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Frozen in time...why we fall...bittersweet weeks.

Friday, November 09, 2012

I am coming in on my two months back at SP. I have stalled, I have kept moving, I had weeks eating was harder than working out and weeks that working out or getting the motivation was harder. I had a few days that I did not go to a gym because I go to stressed and angry with Youfit I had to go find another gym and cancel and go about that process.

This week though really ate at me hard. I am not losing and not gaining. I am kind of in a frozen state of mind. I found an ortho specialist to assist me with the issue I was having since my new dentist I was assigned after mine of nearly 8yrs left...he is nice but come on he is like a year older than me...he tried to send me off for a $400 CT radiation scan photo..luckily I was taught to educate myself and while enduring a migraine from hell for 3 days I found the specialist and they were able to get me in on Monday. By Tuesday the migraine was gone and on the 19th I will know if the issue will resolve itself or if I will be in metal braces on the lower teeth for another year...I know my anxiety attacks always come rom dental and I would MUCH rather have braces for a year there then lose the tooth, endure another root canal, or worse.

Still had not regained my motivation to get to the gym...when I got the call my other grandfather had passed, dad was back in town and wanted to see me before he flew back out this morning. We were able to have a few hours of relax time while I let him grieve...without knowing the story lets just say his mother is resentful of me...his life...and anything that is not what she would have done in life..but his father was a great man who treated me like gold! (Gotta wonder how people end up in relationships like that where one is as they say "ugly" minded an the other so loving)

I've agonized my birthday for I just presumed that sometimes in life it is OK to skip the gym for a week. I already planned that Christmas week on our cruise I am taking my workout clothes and working out on the week won't hurt me. Sometimes we need to be somber....I go to the gym to get out frustration, stress, and anger...but right now it's more a sadness and frozen in time feeling that the world around you moves but you are just sitting in a daze.

So today I looked back on what I have done in the past two months. What I am capable of. I have dropped nearly 19lbs, 3.5 points on the BMI bringing me from obese to overweight now. I gained almost 2% muscle and dropped 4.3% body fat. 8.5 inches have melted off my torso area from bust, waist, and hips. I was not frozen for two months....I was aware of everything around me.

We will all fall...trip...stumble...and at times collapse under the pressures of what we expect of others, ourselves, and our bodies. We will push limits, become OCD in some areas, and make goals that drive us to a fury of passion to know what we are capable of...but no matter what..we are human. We will hurt, we will grieve, we will want to sleep in and avoid the world...I now know I cam be thankful that I can do that once in awhile because it is HEALTHY. I didn't drop my eating habits at all this week...but I realized the drive to and from the gym and being around people I don't know....was not what I wanted right now. Not what I needed this week....

Time is moving even if you are not..but sometimes we need to reflect that as we progressed life around us still happens. I see a LOT of posts about people fearing the temptations of holiday food...just like not working out for one week...eating bad here or there but knowing you won't do it often...won't make you or break you. Being human and knowing we will fall gives us the power to get right back up!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THEPOODLEMOMMA 11/20/2012 9:16AM

    This was a very insightful and deep blog post. I read every word as if it was my own as we have all been there and DONE that!! I don't know how I have missed your blogs during all my sparking time but I wish you continued success and will keep looking forward to your words of wisdom!!

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ELLGEEBEE 11/9/2012 7:44PM

    Great blog! I can totally relate to a lot of the things you've said here. We all will slip up, slack off, eat things we shouldn't eat, skip a workout here or there, etc. As long as we get back on track and don't allow our good habits to be replaced by old ones we've worked so hard to get rid of, we'll get to where we want to be. :)

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I'm not "dieting" she howls across the room!

