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Deja Vu...

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

February is a tough month for me which brings back so many 'deja vu' moments that I'm still finding it hard to cope. Despite my knowing that I have the free will to make choices, I am still human and find myself off track for the moment.

My level of frustration was incredible yesterday... and all the little things that came up just simply 'urked' me and I know this is not the regular me at work, but the hormonal beast. I truly believe I'm going through some major changes (perhaps approaching the 'menopause stage of life') and as I try to reflect and figure it out - it also sends me a bit into panic mode because it's new.

One thing I'm proud of is that I'm not hiding as I did last February - when I completely disconnected from the SP world and avoided blogging because my choices, my situation were less than perfect. The same is happening now in that I have doubts, some negative thoughts coming up and that general overall feeling that I'm failing again as I watch myself go for anything in sight... I mean friends - yesterday I was an eating machine and craved everything...

Some of my feelings of unrest are due to the fact that I'm putting myself out there again in the land of 'dating/love' and it scares the heck out of me. It's almost like I'm sabotaging myself - and being nudged along here and there with some people who put in their negative comments...

You all know I'm all for positivity and I try my best to project this on a daily basis but I'm not there this past week... nor am I there today and I'm not going to beat myself up over it...

February is a month that is challenging as it always brings me back to moments of the past... not so positive, thoughts of what my life was, how it has changed... Friday is not only the anniversary of my parents wedding - but a reminder of my own failed marriage.

I'm seeking strength and trying to cope, but not doing it in the best way. I'm finding myself feeling somewhat overwhelmed with all of these 'deja vu' emotions... all the while opening myself up to new and exciting possibilities as I explore a new love... which scares the heck out of me and mostly because of my ongoing lack of success in this area...

I find myself thinking 'it's too good to be true'... and wonder when the ball will drop and perhaps coping by numbing myself so I don't feel it when it does. Yet, I want to be positive and hopeful that YES I do deserve this good stuff in my life....

My weight is what I hide behind... and perhaps that is my cause for stress eating or binge eating as I try to deal with the flood of emotions I'm experiencing.

My fuse is short nowadays ... and I am being faced with some ongoing stressors... financial worries, stressors, work/life balance, volunteer. I need to get a grip... and I know I can do it... I just need to keep myself accountable... by not 'hiding'... by being here my friends and simply allowing it to be... and to flow through me. By recognizing the 'why', by seeing it for what it is... I can accept it, deal with it and MOVE ON!

Taking another step today to getting that done! And last but not least... I take time out to recognize all that is RIGHT in my life - never forgetting to acknowledge the things I'm thankful for (including my non-judgemental SP Family). Thanks friends... for listening to my rants...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIMICOTO 2/23/2011 4:24PM

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PEGGY-BEE 2/23/2011 2:46PM

    Oh honey, February is a killer month for me too! I gained all my weight back this month. But life is a learning process and at least this year I saw what I have done and think I am working thru some of the crap so next February will be better!

Best of luck to you! I know you will persevere with your determination. And you are helping me figure stuff out as you go! Thank you for your positive force.
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LORIKAT11 2/23/2011 2:31PM

    I admire you for trying so hard to stay on track and stay positive. Something I find helpful is to acknowledge and honor my feelings (even the yucky ones) and then tell myself the truth. February is almost over and spring is just around the corner! Hang in there! emoticon emoticon

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LISED58 2/23/2011 1:42PM

    Salut Hélène. Don't I know about the fear of shedding the fat. It angers me that I feel we have to do this to protect ourselves against being women; to protect ourselves from our feminine vulnerability.

Yesterday you listened to your heart and to your instinct, balancing the pros and cons before making any decision. YOU DID IT!!

Today, YOU'RE DOING IT!! You don't need me (but I'm way older) to tell you that balancing the overflow of so many new emotions and experiences from your dream of a lifetime vacation, your life as a great mom, a super friend and an award-winning employee and, somewhere in between those successes others' leery feelings is, to say the least, challenging. Today, make yourself a lovely cup of tea - or a pot - kick your feet up and again listen to what your gut and instinct are telling you; reconnect with your balanced Self and trust in that, for today. x

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SENATOR9 2/23/2011 11:01AM

    You can't change the pass and you can't see the future that only leave the present Take it one day at a time and you will succeed New job new friend once the February blues are gone you'll feel much better emoticon

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MEADSBAY 2/23/2011 10:18AM

    Every life, every day has up and down times.
You may also be experiencing that post-vacation letdown- a small depression after a much anticipated event has come and gone.
Begin and end every day with gratitude.
You have so much to be thankful for.

