Sunday, December 21, 2008
Last night I celebrated my birthday with my boyfriend, my parents, and his parents. I did pretty good with the eating - taking a cue from my mom and ordering the healthiest thing I could - the salmon, minus the butter, two veggies, salad with dressing on the side, and water to drink. But it was my birthday, so of course after the dinner plates were cleared the waitress came out with the most gorgeous decadent chocolate cake I'd ever seen - one of those mini-cakes you can get pre-made from a bakery - with just one candle and a cherry on top. :)
I had only one piece of cake last night, but I took home the leftovers - maybe about half of the cake. And man was that cake haunting me. Knowing it was there in my fridge, I could barely sleep. I would have had more that night, but Jess never left me alone near the kitchen all evening.
This morning I weighed 139.4 - gained a couple from yesterday's extravagence (sp?). Oh well. But......THAT CHOCOLATE CAKE! I snuck into the kitchen, and I polished off the rest of the cake for breakfast!!
But then I went to Jess' parents' house. His mom had told me she had brand new cross-country skiing boots in my size, and extra skis. We were forecasted to get quite a bit of snow today, so we wanted a fairly early start. I met up with Jess' mom at 9:30 and we were skiing a little after 10. I hadn't gone cross-country skiing since I was a kid, and it was so wonderful to be out in the gorgeous snow and fresh air on what I think is the first official day of winter?? in the first significant snowfall of the season. It wasn't perfect - the snow was a rather sticky kind, creating clumps of ice on the bottom of the skis that made them not really glide, and there were no pre-made tracks which made skiing take a lot more effort, but I had a fantastic time and plenty of energy from my chocolate cake breakfast. I felt good - this is who I want to be - someone who gets out for exercise and fresh air and doesn't freak out over a little chocolate cake. We skied for two hours.
Back at Jess' parents' house, they offered me some lunch. I accepted because they live really close to Guilette Stadium where the Patriots play, and I had to wait for football traffic to die down before I went home. I had a cup of hot tea, clam chowder from a can, AND two cookies and a little brownie.
Then, back at home, I decided it would be a good idea to polish off the rest of the cheese from our cheese & cracker appetizer last night. And I had a few sips of Jess' beer and this weird green tea smoothie stuff he's been drinking that has tons and tons of sugar.
But other than that, I've eaten healthy today - haha!
Jess called the gym and there was no answer - they must have closed early due to the snow, AGAIN. (So far school hasn't been canceled or delayed for tomorrow though......) We actually bundled up and went out planning on building a snowman - how cute would that have been - but the snow wasn't soft and sticky anymore - it was more icy and cold and just not good for snowman making. So instead I cleared off a few random neighbors' cars in the condo parking lot. I just wanted to play in the snow and that was something to do! The parking lot's plowed, but there was a ton of snow between each car, so Jess shoveled around the sides of both of our cars. Oh, and by the way, I have been driving my "new" 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee that I recently bought from my parents, and I feel sooooo safe driving it in the snow - I haven't skidded at all!!
So, no doubt my weight will be back up into the 140s tomorrow. As my title says, I have mixed feelings about this - it's normal to gain weight this time of year, and I know I will take it off again, but oh how frustrating. Someone wrote in her blog today that she doesn't feel like analyzing the eating choices she's been making lately - and I feel the same way. Yeah, I ate chocolate cake and two cookies (hey, there were two kinds! I had one of each!) and a brownie recently when the opportunity presented itself. Who wouldn't wanna eat that stuff???? (Okay, **I** wouldn't...when I'm on track!) It's a convenient excuse to blame my eating habits on the time of year, but that's what I'm doing right now.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
We had lots of snow last night. I'm actually happy, because it finally looks like winter outside - so pretty! This storm was well-predicted, so lots of school districts in my area decided a day in advance that there would be early dismissal. I got out at 11:35, and the snow hadn't even started yet. I went to the grocery store and ohhhhh... what a mob scene! I usually go to the store with a shopping list, but in my rush I didn't make one. My parents and Jess' parents are coming over tonight to help me celebrate my birthday, so I bought a little tray of a variety of pre-sliced cheeses, whole-wheat crackers, shrimp, and cocktail sauce. At the liquor store I got a bottle of red....a bottle of white...(I'm singing that part), a little bottle of Jose Cuervo for margaritas, and a bunch of beers, several of which Jess drank last night, heehee. Party with da Parents!! I'll open my presents here and then we're all going out for Italian food.
