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Friday, October 31, 2008

Oh my goodness. All of a sudden, it's like WHAM, I suddenly have a lot of work. I am sitting at my desk right now and it's an absolute disaster. You can always tell how swamped I am at work by how disorganized my desk is. When I have everything all set, all my files are neatly stored and I have tomorrow's lesson plans in neat little piles ready to go. When I am in the middle of several different evaluations or reports, they tend to all be opened up on my desk like right now, and things look quite messy.

I stayed here at school trying to get caught up until 8 p.m. yesterday, but ended up spending tons of time on SparkPeople anyway. Today I made it until after 3 p.m. until I actually logged in, which is progress, and when I did I found it so cute and sweet that so many people had dropped in to wish me a happy Halloween. Happy Halloween to all of you, too!!! But I have to get back to work pretty soon so I can leave and do some grocery shopping and working out before my Halloween celebration begins!!

I feel really guilty for not working out at all yesterday. I know what you all will say - that it's OK to take a day off here and there - and I get that. I can't HELP that I feel guilty. I didn't compensate by eating fewer calories - mostly because I still thought I was going to work out until I finally decided not to when it got to be The Office time (9 p.m.) and I still hadn't left yet. (If my gym had individual TVs on each machine I probably would have gone and watched it there!) Anyway, my weight, which has been steadily climbing all week from Monday's low of 137.8, climbed yet again to 139.4. This isn't too unusual and I'm not too upset about it, but I sure do feel guilty. I could have compensated by eating less today, but I really didn't want to, so I didn't.

I also didn't write a blog entry yesterday or plan out my nutrition tracking for today - still need to do that in fact! And just because I guess deep down I still haven't resolved all my emotional issues with food, not doing those things kind of triggered me to have dangerous thought patterns that could have (but didn't!) lead to poor eating choices. Around the time I decided not to go to the gym and to stay home and sit on the couch and watch TV instead, I started to think about having something extra to eat. I am so glad I didn't! I had already eaten at the top of my calorie range, a range that already only works for me because I exercise a lot, so there would have really been no way to justify eating extra yesterday when I didn't work out at all. In a way it's almost better that it was a black and white situation - I would have been hard pressed to find a way to talk myself into thinking it was somehow OK to eat extra. But this sure is my downfall pattern. When I slip, it always happens like this. One little issue (like skipping a workout) leads me to make more bad choices (like eating too much) and then once I know I'm going to hate what the scale says the next day anyways, I might as well just keep eating and then all of a sudden I've had a few thousand extra calories (I'm not exaggerating - binge eating nuts, for example, can do that), and then the next morning I don't weigh myself because I can't bear to see the gain, but I promise to buckle down and get back on the wagon right away, but then the afternoon or evening time rolls around again and the same temptation strikes me and I do it all over again and then I'm off track for a month and my weight bounces way back up. It's happened at LEAST twelve times since I started using SparkPeople in 1/07.

BUT, it hasn't happened AT ALL since July, even though the thought has crossed my mind. I must sound like a broken record to those who read my blog regularly, but I really do think the reason I'm staying on track now is because my old calorie range was too low for me. When I used to aim for anywhere from 1,200 to 1,800 calories a day, my body NEEDED more calories and so I was just physiologically driven to eat more, so I'd binge. I should have exerted some control and put a cap on it before it got excessive, but there was always that mentality that I'd already messed up, so I'd just keep on going. Also, I believed that I just was not cut out for long-term weight maintanence because of my drive to eat. I'd read about people who maintained long-term by eating 1,400 calories a day and I knew I would not be able to do that forever, and I'd get SO VERY discouraged because I thought that was something I'd have to do if I wanted to keep the weight off.

I'm still not immune to these dangerous thought patterns, but I am much better able to suppress the behaviors now. If I take a step back, I will realize that it is no big deal that I skipped one workout (first day not working out at all in ??? weeks???), and even the little gain I had is no big deal. In fact, for me to weigh in at UNDER 140 on my scale at home (the one that always reads higher) at 6:30 a.m. is absolutely wonderful regardless, even if I weighed 1.6 pounds less a few days ago. It's the overall trend that counts, not these day-to-day fluctuations.

I am dedicated and driven though, and I'm going to put this little blip behind me. I can't leave work yet because of the above-mentioned paperwork I gotta finish, but once I do, I am going to get to that grocery store, buy ingredients for the Scandinavian fish.spinach/artichoke casserole and skillet lasagna dishes I'm cooking this weekend, then I'm going to work out nice and hard and sweaty at the gym (maybe a run on the treadmill - my toughest workout - even though I'm HRM-less right now), and then I am going to dance my @$$ off in my nurse costume this evening. Then tomorrow morning I'm going to have my usual Saturday morning fitness class marathon and one day of slacking is going to be FAR behind me!

