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Running in quicksand

Monday, July 19, 2010

That's the metaphor for how I'm feeling about my weight loss right now. I'm sure all of us on here have felt this way many, many times but each time I feel like this it really brings me down. I have been working at losing the weight really for the past two weeks. Before that I was trying some days and then really not trying other days, not weighing myself, not tracking my food faithfully and not always getting to gym. So the last two weeks have been a lot better. Ive been working out 5 days a week, burning between 300 and 500 calories each time. Trying to keep my calorie deficit to at least -500 every day, tracking my food religiously, etc. Ive gone from 161 to 158. That's all great BUT....

I feel like I have been working my booty off, I'm working out longer than I ever have in past and I feel like it can all be taken away so quickly. I feel like even ONE "Bad" day negates most of the hard work I have done all week long. I went out on Friday for date night and had a burger and fries and a drink and fruit snacks at the movies. Even just that ONE meal and treat basically wiped out my negative calorie week that I had been working towards. ONE MEAL. That's so frustrating! Can I never have one burger and some fruit snacks? Ive lost 3 pounds but I dont feel any less fat. I can still feel everything jiggle around and my jeans still feel tight. I still have 18 pounds to go. That's seems so dang far away.

Next Friday is mine and Jake's anniversary (the last one before tying the knot!) and we are going to this fancy fondue restaurant that is my absolute FAVORITE. I'm so looking forward to it but at the same time I feel like, will all my hard work and hours at the gym all be for not because of that one big dinner?

Ok, well now I feel like I am rambling. Bottom line: its so easy to gain 20 pounds and soooo hard to lose it! I fight with myself every day and almost every hour about what i should and shouldnt eat and make myself go to gym and it gets tiring. Ive been trying for only two weeks and it feels like its been two years. I'm exhausted. Hopefully tomorrow will bring a new attitude and a better spirit.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEPPIESUSAN 7/20/2010 3:53PM

    I have felt this way too before, but really, I think you're probably just feeling pressure because of the wedding. After that's over, you probably won't have any more pressing time constraints for your weightloss...so it will be okay to indulge every once in a while. It's taken me a long time to come to accept the fact that I HAVE to be able to incorporate treats into my lifestyle sometimes, and that doesn't mean I can't reasonably lose weight either!

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JAGERPHOTO 7/19/2010 3:32PM

    It will get easier. Some weeks are just a royal Beeeee otch. and yes that 3lbs is awesome. own that!! it sucks but it's baby steps. one dirty lb at a time. it will start to snowball I promise!

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JESSSPARK 7/19/2010 1:48AM

    You know, the fondue is not really that much of a killer since the meat portion is usually pretty low on calories. A full on dinner with the cheese and dessert portion at The Melting Pot is like 1700 calories. Yes that's a really "expensive" dinner but it's not earth shattering provided you make reasonable food choices most of the time.

Remember, someone eating the odd chicken salad with low fat dressing will not suddenly make them thin, nor will the RARE high calorie meal negate all your good work.

Even if you have a week where you don't lose, you are probably maintaining instead of gaining and that is a huge win over where you probably were before if you were eating as much junk as I was!

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Ramblings on weight loss, wedding, with pics!

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Well, after feeling a bt down on Monday I am really trying to pick myself up and end the week strong. Tuesday and today have been pretty good! I am trying to make sure that I have AT LEAST a 500 calorie deficit each day, hopefully six days a week. I know that Sparkpeple says that I shouldnt use that report too much but I think it really helps me keep my calories in check and helps keep my mind in the right place. So I'm going to continue to use it daily until I hit my stride.

