Sunday, January 25, 2009
Three weeks to go! This morning I was down about four pounds after just one day of being on track hard core. A little momentum is going a long way. I spent a while yesterday looking at pictures of Puerto Plata, which is where we're going on vacation, and I even did a web search for bikinis just to get inspired. It worked. I REFUSE to go on vacation looking anything other than my best!
It's true that I have a great long-term plan that I've developed over time. But it's also apparent that I still need to shake things up once in a while. I plan to get back to my usual routine after vacation, but for now, I am loving the idea of having to step up to the plate for a major challenge.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
First of all let me get the defensive stuff out of the way. What I wrote yesterday was like daydreaming...I wasn't listing goals as much as fantasizing. Do you know the quote, "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars"? That's what I was doing. I'm more motivated by dreaming big than I am by being politically correct all the time!
So, without apology, I have a hardcore bikini bootcamp plan. I'm going all out for 23 days, starting today. I've gotten far off base, but it hasn't been all that long, and I believe I can shock my body back to where it was if I work really hard. It'll be much easier now than if I let the new extra weight settle in longer.
It's easy for me to start on a Saturday. My gym has such amazing classes on Saturdays so I always get a great workout, and I'm always busy with household chores, plus I have my guy aroud to keep me in line. It is not going to be at all easy to stick with my plan during the week, but I will only have a total of 15 weekdays on this plan. I can do this.
Twenty-two days from now, I'm off to the warm sunny sands of the Carribbean.
Friday, January 23, 2009
I'm a work in progress. Sometimes it feels like I've taken two steps forward, seventeen thousand steps back. But what would perfection even look like, for me? What would be my best? What would that look like? Here are some ideas:
*My weight would be STABLE
*I wouldn't obsess, but I would follow some guidelines
*I would go to bed at 9 p.m. and get up at 6 a.m. every day
*I would read more
*I would keep my condo cleaner and neater, and I'd finally get around to fixing up certain things around here
*I'd recycle (well...thanks to Jess, we've already started doing this!)
*I'd still be able to have treats. I'd figure out a way to have small treats, so small they don't affect my weight, and I wouldn't feel guilty about it or let that trigger binge patterns
*I'd figure out how to eliminate bingeing once and for all
*I'd do cardio 5-6 times a week and strength training 3 times a week (and stretching with every workout)
*I'd probably drink just one cup of coffee a day, plus have some occasionally as treats (see bullet on treats above)
*I'd drink a LOT of water. And green tea.
*I'd weigh 130 and be a size 2
*I wouldn't get overly hungry or overly full
*I'd figure out how to handle restaurants, vacations, parties, work luncheons, and other special occasions without impacting my weight or feeling deprived
*I'd feel happy and energetic, without aches and pains, and I'd sleep well
*I'd have really good skin and hair
*My mom and I would get along consistently
*I'd see my friends more often
*I'd spend less time with the TV/computer
*I'd try new active challenges on a regular basis
*I wouldn't let "I'm tired" or "I don't feel like it" or "I've been working hard so I deserve to rest" be an excuse to be a sloth or not enjoy my life
*Jess and I...er...too personal, use your imagination
*I'd be an involved, caring, well-informed teacher who got great results using best practices
*I'd manage my time better at school
*I'd stay organized
I think I'm starting to see some categories taking shape... so I'm going to cut off the specifics and try to identify the broad areas:
*Diet, exercise, and other healthy lifestyle choices - consistent, moderate, non-obsessive
*Enjoying results of the above
*Social/emotional/happiness/active lifestyle (some things could fit in more than one category)
*Ethical/making choices I can be proud of
I'm a special education teacher and part of my job is writing Individualized Education Programs for students. I've often thought it'd be a useful exercise to write an Individualized Health Program for myself. (Health, or weight management, or whatever you want to call it!) This is reminding me of that idea because I'm coming up with broad goal areas, like the goals in IEPs. It's obviously time for me to come up with something new. I have one Spark friend who actually started a whole new account when it was time to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. I can't bear to part with all my old info...but I do think it's time for a makeover of my Spark page and my program in general.
Oh, one more very important item to my list:
*I would figure out a way to keep the flame of motivation burning at all times!
My behavior lately has been like a child's who is acting out as a way of letting her caregivers know she needs help. I haven't been taking care of myself. It is time for a big, big overhaul. Only, I keep telling myself that, and then going back to the bad choices. It's time to do something significant enough that it sticks. To be continued. (once I figure this out.)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
TOM was LAST week, so why am I so emotional right now? I am so overwhelmingly touched by all the comments left on yesterday's blog entry. It seems like you ladies understand me better than my real life friends. What Liltrouble said hit the nail on the head exactly:
"I do think that there is a really thin balance of being fit and healthy and enjoying life, versus being fit and thin and having to work so hard at it. Maybe I am lazy but I definitely think that there is a set amount of work that I am willing to put in and a set amount of deprivation. Beyond that it is not worth it for me."
That's just it. I want to be fit and healthy, I want to feel good, I want to be active and energetic and happy. I don't want to feel like my life is ruled by calories and meal plans and hunger!! So what if I can't fit into my size four pants. I fit into size six!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not only did I get two pages of beautifully supportive comments, but I also realized I am a Spark Motivator now. I don't know who nominated me or when it happened, but I just noticed it a few minutes ago. I always thought you'd get some kind of message when that happened, but I wouldn't have even known if I hadn't happened to look at my main page.
THANK YOU, to my wonderful Spark friends!!! We are all in this together!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Is this the longest break from blogging I've ever taken? Where do I start??
I guess I will fess up and start with where I left off - last Tuesday. Warning - this is going to get ugly.
