SEVERINA418   50,692
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August 28, 2014

Thursday, August 28, 2014

I enrolled at Ashford University again, instead of going to the local college who had me down for 6 classes, my first semester. I much prefer the one-class-at-a-time scenario over the traditional style of learning. I'm going to be studying Applied Behavioral Science and I'm hoping these next 4 years go by fast.

I went and got a new, free interviewing outfit from Dress for Success out of Cincinnati. I may have to pick up a part-time job soon, depending on how our money situation flies, and they hooked me up with slacks, two shirts, a blazer, a necklace, a pair of dress shoes, and a purse. They also fed us lunch. The brownies were awesome... which leads me to my next topic.

Folks, I'm about to smack myself upside the head a few times if I don't get a grip on my eating habits! My weight has skyrocketed again, and I have no one to blame but me. We're talking, I'm fewer than 10 pounds away from 300 again. That's just ridiculous for me! I have no valid reason for why I have allowed myself to obviously continue eating more, much more than I should. I need an intervention!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SURVIVOR61 8/28/2014 2:01PM

    Sandy is absolutely right, only you can make the choice and take control of your life. Start by committing to 10 + minutes of walking daily and tracking your daily food intake good and bad choices like it is the Holy Grail. This way you will see where your mistakes are coming from. If you know you are going to be out for a meeting the next day and will not have time for a healthy meal or snack. Prepare one ahead of time and place it in your purse, so you will not be tempted by brownies and that includes putting a bottle of water in your bag as well. Don't get caught of guard, always be prepared. No one else is going to do it for us we have to take care of us. Remember these same people that put out these unhealthy snacks at these events are also the ones that usually complain about us obese, over weight people. Yet they never think to prepare a healthy snack for all of us, just something quick and easy like junk food. So if we don't take care of us no one else will. Always plan ahead. God Luck!

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RHOOK20047 8/28/2014 12:13PM

    My wife contributes to that organization. Great place. Don't beat yourself up. Start over. Start logging your food and exercise if you aren't doing it. The daily accountability will stop you from making too many bad food choices. If your going to have a brownie, okay add a 15-20 minute walk to burn off those useless calories. You can do it. We all have stumbled and had to bet back on track. You can do it also. We are all here to help you! Have a great weekend. This weekend I am eating no meat unless it is grilled. A little places to start!

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MORTICIAADDAMS 8/28/2014 10:06AM

    I hope you enjoy your new class!

Dress For Success is an excellent group. It really helps women who need a boost to get a good job.

I am trying to reign it in too on the diet front and increase my exercise. It's hard.

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SANDY1969 8/28/2014 8:50AM

    I really shouldn't comment much, I ate at McDonalds last night on the way home. My stomach was about to eat my brain. Thats how it feels when the low calorie headache comes on.

The fact that you think you need an intervention got me thinking. Only you can make the decision to either go for it or not. It took me 40 years to acknowledge myself, my WHOLE self and what I'd done to my body. I can't even imagine what it's like to go from point A to B then back to A and then struggle again. Id like to think when I get where Im going I wont let anything drag me down again but it happens every day.

All I can say is take it one day, even 1 hour at a time. Stop focusing on Sparkpeople or groups or being a cheerleader for others and start thinking about you. Get a routine down and DO it.

I tell myself every time I get on my bike or treadmill (which I hate) 5 minutes down and that's 5 minutes no one can take away from another 5. It's only time. Yes Im sweaty and this is boring and Im basically lazy in the only area that it truly counts in (taking care of myself) but Im going to do this!

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August 20, 2014

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Sleep? I'm not quite sure if I know what that is anymore. I swear I will lay down and fall asleep, but within 1-2 hours I wake up, fully awake! My psychiatrist is a gimp because he seems to think that Trazodone is the only medication available to help with sleep. All he does is he continues to increase my dosage for that instead of trying something else. Oh well... by the end of next week, I should be on a schedule again, so that may help.

Hugs go out to my dearest friend, Amy, who has recently been united with someone she loves very much! I swear I will make a road trip down to Houston one of these days/months/years (hopefully not years).

Monday, I start school again. This time it's going to be very challenging for me because they're starting me out with 6 classes my first semester. But at least I will be back in a classroom instead of trying to kill myself--I mean, do tons of writing with how the online classes were.

