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Binging and reverting to old habits...

Sunday, April 26, 2009

My last visit to my former home town really put a dampter on my positive progress. As I watched myself binge and get off track, I felt the anxiety as my scale started to creep up again. The hold that my past habits have on me are not gone far enough yet. I have to build more strength to change my mentality about these visits back home. I have another one coming in July - where I'll spend a few days with my friends and then the weekend and a few days with my daughters before they head off to visit with their father for about 5 weeks.

So here I am today, with a sheepish renewal of commitment (and I say sheepish because we all do this don't we - fall off and then say ok - here we go again). What I want to be different this time is to break that threshold and move beyond a mark that I have not done again in years.

When I left 170Ville I was excited as I had not done that in 3 years of trying and now I'm feeling bummed out because I'm battling to stay below and away from that place.

My next BIG goal is to leave 160Ville and I don't want it to take 3 years. I've been stagnant a the same weight for 3 months and it's time to shake things up to get me motivated again and feeling good again.

I've been feeling drained, low energy, blah... and I know it's because I'm upset with myself for falling off my good habits and reverting to my old self and it's time to STOP again!

My plan was to kick April in high gear to prepare and feel great for my daughter's first communion which is now 1 week away... so my short term goal for this week is to go AF (which I have not been successful in doing much this month - binging in this area too). I need to feel my bloat go away again.

The warmer weather is here and I watch as people start to wear shorts, sandals and I'm still not at a place where I'll feel comfortable wearing lighter clothing so I have to get there.

Promise to myself this week - and WHY I have to do this!!
1. Exercise each morning (as I have not done this in over a week) and walk in the evenings (weather permitting)
2. Read my positive articles/books
3. Do some 'spring cleaning' in the house (have much to organize so tackle one project a night)
4. Eat healthy foods - no snacking past 8pm
5. AF days for the rest of the month (which will bring my total to 9 days this month - short of my 15 day goal).

I need to do this to get rid of the 'yuck' feelings I have inside... the anxiety and worry that I'm failing again - and the only person I'm failing is ME.

Next Sunday I will update my page, and commit to my May goals. Summer is so close now ... and the wedding is approaching.

With my kids gone for 5 weeks in July/Aug - I will take the time again to really dive into 'myself' and my workouts and caring for me and working towards fulfilling my health goals.

There is nothing better than feeling good about what you do for YOU! I had that feeling not so long ago and it's time to get it BACK!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LARREDONDO84 4/28/2009 6:36PM

    I've been right where you are too many times. I have tried loosing weight numerous times (the only time I have been successful is with SparkPeople), but I have not been able to keep it off because of my drinking. Now because of my weight, and other effects on my life, I am choosing to put my food down against the alcohol. Just remember one day at a time. When you go to take that first drink remember all of your progress and the promises you made to your self. No alcohol tastes as good as thing and healthy feels!

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BRENDA_2010 4/27/2009 3:34PM

    Don't be to hard on yourself and don't worry about the past. Focus on your goals and what you can do today and tomorrow!! YOU CAN DO THIS HELENE!!!!

I know you will reach 160ville, don't give up!!

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CAZ_NR_HEATHROW 4/26/2009 1:22PM

    You are way too hard on yourself but then we all are from time to time.
Why do we beat our selves up?
At least you have re committed to yourself and have an excellent plan.
Keep on track and you'll soon be under 160!
You can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!
xx emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 4/26/2009 11:14AM

    your on the right track keep up the good work you can do this emoticon emoticon

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HICALGAL 4/26/2009 9:12AM

    Good morning Helene! looks like you're off to a great start...keep it going and you'll be on your way out of 160-ville.


e yourself
Believe in yourself
Find the spirit within
And your dreams will come true! emoticon

debbie emoticon

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Loving Smart

Friday, April 24, 2009

I'm reading Dr. Phil's book "Loving Smart" (which has been on my bookshelf for ages)... and the greatest thing that stands out for me is that I have to know myself and love myself FIRST.

This past week, I was feeling low again as though I'd failed again, slipping back to old habits but feeling some hope again as I see the sun shining, the warmer weather approaching and of course the weekend is here!

I also see that I'm one week away from my monthly weigh in/measure in and know that I need to really get my butt back to business as I've been at the same level for the past 2 months and I don't think I can handle another month with NO movement. So I gotta get cracking!

Don't know if I'll meet the 1500mins of activity challenge that I signed up for being sidetracked as I have been but going to push to get as much in as I can with walks outside, my elliptical and gazelle and some weights!

I can NOT believe May 1st is next Friday - 1 week away. Summer is almost here!! I have pictures of me and my 'great-nephew' and as I looked at them was criticizing my 'double/triple chins' so I'm definitely not happy with how I look but I have to learn to LOVE MYSELF NOW... so I can continue on my positive journey.

Today is a new day and I'm going to work at staying positive, smile and take a great walk at lunch time to start with my acitivity (as I have been neglecting my am workouts too).

Here's Markus... my reason for visiting and smiling :-)

Me and my chins... but oh so happy!

It's been so long since I held such a small baby...

And I got to celebrate my girlfriend's birthday while I was down (and listen to her hubby play some awesome music)... no wonder I was tired when I came back.

And my sister made it home on Monday (a day later than expected). Her blood levels were very low and they debated about a transfusion, but they opted to let nature take it's course. She is healing well and will need to take it easy for the next 8 weeks (not an easy task for her to do). But she's enjoying the company of her daughter and little grandson.