Tuesday through Friday of this past week were HORRIBLE. I had a raging case of PMS that turned into a raging case of TOM. I felt like crying for no reason.. well, at first I had no reason, but quickly I felt like crying because of what I was doing to myself. It was incredibly cold - one morning it was NEGATIVE 8 degrees!! I had tons of work to do including TWO reports. And Girl Scout cookies were for sale in the teacher's room - nobody was watching - you just put your $3.50 in the envelope and take your cookies - honor system.
Well, the fact that I spent $7 per day on cookies was just part of the horribleness. I just wanted to constantly be eating something. And not my healthy grapefruits or salads either, which I was neglecting. No, it was candy and hot chocolate and pasta and bagels for me... And I didn't go to the gym once in that time, and I didn't get quite enough sleep either. My stomach was looking DISGUSTING by the time my head cleared.
Well, I have to just KISS my gym. I LOVE YOU, GOLD'S GYM!!! They had "Winterfest" at my gym on Saturday and you had to sign up in advance for classes. So of course I'd signed up as early as I could for my regular Saturday morning lineup - Zumba, Body Pump, and Body Combat. The night before I was having dreams that even my workout clothes wouldn't fit me anymore, but I went, and it was soooooo fun. They had multiple instructors for each class, all in costumes, all new releases of music and moves, and there were prizes!! I won a Gold's T-shirt (that I will never wear - anyone want it?), a month off my membership, and two free smoothies from the juice bar! I had one as I was leaving that day, and the other today - frozen strawberries, skim milk, and strawberry Myoplex. (Tangent - I'm thinking a lot about protein lately - will it really help me stay full if I increase it?) As I was leaving the gym, the one instructor who knows I'd lost 30 pounds said to me, "You still look great!" Obviously, she said that because she thought I needed a boost...
Oh, and one of my gym buddies asked me (by the spread of bagels and orange wedges they had out for Winterfest - I only had two orange wedges, no bagels!), "When you start bingeing, how do you stop?"
I responded, "I don't know - I haven't stopped!"
This is the same woman who told me I was looking too thin only a few short weeks ago, when I had a totally different body. Now though, we exchanged phone numbers and she told me to call her if I ever felt like bingeing.
Thankfully, however, I haven't. I mean, I'd still love to go buy another bag of peanut butter cups and eat them all in one night. But I haven't. I haven't been perfect...I probably ate too much at an Indian restaurant the other night, and I haven't tracked the Myoplex smoothies on my tracker...but ANYTHING is ok if it's not bingeing!
Sunday morning I awoke to snow, but I have a Jeep now so I fearlessly drove to a different Gold's location - one not too far from my boyfriend's place - that I'd been to once before. I took a Zumba class there and did over an hour on various cardio machines in addition. I also ripped a few recipes out of magazines, a couple of which I made today, with my own spin which means adding a lot more vegetables. One is shrimp with tomatoes and feta (I added spinach) and I think it looks just like something you'd get at an Italian restaurant. The other is this chicken salsa thing but I got really creative with what I added...in addition to adding extra veggies, I added some frozen mango!! I think it's so neat to add fruit to meat dishes, if you're brave enough!
Today there was no school - MLK Day - and I was happy to find out that one of my favorite instructors was doing back to back Body Pump and Body Combat this morning. The classes were packed and stuffy so I got really sweaty. I then went home to get my gift certificate for my 2nd free smoothie, and then went right back to the gym, had the smoothie, and then did over an hour on the stair climber!! My instructor was just leaving as I was coming back, and I was embarrassed about working out again so I lied and said I was just back for my smoothie.
Whenever I've been eating a lot I have soooo much energy for the gym...faster, longer workouts. I feel happier and more energetic. I love being able to go to restaurants and eating like other people. I really need to rethink my long term goals.....I am pretty confused right now... BUT, I am going to the Carribbean in exactly four weeks and so want to look good in a bikini there. I had this silly idea to think of my life as a "celebrity health spa" with the celebrity in question being ME and the goal being ready for my big photo shoot on the white sands of the Carribbean. :) Healthy spa food, lots of lovely spa sleep and water and tea, and the gym is just a quick walk from my door......I could squint and pretend my life really was a spa. :)
I also toyed with the idea of cutting back on calories quite a bit in preparation for my trip, but in the end decided to cut back just 100 calories. With the binge mindset I've had lately I better not let myself get overly hungry....
Yesterday I sat at Barnes & Noble with a skinny latte and read _The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl_. It's basically just all her blog entries as she lost weight... just think...all of us bloggers could be unwittingly writing our first books right now! :) Anyway, she went from 351 pounds to 175 (never quite hitting her original goal of 165 - she was 5'9", I think..). I like that she had setbacks a few times in the book and didn't weigh in for a while, and then she finally would get a burst of inspiration and start weighing in again, much higher than before, but she kept going and lost it all again and then more. Just like me, she started with Weight Watchers and then felt like she was outgrowing that program - too much emphasis on fake low-cal food and not enough emphasis on exercise. Also just like me, she got hooked on Body Pump and Body Combat. Cool, huh?
Weight-wise, I was too ashamed of myself to weigh in for a few days there, but on Saturday afternoon, after having been at the gym all morning, I went for it. Keep in mind this was the middle of the day and I'd just had a big smoothie, but I weighed 156!!! Sunday morning I weighed 150, and today I weighed 147.
I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know if I'll be proud of my body when I go on vacation. I don't even know if I want to put in the work it takes to weigh in the 130s anymore. I mean I definitely do for vacation, but in general I'm not sure! I wish I could keep this fun energetic feeling even when I've been controlling my calories for a while...!?
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