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Loving Yourself ?

Monday, July 30, 2012

Why do we have to “love/embrace/be happy” who we are/were as fat people? I read so many places where people clarify that “Yes, I loved myself despite being 20/50/100/whatever pounds overweight.” Is that the politically correct thing to qualify? Are we going to be ostracized if we do not take that stance? I’m not saying that it is not possible but it is the complete opposite for me. I loathed myself for not having the ability to lose weight; for not having control over my eating; for spending my entire life over-weight; for not being happy with who I was. It was my motivation for finally losing the weight and changing my lifestyle. I have realized only now, a good two years into this journey, that I still have issues at heart that I have to deal with (although I haven’t been able to label them yet). Losing weight is not the magic pill for happiness. But, with that being said, I am exponentially happier with who I am now. Losing this weight has lifted a huge mental weight off my shoulders and my anxiety levels have dropped considerably. I still have work to do and the balance between food/exercise will always exist but I can say that now I am happy with myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMSPARKER 7/31/2012 2:34PM

    What I take away from the "love yourself no matter what" mentality, is that it is especially important during the journey. Since some of us have a LOOONNNG journey ahead of us to lose the weight, we are bound to slip up and have that piece of cake or two or three. If we are practicing self love, we will not resort to saying damaging things to ourselves ("you fat pig"; "your disgusting"; "you can never do anything") and just move forward, being kind to ourself for the slip up, and carry on. At least, that what it means to me. And even though it's hard, I am practicing trying to love myself exactly as I am now. I am still trying to lose weight, but I am not waiting until goal to love myself

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ADARKARA 7/31/2012 2:25PM

    Losing weight is not a promise for loving yourself. And you can definitely love yourself in spite of your faults, you don't have to love everything, just love in general, maybe?

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TEENY_BIKINI 7/31/2012 2:11PM

    Totally intriguing question and blog. I am glad you are loving life and yourself -that is really all that matters.

So go on with your bad self!


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SNOWANGELDIVA 7/30/2012 6:26PM

    I assumed that when 'they' said to "love the fat" it was to love that self-abusing person and I wouldn't. I hate her. She wrecked my life on every level. When I decided NOT to embrace her destructive behaviours, I was free. Free to love myself enough to not tolerate excess consumption, verbal abuse and overall negative outlook.
I took it to mean to 'count my blessings' and 'build my dreams' as the way to "love the fat" instead and it has done me good.
If I hadn't detested what I had done to myself, why would I change it? If I embraced mediocisy in my self care, how would I have conquered over weight related illness?
I agree with you. I think the way "loving yourself" is presented in the words they chose has caused many people to stumble on getting on a personal journey to healthier lifestyle because they don't see where they're at is destructive.

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So, I Think I'm Scared.........

Sunday, October 30, 2011

I'm down 80lbs plus now. A feat I never imagined would happen, but has. I've just kept plugging along, not being to hard-lined about my "diet" and here I find myself, at a weight I could never have imagined. For thirty years (I'm forty) I've been trying to lose weight, have gained weight, dieted to drop pounds only to stop at still a fairly high number and started the climb back up. I'd mentally beaten myself all through-out that time. Not fun.

And here, thrilled with my new body and most importantly my state-of-mind (no more mental lashings), I realized today that I am scared of what comes next. In all my years of playing this weight game I have never been on this side of it. Many people are now asking me if I am done losing weight. My response is always "Yes?" Why can't I have a definitive answer? Why don't I have a "goal-weight"? I am physically strong and looking good, wearing sizes I didn't know I could count down to. I have no doubt that I can keep this weight off. I love my new life-style which includes lots of sweat, good food choices (most of the time) and being happy with myself. But what happens when I stop at the game I've been winning for the last year and a half? Where do I go from here?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 12/13/2011 10:31PM

    You are amazing and you have accomplished a lot. I am so proud of you, rock star!~

Any new journey comes with a little bit of trepidation - but you are gonna make it and conquer - because you already have.

You got this. Battle on, warrior!!!!!


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SABLENESS 10/31/2011 8:16AM

    Wow! Look at you! Have a wonderful time getting acquainted with the new you. How exciting! THANKS for being an inspiration to those of us who are still on our way. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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POETLKNG2LOSE 10/31/2011 12:08AM

    Be happy that you have gotten down to your goal weight and go out and treat yourself to something nice. Good Job! emoticon

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JOYFULME01 10/30/2011 11:03PM

  Woo Hoo! Great Job. Don't be afraid, celebrate your success and step out and enjoy your new body.

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FENWAYGIRL18 10/30/2011 10:49PM

    now live your life and be happy with the new you!!!!! emoticon

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What's Your Goal?

Monday, June 13, 2011

You know, since January I've really lost my focus a bit. Yes, I've continued to lose weight but perhaps not as quickly as possible because I fall off a bit on the weekends. I'd really like to lose another 20 or so but I need to get my weekends in check to get it done." I say.

"When do you want to have this done by?" my friend asks.

"Well, I'd like to be down 15 by mid-August, when we go on vacation."

"Do-able. What was your original goal when you first started this weight loss? Was it 20 pounds? 30?"

I thought for a moment and then replied "My original goal was to stick-with-it."

