Monday, February 09, 2009
And I took an unplanned cheat day. I guess it was inevitable - I was dreaming about cookies, cake, and ice cream, I was watching my boyfriend eat things I desperately wanted (he gets those cute little single-serving Reeces Friendly's sundaes you can buy at the grocery store), and even what I was reading reinforced my desire to eat:
1. I read _Health at Every Size_ which suggests that you're much healthier if you stop trying to control your weight and instead just follow your body's cues for hunger/fullness.
2. I read some article online recently that said that only 20 percent of people in the world say their diet is healthy (how could they possibly survey enough people to know this?? but still interesting) and only 16 percent of Americans say so. I say heck yeah my diet is healthy, so I am in the top 16 percent?! Yikes!
3. I apologize for not giving proper credit, but someone - I can't remember who - pasted an article into their SP blog the other day suggesting that we need "cheat days" to bring leptin levels back to normal.
4. I'm reading _Overcoming Binge Eating_ and right now I'm only at the beginning, and the stuff on binge/purge is TOTALLY grossing me out - I can safely say THAT is not my problem, but one description hit me so hard I read it out loud to my boyfriend. I'm paraphrasing here, but basically it described a pattern of someone dieting (which the book defines as ANY attempt to restrict calories in order to influence weight/shape - so yup, I'm "dieting" by that definition) for weeks or months at a time, followed by a period of binge eating, with the result of highly variable weight. HELLO, that is ME. The book hints that one key component of overcoming binge eating is to stop dieting.
So. I'm feeling at a crossroads. How much do I loooooooooooooove being thinner than I ever was in my teens and twenties??? I love what my body can do now, I love feeling gorgeous, I love my tiny little pants! But I HATE constantly obsessing/counting/feeling guilty, not being able to get full pleasure/satisfaction from my food, getting all weird about/avoiding parties, restaurants, and social situations.
Tonight I didn't even get pleasure from my "cheat day" (which was really more of a "cheat half day" because it was a normal day until about 2 p.m.). I went from hunger to uncomfortable fullness too fast to be able to really enjoy food at any point. It was disappointing, really. Either way, I hope that having had a cheat day will have done what I needed it to do, which is to just give me that little extra oomph behind my step, and to make it through the next six days strong until vacation.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
I weighed 143 again today, so it wasn't just a fluke yesterday. Blah, but oh well.
I've been doing REALLY well with bedtime. Trying to save money, not going out at night, making my own dinner rather than going to restaurants, and sticking to a consistent sleeping schedule all really go together. I haven't missed going out at night because getting up early on the weekends, we have so much more time during the DAY!
This morning I went to Step Interval - that class is really hard! Then there is a 15-min ab class, then a 15-min stretching class, and then I rode the bike for 20 minutes.
This afternoon we did a bit of shopping - something I haven't done much of lately (except for groceries, of course) to save money, but I just bought a few things on sale including new workout clothes, so now I can't wait to go to the gym tomorrow to wear them!! I got tight gray capri-length pants, and a peachy-pink V-neck exercise top. And a couple other tops I can wear next week in the Carribbean. :) :)
My aunt and uncle started Weight Watchers last week. Apparently the competitive nature of doing it together is really working for my aunt, and she managed to lose 4 pounds in her first week, one pound more than my uncle who actually needs to lose far more weight. He is working with a personal trainer and loving it! And she is taking line dancing twice a week. They're both using the treadmill at home.
Best of all, I actually learned something from talking to my aunt. She gets 22 points a day, which I remember from my own stint at WW as being such a tiny amount of food. But she said she's never hungry because she eats so many vegetables. I actually started using WW and SP at the same time (Jan. 2007) and so I would track all my food on SP and then use that info to calculate my points. I DIDN'T subtract "zero point" foods like vegetables when I was calculating my points, so as a result I never trained myself to think of vegetables as a free food like many WWers do. Well, I still believe that no food is "free," but I'm finally starting to get it a little more about the veggies. You can really fill yourself up on practically no calories. Case in point - I just had a 148-calorie salad for dinner and it was huge and filling. 148 calories!! Not to mention how incredibly heathy a salad is......mine was baby spinach leaves, tomato, red pepper, carrots, a few herbs, and some calorie-free dressing. This is something to keep in mind after vacation.
And on the flipside, some of the foods I was cooking over the past few months were kind of encouraging me to want to overeat. I'd batch-cook meals that were very healthy, but almost too delicious. Like whole-wheat pasta dishes, for example. I need to choose foods that don't hit my trigger button, and that take a little effort to eat. I don't know if others need to think about all these things, but I have big food willpower issues, so whatever little things I can do to slow myself down helps! Even heating up my food until it's too hot to scarf down helps.
Also...I want to keep these things in mind on vacation. Maybe I'll set a little rule that I can eat whatever I want to the point of feeling satisfied, not too full, but ONLY if the food is healthy. Kinda of like WW Core. I'll have to think about it some more, but I already know that mounds of pancakes and white pasta are readily available at all-you-can-eat buffets at all-inclusives, but they are not worth the damage!!
Saturday, February 07, 2009
So I've been bikini bootcamping now for two weeks. My first week I lost 13 pounds. My second week? I GAINED about two pounds. I weighed 143 today! I've been working so hard....I cannot fathom why I would have gained weight. :(
I actually don't feel quite as bad about it now as I did this morning. It put me in a bad mood at first, and I dragged myself to the gym for what is normally my favorite class - Saturday morning Zumba. I just wasn't into it...I was tired and had a sore throat and wished I could be home, sleeping in and then eating on the couch. I didn't feel like a thin, sexy, graceful dancer at all.
I stuck it out for Body Pump and then I skipped Body Combat even though one of my favorite instructors was subbing...did 15 minutes on the bike and then went home..... started to cook and do laundry only to find that I was expected for cross-country skiing with my mom and my boyfriend's mom at 1:30! So I downed two more cups of coffee and rushed off to the ski place and suddenly I had forgotten all about my stupid weight gain - the skiing was so fun and such good exercise, I could feel my inner thighs working, and my mom said I looked thin in my silly tight pants I was wearing. (I had planned on wearing ski pants over them, but it was finally warm today - in the 40s! - so I didn't need to.)
So I'd hoped to be at 138 by today instead of the 143 I am at, but I know I've been doing all the right things and I'm healthy, alive, and even though nobody would hire me as a bikini model, my weight is pretty okay, just as it is.
Friday, February 06, 2009
141.2 today. Ate 1500 calories and then had a small glass of red wine - so probably just under 1600? Day off from the gym.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
All week I've been waking up before my alarm (!) but today I've felt a bit tired regardless. It's probably hunger building up. I just increased my calories from 1200 to 1500 the other day, but if I keep feeling like this (another day or so) I will need to increase again.
It doesn't seem to matter that I'm killing myself with the low-low-low calories, anyway (for me, anything under 2,000 feels like a starvation diet!) - it doesn't seem to be helping me lose weight any faster than if I'd stuck with a higher range. Just like I'd expected and hoped, the water weight flew off sooo quickly, but then the weight loss slammed to a halt. I haven't lost anything in a week, despite ultra-strict eating and daily workouts! (Granted, some days I'm too tired/hungry for those workouts to be really intense, but I push when I can!) Today was the first day I was annoyed by the scale - it said 141.4, when I'd been hoping to see something under 140.
In normal circumstances I'd be far more patient, and I'd be more gentle on myself in general, but I have just TEN DAYS LEFT until vacation! Time is running out!
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