Wednesday, February 12, 2014
It's so crazy how things happen sometimes.
I have had such a chaotic year last year, it's been a wild ride. My weight fluctuated up and down the same 2-3 pounds and I wasn't really getting anywhere. As of 2014, I have gotten down about 8 pounds and this week is the week I could potentially get past that mark, since I haven't been below 222 since July.
I have been struggling, but I have been asking the Universe..."Please help me to help myself. I give you permission to guide me in the right direction." Well, over the last week or so, I have received the Universe's message loud and clear. GET HEALTHY! WE WILL HELP!
Today I woke up finding an email stating I was selected to be the Done Girl of the Month! I was beyond surprised, grateful, excited and a whole bunch of other emotions. Last Sunday, I was notified via SparkMail that I had won a prize in the January Jumpstart Challenge and I had over 1200 fitness minutes! I have also had very strange encounters where it seemed like something said was meant for me to hear, or something I saw was meant for me to see. And...I have been seeing Angels everywhere!
I am feeling very blessed and very loved. I think tomorrow will start a new healthy lifestyle for me. I am going to STOP dieting. I am so fearful of this, I know it's going to be hard not to track my calories and Points Plus, but I think I need to do this for a few weeks to get back in touch with my body and my hunger. I will stick to Power Foods (lean protein, fat free dairy, vegetables, fruits and my gluten free carbs, which are minimal).
I think because I have dieted so much in my life, I really need to re-learn what healthy (not super controlled, diet mentality) eating looks like as a LIFESTYLE. I am going to give myself the month of February to see how this goes.
My goals for February are:
1) To be more CONSISTENTLY active. Exercising in the early morning works for me, I have learned from my past. I need to begin getting back into that routine.
2) I will eat from the Power Foods and serve myself on a 10" plate. I will eat 3 meals a day and snack on fruit, fat free yogurt, nuts or veggies IF I am hungry.
3) I will speak to myself kindly and with love. I will remind myself each morning and each night of the positive changes I made that day and how that is improving my health.
So...Universe - I hear you!
You are encouraging me to take care of my body and to start loving ME! This year, that is what I will focus on and I won't let you down!
Sunday, February 02, 2014
I have struggled. I exercise. I blog. I read about health. I watch programs about weight loss. I am studying to become a Group Exercise Instructor. But, I struggle. My biggest battle is what is at the end of my fork. Or so I thought.
I think that my biggest struggle is believing in myself. Believing that I can do this. Believing that I am able, capable and worthy. I know I have touched on this before, but never really realized that this is what is at the root of it for me.
I haven't start to live the life I want completely. I have had moments of of it, glimpses here and there, but I am holding myself back. It's time to stop that.
I can do this.
I will do this.
The only person that can stop it, is me.
I am worth the effort.
I am worth the time.
I am worth each drop of sweat.
I deserve to be happy.
I deserve to live the life I dreamed of, not a life I am living to please others.
I need to take care of myself first.
I need to remember that I count too.
I need to finally love myself!
I have said variations of this before. But it hasn't changed my actions...err...my fork and what I put into my mouth. Now, that has to change. I can do this. I can. The only way I am going to win this is with my brain....my body will follow.
This month....I have a few goals.
1) February DG Fitness Challenge - Aim for 6 days of 60 minutes exercise each week (360 minutes each week).
2) Stay within my PP for the day. At the end of the day I will track my calories on SP to start understanding what I am eating, how much I am eating and if I need to change up my diet. I think I am lacking protein.
3) February Bahama Mama's Challenge to love ourselves. My goals for this challenge are to be mindful, live with intention and take care of myself. I will also study 30 minutes a day for my Group Instructor certification to gain consistency.
I think this gives me a written plan, with specific goals in mind. I can do this.
I will do this.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
I am beyond frustrated at this moment. This blog will be short because I am headed out to the gym to do a Virtual 5k, then I have my WW weigh in this morning. I am frustrated because I just got on my home scale and am up 5 lbs! In one week! And, I exercised Over 7.5 hours this week!
Why I think I am up:
1) My food hasn't been great and I am floating between Simply Filling (no tracking) and Points (tracking). I think I slipped back into diet mode and am overeating.
2) Yesterday, that TOM started. I usually gain, but it's like 2 lbs.
3) I haven't slept very well...I think my body is fighting off the flu or a cold.
Despite that, I should be at least maintaining. I know I am not being very kind to myself here, but I am just frustrated. As it is, I can't eat gluten and I have to take a lactaid pill before any dairy. And, I have been very active all this week. My food wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible. I didn't binge. And for 5 lbs, I feel like I should have.
Okay. I am mad. But that isn't going to help me lose weight. What do I need to do?
1) Keep up the exercise
2) Try something different with the food. This week, I will eat mostly Simply Filling Power Foods, but track my calories. My goal is to be under 1600 each day.
3) Blog each night before I go to bed as to how my day went so I can learn what I am doing or not doing. I have a feeling I am missing something.
