Sunday, April 13, 2014
I last blogged in November of 2013. Wow! It has been a bit of time, but I am feeling my way back.
Harley, my big adorable 4-legged walking companion and major poop machine, passed away in January after becoming quite ill around the middle of November. He was 12 years old, which is 84 in people years. He never gave me any warning that things were not well. Just one day he decided he didn't want to go for a walk. I knew something was not right, but I let him work through it. He would bounce back after about 3 days, but by Christmas, things were going downhill.
I don't want anyone to think I am some cruel person that wouldn't have my beloved pet in to the vet for help. We certainly did not have the cash to lay out to try some heroics on a 12 year old dog, and I was the one to make the decision that he was suffering too much. He couldn't even walk by the end of his ordeal.
We had the vet come to our house to put him to sleep. The kids loved him up and then went to school (not their best day). My husband and I stayed with him until the vet gave him the shot. Glenn was holding his big head and I was telling him how good he had been and that we would always love him and miss him. Then he was gone. All kinds of liquid came out of his nose and mouth. The vet said he had probably been drowning, like with pneumonia or something. I cried for quite a while.
I am still crying. He was a good friend. He has been "resting" up at Glenn's parents' place as the ground was frozen when he passed. Today we will be burying him. The day is very much like my mood -- dreary and wet. My emoticon (as it will be for my husband and our boys as well) is:
Friday, November 22, 2013
Last Saturday, Jake (who plays first year Atom hockey) was body checked to the ice. It was a complete accident, as both he and the other player were looking down and not where they were going, and both players went down hard! Jake bounced his head off the ice, and the other player's stick hit his helmet as well. He got up and played on (God bless him!), but every time he was on the bench he tapped his helmet, his way of telling me his head hurts.
Not wanting to coddle him too much, when he got off the ice, I hugged him and told him he was so brave to take that hit and continue playing. He smiled and hugged back.
Then, on Tuesday, a friend of his opened a door quickly while he was going by, and it smacked him in the head -- a metal door! The school called me to come get him, and we put ice on it and didn't think too much about it.
Wednesday, he was complaining so I took him to the doctor and, after checking him out, explained we had a concussion and gave us things to watch for. Later that day, Jake asked me to take him to the hospital because his arms were tingling and his head and stomach hurt. We sat in emergency for 5 hours before we saw a doctor, and he said if it gets worse, bring him back.
Jake has not stopped complaining about his head or his stomach since! I am concerned because he is not very big (really skinny actually) and the stomach pain sends him running to the bathroom a LOT! I am calling the doctor again today, and someone had better check that tummy out!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Well, hello again!
It has been a while since I last wrote, and slap my wrists for that! I lost focus, drive, desire...got tired of everything. I think I almost hit some kind of depression, except I kept my sense of humour. Thank God for that!
I am still pretty sad, and have finally (finally!) talked to my husband about how I feel. Apparently I am out of my tree with that. I know that his lack of interest in the family is hurting me, hurting our kids, hurting our relationship. What I want to do so badly is beat him about the head until he clues in as to how we see him. The kids try desparately to get his attention, in any form be it good or bad. I had a little bit too much one night with a girlfriend, and told him exactly what I thought of him at that time. The next morning he told me I was mean to him. I can't say anything back to that, because I was.
So for the past week, I have tried to give him time to process the words I said to him. Now he is using those words against me, and not helping out at all. He doesn't do dishes, doesn't help with other housework, doesn't do home repairs, won't find a surveyor (because we want to move), won't help with homework (he was never good in school), won't help with planning child care, etc. Not that he ever did much of any of those things, but he WAS doing the dishes. Oh gosh! I am venting again, saying all the things I said to him that night!
He is my saboteur! I know that. When I get into a rhythm on losing weight, he manages to come up with something that messes me up. When I get excited about something, he is there to bring me down. He holds me back.
