Sunday, April 17, 2011
I had my WI yesterday and I had gained 1.2...This was not a surprise since I was in a hotel 3 nights out of the week and had to have business breakfasts, lunches and dinners. It was tough! I know I am super dehydrated too...But I realized that life is what you make of it. I am losing a lot of my life to TV shows, tiredness from overworking and feeling carppy about myself because of my weight and lack of physical ability.
I know it's all within my power to change it. I know, for me, this is a mental change that has to happen, followed by learning new skills to cope with emotions and understanding that food will not make everything better. It really is a matter of attitude and right now I am not living the life I had imagined. It's time to change that. I am living life in fear...Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being made fun of by a certain family member, fear of being thin, fear of getting heavier...there are all these things swimming around in my hear.
I saw Black Swan recently...it's somewhat disturbing. But, I was able to connect with one theme that ran through the film, the desire to be perfect. I grew up dancing and was always told to lose weight. I was thin and at a healthy weight, but they (dance teachers) thought I should lose weight. At 9, I went on my first diet and started to GAIN weight each year after that. What had happened was I was trying to be perfect everywhere else because I thought that would please people, but the only thing I had control (really) over was food. I would eat to make myself feel better, I would eat in anger every time someone called me a name or my dance teacher told me to eat "lettuce." It was a horrible cycle.
Somehow in adult life, I have carried this with me. I am an adult now, and I have the power to chose what food I eat and what I don't eat. What I need to get rid of is the diet mentality I have developed over the last 24 years! It won't be easy, but I am ready.
I am ready to live the life I imagined!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
This last go round at WW has been difficult for me. I feel like I'm eating less, but I'm gaining weight like crazy! I know it's what I'm eating and I know I have been better on portion control. I want this weight gain train to stop!
I'm going to WI this morning, I know I gained 2lbs. It would be one thing if that was all I gained, but I haven't really seen a loss since October. That is a problem. This week is the first week in a very long time that I have without major business travel. I am going to take this week super seriously and write everything down on PAPER, not the online tracker and see how it goes.
I am also going to make a promise to myself that no matter what, I have to get 20 minutes of activity in each day, no excuses. I should start right now! I'm hungry, but not eating anything until I WI. Plus it's probably false hunger and I am just dehydrated...my water intake has not been good.
This week, I will:
* Drink 8 glasses of water
* Exercise 20 minutes each day
* Track EVERYTHING I eat
* Stay within my DAILY and WPA allowances
* WI Next Saturday
* Attend WW meeting tomorrow too, and one more during the week
Sunday, April 03, 2011
I have had a rough two months or so. Since November, I have gained about 10 lbs. In February and March, I was gone on business travel almost all of both months. I got extremely sick last week and was traveling as well. It was not good. They also gave us Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner each and every day. Because I was sick, all I wanted to do was sleep. So, needless to say, I didn't get in much exercise. Also, the food was chosen for us, so I tried to portion control, but had no idea what was in anything or how it was prepared. Because I left when I was sick, I didn't have time to go and buy food to bring along, which is what I normally would have done.
It was a learning experience and I was realizing just how much off my program I had gone. I entered my food in one day and it was way, way over what I normally ate, even though the portions weren't huge. It was just very rich food.
I am finally feeling better. I went to my WW meeting this morning, stopped at the farmers market and also went to the grocery store. I am going to cut and prep my fruits and veggies for the week and clean my house. Everything is taking more energy as I am still recouping from being ill. I am having to rest in between. It's gonna take longer, but that's okay. I need to take care of myself because I don't want to be that ill ever again.
I learned this week that taking care of yourself and feeding yourself healthy foods is extremely important. Especially if you travel a lot for business and have high levels of stress. Not taking good care of yourself does no one good.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
So, yes...I have been traveling a lot for work. I have not had the ability to order what I want a lot of times. But, I used my portion control skills the best I could. I also didn't snack because with the food I was given, I had no idea what was in it and I needed to be mindful of everything I was eating. So, I tried to eat the veggies if they had it, went easy on the carbs and watched the size of everything. I tried to drink as much water as possible, but when they are charging $3.00 per 12 oz bottle, it gets difficult to meet the 8c I usually drink in a day.
I also brought my workout clothes and got 3 exercise sessions in this week. I have had no sleep and high stress. It's a very bad combination for weight loss. I got on the scale on Thurs and was so disappointed. I had gained 2 lbs. I didn't go to my meeting this morning because I haven't had a full nights sleep in over a week. I know my body needed sleep. I think it was probably the best thing I could have done...I got on the scale this morning and was the same I was last week.
I'm glad I haven't gained, but at the same time, I am really frustrated with my body for plateau'ing for the last month. I know stress and lack of sleep plays a huge part in it, but it is still frustrated. I need a good game plan this week since I have one week off of travels! The following week I am gone the whole time in Oklahoma.
To a better week!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Well, I am exactly the same this week, down to the ounce. I guess I am glad I maintained, but at the same time I am frustrated that I didn't lose. But, it's not a gain. So, overall mixed feelings...
However, MY BIG WIN this week is that I wasn't going to go WI because I thought I would be the same and felt like I was going nowhere. What I realized after attending my meeting is that I need to WI no matter what and stay for the meeting no matter what. It does me a lot of good emotionally and mentally. I am ready for this week, despite all the business travel, and if I wasn't on program I know I would be 10 pounds heavier right now.
Weight loss is entirely a mental issue and doesn't really have much to do with food for most of us. What I am realizing is that it definitely is a coping mechanism. Some people use drugs, some people use alcohol, some people use love, some people use relationships or drama, some people use anger and then...there are some of us that use food to cope with emotions and stress. I know now that what I need to learn is to cope with things in a healthy and less destructive way, the weight loss will follow when I do.
I wish it wasn't so hard to do...but 32 years of learning how to take care of myself through food is going to be difficult to unlearn. I know that now. I also know, my mind is the most powerful took I have and if I believe I can do it, I will.
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