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Seriously though...

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Trying to get my head on strait. I have always felt I could blog here with beautiful supportive strangers. Here I am 260 again. How does this always happen? I see other people lose weight and never go back but I always seem to resort back to my old unhealthy habits. MMmm food! oh exercise how I loath you. But that leads to this. Forget for one second that my body is unsexy to me at this weight which is a sad and constant discomfort that affects my self esteem, my relationship and more, the worse part, I have zero energy!!!! None. How can I get going when my body is begging me to stay put? Oh my mind, about that...
My transfer to the university has been to say the least stressful, crushing to my GPA more importantly and I still feel lost there. Two days a week I leave before my 8,9 and 15 year old get up and I am not home until its time to put them to bed and my schedule looks like its only going to get worse. My girlfriend whom I love very much is pressuring me to pack the kids up and move 1 1/2 hr away back to were two years ago she kicked up out of and we spend 2 months sleeping in one room in a relatives basement. Now don't get me wrong I think we are in a different place today but our problems are basically the same and she doesn't seem to have any real remorse for the trauma that caused myself and my kids after all we had already been through which leaves me with fear that it could happen again. Not to mention the kids love school here and her family there can be unkind at times to put it lightly and she seems super stressed when we are there as well. I just feel like right now with school, work, kids, and the kids sense of stability that I need to stay here but I have been with this woman for 3 years now and I am lonely on weeknights when we cant be together.
So there ya have it. The good the bad and the ugly. Oh wait the good, I started a garden at Megan's house 3 years ago and have worked on it every summer and its amazing! I will try to post a pic. The kids are doing fabulous and all healthy:) I love yet hate my job but at least I have one and I am good at it and feel like I am helping people:)
Please comment if you took the time to read my rants:) Thank you so much for the support and I hope I can make some new friends and do the same for you all someday:)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TENNISJIM 7/18/2014 6:00AM

    Thank you for sharing, One day at a time. It's not weight loss. It's a lifestyle change.

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AJB121299 7/17/2014 8:41AM


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1-15-14 another day 1:)

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I have a class this semester meant to prepare me for graduate school. One of the class requirements is to choose a non-academic self management project to work on. I have to set a goal and achieve 97% of my 4 weekly sub goals. Of course I chose my health since I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have lost 60 lb. Twice! and gained it back twice. I look at myself and do not like the weight that I am at. I however get great grades. I am motivated and dedicated to achieving my academic and career goals. So for the next 13 weeks I will not only be held accountable to myself but also to my teacher and my gpa. Doing good in this class is also a must to request a recommendation for graduate school from this professor. I am highly motivated to do well in this class and now it depends on the one thing I haven't been able to do well at. I will post weekly pics throughout the semester. Wish me luck!!!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITFRIT 1/15/2014 9:03PM

    What a fantastic idea! I wonder if you've thought back to when you lost the weight the previous two times and pin-pointed what it is that changed prior to you beginning to gain it back. I too have lost between 40 and 60 lbs twice and obviously both times I gained it back. A lot of that was in huge part because I had pregnancies once I lost that weight. The interesting aspect is that I do not gain a lot of weight while pregnant, but rather I gain approximately 30 lbs after each I can no longer get pregnant again I am hopeful I've broken this cycle...only time shall tell I suppose. This is about a lifestyle change now though, not simple weight loss anymore. I need to be healthy, I need to show my children they can be healthy too, especially my oldest daughter who is about the same size as me while weighing 20 lbs less than I do (muscle indeed weighs more than fat).

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TOROP21 1/15/2014 2:30PM

    This is an awesome way to hold yourself accountable. Plus, having that little extra motivation (getting a good grade) always helps give things more precedence in your life.

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MANNIE88 1/15/2014 12:54PM

  awesome! i think thats a smart move as to being accountible to others that way it forces you to stay on track. keep it up. look forward to seeing your progress :)

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A new beginning:)

Monday, December 03, 2012

Today I start to be accountable once again for what I put in my mouth and what I do to keep my body mind and spirit healthy. I have worked hard to eliminate smoking. I have found affordable houseing I can manage without a partner. I have found a church, "Unity of Kalamazoo", that accepts me and my children as is and does not want us to change or me to become magicly attracted to men. I have people in my life who truely want the best for me. I am learning to be ok with being alone. Now its time to get rid of this baggage and addiction to food that leave me tired and ashamed of myself. I will be looking for friends to hold me accountable and encourage and inspire me to take good care of my body. Today is the forst day of the rest of my life. Hello new day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Once I am showered I will add a pic and one every month untill I reach my goal weight.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHAR140 12/5/2012 8:39AM


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MAMISHELI53 12/3/2012 9:37AM

    I highly recommend - the studies (FREE!) are helpful for whatever issues. I've gone through The Lord's Table. It is good for accountability.