He is the father of my children, and they so much want him to show them the love they crave from him. It hurts my heart, and it breaks theirs. But when I speak of having Daddy go someplace else for a little while, they freak out on me. I will not break their hearts, but I want to save their hearts. I am torn between what should be done, and what they want.
And so continues the sadness!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Well, this minimizing carbs thing really works! I can feel a difference, albeit slight, in the way my clothes fit, and my energy is way up there! The diet requires you stay off the scale for 8 weeks because of the fluctuations (they don't want you to get depressed or over-excited), but you can use the tape measure once a week to see how you are progressing. I haven't measured yet, but I think I may have lost some inch(es)!
Last night for supper, I had a hamburger with lettuce, tomato and a slice of cheese. Instead of putting it in a bun, I wrapped it in lettuce -- superb! Basically, I have given up bread, pasta, rice and potatoes for the next 8 weeks (less now, around 6.5). Feel great!
Friday, September 13, 2013
I don't really know what I would call this blog - my thoughts are so scattered, it would be difficult to put one name to it!
Kevin still hasn't shown up (quele surprise!). He is still trying to get his truck out of the police compound (have I mentioned that he was in jail for a few days?), and no one is helping him get it. He is having to do it on his own because the people who could help him don't believe he is currently worth helping. That's not quite right -- we believe he is worth helping, but he is not quite ready for the help we want to give. He would gladly take our money, but he won't do what he should with it.
His mother called us quite a few times yesterday. She does not know he was in jail, and my hubby and I are not going to tell her (yet). He has been in contact with her, and she has asked us what she should do, and we told her not to give him any money. She is good with that. Then she called and asked about Ashley, the crack-head young lady who helped him steal from us. She said she accepted a collect call from Ashley, who was looking for Kevin so he could bail her out of jail. Kev's mother asked what she was doing in jail, and she told her that she was charged with theft. Sarah told her that Kev had gone back to rehab. Then Ashley had the audacity to ask Sarah to bail her out of jail! And THEN dropped the bomb that she was PREGNANT! Sarah told her that was a shame and hung up on her, then called me right away. I told her that was the right thing to do, and not to worry about Ashley, that she was just trying to manipulate a good person! Sarah is now screening her calls. What a way to live!
Even though Kevin continues to plague us, I had an excellent day yesterday! I think I could really learn to like 9:00 to 3:00 life!! I still get up early (4:15) to walk the dog, but I have the time to take time and not hustle around getting everyone ready. I even went to Tim Horton's this morning for coffee (my coffee maker pooched yesterday)! Had a great day at work, and some extra time before the kids came home to just be me! Awesome!!!
I have been asked to attend a 3-day seminar in Toronto in a couple of weeks, and I think I will go. I am not crazy about the co-worker I am going with, but this may help me get to see another side of him, put a new spin on how I see him. The topic of the seminar is Lubricants (I am in the heating oil business, and we now sell lubes out of the warehouse), and I would like to sound a whole lot more knowledgeable when customers call in and ask questions, so I am going to say yes. Hubby is okay with it, and the kids will stay with Memaw and Poppa until I get back.
I know this is not the best place to start with a "fad" diet, and I honestly believe in SparkPeople, but I am trying this thing called The Metabolism Miracle. It's a book I was able to order online, and the author even states that she does not recommend eliminating a food group to lose weight. After reading the book, I thought 8 weeks out of my life might be worth it, so I am giving it a shot. For the first 8 weeks, I am to practically eliminate my carb intake in order to reset my metabolism. According to the author, it allows the pancreas and liver a chance to rest. She goes on to say that eating veggies, fruit and protein is all good, and to have mini meals or meals with snacks every five hours to keep your body functioning properly, and drink lots of water. As far as I can see, it is still very similar to the Spark philosophy. After the 8 weeks, I can slowly start to reintroduce carbs to my diet. The first 3 days of the carb-reduced are supposed to be bad with irritability and grumpiness, but after that a person will feel better, and have more energy. I am on my 5th day now, and she was absolutely right! I am going to continue, and see how it goes!
I guess my emoticon for today is:
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