Thanks for listening....I just needed that vent. Now on to the 5k and to take the 5lb gain.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
I have struggled quite a bit over the last year(s).
I have gone from super motivated to falling so far off the wagon that I can't even see the wagon anymore. Weight loss has been a life long struggle for me and something I will have to continue working on for the rest of my life. I get that now.
I don't need to buy another program, DVD, membership, book, subscription, equipment, etc. I have SP, I have a WW membership, I have a Fitbit and I have a gym membership with 3 local gyms near me. So what am I missing? The answer is nothing. I have EVERYTHING I need to do this. The only thing that has been missing is the "DO" part. I know what to do, how to do it and why I want to, but I haven't.
It is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. I may have touched on aspects of it before but I really think that all of this up and down the same 20 pounds over the last three years is due to fear. Fear of what? Well...I guess it's a lot of things. Fear of being thin. Fear of losing the only identity I have ever known, the fat girl/friend/sister/etc. Fear of making a mistake or being a success. Fear of not being able to protect myself if I lose this weight. But I think really...the biggest fear is the fear of being noticed. I have lived so long as an invisible person, that becoming visible is scary. People will notice me. People will make judgments about me, criticize me, make fun of me....the list goes on and on.
But...what I need to remember is this:
Fear is a LIAR!
It gets me no where! I am just letting life move forward while I stand still. I see my friends getting married, having kids, doing the things they have always wanted to do...and I feel like I am stagnant. Why? Because I am afraid. I have let fear run my life and I now am (finally) understanding that I don't HAVE to do that anymore.
When I wake up each morning....I have the choice to silence those fears. To do what I need to do to have the life that I want. When I wake up, I need to remember why I want to lose weight, why I want to be healthy and remember that fear has no place in my head. It's okay for me to become visible. Okay for me to be noticed, and if people want to judge or criticize me, that's their problem but has nothing to do with me. It's time to put myself first, begin to recognize my worth and to not view exercise and healthy eating as me being vain, arrogant or selfish. It is none of those things. It is taking care of me and treating myself with love, not loathing. There is a huge difference.
So tomorrow when I wake up, I will repeat "Fear is a liar. Don't believe a single word."
Thursday, January 16, 2014
I have been struggling lately. I moved back with family in August, had quit a job that was making me miserable and I was being treated unfairly due to my gender. I thought that these were good moves, personally, and they would make me happy.
And they have. To a point. Moving into a household that is not yours takes some adjusting. Finding a new job has proven more difficult than I thought too. So, I don't have much spending money and I am in a city I am not accustomed too. There are so many more elderly people here than I am used to. Normally this wouldn't bother me much. However, all the gym classes are geared towards seniors: Senior Fitness, Chair Fitness and Zumba Gold mornings. No early am classes for anyone who is not a senior. That shouldn't be a problem though because I don't HAVE to go to the gym. I can walk or jog outside or go to evening classes, right?
I did find a very part-time position (Monday evenings), but I think what has really affected my (lack of) weight loss is that I have no routine.
* There is no daily routine to wake up.
* No routine for exercise, except on Saturday and Sunday
* No routine for going to the grocery store...which not having much money, I can't really control. Otherwise, I would go on my own.
* Gym classes seem to change weekly and I don't really like many of the instructors here. My old city, I had 3 gyms by me and had regular instructors I would go to every day of the week.
All in all...that has really shaken my weight loss. In fact, when I first moved here, I gained about 10 pounds! The food in the house was mostly highly processed and packaged foods (i.e Cheetos, cookies, ready-made mayo salads, etc.). We have changed that a bit since I have been here, which I am grateful for. But it is still a struggle.Right now, there isn't much I can eat in the fridge, especially since I am allergic to gluten. I am a creature of habit, so this has been so difficult for me. Also, the TV is on in this house 24/7 which I was not completely used to. In fact, it's gotten me IN the habit of turning it on when I wake up. Oi, Kristi!
I do feel like I have taken two steps back.
If you really want this, Kristi, nothing can stop you. You know this! So what is REALLY going on? The lack of routine has made me feel uncomfortable and I eat for comfort. I have been feeling bad about myself for not finding a job and that has made me slip back into a bit of a depression, which I just came out of in July/August. Based on my previous knowledge of myself and my past, I will often do ANYTHING for everyone and NOTHING for myself. So, now that I need to be doing A LOT for myself, it has been that much more difficult.
I think sometimes what we miss in the weight loss journey when following programs like WW is...weight loss isn't about just following steps. It is a heavily emotional journey that takes 110% effort each and every day. And I just feel like, "I am just tired of all of this! Tired of trying to lose weight. Tired of being fat. Tired of feeling like my life has been on hold."
The even scarier, yet most exciting thing about all of this is....I am the ONLY one who can change it. I need to remind myself of all of this each and every morning. And...remember that all I can do in any given moment is make the best decision for myself at this very second. My past can't be changed and my future isn't here yet.
It's up to me to have the live and body I have always wanted...
Shoot! Kristi...just STOP and go put on your tennies!
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