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PHOENIX40S 2/23/2011 9:17AM

    This is all part of the journey. There will be bumps in the road. (February has been bumpy for me too.) But you know that you are on the right path. Keep moving forward: one baby step at a time. Be kind to yourself. You are deserving of that kindness. emoticon

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DIDI_60LBS_BY60 2/23/2011 5:42AM

    Ma belle Helene emoticon

I know you......you're kind, sweet, caring, loving, inspiring and god-darn emoticon!!!!!!

You have failed and nutttten honey! These are memories and life phases I feel we need to go through, (I could tell you stories....hehehe)to finally accept who we are, what we want.... and finally love ourselves unconditionally(as we do our children).

This from an "old broad" hehe... that finally got it about 3 yrs. ago.

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"moi"

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SAFETYSUE 2/23/2011 5:14AM

    Hey there, I totally agree with baby, you deserve your chance to love and be loved. I was so guilty of not believing my hubby would stay true to his vows for the first ten years of my marriage. At 15 years together I was paralyzed. Here we are at 36 years and he is still here. My advise is to love with your whole heart and never take that love for granted and you will know the truest form of happiness. Life will be so amazing and you will find great peace. Love like there is no tomorrow and no matter what happens in the future you will have no regrets. Have that same unconditional love for YOURSELF and love your way to a better, happier, healthier you and I promise you will have no regrets there either..

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BABYTUXXY 2/23/2011 4:30AM

    You DO deserve the good stuff in life!! You will weather this storm in your life and come out stronger for it!! emoticon

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Making Choices...

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

So my week starts today as I had the day off yesterday. I had a good day with the girls and my nephew who came out with us to the restaurant for Megan's birthday and I ended up having a couple of drinks... but then went to bed early and I'm ready to make this a NEW day filled with positive choices!

I've been in a slump with my choices lately... letting things slide and feeling it as it's dampening my spirit and it stops now! I know that to flip the switch, I need to make different choices and regain the momentum I had going in January... Yes there's only 6 days left this month but wonders can happen each and every day if we make the RIGHT choices.

So today I choose happiness and make the choices that will lead me to this end.

The practice of gratitude is always included as I recognize the great things I have in my life and work from there to make things even better...

So for today, I begin by doing some activity this morning and re-setting my frame of mind to getting back on the AF wagon (alcohol free)... I know I can do this and it's simply a choice and although the first few days are hard when you mindlessly just grab what you feel like having... I am going to make a choice to grab for some wonderful water, green tea and by the time my weigh in date arrives... I will see progress!

No looking back - only looking forward...

I've been off schedule because my emotions have been a bit a muck with newness introducing itself into my life and I guess I just need to get a grip... It's not easy adjusting to changes in life (even when they are good things that make you feel good ... it's like I'm afraid that it's too good and I'm waiting for the ball to drop)...

I trust in the process of life and the joy that is finding it's way into my life is what I deserve!

SparkCheers my friends! Let's make these last few days of February Matter!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PERSISTENT_GIRL 2/22/2011 9:53PM

    you can do it helene!!

6 days left - together, lets make em count!!

find your balance of taking care of you while enjoying the new things... and keeping the good in the 'old' while getting rid of the 'bad and doubts'.

get back to that positive, energetic, ambitious self thats just 'sleeping' right now. go re-read your 19 blogs while you were AF and emotionally connect back to that level, back to that emotional frequency wave and as you know, you will attract that back in your heart and mind.

I believe in you. You got this. If you want it, you can have it, 1 choice at a time.

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NHGRL68 2/22/2011 3:56PM

    I know you can do it. It's tough to get right back at it after you come back from vaca. But at least you know what you have to do and you know how great you will feel after:-) I'm trying to remain AF also. Yesterday was my 1st day:-) emoticon

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LORIKAT11 2/22/2011 2:41PM

    I know how it feels to get off track. I have a hard time making the choice not to drink especially when some of those not so good changes come along. Thanks for your blog, it reaffirms that I MUST make the right choice. Yesterday was AF for me, going for 2 in a row today. emoticon WE CAN DO IT!

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SEAWAVE 2/22/2011 8:43AM

    Changes - good and bad - mean adjustments, and you're doing well with all of the changes you've had over the past months. It's all just one choice at a time; don't let yourself get overwhelmed!
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PHOENIX40S 2/22/2011 8:38AM

    I like that: "I choose happiness." Me too!

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LISED58 2/22/2011 8:35AM

    Bonjour Hélène. You know your road well. You're doing great by re-adjusting the little rearview mirror and cruise on, admiring the view from that wide, clear windshield!
GO FOR IT HELENE!!

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MEADSBAY 2/22/2011 8:28AM

    Let's do it, my friend.
One day at a time!
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BEGONIAC 2/22/2011 7:29AM

    It.s all about the choices isn.t it!!?? be good to yourself... emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/22/2011 7:29:42 AM

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PAPAMIKIE 2/22/2011 5:41AM

    I just complete 4 days of Chi Running instructors changes. This was done in sunny FLA with a great master trainer and 13 every passionate and skill practioners. It was very exciting and motivating.