"Then you've already succeeded. Whether you lose more or not. Look how far you have come."

"Yes. You are right. And if we were leaving on vacation tomorrow I'd still be happy with myself. And if in August we leave and I still weigh the same as now, I will be happy with myself"

This is coming from a girl who's been over-weight her entire life, never ever happy with herself. I've managed to lose 70 pounds so far and have never felt better. I have done this by eating well and exercising but also by never restricting myself to the point of ever feeling deprived or over-pushed with physical activity. I've stuck-with-it because I like how I feel about myself. I'm asked all the time "Don't you feel better now that you've lost all this weight?" and my response is to point to my head. I feel better upstairs more than anywhere else. Sure it's a ton of fun to feel STRONG, to look good and to wear clothes I've never been able to wear, but most important to me is that I like me. I like not berating myself constantly. I like not thinking about food constantly. I like not worrying all the time about how I look. I LOVE knowing that I am being a good example to my two young children, knowing that they will have an active, healthy mommy who will teach them the best way to take care of their bodies; by eating well, exercising and loving themselves.

My goal when I started this time around was to stick-with-it. And that I've done. And it's what I'll continue to do.


Can't Wait to See the Gyno

Friday, November 05, 2010

Say what?

Ten months ago I sat on the table, naked aside from the lovely paper outfit, talking to my doc. I was in tears. I was miserable with myself both physically and mentally. I explained that I felt hopeless and completely out of control with my eating. I couldn't get a handle on it and was continuing to eat more than I should, continuing to gain weight. I couldn't stop the ball rolling down the hill and even if I could it would only last two months and then I would fall off the wagon again, getting lost in the endless mental self-admonishment that would invariably last much longer than my health-kick had. And the weight would come back.

Today I am nearly 40 pounds lighter. By the time my annual appointment rolls around I hope to be 55 pounds lighter. Most importantly though is my state of mind. I am in the groove. I feel in control. I don't understand the person I was on that table. But, I am also a little scared. What happens if for some unknown reason I slip off the path? Lose the control? This has been a life-long struggle for me.

The answer, that I will keep repeating to myself, is that I am in control of my mind and body. I can choose to be happy by making good choices. By selecting foods the help me. By exercising. By pushing myself to become the athlete I've always imagined I would love to be.

So, when my next appointment rolls around I will happily step on the scale. And when asked how I've done it? I will say with determination, the desire to control my own destiny & happiness and with a great deal of help from Sparkpeople.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XFITSTRONG 11/5/2010 9:54PM

    That is so awesome!!!! It feels good stepping on the scale knowing how far you have come! So proud of you!

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Thursday, September 16, 2010

Another week, another pound. Great, right? Just feel so extremely frustrated that at my 202.4 lbs, eating within the calorie range (lower end) and exercising at least 4 days a week that I should be good for at least 2 lbs loss. If things are going this slow what is it going to be like when I get to 165 in what feels like 3.5 years? Arghhhhhh!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIANA_IS_BACK 9/30/2010 2:09PM

    I feel your frustration.. I have a 300+ pound frame and I lost .5 this week. This is the way I look at it, that is .5 less than last week and just that much closer to my ultimate goal. I have the rest of my life, so I am taking my time since it took me 40+ years to get here, I figure it will take a while to un-do the damage.

Good Luck to you and hang in there. emoticon

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KITKA82 9/30/2010 1:28PM

    I've been doing this since January. At a starting weight of 224, I soooo know the feeling. As much as fitness experts tote "calories in, calories out," there are SO many different variables that affect weight loss and gain. If you remember that weight is just a number that represents the total composition of your body (including bones, blood, organs, hair, etc), it doesn't define you and speaks nothing to your self-worth. I know that sounds cliche but honey, if you're in it for the long haul, reciting that will keep you from going mad.

Another thing I've learned is to celebrate non-scale victories (fitting into a smaller size, etc), take time to set and meet goals that have nothing to do with weight loss (I started training for a 5K at the beginning of the summer, when I was 200 pounds), reward yourself for meeting mini-goals. These things (and more) have helped to keep me sane as I continue to press on toward my goal.

I know it feels slow now, but think about where you started. Losing 74 pounds seemed like it would take yeeeeears. Now, I have 29 pounds left until I reach my goal. Most days, I take it one meal and one workout at a time. I just started taking Zumba classes. Give yourself something to look forward to so that you can enjoy the journey.

Keep up the good work, but keep on living-- you will reach your goals!!!

emoticon cuz you're emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 9/30/2010 1:10PM

    Oh sweetie, I wish it worked that way - ie, I am guaranteed my 2-lb loss every week. But it really doesn't - some weeks will be higher, some lower, and some none. And it is still okay. When I started in January - I would have never imagined I would be nearing my 60 loss now, but I am - little by little, step by step. It all adds up and that part is true for everyone.

Know that you are doing great. And we are travelling the same incremental path and we are winners. Period.

WINNERS! I promise ;)

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Keep on keeping on! Woo hoo.

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VANESSAVOS13 9/16/2010 11:42AM

    Keep your chin up girl! I read a quote here on SP that said something like your body may not respond right away, and that the scale may not say what you want to say, but it will catch up to you if you keep on sticking with it.

You can do it! Just keep sticking with it and you'll see the results!

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