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Back to baby steps.

Monday, February 11, 2013

I'm now 6 weeks post partum, and about 30 lbs lighter than where I was 10 months ago. Life is crazy difficult- life with a newborn tends to be. I'm trying hard to not constantly stress eat, as I do not want to gain any of that weight back. It's really hard though.

Since I'm breastfeeding, I'm not trying to lose weight at the moment, just maintain. Even that seems hard, which why I figured I could at least try to track. I have to admit though, I'm looking at the number of calories recommended to maintain and shaking my head. It's a lot of calories.

I feel great. I feel sexy. I cried when I saw the scale go under 200. It was really hard to believe, but even my size 18 jeans feel loose. I haven't tried any size 16's, but maybe this summer when I shop for shorts...

I know it won't be easy. Life, like I said, is really chaotic at the moment. Three kids, one of which is a newborn can be very stressful. Last week, we dealt with RSV, and that was one of the scariest moments in my life to be honest. I never had a sick infant before, and when we thought she'd be hospitalized, I thought I'd go crazy with worry. Friday night, I'm going to admit that the only thing that made me feel better was a bag of Haribo Gummy Bears.

But now it's time to start, or else I will be back to 225 in no time. I can't wait for the spring, and warmer weather. The baby is still too small to take out for walks in this cold weather. And I don't feel comfortable bringing her to the college gym to walk the track- not with the flu and germs going around. Not yet, when she's so little and vulnerable. :(

So, tracking is my goal, at least for a few week. If I lose, that's fine, but I have to aim to not gain.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACARD 2/12/2013 10:13AM


I must say, I read this with a bittersweet feeling in my heart. You see, my baby is 14 months old. When he was 6 weeks old, I was about 20 lbs down from pre-pregnancy weight and ready to get back to seriously healthy eating. At his first birthday, however, I was 40 lbs up from that low weight. I think back on how I let it all go and I almost want to cry.

So I want to say yes, life with 3 littles is HARD. (My baby is my fourth and my oldest turned five the week before he was born.) I wonder whether, had I focused on maintaining, I would have done better than I did trying to lose and being overwhelmed.

Focus on the good times. Try to have healthy options in the fridge to grab while rocking a screaming baby in one arm and trying not to trip over the toddler. (Bonus points if the toddler can eat them too.) Get a good baby carrier so you can go for long walks (though I question the exercise potential when you're walking at toddler speed...). And enjoy the fleeting baby days because htey don't come back!

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DW33412 2/11/2013 11:42PM


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A change in plans...

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Things have been kind of crazy. I had been working on my gardens as much as I could, although the weather didn't want to cooperate a whole lot. I had made the decision to talk to my physician at my next appointment about my options...

My BMR was around 2700. I was eating around 1500, with the occasional Saturday as a date night/drink night with friends. Even then, I wasn't going over 2700. I wasn't working out as much as I would've liked, but my legs have been in bad shape- very restless and sore at night, mostly on the days I worked out. For awhile I was taking either aspirin/tylenol every night, just to be able to fall asleep. So I wanted to talk to her, and discuss how things weren't working out, etc etc.

Well, it seems I'll be talking to her about something else. Last week, I got a positive pregnancy test. I'm really surprised. While we weren't doing anything to prevent pregnancy, I haven't had my period in over a year. And I really thought my PCOS had taken a turn for the worse- I was getting cyst pains, and it seemed to me the darker areas of my skin were getting darker. I was finding a few more hairs in places there shouldn't be hair...

I'm very happy to be pregnant, but very scared too. I'm a natural child birth advocate and believer, with my last birth being at home with a wonderful midwife. There was no fear, and no anxiety. With my first, I would describe the hospital and everything as traumatic and frightening. So here I am, in a different town, with no access to a trusted (and understanding) midwife. I have a diagnosis of Diabetes, Type II, and every OB in the neighborhood wants to cut me open rather than let me do what I KNOW my body can do. I face the next 9 months fighting for my right to give birth without unnecessary intervention, fighting the stigma of being fat and pregnant and diabetic.

I truly believe that as long as my Blood Sugars are controlled, things will be fine. According to the NIDDK, "research has shown that when women with diabetes keep blood glucose levels under control before and during pregnancy, the risk of birth defects is about the same as in babies born to women who don't have diabetes." This is key.

Of course, as of right now, I'm fighting to keep those sugar levels in check. My fasting has been high, though it seems to be going down as I force myself to eliminate simple carbs and anything that raises my blood sugar. I've also forced myself to work out each day, no matter how tired and sick I feel. I can't give in, and hopefully I'll be rewarded with a doctor/midwife who understands this, and understands how important an intervention free birth is to me.

