I am finding in the evenings that I have my biggest troubles with eating. I do fairly well during the morning and afternoon, but at night is when I usually have a problem going over points. This has been true for as long as I have been a WW'er.
So last night, I realized that it's probably because I don't DO anything. I sit on the couch and watch TV. Now...there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that after a long work day. I get it. However, I have a problem watching TV and NOT eating. The two have seem to be connected in my world somehow and I need to learn how to not do that.
I was thinking, other people must do something else with their evenings besides watching TV (or shuttling kids around). So, what do you do? How do you keep from falling into the couch/food habit, if you have that habit? Just curious...
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
DO NOT BUY NUTELLA! I am not strong enough yet to have it in my house. I will get there one day. But now, I have to exercise off these calories! I did so well this weekend only to spoil it from this jar of creamy, chocolately, hazelnut terribleness! Lesson learned. (And no...this was not eaten in a single sitting, but over the last few weeks. It's just so calorie laden!)
P.S. Hey Self, go to the grocery store! You need fruits and veggies so you don't turn to things like this!
Monday, October 03, 2011
This weekend was chock full of challenges and deterrents. I think I did pretty well though and didn't even use any of my 49 WPPA. That is a first for me.
We went to dinner on Saturday and I did well, even when dessert was ordered. It helped that I can't have flour due to Celiacs! I only had one glass of wine and a salad with EVOO and Balsamic on the side. Later, we went to the movies to see What's Your Number with Anna Ferris (I think). Cute movie, didn't get popcorn or candy! Woo hoo! Then, went to a place called the Skinny Chicken for a drink...well, I can now only have wine or tequila and this place was not a wine type of place. I was contemplating a blended Strawberry Margarita...but thought about the points. Opted for one shot of Patron Silver.
My friends ordered chips, salsa and guacamole...I am uber proud to say that I didn't eat ONE chip at all! But boy did I want one! I knew I wasn't hungry and I thought about the reasons I wanted to lose weight that I had written earlier (see previous post) and it helped me to buckle down and not give in to emotional eating. We went to a club/bar place after that...gosh people are getting younger and younger! LOL! The place was filled with Jersey-like guido guys, fist pumping to uncha uncha music. I guess I am just old, but it was not the highlight of my night. I didn't drink anything there at that bar. We left and went off to find water and donuts for my skinny mini friend cause she was hungry. We found a grocery store and I bought a banana. Can you believe that?! A banana! I was surprised by me! I was actually hungry though.
Yesterday, I went to the County Fair with a couple of friends. I made sure to eat a healthy breakfast and made it very point friendly, only 6 points for a full breakfast. I did eat a Starburst (the pack, not just one), an Icee (only 1/2), BBQ pulled pork with lettuce (no bread or sauce), and a vanilla ice cream bar dipped in chocolate with almonds on the outside. My two friends had the deep fried Oreo's (see pic).
They both later confessed that it wasn't that great and they both had upset stomachs. Go figure. It didn't look appealing though... Anyhow, I did use all my daily points...I had thought.
When I got home, I added everything in my online tracker and I actually had 4 points left over! Wow! The Icee wasn't as bad as I had thought. So, I did have some 95% ff popcorn and a spoonful of Nutella. Not the best dinner, I know, but I need to go to the grocery store. So, I ended up using the remaining points plus for that and some of my activity points...we walked at the fair for 6 hours and trekked about 5 miles, so I ended up with a few activity points+. Woo hoo for activity points+!
I am so surprised how this weekend turned out because it could have been terrible! I am proud of myself and I think something has definitely changed in me. Normally in a week, I have maybe ONE day that is within my dailies...
I can tell...This week is going to be different!
Saturday, October 01, 2011
With every success story in weight loss, one has a turning point. There is usually something that happens, such as a doctor writing the word "obese" on a chart, being made fun of, ending a relationship, etc. I don't feel like that is my story, it is not incident driven for me, but emotionally driven.
Today, while sitting in my meeting, I realized I genuinely DO want to lose weight. I know I want to do it for health reasons, for my family, etc. But, we talked about the path to success. What motivates you to lose? Why are you doing this? And, I went a step further and thought about why I haven't been successful and why my weight has been so stagnant. Well, here are the reasons I want to lose this weight and some are very shallow, I know. Regardless, I think they are all motivating for me.
* I don't want to be the fattest person in the room
* I don't want to be a size 18 ever again, I don't want to be a size 16 (where I am at right now) ever again...I don't want to be 220 every again!
* I want to feel comfortable in my clothes
* I want to be attractive to nice guys, not idiots that treat me like crude
* I want to be successful at weight loss and get to a healthy BMI, I don't want to get on the scale every Saturday morning and see a gain
* I want to put my weight issues behind me because I feel that it is a burden to me in other areas of my life.
* I want to prove to myself that I can do this and I can change my life
* I want to be a role model for others who have tried and tried to lose weight and for whatever reason weren't successful. Helping others is very important to me, but how can I say anything when I am consistently unsuccessful?
Why haven't I been successful?
* I haven't followed the WW plan the way I know I can. I have a lot of room for improvement.
* I am not consistent with my eating or my exercise.
* I know my body. My body requires exercise EVERY day. That is the only way I have been successful in the past.
* I allow myself an inch when I do something good, but actually take a yard instead. I cannot do this, it doesn't give me the results I want.
* My brain, intent and actions are misaligned. I need to have all three things in check to be successful.
* I have to remember that intent is not the same thing as actually doing something. You have to be a do-er!
What can I do TODAY to be on track?
1) Stay within my daily points
2) Drink my water
4) Plan out my dinner/evening since we are going out to eat and to the movies, then drinks after
5) Keep my reasons for losing weight in my purse so that when I am not feeling strong, I can make the best decision in that moment.
My goal for this week is to lose 2 pounds. That is very doable, given my weight.
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