Friday, July 31, 2009
I can't believe it! Since I have decided not to diet anymore, I have lost 5.5 lbs! In 5 days! It is just amazing to me...I am still stunned. I am only 0.5 lbs above the lowest weight I have been all year! And, I have been less stressed out because I am not constantly thinking about food in the back of my mind. This is a breakthrough for me. I never thought I could do this like this.
The silly part of the whole thing is that all I am doing is eating when I am hungry and stopping when I am no longer hungry. I am making the best decision I can at each meal and not beating myself up if I have something that is considered bad, extra, or not needed. For example, I had a glass of wine with dinner on Tuesday and chocolate for dessert. Normally, this would make me start to count calories or points and then I would feel like I blew the whole day because I had these two things.
Truly an amazing thing...I am still blown away!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I am going to try something that I haven't done in years...Not be on a diet! I can't even remember the last time I wasn't counting calories, points, etc. I think that this might be a problem for me because I am not paying attention to my body. I think I start to self-sabotage when I know how many calories I have had. I need to stop doing that.
I have been on and off diets enough to know healthy foods from unhealthy foods. Come to think of it, I could probably pass a dieticians test with about 80% and no studying! I know what to do, but I think it has become such an obsession, that its not about food. It's about emotions, dealing with emotions and a little bit about rebellion. Yeah, most people wouldn't call me a rebel. But, eating was the one thing I always had control over in my life. Growing up in the dance world, I was often told I need to eat "lettuce" and only lettuce. Because I was upset that I was singled out in front of everyone and everyone (including my family) said there was something wrong with me, it was the one thing I could do to rebel. I remember I was about 10 or 11 and thinking, "I'll show you fat!" It's a bit of a painful memory and I can't believe I even thought that...but I also have a tough time believing that my family and dance instructors would make me feel so poorly about myself that I resorting to that thinking.
Definately need to deal with these little demons. I think my plan of action moving forward is going to be simple:
* Exercise at least 3-5 times per week
* Drink 8 glasses of water
* Take my vitamin each day
* Make the healthiest decisions I can make at each meal
* Pay attention to my body and eat when I'm hungry
* Don't eat when I am not hungry or out of emotion
Friday, July 24, 2009
So...I think I am feeling a little better about everything. I am still struggling with the night eating, but it has decreased tremendously! I think the past four days I have been under 1800 calories each day, with a few days under 1600, and that is a huge win for me. If you looked at the past few months, I was hovering around 1900 - 2000 or more calories almost everyday.
Also, I have taken 2 kickboxing classes this week and I think I am going to go for a nice walk tonight after work to try to keep up with that exercise component. It is getting a little better each day. Still not easy, but I will get there!
Wins from yeserday:
* 60 min kickboxing class
* Under 1800 calories
* Realized when I was looking for something to eat, but wasn't hungry. Stopped myself.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
So, I did well yesterday. I had a salad with dinner and went to kickboxing. Whoa! I think that might have been a mistake. I think the tomatoes I ate last night in my salad were not good. Needless to say, I spent the night feeling miserable and unfortunatley threw up a lot. I don't know how bulimic people do that! That is one of the worst things in the world and it feels horrible!
I feel much better this morning, thank goodness! And, I am actually down 2.5. I am taking with a grain of salt thought because I think it had more to do with the food poisoning than anything else. Although, I was at 1457 calories yesterday and did make it through a 50 minutes kickboxing class. We were supposed to stay the last 10 minutes for strectching and abs, but there was no way I could have stayed because of the way I was feeling. Also, it was like 200 degrees in there and that didn't help any! I could have passed out from the heat!
Today is going to be a good day I think and I am learning more and more about myself as each day passes. I need to find a strategy for evening because that's when I tend to eat and I think it is because I start feeling a little sense of anxiety about work and the things I need to do, about homework I haven't started and don't feel like doing and a feeling that I don't do anything for me, that it's all for everyone else.
The one thing I need to realize is that healthy eating and exercise is doing something for me! It is the best thing I can do to improve my health and well-being.
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