Soo.....another chance for me to show how strong my eating discipline is!!! I am strong, I am fierce, I am going to NOT deny myself, but have a small-to-medium amount of food and drink! Raaar! (Sorry, still in Body Combat mode or something here.)
I also bought ingredients for tuna spinach broccoli casserole, and I found a really healthy soup mix - love Bob's Red Mill products! I bought a few fresh veggies to put in the soup too.
Back at home I did all the cooking, so that's already out of the way. Then Jess got home and we were going to go to the gym, but it was snowing hard so I called the gym and they were closing at 6. It was 5:25 at the time. So...no gym for us last night. Instead we watched movies.
Oh, and Jess shared with me that his coworker, the one who threw the lunch party last Sunday where I first started my binge, said that PEOPLE COMMENTED ON HOW MANY MEATBALLS I ATE!!! That is SO embarrassing!!!!! But I'm kind of glad, because it seriously makes me NEVER want to behave like that again.
This morning I weighed 137.6, cleared snow off my car, and drove to the gym...I usually walk, but my condo complex wanted cars out of the way so they could plow. I had called ahead to make sure the gym was open and classes were on. For Zumba, there were only five people there! But it was an awesome class. I was full of energy (as you can probably tell by the way I'm blogging) and the song choices were all excellent. I was feeling so good that I decided I would attempt heavier weights for almost all tracks in Body Pump. That went well, although I almost died during the bicep track, haha. Then I stayed for Body Combat. By that point I was pretty hungry. I usually bring a snack to the gym on Saturdays, but today I've eliminated all snacks to have room in my calorie budget for tonight's celebration. I made it through Body Combat, came home and showered, and just had lunch.
Now we're going out for a quick hour of xmas shopping, then I want to get my condo really sparkly clean so all the parents will be impressed when they come over later.
Oh yeah, Jess also gave me a couple more birthday presents last night - he'd already given me my card and Red Sox tickets for an early April game in the morning. The presents I got last night were a framed photo of Jonathan Papelbon celebrating winning the World Series (don't tell him, but I would have been just as happy without this gift - but I know he didn't spend too much on it), and a AAA membership! That was a practical but cool gift. He's always been a member and thought I should join - especially since I can't change a tire myself.
I had really been hoping for a ring......that wasn't to be.........but I know he'll get me one as soon as he can afford it.
Friday, December 19, 2008
So today I am 31. You know what's interesting? My mother AND my grandmother both got married at 31, had their first child at 33, and their second child (and, in my mom's case, her third child too, since my brothers are twins) at 35. Here I am on the verge (HOPEFULLY!) of getting engaged, so I guess I take after the women of my family! In fact, if I follow in the pattern of my mother and grandmother, this year could mark the start of some very exciting changes to my life.
As much as on the surface I'm whining and complaining about how "old" I am, and honestly, I have a hard time believing I'm seriously not in my 20s anymore even though I've had a year now to try to get used to it, I DEFINITELY feel like I'm improving with age. In education we talk about executive functioning abilities. These are those helpful life skills like being able to plan, execute, and follow through on goals you have for yourself in a timely manner. It's funny when a parent or outside evaluator tells us a child doesn't have good executive functioning skills, because I feel like mine have only RECENTLY kicked in (and even now I still slip up - car insurance bill late fee? Oops!). But seriously, I really appreciate that now I have the ability to not only set a goal and a plan - which I was doing all through my late teens and 20s, but to actually FOLLOW THROUGH now. Maybe I could have done this earlier if I'd had SparkPeople, but for whatever reason, I feel like I am totally in control of my weight management situation, well, 99 percent of the time!
Since I was 29 and first lost the weight, I feel like I am getting healthier each year, and that is a wonderful thing. And of course with improved health comes improved looks. :) I'm not a huge celebrity fan type of person, but I am inspired by the fact that there are so many gorgeous women in their 30s with tight bodies that guys of any age would appreciate. It reassures me that I can look hot for years to come. :)
So I know my 31st year is going to be exciting and healthy. It will be the first year of my life that I am at a healthy and relatively stable weight from start to finish. I know it will be, because I know the behaviors I need to engage in to make this happen, and my behaviors are my choice! Hopefully this will be the year I sell my condo, temporarily move in with my boyfriend to save money, then buy a house together. This will hopefully be the year that my boyfriend becomes my fiance and possibly even my husband (gulp!). This year I will be feeling like an old pro at teaching, as I now find myself encountering mostly only situations in my professional life that I've encountered before, so I can fall back on my experience for a level of confidence in my job I've never had before.
