Saturday, August 03, 2013
Well, here's the answer to that question.
It started before I stopped checking in here. Back in May, my thyroid levels got off and I gained some weight because of it. I got discouraged. REALLY discouraged. I started making compromises in my meal plans. Not so much how much I was eating at first, but the quaility of food I was eating. Quick meal replacements like protein bars and protein drinks instead of fixing a meal. I know in a pinch those are not a bad idea, but depression was setting in and that was fast becoming my norm. To bring some variety to the table I would grab some organic popcorn or organic corn chips with salsa.
Right now my diet consists of usually oatmeal and a protein bar or JUST the protein bar in the morning, maybe a frozen Lean Cuisine for lunch and most likely either 2 protein bars or chinese food from the HyVee Deli for dinner and almost always a pint of Greek frozen yogurt after I put Lucy in her kennel. I've gained back about 15 pounds.
I sleep until I have just enough time to shower and get dressed and get out the door for work. A lot of days I'm late. If I have a day off I spend most of the day sleeping. Yes, I know, depression.
I'm seeing my therapist. A lot has happened and it all came to a head today.
My therapist and I joke because even when I'm bad I can't be bad unhealthy. I still can't go have a big fat burger. Won't let myself. I still watch my portions when I eat out. I still order the lean things on the menu when we go to a restaurant. But let me tell you, you can gain weight eating organic blue chips and salsa and organic popcorn by the bagful while you're watching TV instead of walking or working out. And those pints of frozen greek yogurt really vary in calories by who makes them!! And on the bad nights when one pint turns into two...look out!!
Discouragement #1 - My weight loss got off track when my thyroid levels got off track.
Discouragement #2 - My boss, who weighs the same as me, had the laparascopic wrap done and he was out of the hospital the next day and feels wonderful and has already dropped 20 pounds.
Discouragement #3 - My closest friend in the world, and my co-grandma went home to be with Jesus last Saturday and we laid her to rest today. I know her suffering is finally over, for which I am so grateful, but she will be sorely missed in my life.
The reality is, with Diane gone, I am Audrey Jane's only grandma. If I don't get my junk together and get healthy, she may not have a grandma at all. And besides, I feel like crap (sorry for being crude).
I joined the YMCA somewhere along the path while I was offline with all my Sparkfriends, thinking I would get motivated and start going. I'm getting ready to pay my second monthly premium in a couple of days and haven't been there once. I even have three free training sessions coming.
Thanks for the messages while I've been away. it means alot that you missed me. It tells me there really is support here if I want it.
I know what it all comes down to is what it came down to when i started...I have to make a decision. My finances are in a bind right now and eating healthy isn't cheap. I know there are supposed to be ways around that. But buying fresh fruits is still pricey. I have to work hard to make this happen. I have to start moving again obviously. We've had such hot weather I haven't wanted to walk...thus the gym membership. I have to make myself get up and go before work. Have to get this depression thing under control so I can get out of bed.
Side note: My psychiatrist had to quit giving me samples of one of my regular drugs because he lost his rep. Medicare decided I didn't need it and refused to pay for it. I can't afford to pay for it out of pocket, so we are messing with my meds to top off everything else.
SO...long story short, there is a lot going on, but I want to get back on track. I need to get back on track.
My daughter comes home from Turkey tonight. I get to pick her up from the airport in about an hour. Haven't seen her in three weeks. A bright spot!! I'm going to wrap this up so I can get ready to go pick her up.
Again, thanks for your little messages. I appreciate all of them!!
Keep on keepin on...I'm glad you did
Thursday, May 30, 2013
I had a bit better day today.
My friend Kristi at work who was going to start working out with me (but now has to have surgery) was at work today. (She doesn't work everyday) It helped to tell her what was going on with the Biggest Loser challenge and how discouraged I was. Of course she was really sorry she was out of commission, but she is in so much pain I feel bad for her. She suggested I talk to a couple of gyms and find out fees and what membership includes and if they have any summer challenges or groups going on. It sounded like a good idea to me. I think tomorrow night I will stop at the YMCA and talk to them. I am most interested in them for two reasons. One, Kristi belongs there and when she does get back to normal we can workout together. Two, I need to learn how to swim and the Y is the only place where you can get adult swim lessons. Kristi also told me that last summer they had a summer challenge where you had to check in when you worked out and you earned a t-shirt after enough workouts. It was a just a t-shirt, but Kristi said it was still incentive and she had fun.
I have also considered buying a bicycle. My daughter has one and we could ride together. I also have friends at work that ride. I haven't been on a bike for years, but I hear you never forget. LOL!