Okay, that was fun. I must go now because I'm starting to dream while I'm awake, literally. I just almost got up to go get my infant son to change his poopy diaper, yet I don't have any babies, let alone any kids living with me. I really hope I'm not turning psychotic or anything! But this has been happening more and more, where my dreams start flirting with my conscious life and I have to do a major reality check sometimes just to make sure there isn't anything out there with my name on it that I don't know about.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIM22211 8/28/2014 12:00AM

    hey update me on the work load you are going to take!

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IGNITEME101 8/23/2014 12:39PM

    I'm sad that you're going without sleep. Take good care of yourself, Teresa. IF 6 classes are too much, you can drop 1 or 2 without penalty 'as long as' you do it fairly early. Talk to your advisor about it. emoticon

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SHELLS514 8/22/2014 3:35PM

    That is quite a load Teresa but good for you! You can do it; I'm glad you are taking this on; what a sense of accomplishment you will have! Dreams are the strangest things sometimes; so odd the things roaming around in the back of our mind.

So, best of luck Teresa! I'm proud of ya!
Love, Teri

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KIM22211 8/21/2014 6:15PM

    dreams can do that to you. normal! and you should sleep like a baby after taking that many courses at once!

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    I get pretty weird when I don't get enough sleep for days on end too. I hope you can get this problem solved soon. Good luck with school!

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COASTAL6 8/20/2014 7:40AM

    Good Morning Friend emoticon

I also take Trazodone for sleep, I'm off of Abilify for a couple of weeks now, because the insurance is all must up right now, thanks to the Obama Care!
I'm so very happy for you, that your going back to school soon. I look up to you! So what classes are you taking? I would love to go back to school someday, I have to wait, till my husband retires.
Rooting for you, and cheering you on my friend!

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August 16, 2014

Saturday, August 16, 2014

A few days ago, my psychiatrist prescribed Adderall XR to me to help me pay attention and be able to focus in class. I can tell already, even on my low starting dose, that my appetite is waning! I know they say ADHD medications tend to cause weight loss, so this will be awesome if it helps me lose weight, too.

Last night, I picked up a free, used mountain bike from a nice gal who offered it to me in a group on Facebook! I'm scared to ride it, though. Do big people get made fun of when they're seen riding a bike? Also, is it the law to wear a helmet while riding? I sure hope not!

Today, I picked up a HUGE garbage bag filled to the brim with free clothes for me! They were from another nice lady on Facebook. Some of the clothes are a bit snug, but they will just give me incentive to lose weight.

Feeling blessed is how I've been feeling recently, even having a broken nose and two black eyes can't keep me from feeling like the Big Man in Heaven is taking care of me!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IGNITEME101 8/23/2014 12:43PM

    ouch! broken noes and black eyes? emoticon

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KIM22211 8/18/2014 1:58PM

    sure wish you lived closer NO people of any size do not get made of of for trying!!!!! period! I am sure a helmet is a good idea but check with your city as far as laws. I have never heard of it as a law but I dont ride a bike. Our Harley, in our state, it is a law. Even if it wasn't I would wear one. The state 10 min from us isn't a helmet law state but we wear it anyways!

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    A broken nose and 2 black eyes??!!! OMG. That is horrible! I hope you are okay now. I am glad things are looking up for you otherwise.

Comment edited on: 8/16/2014 8:43:35 PM

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August 8, 2014

Friday, August 08, 2014

Today I'm beginning my prep do be able to walk a 5K in 5 weeks. I am too big and too out of shape to try running it, so walking it will still be more than I've ever done before. I wish I had someone to do this with, especially if it was my boyfriend or even a local sparker. But I will be brave and go it alone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COASTAL6 8/12/2014 12:06PM

    I'm so excited for you!
Happy walking!

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SANDY1969 8/9/2014 8:13PM

    Do you have a 5K in mind or just doing a program that trains you to be ready in that amount of time? I want to do one some time. I do not know really what to expect, I have never even watched one. I have tried to research how long it should take a person like me to complete one, but so far nothing. Id really hate to be walking it in alone after everyone went home lol.

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KIM22211 8/8/2014 6:36PM

    and good for you doing it solo! You might meet some great new friends at it. Which one are you doing?

