Thursday, September 01, 2011
So...if we're being honest here...yesterday was the FIRST day in a long, loooooong time that I wasn't super over or super under my calories! Woohoo! I also made it to the gym, despite having to work all day, make dinner and then go back to work (driving about 45 min) again at 10:30p! I get a gold star for yesterday!
Now, it's really important for me to recognize this? Why? Well...I think I am like most people and I tend to harp on my pitfalls, mistakes, etc. and it is all negative! I need to make sure that I am taking a moment to be positive about the GOOD things I do, not just the bad. I am my own worst critic.
So I am going to keep this going today and so far, so good!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I veered off the road a little last night. I had a binge...it is something I have not done in a long time. Surprised I even could, given the fact that I can't eat much anymore. However, I realized that it was because I was feeling negative emotions. Rather than calm myself or figure out what was wrong, I popped back into old habits and used food to cope. I think the fat girl in me doesn't like change, but the skinny girl in me is fighting to be let out. It is a constant battle every day!
Now, I know I have made a lot of mistakes and I know I keep trying to get myself motivated, and for the most part, I would say I am. But, when emotions hit, I just don't deal with them very well. That, unfortunately, is the God-honest truth. I need to learn how to handle this without resorting to food. I know that I am "supposed to" go for a walk, take a hot shower, write in a journal, etc. I know what I should be doing, but what I am having trouble with is realizing what is going on in the moment and being able to handle that. I think I tried to rid myself of emotions for so long that I don't even know what's going on when it does happen. It is a very strange disconnect.
The only way that I am going to realize and become aware is to somehow STOP myself in that moment. Make myself figure out what is going on then take a different action that doesn't involve food. Because my auto-response is food and I have been doing that for 33 years, it's going to be a hard habit to break. I know this...
What it all comes down to is I have to try. I will fail, but the important thing is to get back up every time. With every defeat, I have to follow it up with a success. Eventually, I will learn a new auto-response over time...
Monday, August 29, 2011
This week, my WW leader had a very good point and I think I just lived it this Sunday! He was talking about getting "unstuck" with weight loss. Sometimes we lose motivation, are stressed, etc and derail ourselves from our goals. There comes a point where we just "turn off" the switch and our weight loss efforts are more or less out the window.
Of course, those are my words, not his. But the whole point was that we turn our motivations, goals, weight loss efforts on and off. When they are off is when we are stuck...How do we turn that light switch back on?
Yesterday, I found myself tired. I had a busy morning, but got up and did the things I need to do. When I got back from the grocery store, I wanted to cut up the fruits and vegetables for the week, it makes the rest of the week easier on me. What did I do? I layed on the couch and watched a Netflix movie. I was really tired (had driven a little over 200 miles the day before and only about 4 hours sleep) and ended up taking a nap. I continued watching TV, because I had a second Netflix movie, which was really heartwarming, but still on the couch. Then I decided, I have to at least make a decent dinner so I don't eat ice cream on the couch. I made dinner, but ate in front of the TV. So...yesterday, although relaxing, turned out to be a dud of a day in my opinion. There is so much I could have done, but I chose to be in front of the TV. Why?
I think truly, it was two things. The first, I was dead tired. I should have gone to my bedroom and taken a nap instead. Lesson learned. Secondly, I think I had my light switch off because of my tiredness and because I have so much to do, it is overwhelming. It was easier to just ignore my responsibilities for the day and do nothing. My inner child was throwing a tantrum.
I need to remember I am an adult and nothing in life is gained by being a bump on a log. Today is Monday, it is 930a and I need to be working. I need to workout and I still need to cut those fruits and veggies, pay bills and get some laundry done all before about 2pm.
It's time to write my to-do list for the day and start crossing things off!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
So....when I was in HS, I always imagined that I would be thin and get my weight issues under control by the time I had graduated college. Well, I have graduated 3 times now (2 undergrads and a Masters) and I am STILL dealing with my weight issues. What gives?!
I just realized that my High School (HS) reunion is in 86 days. I know this because I am planning it, not sure how that happened, but it did. So...I am a little dumbfounded right now because it just hit me that this is my 15th year of being out of HS and I am still fat and unhappy with my body! I am about 40 lbs up from what I was in high school and I am just a little sad about that. I can change it...I should make this my challenge! I think I can lose 30 lbs in 3 months...10 lbs a month is not to bad of a goal!
Today will be Day 86! For the next 86 days I will do the following:
* Stay within 1500-1600 calories (unless my weight drops then I will readjust)
* Exercise each day for at least one hour
* 8 glasses of water each day
* At least 5 servings of veggies and fruit everyday
* No refined sugar, no flour (I have Celiacs)
* Go to at least 3 exercise classes each week because I enjoy them and it will keep me going!
* No eating after 7pm, I have a bad habit of eating in front of the TV
* Get at least 7 hours of sleep each night
* Take my vitamins
Day 86! I shot my breakfast, had Gluten Free pancakes for the first time and didn't realize they were so calorie heavy! Whoa! But, I still have a few calories that I can make do for the rest of the day.
Monday, August 22, 2011
The more you do something you don't want to do, the more unhappy you make your life. The more unhappy you make you life, the more you rely on your vices. The more you rely on your vices, in my case, the more you weigh!
Well...I think I made an important life choice last week, then got scared away. But sitting at work in a job I don't like, much less love, just reinforces the fact that the choice I made to change has to move forward. Despite my fear, despite the fact that this economy is not ideal, despite the fact that other people have advised me not do do something because of their fear, I think its time for me to trust myself. It's time for me to believe in my ability and make decisions in my life that will help me get to a happy place in this world.
That includes my health...I think I fear being a normal size woman. Believe it or not, it is so much easier to hide in society when you are a big girl. Craziness...
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