At least I feel like there are a few options for the summer. I'm having my blood drawn tomorrow so hopefully they can get this thyroid thing ironed out. I got on the scale again this morning to see if it had gone back down and it went up two more pounds. It's really frustrating because even though I haven't done anything wrong to gain the weight it's there. And now I have to take it back off again. It's a real bummer to gain weight and not even have fun doing it!
Dan (my daughter-in-law's dad) is going camping this week-end so Diane and I are going to hang out this week-end. With her illness getting so serious I have cherish any time I get to spend with her. She is so tired of the chemo, and it's not doing any good anymore. She really just wants to quit taking it. Her doctor is trying to get her into a study for new drug, but her body is just worn out. She is in pain all the time. I know she just wants to live out what time she has left without all this mess. I know it's hard on my daughter-in-law and her sister and it's really hard on Dan, but I wish they would look at it from her point of view for a minute. I'm not ready to lose her either, but I also know she's tired. If you think about it, pray for Diane and her family (which includes my daughter-in-law)
I've had a good food day today. I also got quite a bit of fitness time in at physical therapy this morning. Of course with my thyroid being off, it's not doing much good. But I'm not quitting!!
Blessings to you one and all
Keep on keepin on
Monday, May 27, 2013
Well, it's 8:30 and I'm home again. Seems funny to think this morning I was playing with Audrey and having lunch with the kids and tonight I had dinner with Amy, Drew and Ariel and now I'm home with Lucy and we've already been out for our walk.
I had a great week-end! All around.
I had a wonderful time with Audrey. We spent Friday night and most of Saturday together. And then Sunday evening Andrew and Danielle went to a cookout and a movie so we were together again. It was very hard to leave her today. I actually cried.
I always know my food is going to be on target when I go to Missouri. The kids eat healthy and it's easy for me to make good choices. They are so supportive of what I'm doing. I might have had a bit too much today but I haven't finished logging yet so I'm not sure. Yesterday was supposed to be my free day and I stayed within my calorie limit, so I guess if I'm over a bit today with it being a holiday and all I'm not going to beat myself up.
Andrew and Danielle cooked out on the grill before I left. Danielle makes these awesome Habanero burgers. They use extra lean ground beef from a farm raised cow they bought. And the rest of it is just seasoning. I only used half a bun on my burger. They fixed brats too so I just ate half a one and it was a chicken one. Danielle roasted some Kolrabi as a side; a vegetable I've never had. It was delicious! I can't wait to look for it in the supermarket. They had pasta salad, but I didn't partake.
On the way home I had a few healthy snacks while I was driving thinking that was going to be it for the day, but when I was almost home Amy called and asked if I wanted to stop by because they were cooking out. I laughed. I told her I just had a burger for lunch, but I wanted to see them and Ariel was coming over, so I went there before I came home.
I had some watermelon and I had a chicken habanero brat. They also had a pasta salad and baked beans and red velvet cake for dessert, but I passed. I did eat a cookie. Considering what I passed on today I feel pretty good. I did come home and take Lucy out first thing and go for a walk before the rain moved in.
Speaking of rain...this morning when I was down in Missouri I noticed it was all gloomy when I got up. Danielle told me there was a 100% chance of a thunderstorm. As the morning wore on the storm started and thunder rolled and lightening cracked and you could just hear the rain pouring. That's when I remembered I left my windows down about 3/4 of an inch when I got there because I didn't want the car to get too stuffy inside. I was sitting on the floor playing with Audrey and I said "I just remembered I left my windows down!" Andrew jumped into action and asked where my keys were. Before I could even get up off the floor he was in my room rifling through my purse trying to find them. He emerged with keys in hand and a raincoat on. He rushed out and rolled up my windows and came back in to tell me that it was soaked. He said "Mom, your car doesn't smell so great". There wasn't much I could do at that point. When I got ready to go home they sent me home with two beach towels to sit on. They must have soaked up most of what was on the seat because my pants didn't get wet. The back of my shirt did though. When I pulled the car in the garage tonight I left the windows down so it could kind of air out. Hopefully it will be okay tomorrow.
Registration for the Biggest Loser Challenge is Friday. I talked to Danielle about it when I was down there and she thought it sounded like a great idea. I'm going to work on my budget tonight and make sure I can still swing it.
Well, back to work tomorrow.
I hope you all had a great holiday and enjoyed some time with family and friends....and took some time to remember those that have served to keep us free.
Blessings to you one and all
Keep on keepin on
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