Saturday, December 06, 2008
Wow, I haven't blogged since Wednesday, which is a long time for me. I've had a bit of a roller coaster of emotions since then, although I can't exactly pinpoint why. I'll start with Wednesday night....I felt guilty about skipping the gym, but at least I did my ab routine...Jess did it with me.
Thursday I weighed 137.2 again and had a very blah day. I was tired, I kept dropping things, I just wasn't feeling zippy. I was at work late and by the time I got home and did a few things, it was almost 8 and I wanted to watch TV. There aren't too many nights of the week when there are shows that I really like to make sure to see, but Thursday is one of them - The Office and Ugly Betty. So, second day in a row with no workout. This time I didn't even do a quick little something. I just felt like a big, tired, lazy sloth. Also, I was having major bloating issues and stomach problems, yuck. So the smart thing to do would have been to go to bed early, right? But my boyfriend had not one but two work functions to go to and wasn't due home until after 11. I was kinda half asleep with Seinfeld on TV when he got home...so...I wasn't setting myself up to make Friday any better!
Friday morning I weighed 138.0 and felt incredibly fat and frumpy. I wear jeans to school on Fridays and decided to wear a looser pair rather than a tighter one. At school I had some stomach issues which I won't get into in detail here. I don't know if my stomach issues and bloating are from a stomach bug, from TOM, from my diet, or some combination, but last night my bloating was just out of control...I seriously was looking like I was pregnant. So I looked online for some possible causes and one that caught my eye was the sorbitol in sugar-free gum. It is not something we can digest and it can cause gas and bloating. Sure enough, that is the first ingredient listed on my blueberry Trident I love so much. I chew so much gum that I am ashamed to get into the specific numbers here...I don't really even keep track, but generally all night long I pop a few pieces at a time and switch to new pieces whenever I start to lose flavor. It's out of control. So, in order to figure out whether that's the cause of my stomach issues, I am taking a cold-turkey break from gum, starting last night. Usually I'm okay in the morning and the bloating starts in the evening and lasts through the night, so it's too soon to tell anything. Last time I lost a lot of weight I started having major stomach/bloating issues when I hit the mid-130s too. Maybe this is the point where I start majorly relying on gum so that I don't start mindlessly snacking. I don't know.
Last night Jess really wanted to go to the gym - he needed some stress relief - and I really didn't want to go. I was tired and feeling disgusting all over. But of course I wasn't going to sit there and watch him go off on his own, not when I'd already taken two days off in a row, so I went. I did probably a little over 20 minutes on the bike, 15 of walking 4.2 mph with an incline, and then a stretch. Of course I'm glad I went but I was sooooooo exhausted afterwards, I didn't feel better at all. Then we checked the mail on the way home, which is starting to be an activity I dread - bills and such. Jess was kind of nagging me about money and I just was feeling incredibly negative. I went right to bed after that.
This morning I woke up around 8:15 and asked Jess if he thought I should skip Zumba this morning in favor of getting some more sleep to hopefully help myself feel better. He agreed, but as I was lying there thinking about how skipping Zumba was going to make me feel, I changed my mind. Finally I got up, had some breakfast, and went. Oh yeah, and I weighed myself - 137.0 - a little bit better. That reminds me, last night on the walk over to the gym I told Jess I was done losing weight. I said I didn't want to put in all the work to try to lose any more. He supported the notion of me not losing any more weight, but he said that I was going to snap out of it and he was right. I usually LIKE putting in the work - it is a huge source of pride for me. Just not the past few days.
Anyway, Zumba was quite good considering my funk, and I stayed for Body Pump where I did OK but not particularly my best. For some reason I just wasn't feeling the rows and the "clean and press" today. Too tired. I didn't even think about Body Combat after that, but I did find a bunch of good magazines that took me a little over an hour to skim through on the recumbant bike. I am relying more and more on that thing...I wonder if it's making my fitness level go down because it's easier than my other cardio choices, and today I was sweating on it. ?? I really have not been training for my race tomorrow at ALL. I don't have any grand expectations for my time...plus tomorrow we're supposed to get our first snow of the season - seems so late for a first snow, and the timing is just awful. What is racing in the snow going to be like?? Apparently a lot of little kids from my school will be in this race too, so I have to be kind of "on" at the race if you know what I mean. My professional side. How is going to feel if little kids beat me in the race?? Will they? I don't know how fast a 10-year-old can run 3.2 miles. (The race is definitely 3.2 miles - I checked the website.) A few months ago I'd been hoping to really get fast for this race. Oh well.