So we're taking it one day at a time. My first appointment is Thursday (which is another reason I'm stressed- not knowing how this appointment is going to go. That and not having any idea how far along I am...) and I should know if we'll need insulin or not. Luckily I have a great supportive husband, and morning sickness has been minimal. I'm keeping the news on the down-low until hopefully after the end of the first trimester.

Some things I'm keeping in mind:
"High risk doesn't mean you'll have problems. Instead, high risk means you need to pay special attention to your health"

"Millions of high-risk pregnancies produce perfectly healthy babies without the mom's health being affected. Special care and attention are the keys."

I just need to take care of myself, sacrifice a little comfort, and chances are, we'll be fine.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOLPHINNUT 5/2/2012 11:09PM

    Congrats! emoticon

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RUNNER4LIFE08 5/2/2012 2:32PM

    Congratulations!!! What an exciting time for you and your family. I pray that everything works out with finding a good midwife or doctor.

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JEN_BACK2BASICS 5/2/2012 12:01PM

    Congratulations! I know you can do this. Keep your focus on your health and your baby's health, and hopefully everything turns out great. Have you checked out any Low-GI cookbooks? The New Glucose Revolution has some great recipes!

Best of luck to you. Keep us posted!

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MSBLT82 5/2/2012 9:45AM

    Congrats on the pregnancy!!

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    How wonderful you are going to welcome a new little one in your life! Congratulations.

Just remember that pregnancy is a great time to be healthy! Eating great food and exercise is important (as long as you don't overdo it), but even walking will help you keep yourself fit and ready for childbirth. It certainly also helps for diabetes.

Keep looking for a doctor who understands your needs.

You're already ahead of the game in becoming a great Mom.

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Down week

Thursday, March 29, 2012

I had such a great week last week- I was out in the sun, sweating and enjoying the fresh air while I struggled with my huge garden. I got the entire bed in front of my house cleaned, but still have 2 more sides, the small gardens by the chicken coop and my veggie garden beds to work on. Of course, this week is cold and raining. It's sort of depressing.

Oddly enough, I was sore last week, but it was the sort of good sore, where you know you've worked your body. I could feel it in my clothes that I probably lost a half an inch or so, no joke. This week I'm sore, but in a bad way. Ugh!

I've been doing good on everything but the exercise, for the above reason. I've been trying to move around more, at the very least, even though it hasn't been easy. At some point I might have to break out the back support. I think it's just a residual effect from a few days in the hospital with my mom. Too much stress. I should've eaten more dark chocolate. (Ha.)

Still, fingers crossed that I've done enough to be down a little next week. I really don't want to face another HLC with only losing 2-3 lbs. I moved my living room around last week, to our summer arrangement, but that meant moving the treadmill. I need to figure something out, so I can get back on that on these days I can't get outside. I'd kill for a slimmer, more up to date treadmill.

Despite feeling a little blah, which I think is normal after this weekend, I think I'm doing well. I feel like I'm more resilient these days, able to cheer myself up, and not beat myself up. Even allowing myself a few days of "lazy" if I need it. Right now, I really want the pain to go away though. That would make things much easier.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-AIMIE- 3/29/2012 1:40PM

    I hope you get some relief from the pain soon and find the right balance for you. I agree with you on that dark chocolate... works for me :) Just do what you can and listen to your body. You don't want to push too hard in the very beginning and burn out quickly. You'll get a good rhythm going, just be patient.

Good luck with everything!!!

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Some down, a lot to go.

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

BLC #20 is over, and I'm not to happy with how I did. I really struggled this challenge. I just had such a bad bout of depression, which is unsurprising for February, honestly. It's still frustrating. It's so hard to try and deal with that and trying to make healthy changes in my life. But I did end up around 3 lbs lighter, and a few inches thinner, so it's not a loss at all. Just...disappointing I couldn't do better.

I'm hoping the warm weather comes soon. Even mid 50's and sunshine is better than what we've had. Even with a mild winter, SAD hit. (For those of you that asked last entry, SAD is Seasonal Affective Disorder.) I tried making the house lighter, but I guess I really am going to have to invest in a special light next year.

So what's next? Well, I went back to South Beach Phase 1 last week...and I think I'm gonna stick with it for a bit. Now that I'm through the hardest part (those first few days of carb craving hard core) I feel good. There's very little I miss, and given time, some of the stuff I crave most can come back (greek yogurt, fruit, granola)

In the meantime, the things I need to work on most are:

Continuing with water...I was doing really well, and then I got watered out. It's not that I'm drinking anything else (coffee in the morning...), I'm just not one to go and drink aimlessly. I can literally go a whole day with just sipping one 16 oz cup of water, and not once feel thirsty.

Vegetables...I try my best to add them to every meal, but particularly in the morning, I frequently shrug them off. It's not even that I don't like them...I just can't be bothered with the prep, LOL. So more veggies, in each meal, and turning to them for a snack.