I chi running when we approach a hill we reduce the work done by the legs from 50/50 (legs and upper body) to 25/75 (legs and upper body). We shorten our stride, we lean up the hill, we increase the bend in our elbows to more than the typical 90 degrees, we maintain a steady cadence. We typically go up hills a little slower than other runners but we arrive at the top fresh. We adjust our process to go up hill, we have other adjustments for non-runnable hills.

In Chi Running we start with a mental choice, to learn to run with balance and alignment, to make form and pactice more important than distance and speed.

When life throws us a hill we need to make a few adjustment to continue up it without undue effort. In life we need to make the same choice the process and parctices we focus on will help carry use and keep us on track.

Good running and be careful out there.

Popie

PS I hope you know I mean a whole lot more than running when I say running.

Take care.

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SHRINKINGSHERI 2/22/2011 5:32AM

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SUNRISE14 2/22/2011 5:24AM

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Birth Day...

Monday, February 21, 2011

10 years ago today I gave birth to my youngest and as I reflect on this - I realize it's time to seek a 're-birth' of my push to keep moving forward in a positive direction. I have been really 'off' my game for some time now (well since my vacation) and my track record for the month with my eating, exercise and drinking has not been great in comparison to last month's.

I have the pleasure of being off today as it's also Family Day here in Canada (and my wishes to our american friends on their President's Day).

I have the morning to dive into the housework that I've neglected all weekend so far... and then later, my nephew who is now living in Ottawa again (the one who lived with us for a month in October) will come visit and hang out with us today. I will take Megan out to East Side Mario's for her birthday treat... and I'll make the day all about 'her'.

There's one week left in the month and we push into the 3rd month of 2011... and I'm still aiming for the "Goal" - with the team... but need a good kick in the butt to get back to business!

I need a good streak to feel that good feeling again. I have printed off my blogs for 2011 so far and will read those this morning to be reminded of how great I felt with my long streak in January of being AF (alcohol free). I know this is the final hurdle I must maintain balance with if I wish to have success in the weight loss area.

My challenge however this week is that I'm dealing with PMS so I have to keep my focus. I have let msyelf slide into old patterns ... and it's time to switch it back up! I want to feel my mid-section de-bloat ... not the other way around! So ... nothing to it but to do it... I'm off to begin my vigorous housework and get some things accomplished!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LISED58 2/21/2011 1:29PM

    I have every confidence you're going to find your balance among all those fantastic events going on in your life right now. Sometimes it's just a juggling act ... a new love interest can do that. Hee hee... Have a fantastic rest of the day and evening. See you tomorrow for our walk!
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SEAWAVE 2/21/2011 9:25AM

    Yep, Family Day is a provincial holiday in Ontario (and some other provinces, but not all) so not everyone is off.

Best wishes to Megan on her birthday, and for your re-birth as well! You know you can do this... you've done it before! Take a good look at those old patterns and wave bye bye!
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ANNE7X7 2/21/2011 8:15AM

    Happy Birthday to Megan!! I hope she has an awesome day!!

You lucky folks with your day off! Unfortunately since I work for the feds, I don't get it off :( Ah well, what are you gonna do! there was no traffic AT ALL this morning, so that's a plus!

Enjoy this day! You still have a week in Feb, you can definitely rock it!!

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MORRIS1989 2/21/2011 7:47AM

    I know what you mean I have to get myself in gear too, I need to motivate myself or just to something. March is around the corner also. Hopefully something will happen soon for the both of us. emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 2/21/2011 7:06AM

    Hey consider yourself lucky, it is family day in some provinces but we don't get the day off here in NS. off to work I go even though I have a job that works holidays anyway, people don't choose what days then need medical help lol
have a good day off.

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Share the knowledge...

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I'm meeting up with a friend this morning who reached out to me following the recent loss of her father and the resulting re-evaluation of her life priorities.

My life purpose includes helping others... and one day perhaps, becoming a coach and this is a step in that direction. I will share with her some of my journey and resources that will help her get through this rough spot and feel amazing for doing so!

Following my fulfillment of my dream cruise - which was part of Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life conference, I'm back with a renewed sense of what I wish to do next. This includes looking into courses, more conferences, to keep me going on this path..

I felt so connected with many like minded people on the cruise - it was inspiring and hearing the feedback reflected that I'm going in the right direction.

I have other opportunities knocking at my door at every turn too... and I'm choosing to keep opening those doors. The world is filled with possibilities if we choose to see it that way...

Life is emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXSGIRL1 2/20/2011 7:05PM

    good luck opening all your door to happiness

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DITZYCHICK 2/20/2011 12:58PM

    It's really neat that you are spending time with your friend in emotional need...she must feel very comfortable with you to reach out to you in this way. It sounds like your cruise gave you far more than just a vacation! Seems that you've found your calling!