Sunday, November 04, 2012

Hello extra hour of the day...I wish it happened on Monday's though...everyone already usually enjoys the calm day of Sunday..wouldn't Monday be more appropriate to get an extra hour? LoL

Well today is another football game...every game we have gone to my inlaws so far I have taken my own food. Today will be the same. DH called his mother to ask what she was making to see if I should pack food or eat there and I will pack. At the same time he tells her "She is doing really good on her diet." I holler across the house "It is NOT a diet!!! It is my LIFESTYLE!" LoL

I find myself correcting people more and more. I think because last year on my Birthday (next weekend) my grandmother made the wrong comment stating I could USE the walk instead of driving somewhere (I think I was more pissed because I had a concussion at the time and that stressed me out) but when people say "Oh, do you want...oh wait never mind you are on a diet." comments really turn my brain to thinking "What goes on in their minds?" I can still eat ANYTHING I want, I just CHOOSE if I want to or not. Just like any food be it a fruit or a candy bar. It is a CHOICE. Don't tell me I can't have something because I am on this "diet" you claim. No, I am losing weight, getting healthier, and stronger and HAPPIER because I know I can eat anything I want in the right amounts and make progress.

I have a little bit of OCD when it comes to knowing what goes into my food nutritional value wise and there is nothing wrong with that. We eat out less and when I do eat out I check the online menus first. I am not opposed to going over my daily allotment of calories but I don't want to feel guilty about it either. I realize time and time again stop making food the center of all events. It happens for holidays but it does not need to happen all the time. I much rather prefer to cook at home and know what is going in to my body.

The thing that really just puts the crispy bacon edge on it...each person who tries to deprive ME to "help" me...are the same ones who are obese for their own bodies and always comment or complain they wish they could lose the weight. You know what? THEY CAN!!!

I took on an admin position on a FB page this past week because the owner could not keep up with it, it's for Motivational Fitness Quotes and each day when I wake up I have been determined to log on there first and motivate the heck out over 1,000 people. SEEING people "share" my motivational information makes me smile. You will fall..but as long as you get back up again you are not failing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANES4EVER63 11/4/2012 1:20PM

    That is SO true! I'm 100% with you on it. I've had people go "what, are you on a diet??" And I respond with "no... I just don't eat that food". It's like "DUH!" I refuse to eat processed foods and if it's a pre-made product, I HAVE to check what the nutrition label says. I look at the ingredients first (because my stomach is sensitive to so many foods), and then if it's ok, I look at the calories, sugar, salt, and serving size. 95% of the foods I buy do not have a nutrition label on them, so whenever something does, I get freaked out.

And I also don't go out to eat a lot (well, I really can't), but when I do, it's ALWAYS to a farm-t0-table style restaurant! The food will be guaranteed healthy (for the most part) and fresh.

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BELINDADUVESSA 11/4/2012 12:41PM

    America is so used to yo-yo dieting, that the idea that they need to do this the rest of their lives is a mystery to them. Lifestyle change isn't in their vocabulary.

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    People who have never been here just do not understand. Some of them mean well, some of them are just plain mean. Don't waste your time trying to figure out which is which, Just smile and say "Isn't that nice?" (An old joke, if you don't know it and want to, let me know!

Make today a nice day!

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It's been awhile since I saw the old me

Sunday, August 12, 2012

It's been awhile since I saw the old me. I was thinner, more active, very fit, and jeans didn't dig into my sides. I didn't untag photos on facebook quite as fast as I did yesterday (Saw a photo from May at a wedding and I swear I looked 3x my size)

I'm not humiliated by how I look, more like ashamed. Not that I look bad by any means. Just not feeling or looking like the "me" I used to know. I have had weight battles since I was 10. I got chubby, then I got athletic, back to chubby, then super skinny model weight, back to chubby, to athletic, and now back to chubs lol. They say it's "happy weight" from the time I met my now husband. I know in February 2011 I was at a happy weight...and it was not this weight I carry now. It was actually about 36lbs lighter. I gained all that between then, the wedding, the honeymoon, and moving to a new home. I wear his shirts a lot now. They don't hug anything.

