Friday, November 09, 2012
I am coming in on my two months back at SP. I have stalled, I have kept moving, I had weeks eating was harder than working out and weeks that working out or getting the motivation was harder. I had a few days that I did not go to a gym because I go to stressed and angry with Youfit I had to go find another gym and cancel and go about that process.
This week though really ate at me hard. I am not losing and not gaining. I am kind of in a frozen state of mind. I found an ortho specialist to assist me with the issue I was having since my new dentist I was assigned after mine of nearly 8yrs left...he is nice but come on he is like a year older than me...he tried to send me off for a $400 CT radiation scan photo..luckily I was taught to educate myself and while enduring a migraine from hell for 3 days I found the specialist and they were able to get me in on Monday. By Tuesday the migraine was gone and on the 19th I will know if the issue will resolve itself or if I will be in metal braces on the lower teeth for another year...I know my anxiety attacks always come rom dental and I would MUCH rather have braces for a year there then lose the tooth, endure another root canal, or worse.
Still had not regained my motivation to get to the gym...when I got the call my other grandfather had passed, dad was back in town and wanted to see me before he flew back out this morning. We were able to have a few hours of relax time while I let him grieve...without knowing the story lets just say his mother is resentful of me...his life...and anything that is not what she would have done in life..but his father was a great man who treated me like gold! (Gotta wonder how people end up in relationships like that where one is as they say "ugly" minded an the other so loving)
I've agonized my birthday for weeks..stressed...so I just presumed that sometimes in life it is OK to skip the gym for a week. I already planned that Christmas week on our cruise I am taking my workout clothes and working out on the ship....one week won't hurt me. Sometimes we need to be somber....I go to the gym to get out frustration, stress, and anger...but right now it's more a sadness and frozen in time feeling that the world around you moves but you are just sitting in a daze.
So today I looked back on what I have done in the past two months. What I am capable of. I have dropped nearly 19lbs, 3.5 points on the BMI bringing me from obese to overweight now. I gained almost 2% muscle and dropped 4.3% body fat. 8.5 inches have melted off my torso area from bust, waist, and hips. I was not frozen for two months....I was aware of everything around me.
We will all fall...trip...stumble...and at times collapse under the pressures of what we expect of others, ourselves, and our bodies. We will push limits, become OCD in some areas, and make goals that drive us to a fury of passion to know what we are capable of...but no matter what..we are human. We will hurt, we will grieve, we will want to sleep in and avoid the world...I now know I cam be thankful that I can do that once in awhile because it is HEALTHY. I didn't drop my eating habits at all this week...but I realized the drive to and from the gym and being around people I don't know....was not what I wanted right now. Not what I needed this week....
Time is moving even if you are not..but sometimes we need to reflect that as we progressed life around us still happens. I see a LOT of posts about people fearing the temptations of holiday food...just like not working out for one week...eating bad here or there but knowing you won't do it often...won't make you or break you. Being human and knowing we will fall gives us the power to get right back up!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
It's been awhile since I saw the old me. I was thinner, more active, very fit, and well...my jeans didn't dig into my sides. I didn't untag photos on facebook quite as fast as I did yesterday (Saw a photo from May at a wedding and I swear I looked 3x my size)
I'm not humiliated by how I look, more like ashamed. Not that I look bad by any means. Just not feeling or looking like the "me" I used to know. I have had weight battles since I was 10. I got chubby, then I got athletic, back to chubby, then super skinny model weight, back to chubby, to athletic, and now back to chubs lol. They say it's "happy weight" from the time I met my now husband. I know in February 2011 I was at a happy weight...and it was not this weight I carry now. It was actually about 36lbs lighter. I gained all that between then, the wedding, the honeymoon, and moving to a new home. I wear his shirts a lot now. They don't hug anything.
So I chose that only I can take on this battle. I can ask for support, help, and healthy competition but it is up to me to say no, make choices, and do what I feel is right. I will fall sometimes, stumble some nights, and crawl into a hole and feel like dying at other times. I'm starting back off with a goal of 36lbs to lose. 4 down in week one. (That was after I lost the 4, found it again after eating out twice in a row and then lost it again lol)
I have a glitch in the system...if I get pregnant I won't meet the goal, but I intend to stay healthy so it comes off easier after. If I'm not pregnant anytime soon then I plan to work my happy rear into gear and get back to the gym as soon as it opens next month and just work super hard and then be where I want to be. I can't stop LIFE just because I have let myself get back to a place I never wanted to see. I actually weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life. Well...who's fault is that? MINE!
So I want to make myself accountable, even if it's one tiny step a day, one little change a week.
So far I have put into action:
Counting calories on SP again
Ban on fast food for 12 weeks to get rid of cravings
No sweet tea
Lowering carbohydrates intake
I'm not stupid I was on the verge of finishing up my certification for personal training and fitness until all this "happy weight" and I bonded again. Those were choices I made and now I have to make MYSELF happy.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
SO I woke up at 6am...
Headed across town to a friends house to have some slamming but low calorie pumpkin pancakes for breakfast
Then 5 of us piled into the car to head to a low income area of Tampa.
Our missions project for the day was JUST LOVE due to us being a church of volunteers and the school being called Just Elementary!
Over 400 families came and were able to eat lunch, have their faces painted, free hair cuts, bounce houses and slides. The middle age and high school ministry put on performances and music, and they got sent home with boxes of cleaning supplies and food!
Due to me not realizing it was going to be a shift of 3+ hrs in the sun alone and that I should have packed a snack but I did have a bag of chips and a hot dog with some lemonade --I was proud of myself for passing up on the potato salad, candy, popcorn, snow cones, and cotton candy!!!
So now I am popping into the house to shower, change, and enjoy an Herbalife shake (cookies and cream)!!
Off to my pastors house this evening for a night of (avoid eating it all) Pumpkin Party! My friend and I made some pumpkin mousse pies.
Lots of social events going to be happening this season. I do believe however, that I can do this. With my Herbalife shakes and my love of cooking chicken and salmon meals..I can fair well. I saw a good post the other day it said "It's a HoliDAY not a HoliMONTH!"--I will keep that in mind for good!
Hope everyone else is having a super fabulous weekend and enjoying yourself, where ever you may be!
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