As for workouts I have done really well this week. I workout for about an hour at the gym Mon and Tues doing cardio and today I went on an hour and ten min hike that was very hilly, and it was HOT out! The calorie burn calculator on here said I burned about 600 cals, I dont know how accurate that is but I'll take it! :)

Eating has been ok, not great. I find myself getting really hungry at night lately since I am staying up much later than I do when school is in and I have to get up early. On summer break I tend to stay up till midnight or 1am so my eating gets thrown off a bit. I eat dinner at 5 or 6pm and then by 10ish Im hungry again! Last night I snacked on cherries which I think was a good choice. And, I know this is an excuse, but when its 90 degrees out I find it a lot harder to stay on track with eating. Cool things like iced coffee and ice cream sound sooo yummy on days like these! But if I do break down I try to get a "skinny" latte which is only 90-130 cals depending on the size. I figure if Im going to get a cool treat it should probably stay under 200 cals and thats ok.

Gosh this is getting long...but anyway, wedding stuff:

I think I FINALLY picked our DJ, that has been the hardest choice so far! Even harder than the dress! They really have the power to make or break the mood of the reception, so its scary to give that power to someone that I dont know. But the guys I think we are going to go with seem very professional and they gave me references of past clients so that was good. Jake and I are going to meet them in a week or so to look over the contract.

The reception and the ceremony decorations are also coming along. I know I still have 7 months till the wedding but what can I say, I like to plan in advance and I have so much time on my hands during the summer months! My mom is making the archway and the centerpieces. Here are some pics of what we are trying to achieve:





My maid of honor and I are also taking Friday night and Saturday to start making our DIY pie stands for the pie buffet. We arent having a wedding cake, we are having pies instead. :) So we are taking hat boxes and covering them with either fabric or scrapbooking paper and making stands for them. So I hope that goes well and that they look nice and not tacky!

Well thats it for now! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEENANASH1 7/7/2010 11:59PM

    Thanks everyone for the kind words!

Seppie - Yeah, we are going to have 8 or 9 different kinds of pies. Im not sure if I'm going to go out of my way to make them look like "wedding pies" or anything yet. I dont know where I am going to get them from, I might go with a bakery in which case I may fancy them up a bit or I may just get them from Safeway or Costco to save money. Pie is pie right? Who doesnt like pie!? As far as the DJ, goes I havent met him in person yet which makes me a little nervous but we meet him next week. So we will see what kind of "vibe" he gives off, hopefully its a good on because I'm ready to check "Get DJ" off my checklist! And thanks for the compliments on the decor, I hope it turns out half as good as the picture in my head! ;)

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SEPPIESUSAN 7/7/2010 8:50PM

    I do skinny lattes for treats too, but when I need fewer calories, I do an iced coffee with skim milk and splenda instead (which is not as yummy but still feels a bit treat-ish). For my wedding I let my mom pick the DJ and I kind of regret it because he wasn't my favorite part of the wedding. Then again, I'm not sure I would have been able to pick that up if I'd interviewed him myself. Oh well. I still loved my wedding despite him. I LOVE the decorative ideas you shared...gorgeous!! I have never heard of a pie buffet instead of a cake - very creative!! Will there be all different kinds of pies? Will they be made to look bridal somehow, or will they be traditional looking?

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LBEEKMA 7/7/2010 7:53PM

    I love the creative lighting...it will make your day magical!

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RUNBAREFOOTMAMA 7/7/2010 6:50PM

    I love the pie idea!

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Feeling a little like a failure today

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

I finally stepped on the scale today to "face the music" and I know now that I would really like to lose 20 pounds by the time I am in my friends wedding in early October. But I also know that to reach that goal I need to buckle down and stop giving myself free passes to eat and do whatever I want. I am the queen of finding excuses of why I should be allowed to eat a whole cake or not work out for a week.

"Its too cold to work out"
"Its to hot to work out"
"I need this cake, I'm stressed"
"One cinnamon roll wont make me fat"

and on and on and on.

So I felt a bit like a failure when I once again went overboard this evening. I did really, really well during the day. I did my hour work out and burned about 400 cals doing the cardio machines. I ate well for breakfast and lunch. Then I went to a friends house for dinner and totally left all restraint at the door.