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KIM22211 8/8/2014 6:35PM

    hey, this old thang did it so can you. Yes, I walked it, until the end then I jogged thru the finish line! lol!

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WIFE48 8/8/2014 11:47AM

    emoticon emoticon

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    Good luck! emoticon

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JLAMING263 8/8/2014 11:04AM

    emoticon emoticon

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August 4, 2014

Monday, August 04, 2014

What I'm about to say will make it believable that I lack any willpower. June 30th I weighed 270 pounds. Today I weigh 293! I know where I've gone wrong, too. I was eating junk, and eating junk, and eating more junk for the past month. And I'm not exaggerating! Mixing-size bowls full of cereal and 2% milk topped with sugar, candy and chocolate, pretzels, potato chips, big bowls of ice cream, pizza, pasta... and the list goes on and on.

There has got to be a way for me to quit overeating and have the strength to just say no to unhealthy foods! I feel like such a failure and I am so ashamed and embarrassed of myself! I know, if I'm able to get myself back on track, I will also use my accountability partners. I never once let anyone know the damage I was doing to myself. Gaining 23 pounds in a month is ridiculous!

Come on, my sweet and precious SparkBuddies; Help me to be strong like those of you who are having success!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BACCAGIRL 8/6/2014 10:15PM

    I am also losing to improve my temple, on loan to me, from God! Sounds like if you are willing to be accountable to all of us, you can also be accountable to YOURSELF!! You have admitted your wrong decisions, are aware of what you NEED to do to lose those pounds and know our God, who makes it possible. Seems like you have become knowledgeable of many key pieces necessary. 23 pounds is not what you are happy with, so kick it to the curb! emoticon

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KIM22211 8/5/2014 11:52AM

    you know what, you recognize it and you are crying out for help. that in itself is a huge step. And not to mention, this was one month. you now have the rest of your life. one month is nothing. and if you think about it, our goal isnt to lose weight.pft, we can do that all day and have proven hat we can. Our goal is to just keep it off! Of all people, you are the one I know will do this! I know you will! Girl, I was on a 7 month "I don't care journey" so I got to topped!

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NOT_A_LANNISTER 8/4/2014 8:43PM

    You are brave for typing this up! I can't have any type of junk food in my house or I will eat it! It takes more effort to go out when it's not in the house so that's usually enough to stop me.

What helps me is to think of how temporary the pleasure of eating crap food is vs how I'll feel at goal weight. I started at 300 lbs (HW:312). The thought process that keeps me motivated:what's more important-a temporary food high or giving yourself a better shot at living a longer life? Am I going to remember the bag of oreos or am I going to remember what it's like to fit on a rollercoaster or to be able to buy clothes at a regular store and chase after my kid without feeling winded and sore?

When I think of giving up now (which is often!) I think about what life I'll be going back to if I give up vs what life will look like at goal weight or along the way to goal weight. Life is DIFFICULT at 312 pounds. It's physically and emotionally painful. Making healthy food choices is so difficult too, but look at what the final outcome is. So much more happiness. You are here which is exactly what matters. Turn it around! It's cliche, but you CAN do it.

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SANDY1969 8/4/2014 7:49PM

    I agree with Morticia. Do not BUY it. Also, as Therldl says that did take a lot of guts to admit that. Now what are you going to do about it?

We're always going to have those moments. We are BIG people with big appetites. It's hardly a suprise to ANYONE that we eat BIG meals. We eat BAD things. Reveal over...Now, again...what are you going to do about it? I challenge you tonight to do 30 minutes of getting your life back. Tomorrow I challenge you do an hour. Cut it in half, divide it into quarters, I dont care but get off your butt. Use the tools, use your brain and use your body to whip this into shape. You are smarter than this.

23 pounds can come OFF in a month too.

Comment edited on: 8/4/2014 7:49:46 PM

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    Don't buy any more of this stuff. Plan your meals and snacks and that is all you are to have in the house.

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THERLDL 8/4/2014 4:18PM

    Admitting the issue is half the battle. Probably took a lot of strength and courage for you to even type this up. Now it's time to use that strength and courage to tell yourself you aren't going to have to type one of these up again.

You know you can do it. You've proven you have the ability to do it in the past. Time to get back to the basics you know work, hold yourself accountable, and reach out to those around you in any moment of weakness.

Don't give up, you got this :)

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