So I chose that only I can take on this battle. I can ask for support, help, and healthy competition but it is up to me to say no, make choices, and do what I feel is right. I will fall sometimes, stumble some nights, and crawl into a hole and feel like dying at other times. I'm starting back off with a goal of 36lbs to lose. 4 down in week one. (That was after I lost the 4, found it again after eating out twice in a row and then lost it again lol)

I have a glitch in the system...if I get pregnant I won't meet the goal, but I intend to stay healthy so it comes off easier after. If I'm not pregnant anytime soon then I plan to work my happy rear into gear and get back to the gym as soon as it opens next month and just work super hard and then be where I want to be. I can't stop LIFE just because I have let myself get back to a place I never wanted to see. I actually weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life. Well...who's fault is that? MINE!

So I want to make myself accountable, even if it's one tiny step a day, one little change a week.

So far I have put into action:

Counting calories on SP again
Ban on fast food for 12 weeks to get rid of cravings
No soda
No sweet tea
Lowering carbohydrates intake

I'm not stupid I was on the verge of finishing up my certification for personal training and fitness until all this "happy weight" and I bonded again. Those were choices I made and now I have to make MYSELF happy.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CROWLEY123 8/14/2012 6:53AM

    It sounds like you've rounded the bend and are heading int he right direction again - good for you!

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ICHOOSETHIN 8/12/2012 3:30PM

    Hey - that blog is moving you in the right direction. One pound at a time and you'll reach that 36 pound goal!

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I took 1st place..and survived the party!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Just got back from the Pastors house this evening. Now nearly 1am. I got there at 8p!! Over 30 pumpkins were carved this year and my friend Sasha took 1st! emoticon

For the baking contest, my friend Amy and I took first! emoticonWe made pumpkin mousse pies. Very light and fluffy. (The mousse pie is the one with the white whipped cream pumpkin on it in the photo!) Mind you..there were THREE TABLES of treats!

I am quite proud of myself, granted..I still feel like I am going in to sugar coma..just from not eating a lot of sweets often but I managed to have one small plate of bites of treats :-)

Tomorrow back to the grind :-)

Hope everyone is having a super fabulous weekend! I had not won a 1st emoticon place anything since Nationals in figure skating May I finally had to get into something competitive (Last year I won 2nd with a pumpkin loaf and caramel drizzle! Now, I have to start thinking of next years masterpiece!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDY1676 10/24/2010 4:19PM

    Sounds good! will you post the recipe? emoticon

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WHISPERING-PINE 10/24/2010 8:44AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALISA-UCDI-1 10/24/2010 2:47AM

    That sounds good Pumpkin mousse pie that sounds good! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HSHEAJ5 10/24/2010 1:19AM

    Mmm, those look yummy!

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MYBULLDOGS 10/24/2010 12:52AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Today is just super fabulous.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

SO I woke up at 6am... emoticon

Headed across town to a friends house to have some slamming but low calorie pumpkin pancakes for breakfast emoticon

Then 5 of us piled into the car emoticon to head to a low income area of Tampa.

Our missions project for the day was JUST LOVE emoticon due to us being a church of volunteers and the school being called Just Elementary!

Over 400 families came and were able to eat lunch, have their faces painted, free hair cuts, bounce houses and slides. The middle age and high school ministry put on performances and music, and they got sent home with boxes of cleaning supplies and food!

Due to me not realizing it was going to be a shift of 3+ hrs in the sun emoticon alone and that I should have packed a snack but I did have a bag of chips and a hot dog with some lemonade --I was proud of myself for passing up on the potato salad, candy, popcorn, snow cones, and cotton candy!!!

So now I am popping into the house to shower, change, and enjoy an Herbalife shake (cookies and cream)!! emoticon

Off to my pastors house this evening for a night of (avoid eating it all) Pumpkin Party! emoticon My friend and I made some pumpkin mousse pies. emoticon

Lots of social events going to be happening this season. I do believe however, that I can do this. With my Herbalife shakes and my love of cooking chicken and salmon meals..I can fair well. I saw a good post the other day it said "It's a HoliDAY not a HoliMONTH!"--I will keep that in mind for good!

Hope everyone else is having a super fabulous weekend and enjoying yourself, where ever you may be!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELLEN0407 10/23/2010 4:26PM

  wow. wish i could do all this too

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