Monday, March 14, 2011
I finally cleaned out my car today. I've been avoiding it for a long time, partly because for the last few years I've had an eating disorder -- up until New Year's, I frequently binged on junk food and hid the trash in my car. Today I went through and threw away all the wrappers from:
Milky Ways, Snickers, chocolate bars
Chocolate chip cookies
Chocolate peanut butter cups
Pringles, cheese curls
Macaroni & cheese
Gumdrops and other gummy candy
It was sad and embarrassing to see all these reminders of how compulsive my eating was, and how much I was using food to try to drown my emotional problems and be self-destructive. But I don't feel that way about food now, and I'm working to keep it that way.
I've been eating healthily for more than two months, with the ability to eat a little chocolate etc. in moderation, and when I'm upset I don't feel compelled to run to the 7-11. I feel so much better and I'm proud of my progress.
I'm just afraid to think about it too much, as if the pressure to keep up my recovery might make me relapse again. I've gotten better before for a couple months at a time, only to relapse because of stress. But it isn't a matter of superstition. It's a matter of building other ways to deal with my problems, whether it's friends, family, exercise, hobbies, or other outlets.