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ANNE7X7 2/20/2011 12:02PM

    So cool! I can totally see you becoming a coach!! You have a heart of gold and you seem to love helping other people!

PS: Come over for tea this afternoon if you have time! You can bring your youngin if she wants to play with my pooch!

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AMOHAME2 2/20/2011 11:24AM

    I think you would make an excellent coach! It's obvious that you love helping others and I'm sure the people in your life can see, just as we on Spark can, that you are genuine and caring!

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LISED58 2/20/2011 10:44AM

    That's fantastic, SeptemberSpirit. Never give up!


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MEADSBAY 2/20/2011 9:09AM

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Have a wonderful Sunday!

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SEAWAVE 2/20/2011 9:01AM

    It's so nice to hear you're still energized from your cruise after a couple of weeks.
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PURPLESPEDCOW 2/20/2011 6:29AM

    You sound so renewed and refreshed! I wish you luck on your journey.

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Judgement...

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I am so 'bursting' with happiness about my new found love interest and made the mistake of posting a note and a picture on Facebook about it... BIG mistake!! Unlike SP - I got some comments... and one from a relative, a crack that made me realize I can't share there like I can here. I ended up removing the post and the picture rather than posting a reply to the snide remark...

That's why I love SP even more! I can share here without fear of judgement and all I receive is supportive comments which is POSITIVE!!

Here I can put myself out there, share my inner most feelings in my blogs and know that I won't be judged.

So I let go of the negativity that this brought up inside me and I'm going to re-set my day to the brighter side of SP and my wonderful friends!

It's Satruday and it's a long weekend! Megan has her 10th birthday on Monday and LIFE IS GOOD!

I'm going to use the day to get caught up on some rest and hopefully re-set some of my messed up sleeping patterns. I managed to sleep in a bit today and may even take a nap to make sure I stay up later tonight.

I love weekends... especially when they are extended!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORRIS1989 2/21/2011 7:52AM

    I don't care for facebook that much but, you're right you can be free here and there is no judgement that's bad for you. You're more supportive here people help you and give you advice that's goanna help you not tear you down. Plus we are family here. emoticon

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BAKERICLISA 2/21/2011 6:15AM

    Nice thing about facebook is the fact that you can 'defriend' those who do not support you in your life and can make it private . . . we would stay away from negative people, do so also on facebook!

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EUPHRATES 2/20/2011 3:16AM

    GOOD for you not letting the turkeys get you down!
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PERSISTENT_GIRL 2/19/2011 9:14PM

    have a beautiful day!

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ELYMWX 2/19/2011 8:50PM

    I wonder if it comes from the relative anonymity here - few of us know each other (or even know of each other) in real life and most often if we meet that comes later, and by choice. I know I certainly spend more time on SP than on FB, and have certainly written a lot more here than I have anywhere else...

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AMOHAME2 2/19/2011 8:46PM

    I agree, Spark is so much less judgmental than Facebook!! The people here just "get it", which is so awesome! Funny how my Spark profile is wide open for the world to see and my FB page is locked up tight like a fortress, and yet I still feel better about sharing personal things here!!

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CHRYS13 2/19/2011 4:09PM

    emoticon for extended weekends! Have a great one!

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LISED58 2/19/2011 4:07PM

    This is YOUR time - enjoy it. Good for you. Don't let anyone else's burdens become yours.

emoticon, too.

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ANNE7X7 2/19/2011 3:23PM

    Stuff like this has happened to me many times on Facebook... which is why I don't hardly use it anymore! Spark is much more fun anyway!!

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DITZYCHICK 2/19/2011 2:00PM

    It's too bad people have to be so negative and shame on those who feel the need to pass judgement onto others. If everyone would just put on a smile and be kind to those around them, it would be a MUCH better world! You're right though...Spark is definitely a place where we can share without any judgement and that's the way it should be. Don't be afraid to show your happiness...you deserve to be happy!

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SUNSHINERG 2/19/2011 11:59AM

  Facebook seems to be on a negative side with people around me lately. I use it only to post things of interest that I find on the net. Sort of like a business tool, nothing personal and it seems to be fine. My friends I just email.

Hope you have a GREAT WEEKEND!!

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MEADSBAY 2/19/2011 9:07AM

    Have a grrrreat weekend, Helene.
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SMALLTOWNMOMMY 2/19/2011 8:14AM

    Sometimes people just don't think, do they? Good for you for maintaining positive.

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SWEETROSIE2 2/19/2011 8:10AM

    That is so sad about what happened to you on Faccebook, hope you have a really lovely weekend all the best to you, and lots of Hugs. emoticon

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