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Waiting for cervical biopsy test results...scared

Thursday, March 17, 2011

So...I had an abnormal Pap test in December and tested positive for HPV. The frustrating thing is, when I followed up with my regular GYN, she told me that 1)I was almost guaranteed to have an abnormal Pap because I had an infection at the time and 2)The vast majority of women under 30 test positive for HPV anyway. So both of these tests may have just been making me worry for no good reason.

Regardless, the second doctor had me come back for a colposcopy to make sure I don't have signs of cervical cancer. Today she examined my cervix and took several biopsies and other samples. It was *extremely* painful. Beforehand she told me I might not feel anything at all, or that it might just feel like cramps. It was much worse than that. It felt like she was cutting me, which I guess she was, and the pain increased as she kept taking more samples over 10 minutes or so. I was trying not to cry, and I told her "It really hurts!"

Her reaction was to basically ignore me and keep talking to the technician -- the two of them kept complaining and laughing to each other about some internal office issue like the sample containers they were using. Only after she had finally finished did she say "Are you OK?" But she didn't really seem to care when she saw how shaken I was and told her it had hurt A LOT. She said "It'll only hurt for an hour, you can take some Motrin."

Now I'm waiting a week to hear whether or not the biopsies show signs of cervical cancer. She didn't offer me any reassurance about whether or not I could have cancer. I was so angry and feel totally defeated by today. It's 7 hours later and I still hurt too much to sit or walk around normally. Why are doctors sometimes such mean, unpleasant people? :(

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHANTYBIRD 3/18/2011 9:28PM

    Thank you! I feel better today, just a little sore and strange.

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KATIESTROUD 3/17/2011 7:40PM

    wow! i am sorry you have run into such uncaring people. I have had this problem myself. It is hard to advocate for yourself when you aren't sure of what is going on and you are in pain. What I learned is that I don't care what people think especially when it comes to doctors...I am learning and practicing being more assertive in these situations...they may be the "experts" in their field and many are fantastic but the only expert on you is you!! I hurt my neck last year and have been fighting the system for a while. i ran into someone who said - its not that bad other people have it worse why are you complaining...even though i could not feel 3 fingers on my dominant hand..... I guess what I am saying is good people have bad days and jerks are everywhere BUT there are also good people...just look at all the people who are wishing you well... you can add me to the list and I hope you will update us... now i am going to see if i can figure out how to post you a sparks goodie to make you feel better...i'll pray for you...

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SHANTYBIRD 3/17/2011 7:32PM

    Thank you. You're right, I can always find a different doctor...another person doesn't have to set how I respond to the situation.

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ROBINBIRD23 3/17/2011 7:26PM

  Don't think about their attitude - you can't change others, but you can change yourself. Our prayers go with you.

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NAJENA 3/17/2011 7:18PM

  Sorry to hear about your painful ordeal. Some Drs are insensitive to peoples pain they figure you should suck it up and not complain.

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Reminder of where I've been and what I'm recovering from...

Monday, March 14, 2011

I finally cleaned out my car today. I've been avoiding it for a long time, partly because for the last few years I've had an eating disorder -- up until New Year's, I frequently binged on junk food and hid the trash in my car. Today I went through and threw away all the wrappers from:

Milky Ways, Snickers, chocolate bars
Chocolate chip cookies
Chocolate peanut butter cups
Ice cream
Pringles, cheese curls
Macaroni & cheese
Gumdrops and other gummy candy
Hot chocolate

It was sad and embarrassing to see all these reminders of how compulsive my eating was, and how much I was using food to try to drown my emotional problems and be self-destructive. But I don't feel that way about food now, and I'm working to keep it that way.

I've been eating healthily for more than two months, with the ability to eat a little chocolate etc. in moderation, and when I'm upset I don't feel compelled to run to the 7-11. I feel so much better and I'm proud of my progress.

I'm just afraid to think about it too much, as if the pressure to keep up my recovery might make me relapse again. I've gotten better before for a couple months at a time, only to relapse because of stress. But it isn't a matter of superstition. It's a matter of building other ways to deal with my problems, whether it's friends, family, exercise, hobbies, or other outlets.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHANTYBIRD 3/14/2011 7:39PM

    Thank you CM! Getting rid of that trash reminded me that I was treating myself like junk before, too, and I don't want to do that anymore.

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FITFABME2 3/14/2011 12:37AM

    You can do it -- throwing all this junk away is a great metaphor for starting new. A new clean life where food is viewed as nutrition. If it isn't nutritious and your body needs it as good fuel, stay away.

No more fast food...and you'll feel so much better for it!

Luck of the Irish to ya!

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