Anyway, I did a nice stretch after the bike and when I finally left the gym it was 12:15 and I'd been there since 9:00. I actually felt GOOD for a change, and happy that I'd done such a nice long workout at a level that made me feel comfortable. I like seeing myself in my workout clothes in the gym mirrors because it's a reminder that I am still thin - I'd been feeling like a total fatso lately, so it was almost a surprise to see that I didn't look fat in the gym mirrors.
I haven't totally committed to this yet, but I am thinking of giving myself a one-week calorie challenge starting on Monday - to keep my calories under 2,000. Even 1,999 is OK. I don't think I can keep losing weight at my current calorie range, which has been working out to be quite close to 2,140 every day lately, but I don't want to drop calories a lot because it makes me feel really hungry, and also because I don't want to lose a lot of weight. I just want to inch down just a little bit, just to keep my spirits high. Or to get them back to high, because they haven't been! I haven't finalized my grocery list yet, but I think I'm going to make that "healthy mac and cheese" recipe that was featured on the Daily Spark recently - the one that sneaks in butternut squash and you can't really even tell because it's the same color as cheese? I thought that was a cute idea, but I'm tempted to add other veggies too and maybe even use some other grain instead of macaroni and then it won't look like mac and cheese at all. For my other recipe I haven't quite decided yet. Maybe tuna spinach bake or tuna broccoli bake... maybe something with pasta, cherry tomatoes, feta, olives, and chicken. Also, I'm wondering if maybe my stomach has a hard time handling all that pumpkin (lots of fiber) and I'm considering looking for a different breakfast too. I'll figure all this stuff out after I'm done blogging.
Jess is off doing errands today. He had to go to his parents' for something and to his own condo in the city. I shouldn't be thinking this, but I'm really really really reeeeeally hoping that he was lying to me and what he's really doing is ring shopping. He told me a few days ago that he can't afford to buy me a ring right now because of his 20 percent pay cut and possible upcoming layoff, and confirmed this last night, but I was thinking today that it would be a really tricky way to try to surprise me and I do know for a fact that he had been saving up for the ring and right now he has saved more than he wanted to spend on the ring. If I'm wrong I promise I won't get too upset but, man do I love him and I would be so proud and excited to wear something that symbolizes us dedicating the rest of our lives to each other.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Naughty me, I didn't go to the gym. I put on my gym clothes and then drove straight to Jess'. WTF? I guess I could salvage the situation by doing at least a quick ab workout or something. I kinda feel right now like...maybe once in a while I won't feel like going as hard-core. And maybe I might gain a bit during those phases. And it won't matter, because then I'll get a fresh wind and I'll take off whatever extra I gained. It's a comforting thought that I have permission to have my off weeks.
Ever have no warning that TOM's coming? No major mood issues or major complexion issues that give you any warning that this is about to happen? Yeah, me neither, until about an hour ago. Surprise! Hehe, sorry for the TMI.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
"Bad News" was the subject of an email my boyfriend sent me today. It is looking likely that everyone in his company is going to get a 20% pay cut and will only work four days a week. Plus, he might get laid off within the next six months. Other work may be difficult to come by too. We really have to watch our "discretionary spending" (a phrase that has been stuck in my head for the past two days) now. I have just about no money now either...what a change from a couple months ago when we booked a vacation at an all-inclusive Carribbean resort. UGH. This means probably no diamond rings for me any time soon.
I feel like a big oinker about my breakfast, but... I guess I should be a proud piggy, because I'm probably LUCKY that I can eat so much?? Back in college one of my guy friends told me that I ate more than anyone he had ever met, male or female. Sure I didn't control my overeating for most of my life and was overweight as a result, but with some control, I can "over" eat now and control my weight. Anyway, the comments made me go check out the facts on my smoothies. The cans of pumpkin I use are 425 grams - the soup-sized cans, not the enormous cans. Each can has 145 calories. The whole smoothie has 403 calories. I used to try to eat smaller breakfasts, but I'd be starving soon after, so this works better for me. I'm usually doing other things during breakfast time, so I'll have a few sips, do something else for a while, come back to it, etc. It takes a while to finish the whole thing. Wow, do I sound defensive or what. Be a proud piggy! (There is no pig emoticon - I checked.)
