Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Disclaimer - sorry if this blog sounds angry and frustrated, but right now I am both of those things!!
I have been doing a 90-day challenge for almost two months - Sunday will be two months. I get up and meet the group at 4;45am Tuesday- Friday and we meet at 7:00am on Saturdays and Sundays. Our rest day is Mondays. It is a strength training program through Beach Body called BEAST. I also do 3 days of cardio per week.
At the 30 day weigh-in I lost 2 lbs and my measurements were going in the direction I wanted. By no means was I pleased with the results, but it was something. I was tracking some days, but not everyday and figured I would add that into my program so that I would see more results. I was just more determined than ever to make the second 30 days even better!
I gave myself a 5 lbs weight loss goal for the second part of the challenge. This is pretty realistic and I thought doable. However, I weighed myself on Monday and had a bit of "shut the front door" moment. I had NOT lost any weight.
Now, I have been tracking consistently for about 3 weeks and doing the same schedule for work outs. I do different cardio depending on my mood, but I am committing myself to 3 days of cardio. Why have I not lost any weight?? How can this be possible??
The weigh-in is this Sunday and I would like to at least match my 2 lbs loss from the last weigh-in, but I am starting to think that is not even possible.The trainer is going to take a look at my food log and I know she is going to say I am not eating enough and that I need more protein, BUT i am just not hungry!
I have struggled with getting to a point of only eating when I am hungry and thinking about what I am putting into my body and what that means for me. I have been working on this since 2009 and I just can't emotionally go back to eating no matter if I am hungry or not. I am worried that I will revert back to emotional eating.
I really want to lose the weight. I want to be healthy, I want to look good for my brother's wedding, I want to feel good about myself when I look at myself in the mirror. I don't have a lot of money to be able to spend on a personal trainer (oh yea, this program was free for 90 days to a select few folks), individual classes, etc. I belong to a gym and I need to learn to make that work because that is expensive in itself.
I weigh 188lbs and I would like to be at 140lbs. I think I would be happy with that weight - I want to be toned, I want to not get out of breath from walking up the stairs or running.
The other tough part is that my husband says he needs and wants to lose weight, but then he doesn't do anything to make a change. He told me over the summer that me bugging him makes him want to do it less and it makes him mad. He will do it when he is ready. I get that everyone is different, but I really need his support and I just don't feel like I am getting it.
If anyone has any tips or suggestions, please let me know. I have been struggling since 2002 when I really started to put on the weight do to breaking my back. The lowest weight since then was 159lbs - then it slowly just came back.
I am ready and need to figure this out... HELP!
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
I ran last night after work - I was tired and was going to back out, but I did it anyhow. I am glad that I did.
My C25K app was not working right - my music wasn't playing and it kept pausing. So, I went to my MapMyRun App and just said to myself - run as long as you can.
I ran .5 miles and said "okay, I can do this. lets run another .5 mile and then walk". I ran 1 mile and still felt good, so I ran another .4 miles before I hit my brick wall. As many people can attest - Baltimore is quite hilly, so I had a few hills in my workout and the last one killed me. I made it half way up and couldn't go any longer. I was hoping to make it another .1, but my body was screaming.
I walked another mile to cool down and stretch out my body. Last night was quite rough. My muscles felt great, no worries there. However, my joints were not happy with me and when I stood up (after dinner, after watching a little TV) I felt like I ran a marathon.
This morning was a little better - I had chest this morning at the gym. I am going to do some low impact cardio tonight and run tomorrow. I have legs tomorrow at the gym, so that should be interesting.
I am feeling good... t-minus 16 days until my 5k. I know the race day excitement will push me through, but I would love to PR as well. I will need to run an 11.55 mile. Last night I was around a 12.25. I am not sure if this race it will be possible, but I will try.
Making Today Count!
Friday, August 16, 2013
So, I really started again last Friday and I weighed 184.4... today, I weight 184.4
It's not a loss, but it's not a gain either. I have been eating better and NOW i NEED to start the exercising again!
I am trying to stay positive and will work hard this week to workout and eat right. Hopefully I will see a lower number next week!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
So, I have been doing great with my eating - even with the stress that I have with work. Basically, I am being pushed out of my current job and it makes for a stressful work day. Unfortunately, I have no desire to get up early and workout or go after work, either. I am in a slump and I feel like it is because I am so mentally and physically exhausted after work that I can't think of doing anything else. Then, all I do is think about work throughout the night and I don't sleep because I wake up thinking about the situation and everything on my To-Do list.
I am not a quitter, it is not something I do - but I just feel like working in this environment is toxic. Unfortunately, I have not yet found another job and we are not financially situated where I can be without a job. It is to the point where I am actually closing my door so that I can cry in my office. Today hit me extremely hard and after I complete a task, I just start crying.
My husband is leaving work early today and picking me up at 4p.m. so that I don't have to ride the bus. I feel like at any moment I could crack and public transportation is not something I feel like dealing with! I just feel lost - I feel like I am failing at work to keep my job, failing at acquiring a new job, and failing at my health in general. I am tired of feeling hopeless in everything that I do and I want to feel better.
Sorry for the downer post - I just really needed to get this out there and SparkPeople is always where I turn!
trying to MAKE TODAY COUNT!
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