Friday, July 24, 2009
So...I think I am feeling a little better about everything. I am still struggling with the night eating, but it has decreased tremendously! I think the past four days I have been under 1800 calories each day, with a few days under 1600, and that is a huge win for me. If you looked at the past few months, I was hovering around 1900 - 2000 or more calories almost everyday.
Also, I have taken 2 kickboxing classes this week and I think I am going to go for a nice walk tonight after work to try to keep up with that exercise component. It is getting a little better each day. Still not easy, but I will get there!
Wins from yeserday:
* 60 min kickboxing class
* Under 1800 calories
* Realized when I was looking for something to eat, but wasn't hungry. Stopped myself.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
So, I did well yesterday. I had a salad with dinner and went to kickboxing. Whoa! I think that might have been a mistake. I think the tomatoes I ate last night in my salad were not good. Needless to say, I spent the night feeling miserable and unfortunatley threw up a lot. I don't know how bulimic people do that! That is one of the worst things in the world and it feels horrible!
I feel much better this morning, thank goodness! And, I am actually down 2.5. I am taking with a grain of salt thought because I think it had more to do with the food poisoning than anything else. Although, I was at 1457 calories yesterday and did make it through a 50 minutes kickboxing class. We were supposed to stay the last 10 minutes for strectching and abs, but there was no way I could have stayed because of the way I was feeling. Also, it was like 200 degrees in there and that didn't help any! I could have passed out from the heat!
Today is going to be a good day I think and I am learning more and more about myself as each day passes. I need to find a strategy for evening because that's when I tend to eat and I think it is because I start feeling a little sense of anxiety about work and the things I need to do, about homework I haven't started and don't feel like doing and a feeling that I don't do anything for me, that it's all for everyone else.
The one thing I need to realize is that healthy eating and exercise is doing something for me! It is the best thing I can do to improve my health and well-being.
Monday, July 20, 2009
I am starting a new today. Yesterday, I had a huge emotional breakdown. What I have realized is that no weight loss program (WW, Jenny Craig, etc) is going to solve my issues with food. I am having these problems because of underlying emotional problems. Unfortunately, a lot of it stems from my childhood and has been cultivated even more in my adult life.
Yesterday, I realized that I have been living my life for others. I do things to please others, totally ignoring the things that I want to do. I guess it just hit me like a dump truck yesterday because I have been doing this for 31 years! I am using food to avoid, postpone or drown out my feelings. Which, is stupid. But, it is a habit I have learned and reinforced my entire life. Now, its time to figure out what is it that I want...what is it that I enjoy....what is it that makes me happy?
I seem to have lost myself somewhere along the way and I am a kind of a shell of my former self. It is not good. So, I really need to take it one day at at time. I am going to finish my next two weeks of Jenny Craig and then I am going to use Sparkpeople exclusively. If I pay for anything else that has to do with my weight, it is going to be therapy!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Today, I am at about 1900 calories. Yes, it's more than my intended 1600, but less that my norm. I caught myself in the kitchen close to 7 times tonight wandering about, looking for food. It wasn't food I was truly wanting though. Frustration, anger, procrastination and the simple fact that I don't know what to do with myself if I am not munching on something and watching tv. That is terrible, I know.
However, it is how I feel. I need to stick to my plan for the day and when I get to 1500 calories, I need to stop. I need to think about what I am doing and what I am really looking for in the fridge. Chances are, its not edible.
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