Ever make a food mistake that ends up a good thing? Like sometimes I buy the "wrong" version of something at the grocery store only to discover I actually like the new thing better than what I'd meant to buy! This evening I totally forgot to add the ground decaf coffee beans to my coffee maker but didn't notice until I had a mug full of hot water. So I added a bag of black chai tea, some soy milk, and some spices, and now I have a delicious non-coffee drink!
I'm not really feeling like working out right now - I feel awful about my boyfriend's situation - he's been stressed about the possibility of losing his job for a while and can't sleep through the night most nights these days. But, I must get in a workout, even if it's short. It's off to change into my sneakers I go!
PS - I almost forgot a little glimmer of good news. I'm going to be in a race this Sunday in the town where I work, and today my race T-shirt was delivered to me at school. It's the first race shirt I've ever gotten that isn't white - it's red, long sleeved, and size small! I can actually WEAR it, isn't that cool? (I'm not into the bland white short-sleeved race T shirts that are usually only available in L or XL...I never wear 'em.) Oh, and my school nurse told me that apparently some of our students will be in the race, and they're complaining it'll be longer than last year, but they know a short cut. Haha. I keep meaning to figure out exactly how long this thing's gonna be...I think 3.3 miles.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
This has been my breakfast almost every day for the past couple months. It makes a HUUUUGE smoothie that most mortals would not be able to finish in one sitting, but it keeps me going all morning long!
1.5 cups soy milk (or you could use regular milk or condensed)
.5 cups orange juice (or you could use apple cider, apple juice, or apple sauce)
1 small cup vanilla yogurt
apple pie spice (cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and ginger)
1 can pumpkin
Mix in blender, pour into very, very large container, chill, enjoy. :)
I weighed 137.2 today - my weight is on an upward trend this week. And my pants today are size 10. There really is no point in letting numbers control your emotions - they can change so much without any meaning behind the change!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
136.8 today, oh well.
A couple responses to comments on yesterday's blog: I am 5'6" and I agree, classes can be easier sometimes than working out on your own!
Today I held my new size 2 pants up to my old size 4 pants and they seemed to be exactly the same size. Haha. I bet in 1950 they would have been labeled as an 8 or 10 or something.
Today I had the opportunity to try my other new recipe, based on the "Eggplant and Zucchini Bake" in Spark Recipes. (I say "based on" because I never follow a recipe exactly - I always leave out the salt, add extra-virgin olive oil, and whatever else I feel like changing!) It was very very yummy!!!!!!!!
Also, tomorrow I have to have a regular fruit smoothie because the grocery store actually ran out of canned pumpkin! I think I will miss my pumpkin pie smoothie. Good thing I ducked into a store today and stocked up so I can return to my new regular breakfast on Thursday.
I didn't make it to the gym until reeeeeally late (you will see why in a moment). I was exhausted and it had been hours since I'd eaten anything, but I'm glad I pumped out 46 minutes on the elliptical. Jess was with me and I totally would have been willing to leave earlier, but he worked out that long so...so did I!
OK - I have been saving the best for last - it has nothing whatsoever to do with diet/exercise, but...we sold my car!!! :) :) :) I didn't ask him to, but Jess put up a posting on craigslist for me complete with a picture he'd taken, and he arranged to have someone come take a look at it tonight. She didn't even want to test drive it, she just offered us cash - a little more than we were expecting! - and was gone ten minutes after she'd arrived. It seems almost TOO easy!!!
I'm driving my parents' old Jeep now. It's a '96 with 87K miles so it won't last me too long, but they're being more than fair with the price which is good because money is extremely tight right now.
What a relief!! I feel so well-taken care of....by Jess, and by my parents. I also feel a bit like a spoiled princess but...oh well. It's a good feeling knowing you have people who love you.
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