As far as my mini-goal is concerned, today was the day I was supposed to hit 134.0. Today I weighed 138.4. I am thrilled that the weight I gained by bingeing a few days ago is coming right back off and it is a huge relief to be back in the 130s. I think I will set my next mini-goal to be at 134.0 again in one month, on January 19, 2009. And this means I don't have to change my calorie range, yay, haha.
Random, but who likes funny movies? We started Step Brothers last night...both of us fell asleep halfway through, but I was laughing so hard that my abs were sore (plus I gave them a killer workout a few days ago, so I was still feeling that). I can't wait to watch the other half tonight when we're snuggled in under a foot of snow!
Random again - Jess gave me the first of three (I think?) birthday presents this morning...the rest are for tonight, or maybe tomorrow when my birthday celebration is. He made me this ginormous card out of a huge piece of cardboard, and the present was.... Red Sox tickets for the very first Friday night home game of the season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY YAY YAY!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Thank you so much to everyone who left me kind comments about my slip-up. When it first happened, I was thinking that the last thing I would want to do would be to get on SparkPeople, enter my new weight into my ticker (a weight I'd last seen in September), and share the story of my gluttony with everyone who would read my blog. But then I realized that I depend on this website, and the sooner I came clean, the sooner I would be back on track. It was actually a feeling of relief to type the title of my last blog entry, "FULL DISCLOSURE."
And I hope that everyone who was kind to me would totally kick me in the behind if I ever do that again!! Ha.
I really am back on track, and I know it. Yesterday I got to the gym a little early for my classes, so I walked/ran on the treadmill for about 6 and a half minutes, which got my heart rate up for classes. I did Ab Clinic (15 minutes), Body Pump (60 minutes), and Cardio Kickboxing (60 minutes). Each of those classes involved some ab work! I was considering staying after that and using the elliptical, but I decided against it. Whether or not I have thousands of excess calories to burn off, sleep remains a priority. (OK, and watching the season finale of the Biggest Loser is another priority, haha.)
I weighed in at 141.4 today. For those who haven't been keeping track, my weight pre-binge was 134.6 on Sunday. The binge went Sunday-Monday. Monday I weighed 138.6 and Tuesday I weighed 144.4. I'd do really well if competitive weight gaining was a professional sport! So this means that in all, I gained 9.8 pounds in two days of bingeing, and so far I've lost 3.0 of those pounds. A couple people have told me they think I'll take it all back off quickly just by being back on track, but I bet it's going to take weeks. I'm sure I'll be back to the higher 130s soon, but to get back to 134......I'd be shocked if I see that number again before mid-January at least. And that's assuming I can get through my birthday and the xmas-New Years break without slipping up again.
But like people have said, a break is a great time to rededicate yourself to your goals and follow your ideal schedule. For me that'll mean plenty of sleep, plenty of exercise, and plenty of downtime. Hopefully we'll get to go skiing - it finally snowed here last night, but it's been raining all day so far today...
And then New Years of course is when EVERYONE is dedicating themselves to healthy goals, so I will be in plenty of company then.
And yeah, I feel like I have a split personality too sometimes. I was on track for over five months and I was really starting to feel like I'd put that other side of me to rest - the side that eats crazy and doesn't exercise and is fat and unhealthy. Maybe that part of me will never die, but will always remain dormant within me, and I will need to manipulate my circumstances at all times to keep that binge monster from raging out. Then again, I don't want this to be yet another example of self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't want to be telling myself that I have a binge side of me and then allow a binge and have my reaction to be, "Well, that's just a part of who I am." I always have the choice of what to put into my mouth, and I refuse to be someone who engages in binge behavior!
I'm kind of just babbling on about this now and it's really in my best interests to just stop analyzing it and rather to move forward, making the right choices at every moment now and in my future. I do just want to add though that I can see the extra pounds on my body - mostly in my stomach and thighs. Thighs?? Yeah, aren't I lucky. I'm so glad at least I still fit into my pants - I've been afraid to try on my size 2s though.
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