Thursday, July 17, 2014
Trying to get my head on strait. I have always felt I could blog here with beautiful supportive strangers. Here I am 260 again. How does this always happen? I see other people lose weight and never go back but I always seem to resort back to my old unhealthy habits. MMmm food! oh exercise how I loath you. But that leads to this. Forget for one second that my body is unsexy to me at this weight which is a sad and constant discomfort that affects my self esteem, my relationship and more, the worse part, I have zero energy!!!! None. How can I get going when my body is begging me to stay put? Oh my mind, about that...
My transfer to the university has been to say the least stressful, crushing to my GPA more importantly and I still feel lost there. Two days a week I leave before my 8,9 and 15 year old get up and I am not home until its time to put them to bed and my schedule looks like its only going to get worse. My girlfriend whom I love very much is pressuring me to pack the kids up and move 1 1/2 hr away back to were two years ago she kicked up out of and we spend 2 months sleeping in one room in a relatives basement. Now don't get me wrong I think we are in a different place today but our problems are basically the same and she doesn't seem to have any real remorse for the trauma that caused myself and my kids after all we had already been through which leaves me with fear that it could happen again. Not to mention the kids love school here and her family there can be unkind at times to put it lightly and she seems super stressed when we are there as well. I just feel like right now with school, work, kids, and the kids sense of stability that I need to stay here but I have been with this woman for 3 years now and I am lonely on weeknights when we cant be together.
So there ya have it. The good the bad and the ugly. Oh wait the good, I started a garden at Megan's house 3 years ago and have worked on it every summer and its amazing! I will try to post a pic. The kids are doing fabulous and all healthy:) I love yet hate my job but at least I have one and I am good at it and feel like I am helping people:)
Please comment if you took the time to read my rants:) Thank you so much for the support and I hope I can make some new friends and do the same for you all someday:)