Friday, June 11, 2010
Formal testing at work is over, which means I have officially gone from more work than I can possibly handle to just enough to keep me busy for the first hour or so during the day. I am climbing the walls here, folks! The danger, as you all know, is eating because I'm bored. Fortunately my new office does not have vending machines -- except the ones in the tunnel to the hospital. And, really, if I'm going to go to the trouble to go that far, I'll just head to the cafeteria and get myself something. There is often time enough on that short walk to talk myself into something healthy (yogurt) or to skip the snack and lengthen the walk.
Speaking of walking... The move to the hospital has restored my daily commute/exercise. I drop the kiddos at school, park the car and walk 2.33 miles to work. Then, because I have an absolute inability to stand still and wait for the bus , I just start walking back to the car at the end of the day. I'm 5 days into a walking streak because I'm also too stubborn to take the bus when it's raining. Seriously. It's overcrowded and smells of wet human. Blech.
Friday, March 12, 2010
I'm feeling very blah today. It's grey and rainy outside, I'm alone in my office (otherwise known as the cage) and my motivation is at low ebb. About everything. My job, my meals, my exercise. Mostly I want to crawl back in bed and sleep for another couple hours. I won't becuase, hey, I'm already at work. I might as well start ticking off the items on my checklist for the day. But my heart isn't in it. I'm aching for some sunshine and a couple days off where I don't have to do anything but wander around the city looking for interesting stuff. I need a vacation.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I fell off the wagon in a BIG way. No excuses. I know where I took a wrong turn. Albuquerque, right? No. Last summer I was rocking the healthy lifestyle. I was walking 2 - 4 miles 5 times a week, I was tracking everything, and the weight was beginning to drop. And then...
My husband got a new job. He couldn't take the kids to school anymore, which meant my morning walk was deep-sixed. No matter, I blocked time over my lunch hour to take a 35-minute walk. That worked for a couple weeks and then my project began the testing phase and I, being the test lead, rationalized that those 35 minutes were crucial to staying on task and on time. No more walks. After a week or so the rationalization became outright fantasy. That 35 minutes wasn't enough to make up for the fact that the testing team was severely understaffed. I was the one of two test leads and the other one was leaving. Suddenly I was it. I was trying to direct an integrated testing cycle with 35+ interfaced systems (none of them testing on site) and operations people doing the testing on our system. People who not only had testing tasks, but other tasks that to them seemed way more important than testing.
I'm off track. My point is that I forg0t who I was supposed to be pampering. Whose health is ultimately MY responsibility. Six months later I am five pounds heavier than I was when I last started this journey. I'm putting in 9+ hour days, and then coming home and trying to take care of my family (fix meals, do laundry, rally the troops to help clean the house) and then log in later to continue working. There just isn't time to exercise. Every precious minute is involved in trying to keep up with the enormous amount of stuff I have to do for my job.
Have a plan to take fifteen minutes at lunch to speed walk around the parking lot? Oops. Last minute meeting to discuss test strategy and how integrated testing is totally bombing right now. It's not. We're finding defects, which is the whole point.
I'm off track again.
I did get some help at work. In the form of one contractor with the title "Test Manager" and another contractor with the title "Test Program Manager" and I was given the new title of "Execution Coordinator." I'm not sure, but I think that means I'm the activities coordinator for the execution squad. And the Test Manager has decided that he needs to help with the test execution. Which means that he does almost everything and I write the daily status report.
I think I went into too much detail. It doesn't take a genius to realize that I'm over-stressed and very hurt about losing control of my phase of the project, although if I'm honest it really doesn't seem like I had much control to begin with. Runaway train is what this project has been to me.
It's time to take back the night, day...erm, whatever. Logically I KNOW it is all about me. It has to be. If I'm not getting what I need (proper nutrition, rest, exercise, love...) there is no way I can take care of my family. Emotionally I keep hitting the yeah-buts.
Yeah, but I can't take my walk without following up on those charges for testing.
Yeah, but I can't go grocery shopping tonight because I couldn't leave until 5:15, which means I won't be able to stop before getting the kids and shopping with the kids is always a disaster. Besides, I haven't had a chance to make a list.
Yeah, but I need to log in and work tonight. I can't exercise.
I'm so very tired right now. I'm tired of being unhappy. I'm tired of playing catch-up. I'm tired of trying to reach an unattainable goal, both at work and at home.
Tomorrow I am taking a mental health day. Am I sick? Yeah. Sick and tired of all the drama - most of it is my own doing. I have control over most of this stuff. I just need to take the control over my life.
My mental health day isn't going to be anything spectacular. It's going to be a morning of catching up on a couple chores, drinking some tea and going for a walk. It's going to be an afternoon of taking the kids to their dentist appointment, but not rushing to get to their day care because of a couple things at work that came up and delayed my departure to the point where I'm rushing to get to their day care. Nope. Tomorrow I will be able to take my time. No stress.
And to make sure that happens, I am turning my work email off on my iPhone. Anyone else LOVE that feature?
Like I said, I'm taking it ALL back.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Yep. Slow going. That's okay, though. If I weren't doing anything I would be slowly gaining weight. So, at the end of the week when the scale has only dropped a half or a quarter of a pound, at least it's moving in the right direction.
Ever since day light savings time, I've had the hardest time getting up early enough to workout. I can not seem to get up any earlier than 7:00 and it's driving me nuts. So, instead of expecting that I will be able to suddenly wake up at 6:00 without any problems, I'm going to treat my wake-up time like my weight loss. I'm going to start by aiming to get out of bed tomorrow morning at 6:51. And since I can't keep myself from hitting the snooze... The alarm will actually be set for 6:24. My goal is to be successful at this for the next 3 days. And my weekend goal (because I want to break the sleep-in habit) will be to get out of bed at 8:00 both days.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
"I don't know what happened?"
"Why can't I seem to gain any ground?"
"The scale can't be right."
I've been really whiny this week. Last Friday's weigh in was awesome. Down 3 pounds. Woo hoo! But the week sort of deteriorated from there. My husband had to teach Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, which meant I was stuck with the cadre of picky eaters. Since I didn't want to fight the good fight, and I didn't really have anything planned, we had ramen for dinner yesterday and Tuesday. And then I snuck on the scale this morning, even though it's not Friday yet, and it WRECKED my whole day. How is it possible to gain 5 pounds in one week? And it's not that time of the month, so I can't blame it on that. Maybe it's water retention due to the extra sodium in the ramen... What ever the cause, it's making me INSANE. But I can't even blame that on my general crappy mood this week. Maybe it's something in the air. The weather has been really wacky this week--one day it was sunny, overcast, raining, hailing and snowing. At one point it was sunny AND snowing and the same time.
Whatever is going on, I've been in a "poor little ol' me" mood all week and, frankly, I'm exhausted. I've been drinking lots of water today (I have to pee again as I type) and I'm walking home this evening. 4 miles from work to home and even if I go slower than usual, I'll still be getting a good workout. Tomorrow WILL be a better day.
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