Tuesday, January 20, 2009
TOM was LAST week, so why am I so emotional right now? I am so overwhelmingly touched by all the comments left on yesterday's blog entry. It seems like you ladies understand me better than my real life friends. What Liltrouble said hit the nail on the head exactly:
"I do think that there is a really thin balance of being fit and healthy and enjoying life, versus being fit and thin and having to work so hard at it. Maybe I am lazy but I definitely think that there is a set amount of work that I am willing to put in and a set amount of deprivation. Beyond that it is not worth it for me."
That's just it. I want to be fit and healthy, I want to feel good, I want to be active and energetic and happy. I don't want to feel like my life is ruled by calories and meal plans and hunger!! So what if I can't fit into my size four pants. I fit into size six!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not only did I get two pages of beautifully supportive comments, but I also realized I am a Spark Motivator now. I don't know who nominated me or when it happened, but I just noticed it a few minutes ago. I always thought you'd get some kind of message when that happened, but I wouldn't have even known if I hadn't happened to look at my main page.
THANK YOU, to my wonderful Spark friends!!! We are all in this together!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Is this the longest break from blogging I've ever taken? Where do I start??
I guess I will fess up and start with where I left off - last Tuesday. Warning - this is going to get ugly.
Tuesday through Friday of this past week were HORRIBLE. I had a raging case of PMS that turned into a raging case of TOM. I felt like crying for no reason.. well, at first I had no reason, but quickly I felt like crying because of what I was doing to myself. It was incredibly cold - one morning it was NEGATIVE 8 degrees!! I had tons of work to do including TWO reports. And Girl Scout cookies were for sale in the teacher's room - nobody was watching - you just put your $3.50 in the envelope and take your cookies - honor system.
Well, the fact that I spent $7 per day on cookies was just part of the horribleness. I just wanted to constantly be eating something. And not my healthy grapefruits or salads either, which I was neglecting. No, it was candy and hot chocolate and pasta and bagels for me... And I didn't go to the gym once in that time, and I didn't get quite enough sleep either. My stomach was looking DISGUSTING by the time my head cleared.
Well, I have to just KISS my gym. I LOVE YOU, GOLD'S GYM!!! They had "Winterfest" at my gym on Saturday and you had to sign up in advance for classes. So of course I'd signed up as early as I could for my regular Saturday morning lineup - Zumba, Body Pump, and Body Combat. The night before I was having dreams that even my workout clothes wouldn't fit me anymore, but I went, and it was soooooo fun. They had multiple instructors for each class, all in costumes, all new releases of music and moves, and there were prizes!! I won a Gold's T-shirt (that I will never wear - anyone want it?), a month off my membership, and two free smoothies from the juice bar! I had one as I was leaving that day, and the other today - frozen strawberries, skim milk, and strawberry Myoplex. (Tangent - I'm thinking a lot about protein lately - will it really help me stay full if I increase it?) As I was leaving the gym, the one instructor who knows I'd lost 30 pounds said to me, "You still look great!" Obviously, she said that because she thought I needed a boost...
Oh, and one of my gym buddies asked me (by the spread of bagels and orange wedges they had out for Winterfest - I only had two orange wedges, no bagels!), "When you start bingeing, how do you stop?"
I responded, "I don't know - I haven't stopped!"
This is the same woman who told me I was looking too thin only a few short weeks ago, when I had a totally different body. Now though, we exchanged phone numbers and she told me to call her if I ever felt like bingeing.
Thankfully, however, I haven't. I mean, I'd still love to go buy another bag of peanut butter cups and eat them all in one night. But I haven't. I haven't been perfect...I probably ate too much at an Indian restaurant the other night, and I haven't tracked the Myoplex smoothies on my tracker...but ANYTHING is ok if it's not bingeing!
Sunday morning I awoke to snow, but I have a Jeep now so I fearlessly drove to a different Gold's location - one not too far from my boyfriend's place - that I'd been to once before. I took a Zumba class there and did over an hour on various cardio machines in addition. I also ripped a few recipes out of magazines, a couple of which I made today, with my own spin which means adding a lot more vegetables. One is shrimp with tomatoes and feta (I added spinach) and I think it looks just like something you'd get at an Italian restaurant. The other is this chicken salsa thing but I got really creative with what I added...in addition to adding extra veggies, I added some frozen mango!! I think it's so neat to add fruit to meat dishes, if you're brave enough!