We are truly blessed with our health and thus why we can never take it for granted!

Wishing all my SP Friends a wonderful Friday and Superb Weekend!

Scale is back down in 160Ville - but still far from my last login... so we'll see what the weigh in says next Sunday (my daughter's first communion date). I would love to be around 160 or even 159 to say I moved beyond 160Ville (as I've been here for 3 months now)... Believe and you WILL Achieve!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRENDA_2010 4/25/2009 12:45AM

    Love the pictures. You have such a great smile!!

Keep thinking positive!!!


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CAZ_NR_HEATHROW 4/24/2009 7:20PM

    Nice to see you thinking positive again- I knew you'd turn yourself around.
You will get to your goal, just stay positive and on track hun.
I love the photos- so glad you've shared them

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Back a day late...

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I ended up coming back a day late and feeling very tired. Will write more later... This visit took a lot out of me as I'm feeling drained and BLOATED ... scale is up way big time back to over 170 so very upset about that!

Today's focus is to get back to work and get back to my routine. Need time to re-assess these visits as it caused me more heartache than sometimes I wonder it's worth... tried to please everyone, and still had some 'upset' with me... you can't win at times.

I did get to be with my sister and see my great nephew and my daughters had a great welcome back for me (a little card made by my youngest)... need a day or two to get back in the swing of things and I'll be back on here.

Will post pics and write more once I get back in the groove...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RDEEEEEEEEE 4/22/2009 4:49PM

    Glad you are getting back in the groove. I am fighting my way back also. All we have to do is remember what works and DO it!! You'll be back on 160 street before you know it! 2 months till bikini season! We can do this!!

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CAZ_NR_HEATHROW 4/22/2009 5:45AM

    Hi Helene
it's nice to have you home hun. emoticon.
Hey when you're at someone elses place and the foods different to what you're used to it's enevitable to gain- but you'll soon lose it again.
Just give yourself time to get back into a routine and rest up.
Take care

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Thank you...

Friday, April 17, 2009

To all my SP Friends for their good wishes. I was able to talk to my sister briefly when she was in her room. She was very groggy and tired so I'll know more today. I've been up since 3:30am ... couldn't sleep and had a few things to take care of before I hit the road at 7am.

My step-daughter is here and we're set for the weekend. I feel good knowing she'll be here for the girls. I made their supper, planned other meals so all should be good here.

I'm really going to have to blare the tunes to stay awake. Depending on my computer access I may not be back until Monday but you are all always in my thoughts!

My weight is 'stagnant' at between 164 and 166 for the past 2 months ... when I get back I have to do something to get it moving again to stay encouraged. I really want to get to leave 160Ville by May... wish me luck! Gotta shake things up!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABY_GIRL69 4/20/2009 6:18PM

    I pray your sister is doing well & her spirit was lifting when she saw you!


emoticon emoticon

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KIMUSH23 4/18/2009 11:10PM

    Have a Wonderful trip...

SPARKPEOPLE Says ... Put Some SPARK In Your SPRING emoticon
Luv Ya Kim

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BRENDA_2010 4/17/2009 2:52PM

    Have a safe trip Helene and make sure you listen to some "good" music to keep you awake.

Best wishes and enjoy your weekend.

When you get back it will be time to kick your butt into high gear and show the scale who's the boss!!!


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CAZ_NR_HEATHROW 4/17/2009 4:49AM

    Hi Helene
Once you have this trip out of the way you'll be more relaxed about your sister and other probs and be able to concentrate on you.
Enjoy your time with the family and the trip and come back determined to hit 160- or just below.
Take care, safe journey
xx emoticon

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Thursday, April 16, 2009

I haven't been around much this week - short week at work and today is my sister's surgery. I am busy also helping with the church to get volunteers organized for the first communions (enjoying it though).

I'm a bit distracted also because I have to leave tomorrow and funds haven't come in to allow for the trip to go smoothly (... need gas to get there) but as always I know I will sort things out.

I've also been a bit 'off' with my workouts but doing ok with my eating - except I'm starving it seems this week.

One more shift, today, and much to do tonight. Hope to be on the road by 7am tomorrow (just as I was leaving for work)...

Hoping to hear from my sister tonight and thinking positive thoughts about her 'speedy recovery' from this surgery. It's major and not (hysterectomy) but as with anything, there are always risks. All I know is she needed it because she couldn't keep going as she was.

Hope you are all having a good week... sorry I haven't been around much... but as my title reads, I am a bit distracted.

Enjoy YOUR day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABY_GIRL69 4/16/2009 6:17PM

    Try to focus & try not to shoulder the burden of us all!



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BRENDA_2010 4/16/2009 2:00PM

    you know you are only one person, but a strong woman. You will get through all the distractions and get back to normal once things calm down for you!!

We all know how hectic life can be.

I will be thinking about you as you travel to see your sister. I hope everything goes well. Have a safe drive!


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CAZ_NR_HEATHROW 4/16/2009 7:30AM

    You're forgiven Helene emoticon
I know you've a lot on your plate right now, your sister, your new grand nephew etc etc you can only do so much in 24 hours hun.
I hope all goes well for your sister, I'm sure she'll be fine but it's only natural to worry about such things. Sending positive thoughts for her.
Have a good journey 2moro and turn the radio on and have a sing along- I know you enjoy doing that.
Take care

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