Now I'm back home and I feel like I let myself down big time. It was my FIRST day of really trying to stick to my plan and get back on track and start losing those pounds and I couldnt even get through the first day without blowing it. I know that tomorrow is a new day and I cant give up because of one big meal, but its just frustraing to know that I have all the tools to lose the weight (Ive done it twice before!) yet for some reason I am choosing to ignore them and not use them all day long.

I currently have three big slices of cake sitting in my kitchen that my friend asked me to take home for my fiance. Part of my wants to throw it out because its just a temptation sitting there waiting for me to give in and binge. But another part of me wants to keep it just so that I can prove to myself that I CAN have certains foods in my house without going crazy on them. So we shall see.

Tomorrow will be a better day than today.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAGERPHOTO 7/6/2010 4:16PM

    BTW, good job stepping on the scale and facing the music. Now you know where you are, and it's better than not knowing. Now you can set up your plan of attack and start knocking them down even if it's 1/2 a lb at a time. :)

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JAGERPHOTO 7/6/2010 4:15PM

    Something I keep in mind when I'm on the fence and could fall either way. Or when I'm running and HATING IT, I keep going but I fight with myself in my head about stopping, about quitting just wanting to walk. I think I picked it up from Jillian from Biggest Loser, but she said something to a contestant one time "I'm tired of hearing I can't, just do it already" That keeps me going for a while. I realize I'm trying to justify why I want to stop, why I want to quit. They're just excuses. We can do so much more than we think we can. We just have to push through the pain or the fear. Then when you realize you can do it and DID it. You feel so much better afterwords. So next time....remember

I'm tired of hearing I can't, just do it already!!

:)

You can do this.

Look at that cake and think, I'm better than that! I don't need the extra hours of running, working out, walking to burn that off. I'm good where I am and headed to a good place!! :)



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WILKESGRL 7/6/2010 2:30PM

    The one good thing about this is that you know you went a little overboard. We all feel like failures when we cheat but if we don't allow a cheat here and there we will do it more often. I have stopped calling it cheating, if I do that I get really mad at myself, super stressed and then do it again. I simply realize that I need to eat some yummy deliciousness each week. I find that when I have the good stuff and I am allowing it I dont go after it as much. Its almost like since its not off limits I dont really want it and whats more is that I don't need it.
I am sure you will do great with the right mind set. Good luck!!

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SEPPIESUSAN 7/6/2010 1:26PM

    When I had cake in my fridge that my coworkers made me bring home from my work wedding shower, I started to binge on it and then suddenly snapped to my senses and threw it out. I'm feeling kind of like you that I'm still just at the beginning stages of trying to lose the weight I have re-re-re-regained, and I'm already cheating. But as long as the cheats are little and I get right back to being healthy afterwards, and track the cheats, I guess they're not THAT bad.

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I bought my wedding dress! (Link to pic included)

Monday, June 21, 2010

I went back to the bridal shop today that I went to on Saturday. I had been eyeing this dress that was slightly out of my budget on Saturday but didnt try it on because of the price. I found my dress that day and went back today to get measured and purchase it. That other dress just stuck in my mind though and when i walked in today i just HAD to try it on. The one I was planning on buying was a big princess dress with pick ups and everything, very beautiful and very Disney. The one I tried on today was the complete opposite, and WAY more me. So i bought it! And the saleslady was great and gave me a deal so that the price was manageable for me. I'm so excited that I finally found my dress! Now I have to call up my mom and my maid of honor and tell them that I totally went off track and bought a completely different dress, one that they have never seen! :)

Heres the link to the dress:
http://www.allurebridals.com/allure-brid
als-gallery.html
its number 8760 (I'm going to have a corset back put into it)
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILKESGRL 7/6/2010 2:34PM

    That is an amazing dress, congratualtions on finding the one!! You will look perfect!!