Today there was no school - MLK Day - and I was happy to find out that one of my favorite instructors was doing back to back Body Pump and Body Combat this morning. The classes were packed and stuffy so I got really sweaty. I then went home to get my gift certificate for my 2nd free smoothie, and then went right back to the gym, had the smoothie, and then did over an hour on the stair climber!! My instructor was just leaving as I was coming back, and I was embarrassed about working out again so I lied and said I was just back for my smoothie.
Whenever I've been eating a lot I have soooo much energy for the gym...faster, longer workouts. I feel happier and more energetic. I love being able to go to restaurants and eating like other people. I really need to rethink my long term goals.....I am pretty confused right now... BUT, I am going to the Carribbean in exactly four weeks and so want to look good in a bikini there. I had this silly idea to think of my life as a "celebrity health spa" with the celebrity in question being ME and the goal being ready for my big photo shoot on the white sands of the Carribbean. :) Healthy spa food, lots of lovely spa sleep and water and tea, and the gym is just a quick walk from my door......I could squint and pretend my life really was a spa. :)
I also toyed with the idea of cutting back on calories quite a bit in preparation for my trip, but in the end decided to cut back just 100 calories. With the binge mindset I've had lately I better not let myself get overly hungry....
Yesterday I sat at Barnes & Noble with a skinny latte and read _The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl_. It's basically just all her blog entries as she lost weight... just think...all of us bloggers could be unwittingly writing our first books right now! :) Anyway, she went from 351 pounds to 175 (never quite hitting her original goal of 165 - she was 5'9", I think..). I like that she had setbacks a few times in the book and didn't weigh in for a while, and then she finally would get a burst of inspiration and start weighing in again, much higher than before, but she kept going and lost it all again and then more. Just like me, she started with Weight Watchers and then felt like she was outgrowing that program - too much emphasis on fake low-cal food and not enough emphasis on exercise. Also just like me, she got hooked on Body Pump and Body Combat. Cool, huh?
Weight-wise, I was too ashamed of myself to weigh in for a few days there, but on Saturday afternoon, after having been at the gym all morning, I went for it. Keep in mind this was the middle of the day and I'd just had a big smoothie, but I weighed 156!!! Sunday morning I weighed 150, and today I weighed 147.
I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know if I'll be proud of my body when I go on vacation. I don't even know if I want to put in the work it takes to weigh in the 130s anymore. I mean I definitely do for vacation, but in general I'm not sure! I wish I could keep this fun energetic feeling even when I've been controlling my calories for a while...!?
Monday, January 12, 2009
Hmm. Don't look at Lindt chocolates that you can't eat, and then read a NYT article about food online, if you don't want to get really hungry.
Annoyed but not discouraged by my weight. I was 142 today, which means my weight has eased up two full pounds in the past few days, even though I've been sticking to my plan 100 percent. I hope that holiday reckless eating didn't mess with my system and make me unable to lose within my normal calorie range... hopefully I'll see a loss - hopefully back to 140 and THEN some - soon! Maybe I have PMS. I have such unpredictable cycles.
To answer Marlie's question, I made seven servings out of my Mexican lasagna (I always do seven servings of my batch meals - one week's worth) and each serving has 463 calories. Both of my recipes are really good this week!
Here's this week's menu:
Breakfast - coffee with soymilk, green tea, pumpkin pie smoothie
Midmorning snack - 2oz. walnuts, Braeburn apple
Lunch - Mexican lasagna
Afternoon snacks - citrus central - clementine, navel orange, grapefruit, dry rolled oats mixed into vanilla yogurt
Dinner - Brown rice with salmon and Asian veggies
Snack/Second course of dinner :) - Salad of red leaf lettuce, 5 baby carrots, 1 red pepper, 9 grape tomatoes, spices, and some kind of dressing (still using my crazy fat free/sugar free/calorie free Thousand Island, but after that switching to vinegar and spices and maybe some oil)
This evening I went to Body Pump and Hi/Low, which is a rather old-school class with step and floor aerobics and then abs and stretching. For some reason I get really intimidated in Hi/Low, but I think if I went more often I'd get the hang of it and feel more confident. Anyway, it was two hours of exercise but nothing that got me REALLY sweaty or anything. I still think I can kick my own butt, cardio-wise, better than any class can.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I've had a very uneventful weekend, and I don't mind one bit! My weight had been holding steady at 141.4 for a few days, but today went up to 141.8. I'm not discouraged. I know I am doing healthy things for my body no matter what the scale says. I've been eating on plan, drinking a lot, especially decaf green tea, getting good nights' sleep and getting up early even though it's the weekend, and getting good workouts at the gym.
