Friday, November 12, 2010
Little Man was my 4 legged, 5 pound, cuddle bug, never once in 11 years did he not fall asleep with me at night, his little head in the curve of my neck. He died this morning in my arms. I am totally lost. I have buried, friends, family members and even a husband but nothing has hurt this bad. I feel lke my soul has been ripped out of my body and thrown to the four winds. He never once placed a judgement of me, raised his voice or hand/paw to me, he just LOVED me thought it all. Husbands, moves, total upheavable, but he never left my side. When I cried he licked my tears, when I laughed and danced he would join in with me. I cant imagine life with out him, He was a resuced dog, as all my dogs are, but he was special, god I miss him all ready,can't imagine a life without him,not sure I want a life without him, The pain is too raw and too deep
Friday, October 22, 2010
Before surgery I was wearing a size 20/22. It it now 3 months post-surgery and I had to go buy some new clothes, everything was falling off. I went to Wal-Mart to buy some pants, I always wear skirts but with winter coming up I thought what the heck a pair of jeans. Now I have not really worn jeans in several years, I grabbed several sizes since I had no idea what size I was now. I ended up getting a size 16!!! OMG I have not fit into a 16 since I was in my 30's, I am 51 now. The 14's fit in the legs and butt but because of the extra skin on my tummy I had to get a 16, who cares if they are a little baggie every where else! And I have had them on all day, even sitting here at the computer and don't want or feel like I need to unbutton them, you know what I am talking about....lol This is the first time since surgery I "feel" like I have lost weight even though the scale has been saying I am....A little over 50 pounds and almost 12 inches....What a great day, I want to tell complete strangers....LAUGHS!!!
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Goals are funny things. We make them on New Year's Eve, most of the time never really expecting to reach them, or hope we will but after a week or two they are forgotten. I have made plenty of them over the years, lose weight, get healthy, read a new book, you name it. When I finally decided to get serious I made my first goal of taking back my life. Part of that included having WLS surgery. Took me several years to reach that goal but I did it after cancelling out a time or two. Or taking it no further than the talking stage. On August 5th, 2010 I reached that goal. My next goal was to get under 200 pounds, a weight I have not seen in years. I reached that goal this week, I was shocked. I mean I knew that with the surgery it would happen but when it did I wasn't ready for the "sticker" shock of it. It has taken several days to sink in. So now I sit here this evening and ponder on what my next goal will be. Should I pick several? Exercise more...yes but part of me wonders how. I can walk more, faster. I live way out in th county so joining a gym is out of the question, or is that another excuse? I have downloaded some dvd's but will I use them? I don't know, hopefully I will. Sometimes I think it is hard, living alone, I don't have any one to kick my butt and tell me to get up....Now I know that is an excuse ~laughs~ Drop more pounds, well duh! I would like to be at 180 by November 1st. 170 or less by the 1st of the year.
Goals are funny things!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I was sitting here thinking back on my life and decided I wanted to share a little, so here goes...
Back in 2004 I was at my heaviest, 315 pounds on a 5'3.5" frame. I was almost as big around as I was tall. I had fled Florida at 3:15 am on December 12, 2001 bound for New York. Fleeing a very abusive husband. I didn't know any one in NY but being from the south I figured he would never look for me up there. When I got off the bus, with 2 black eyes, 3 broken ribs and more bruises than I could count on my face. neck and arms, Adult Protective Services was waiting for me. Turns out the bus driver had called the police and descibed my condition, bless his heart. Anyway, the got me to a hospital, then found me a place to live, with the help of a very caring case worker I got the help I needed both phyiscally and mentally. After a couple of years in counseling to combat depression, fear, agoraphobia, PTSD and you name what else I thought I was ready to have WLS (Gastric Bypass) the week before surgery was to be done I cancelled it. I was scared. I had been hiding for so long, what would happen if I took down those walls of fat protecting me?
Fast forward to 2008. I finally called a family member, my brother and told him where I had been and what was going on. Without a word he got me home. Found a great PCP that has been taking care of me for 2 years. She brought up the subject of Gastric Bypass. I listened. I made my consult appointment on June 5th, 2010, weighing 241 pounds. Had surgery on August 5th, 2010, weighing in at 228. Today I check my Body Mass Index. When I started out all those years ago I was consided Morbidly Obese, today I am just Obese. I know to a lot of you that is not a big deal...I am still fat, yes I am at 205 pounds but it was a milestone for me. Proof that I am taking my life back!
So to all of us who are taking our lives back...Congratulations!!!
Friday, September 10, 2010
I am counting the hours til Monday morning @ 9:15 when I go to my doctor's office to get this dang g-tube removed! I will admit part of me is scared to death it is gonna hurt and the other part doesn't care as long as it comes out and i can bend without hurting ~laughs~ I have lost 33 pounds now but that goes up and down by a pound or two depending on....and I know this is too much information but....if I go to the bathroom. I am lucky if I go once a week. On one of the message boards someone was talking about taking benefiber, I am gonna ask him Monday if this ok. I try really hard not compare myself and progress to others but it is hard not too. Although it makes wonder if I am doing everything right when I see that people have lost 50+ pounds at 6 weeks and me only 33. I know every one is different and we all started at different weights, but still, hard not to compare and worry.
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