Welcome to a new day, new beginning, fresh start - onward and upward! Shel

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~one down the most important to come~

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Court went well. He pled guilty to domestic violence with a plea offering to keep it from being a felony. I got to take my step son to breakfast afterward. That was very nice. I hadnt seen him in two months and Iv had him living with me untill then for 6 yr. Even for two years after i left my marriage. I miss him like crazy and while he says hes ok he seems sad. But right now I have to focus on what I can controll and thats my 3 biological kids and myself. I am still waiting for my very expensive lawyer to tell me when wel go to court for custody. Nothing like having to take out a loan to pay a guy and never hearing from him and being afraid to call cause he bills you for sneezing on his hour. Im fat:( I have no energy:( I am depressed and I feel sick and suffer from headaches all of a sudden. uggg. Still I enjoy when my kids come home from school and still have hope my butch in shining armors out there waiting to ssweep me off my feel. lol. Well I am off. Thanks for the encouraging words DianeGloria.ttys

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIANEGLORIA 11/4/2011 9:42PM

    Wow, he pled guilty. That is incredible and should make things much easier for your expensive lawyer.

Wrestling with depression is challenging, that is for sure. But not impossible. If there is any way you can get the book, The Spark. It is amazing, beyond inspiring. Gives you a game plan, a way to transform your life. Find your vision and follow thru towards your goals and dreams. I am savouring every word. Highly recommend it. Cost me a few pennies over on Amazon, used. But it is was in brand new condition.

I for one I am not waiting around for my butch in shining armor. I am polishing up my own armor :-). Rescuing my own self. Want to be able my whole self if and when I am fortunate enough to find a partner on this path less traveled.

Take care of yourself, your family. Remember you are a good person, deserving of good things. You are stronger than you think.


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~a crazy few months but im back!~

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Well, here I am again. I think iv recovered my spark after gaining back about 20 to 25 lb. Il let you know. Life has left me upside down and gasping for air. My childrens father took them from me and told them they couldnt see me anymore because I am sick. my only sickness is finilly admitting to myself and the world that I am a homosexual. After a tough fight I have my kids again and am trying to get full and legal custody. Until then I have lost my home and theirs running and hiding from this man. Our lives have been crazy as we fled to a state and town we know nothing about. I struggle daily with depression while my kids struggle daily to understand what has happened to the life they once knew. My children turning 6 and 7 in a strange place with unfamiliar faces. I can at lease say we are happy to be together. They were very afraid when their dad told them they wouldnt see me again and still live with some of that fear. Today I started logging my food intake again and Friday sign up at a gym. Tomorow I go to court where my childrens dad will go on trial for domestic violence that occured the day I retrieved my children again. I am blessed to have them but I am very afraid to go back to his town and possibly see him. I dont have anyone to go and support me and the closer 8 am is the more afraid I am. I want to be healthy and happy. I want my kids to be healthy and happy. I want this very scary man out of our lives. I never thought id say that. I always beleived he was an important part of their lives but iv come to realize that people arent who you want them to be, they are just who they are. Tonight I will npray for the forst time in a long time. I will ask the god of my understanding for strength and guidance. I wish you all out there the same. I love you all.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCROOKS26 11/8/2011 10:29AM

    You hang in there, people always want to persecute us for being who we truly are. Hes being an ass because his ego is bruised but that doesn't make you a bad parent or sick. Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. It took allot of courage to come out and now you have to hold on for yourself and for your babies. I wish you the best and if you ever need to rant just ping me or add me on Facebook. You can message me for my email. Stay strong and you always have someone in your corner.


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DIANEGLORIA 10/28/2011 1:24PM

    I am so sorry your ex husband is being such a prick! Oh my goodness, what a jerk. Same thing happen to a good friend of mine in Utah, and the courts usually side with whoever is more Mormon like there, obviously that was not my beautiful femme friend. Amazingly with time, things have gotten better for her and her 2 daughters. The husband has cooled down all his evil objections, because ultimately he loves and cares about his children having their mother.

That may or may not ever happen with your ex. I can certainly understand the fear you have for going back to that state, seeing him again. Oh my gosh, I will definitely keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.

Keep taking care of yourself. That will ultimately help not only you, but your kids. And you will feel more empowered, the more you do take care of yourself. I am reading The Spark right now and he sort of talks about that. Turn to us here for support, k?

Use us for a sounding board. Many here have tons of experience, strength and hope. Many have even gone thru what you are going thru. Keep your head up, you can survive this and in fact thrive.

I believe in you.




One day at a time,
Lady Di

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