Sunday, June 24, 2012
Watching the movie this afternoon... so ironic with all I've been experiencing. Thankfully no messages via text or calls today, and the e-mails he sent this morning - which makes me think he has gotten the message and offering his 'friendship' and a person I could talk to or vent with anytime... NO THANKS!! I have my lovely SP friends for that
Seriously though ... the send off with the girls was a bit emotional. There was tension and then my oldest got upset when I hugged her and wouldn't let go. I do hope they have a good visit.
Then as I drove back with my step-daughter she asked me about all that's been going on with me and as I relayed my 'stories'... about this latest 'stalker' encounter, and previous to that, the issue with my sister and how she's no longer talking to me over an incident where I was violated by a man (her step-daugher's husband)... Well friends - it's pretty dis-heartening. I have been given many lessons in life - and they seem to keep coming at me and I wonder about the purpose and truly hope that one day I will get that break and have true happiness.
The "ugly truth"... life is NOT easy. It's not all roses, sunshine and smiles/laughter. What you make of it in how you react to things is what makes the difference.
Sure I am feeling pretty low right now. I'm alone for almost 2 months, and today I'll allow myself to 'sulk' maybe just a little, but going to pick myself right back up tomorrow morning and get a routine going as a single woman, no kids...
I am going to clean this house up - room by room, projects, and I'm going to go OUT and meet real people. No more computer/internet dating sites for this girl.
Sure deception exists in real life too when you meet people, but I am a pretty good judge of character and I am visual and nothing beats looking into someone's eyes and making that connection. That's what I'm after!! I want that spark - that look, across the room or after a bit of time... spending time together doing activities we enjoy ...
So my plan when the girls are gone is to stay on track. Today is a write off but the last week of June is NOT! I still have my goal in view.
The Universe knows what I'm going through it seems delivering these key messages...
We are fragile so that we need beauty. If we never broke, we would never need fixing. We would never know how others have the power to fill hollow spaces in the heart. We would never know the power of books or poems or films or songs, gems from one suffering soul to another, to speak to the spirit. We would never know the power of hands in hands or arms around waists or lips on cheeks, those gentle gestures that light up the world.