Exercise...still a big problem. I don't mind working out, but it's like a fight to get me to do it. Finding a time where I'm alone (the only time I'm comfortable) and distracting me from everything else...that's the issue right now. With the warmer weather coming, I plan on dragging the family out in the evening for family walks, and my garden is screaming for me to get out there and clean the beds and start this years crop.

So those are the big things to work on this month (umm geee...they all seem such basic key items, lol.)

My biggest problem to face is Saturdays. That's when i get the chance to leave the house (the ONLY time, mind you.) and relax with friends. And we drink, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. Last week, we went bowling which was pretty cool- I felt like we didn't just sit around drinking with food right there. I avoided eating chips all night (not an easy task when I drink) and when everyone made a fast food run, I did not. But it's hard, and I have openly discussed it with the husband- it's not something I want, or even willing, to give up. So I just have to be careful these days. Last week I banked calories (almost 600 of them), knowing I'd be drinking. It seems it was enough since it was the first Monday that I was the same weight I was before drinking in a long time. Finding some low calorie options would probably be a good idea too. And try as I might, "nursing" a drink for the entire night isn't an option either. At least not an option for me. Kudos to those who can sit with one drink from 9pm to 2 am.

So that's it for now. Plans made, the path has been laid for a few's all a matter of doing it, and getting this flaky resolve of mine to turn to steel. I know I can do this. It may be the hardest thing in my life ever, but I am made of strong stuff.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FORBANDE 3/8/2012 2:50PM

    Great plan!! And please don't feel bad about not having done better. The fact is that you accomplished some major things with a MAJOR issue. You stuck with it. That in and of itself is AWESOME! You didn't gain weight. So there is improvement there. You learned to adjust to life. It's always going to happen and we have to learn to roll with it. You are doing just that.

You've made some solid plans. Hopefully you'll join the next BLC. I think some very good changes are coming that will make it better all the way around.

Keep up the GREAT work!

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Not doing well...

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I haven't been feeling very well lately, so I tried taking it easy for a bit- tracking, and doing light workouts. It didn't make me feel better, I just felt lazy. So despite not feeling well, I tried doing a normal workout, and that made me feel worse. I feel like I just can't win.

I'm not gaining, but I'm not losing. It so frustrating. It seems like I just go wrong somewhere, I haven't done enough...and even worse, I'm in that mental place that says it doesn't care. I do and I don't, I suppose. I'm still here, I'm still trying...

I need to come up with some sort of plan B for these days. I ache, my head is pounding...things are stressful, money is tight. Blah. I know a good chunk of it is SAD catching up with me finally. The winter has been mild enough that I'm glad it's just hitting now, and only a sliver of how bad it can get. But it's enough. I'm counting the days till it's warm again, my garden beds are calling me.

For now, I guess I'm just going to crawl and scratch my way through this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYLIVES 2/24/2012 12:09PM

Can you tell me more about SAD? I am not sure I know what it is so I can't give feedback on that.

What I can do is tell you that you're still trying and that's the best part. You haven't let things keep you down so keep doing that.

Are you tracking your food daily? I know without that piece I just can't seem to keep my head about the food intake.

You can do this and I know it's hard but every minute you persevere you've won.

Big hugs,

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ELECTRICITY3699 2/23/2012 1:09PM

    Give yourself a pat on the back - you haven't quit and are still trying! Like the others said, hang in there.

Set little goals like Jen said. Maybe you can start browsing for some new ideas for those flower beds? I understand money is tight but ideas are free :)

Hugs - hope you feel better soon and can get back to where you want to be!


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FORBANDE 2/23/2012 6:53AM

    Be very proud of yourself!! You said it, you are still trying. You haven't given up. You know you are worth it and CAN do this. The funk will lift and you'll get back into the groove.

I think Judy and Jen are right, take small steps and give yourself small nudges and lots of kindness.

You CAN and WILL do this!!

*really big hugs*

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JEN_BACK2BASICS 2/22/2012 5:04PM

    Perhaps you can try an abnormal workout.
I suffer from SAD, too, and some (ok, most) days it's a major accomplishment just to get out of bed. On those days, maybe you just do 10 minutes of stair climbing or squats while doing the dishes. When you're sick, it can be tough, but just getting moving is helpful. How about a walk around the neighborhood? It's not strenuous so you don't tax your lungs, but you still get your blood pumping.

If all else fails, sometimes just taking a shower is enough to make you want to get out and do something!

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MSBLT82 2/22/2012 12:50PM


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JUDYHELP 2/22/2012 11:34AM

  emoticon it's okay to feel done and out. We all have been there. But you are worth it. Set yourself little goals for the day. Write down how you are feeling. It helps to just write what your feeling. I hope that you feel better soon. Hang in there, we all can get through this together. Try pushing yourself a little at a time emoticon emoticon sending sunshine your way. emoticon Judy

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