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SEPPIESUSAN 6/22/2010 9:06PM

    Congratulations on finding the perfect dress! You know what you like, that's a great thing. You're going to look amazing on your wedding day!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 6/22/2010 10:38AM

    Your dress is beautiful! I'm glad you followed your heart on it. If it's "more you" then splurging a bit is a good thing, right? LOL I hope you have a wonderful wedding day!

emoticon

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JOYINRUNNING08 6/22/2010 10:12AM

    Oh. That's beautiful! :)

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CLIMBERCHICK14 6/22/2010 7:02AM

    Holy crap. That's gorgeous!! You're going to look PHENOMENAL!

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SUEMROE 6/22/2010 1:00AM

    PERFECT!

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CHRISTIE_UIOWA 6/22/2010 12:56AM

    Oh my gosh---I *LOVE* the dress!!! I just got my wedding dress last month---so much fun!! :)

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PINKJELLY24 6/21/2010 6:45PM

    Omg, that is so beautiful! You're going to look amazing in it!

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KEEPGOING87 6/21/2010 6:27PM

    OoOOH THAT IS STUNNING

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QUEEN56 6/21/2010 6:22PM

    emoticon That gown is the bomb!! And, with your face and figure you are really going to rock it on your wedding day! Congratulations. emoticon

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SHIPESTA 6/21/2010 5:51PM

    it's beautiful and you will look beautiful in it too!

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ROCKCHALKSPARK 6/21/2010 5:48PM

    Gorgeous wedding dress!!!!

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CHILLLI 6/21/2010 5:41PM

    Absolutely gorgeous dress! Congratulations.

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SHERRYJVP 6/21/2010 5:38PM

    really beautiful. COngratulations.

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Restarting Sparkpeople for the umpteenth time.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

I have been away from Sparkpeople for several months. I have learned that I am not in a place in my life or in my relationship with food where I can not track and still lose or maintain my weigh. Thats a hard thing for me to realize. After successfully losing 60 pounds on my own without tracking I kind of considered myself a weight loss expert. But for some reason trying to lose weight again on my own has proven very hard for me over the past few months. I was tracking back in in Sep. through Nov of 2009 but then I stopped and gained a lot back. Right now I am somewhere in the 160s I think, 20 or so pounds away from what I was in November. My wedding is in 8 months and I really want to get back down in the low 140s for the big day! So I am going to start tracking again and hopefully that will help keep me accountable.

On a positive note, my working out has been going really well. I started working out in the morning, something I NEVER thought I could do. The thought of getting up at 5am was always to scary to try it. But once I tried it now I can never go back. It feels so great to be done with my work out before work! I have been working out 4-5 days a week doing 30 min of cardio and I try to get in at least 3 days of 15-20 strength training from a plan that I got from Shape magazine.

On a personal note, the wedding planning is going super!! I went dress shopping for the first time last weekend and it was so fun! I think I found my dress but Im going to some different bridal shops in about two weeks to try on more, just to be sure. Hopefully in 2 weeks I will be a few pounds lighter with a lot less bloating and water retention! We have a venue, a caterer, an officiant and we still need to find a DJ. It has been so much fun to plan the wedding and I can't wait to get married! Also, over the last few months my FH got hired at a new company and then just yesterday got a promotion with a 7...yes 7!.. dollar an hour raise! yippee!

Ok, well wish me luck and I will be seeing all of you all more often on here! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERWOODCYCLER 6/5/2010 6:10PM

    You have time to get back on track before your wedding. And you sound like you know exactly what to do. Tracking is essential, I think. It keeps you way honest. And I suspect that the key to successfully keeping weight off during maintenance is being that honest.

Enjoy the journey (and your wedding)!

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SEPPIESUSAN 6/5/2010 2:56PM

    I'm about where you are with the weight gain. It's awful to have to be constantly vigilant or back up to where you don't want to be. Argh!

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BSIMMERS75 6/5/2010 11:22AM

  Glad you're back. I too enjoy getting up early in the A.M. to get my cardio finished. I feel so accomplished by the time I get to work. I never thought I would be exercising that early either, but it works for me too.

So excited about your wedding plans. Sounds like you are where you need to be in order to be successful.


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