Yesterday I did my cooking for the upcoming week, which is making today feel all the more relaxing. (I also did my laundry yesterday too -I can be really lazy today if I want!) I made Mexican lasagna and brown rice with salmon and Asian veggies.
Mexican lasagna - I have made this before, but changed the recipe a bit this time. I boiled up a couple different kind of beans - I think I used black and red, it really doesn't matter - all beans are so healthy. Especially when you boil dry beans instead of using the canned version - there's salt in those cans. I never use canned beans anymore.
Anyway, after the beans were cooked, I added two bags of frozen pepper and onion stir fry. The peppers are all different colors. I also added cilantro, cayenne pepper, and cumin. Finally, I stirred in some fat-free cottage cheese. I had actually meant to buy fat-free sour cream and got the cottage cheese by mistake, but it ended up being a good mistake. I was reading on Smurfette's blog yesterday about superfoods (from the Abs diet) and the only food on the list I wasn't eating - or at least, I THOUGHT I wasn't eating, was whey protein. Well, it turns out that there is whey protein in cottage cheese, so now I can check that one off my list! (I was proud that most of the items on that list were what make up most of what I eat...though I haven't been eating berries lately ever since I switched over from berry smoothies to pumpkin ones. I never liked the berry seeds in the smoothies.)
Anyway. I coated a casserole dish with some extra-virgin olive oil and laid down a whole weat lavash roll-up. I bought these because I couldn't find any good whole wheat tortillas - they all had "enriched flour" in the ingredients and I think that means they only used a little whole wheat but also used white wheat. This Lavash stuff I bought...it's flat bread meant for wraps, but it just happened to fit perfectly into my casserole dish - almost exactly the same size rectangles. So I layered them with the bean/veggie/cottage cheese mixture, and then sprinkled a little fat-free cheddar on top of each layer. I baked for 30 minutes. Can't wait to eat it!
The brown rice with salmon and Asian veggies is pretty straightforward. The Asian veggies I used were two bags of frozen Oriental Stir Fry veggies (broccoli, carrot, etc...) and a can each of water chestnuts, baby corn, and straw mushrooms (each rinsed to remove some of the sodium). The only other thing I added was some ground ginger.
Friday, January 09, 2009
No news is good news? Usually when I'm doing well I feel like writing about it, but for the past few days I've just been humming along just fine without many big insights to share.
Eating's been going fine. I'm sticking to the plan with the adjustments I made last time I blogged. And I seem to be re-adjusted to my healthy calorie level.
Sleeping's been going fine. Such a priority. A few nights ago I had trouble falling asleep - that's the worst - when you actually put in the effort to get a full night's sleep and can't. And it wasn't caffeine's fault either - I've only been drinking regular coffee very early in the morning and decaf late in the morning lately - none in the p.m. hours. But for the most part, I've been getting great sleep lately.
Exercise has been going fine. I am in a Saturday-Monday-Wednesday pattern for Body Pump. My cardio lately's been on machines - elliptical, treadmill, or the stair stepper that looks like an escalator. I've been doing mostly 45-65 minutes of cardio per day.
My weight went down to 140.0 yesterday, but bounced back up to 141.4 today for no discernable reason. Seeing how I was 134 before I fell off the wagon for the holiday season, I have a ways to go to get back. I have no doubt in my ability to do so, but it's going to happen slowly. I'm okay with that, but if I can get there or pretty close by vacation time - I leave for the Dominican Republic on Feb. 16 - I will be very grateful to mother nature. ;) That would require me to lose seven pounds in five and a half weeks.
Hmm. I guess I do have an insight afterall. The last time I blogged, I wrote that I was feeling shaky about my ability to stay on the wagon. Just now, I wrote that I have no doubt that I will. It's nice how a few days' worth of momentum increases my confidence. :)
Lastly, here's a picture of me from mid-December 2008, right before I fell off the wagon. I was feeling thin, so I wore all tight clothes - size 3 jeans and a small top. I look at this picture now, with all this extra weight, and my reaction is that I was looking okay, but would still ultimately like thinner thighs!
According to my weight report, I weighed 136 pounds the morning this photo was taken (though I had just eaten birthday cake...). My weight was fluctuating between 134-137 or so.
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