(And calling it slacking isn't really even fair to myself, because I DO have a job besides weight management, and I need to dedicate some more of my time/energy to my job sometimes!!!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRUIN2 10/31/2008 3:57PM

    hey lady!

Do you not even take one day off a week?!?! WHAT? Wowsers.

yes, yesterday was yesterday - move on from it! You've got a plan so that yesterday is just a one day blip - and that's what matters!

Have a blast tonight!!!

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MARLIE13 10/31/2008 3:57PM points I was wondering if I had written this blog. I know...I hear you...the emotional eating, the binge eating, eating more on days I don't exercise? What's up with that?!? Really now. We're works in progress huh?

Have fun dancing tonight!! Your costume will be awesome. Oh and another Office watcher? I only saw part of it last night...the rest is recorded.

PS Are you going to share this fish casserole recipe? It sounds DELICIOUS!

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ROAR! :)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

After I wrote my last blog entry I was all pumped up and then I went and had a killer workout!!!! Forty minutes on the elliptical going faster than a nine-minute mile (don't remember exact numbers except that my 5K time was 27:17). Then I went to Body Pump and worked hard. My instructor was very enthusiastic and kinda silly so that helped. I forgot a hair elastic so worked out with my hair down - never done that before. I thought it would be really annoying but it wasn't, it actually kinda made me feel sexy, HAHA! I think my workout was great because I was proud of getting so much crossed off my to-do list, proud of the changes I've made since 2005, and well-rested from a good night's sleep last night (sleep has GOT to become more of a priority for me - it makes SUCH a difference!)

Seeing that old diary got me thinking. I used to think I was large-framed, had a slow metabolism, had no natural athletic ability whatsoever, and that the most I could hope for would be to maybe just hit the top of the healthy BMI range (154). Now, I know I have a small-to-medium frame, I think I have a really great metabolism (losing weight eating 2,100 calories a day!?), and that athletisism (sp?) takes a LOT of work, but I can be good at it because I do put in the effort. I know that I can achieve any body/fitness/weight goal I want, even if that means getting into really tremendous shape. I'm not there, but I know I can get there.

PS - I LOVE that there is space between my thighs now. I used to have such THICK thighs!

PPS - Anyone else get extremely annoyed by their iPod headphone ear things constantly falling out while they're exercising?!? Grr.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-JACE- 10/31/2008 3:29PM

    space between thighs.. I can't imagine ;)

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HRZ2UMZROBINSON 10/30/2008 5:54PM

    That is weird timing, finding your old weight loss journal right after you took measurements. You've come so far and you're learning how to balance your life really well, I have a feeling this will be your last roller coaster ride ;-)

To answer your Qs from my blog:
I'm training to do this maintenance thing without tracking calories, just because I've been feeling obsessive about my weight lately. When I first started losing weight I just focused on eating small meals with as few processed products as possible and I didn't have to count cals. I'm hoping it will be like that ;-)
It's like you said, I only seem to have enough energy to focus on one aspect of my life at a time. If the weight goes up though, I'll go back to tracking.
The half marathon is February 1st, 2009, so I still have plenty of time for training. The most I've ever run is 7 miles though, so I've definitely got my work cut out for me. Right now I'm getting back into the swing of running, so I do 1 long run per week, and 2-3 3 or 4 mile runs. Sometimes I'll do intervals or hills on the treadmill to mix things up.

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BLUEBOOEYES 10/30/2008 4:42PM

    OK. Now I feel like I’m being called out but in a good way. I am currently in the process of getting over that “I’m built big, I have a slow metabolism, I have injuries” excuse-mode. You just solidified for me that that mentality is ready to go out the window. Great blog.

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MARLIE13 10/30/2008 2:24PM

    I think your blog just kicked some motivation into me. I've been feeling like such a slacker...cuz I've been slacking. But that's not me, I'm NOT a slacker. I have seen the same changes in myself and won't go back there. So thank you...and YAY YOU!

Umm..oh earbuds...that's right. Do you have the little foamy covers on? I don't and mine don't fall out. Of course, I might be going deaf though....

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SWEATONCEADAY 10/30/2008 10:51AM

    i ditched the ipod earplugs a long time ago and got different ones. mine used to fill with sweat too. gross. congrats on coming so far!

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TRACYZABELLE 10/30/2008 12:57AM

    I am so happy for you that you have such a positive body image now. It is very important to feel good in our own skin. Keep on that track.


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BRUIN2 10/29/2008 11:30PM


(That was the closest to a lion that I could find)

YAY for a rocking day! And look at all of these realizations!!!

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TERRIANGEL 10/29/2008 11:05PM

    Egggggselent workout!

LOVE thigh space!!

HATE iPod ear pieces falling out!

Here's to another great workout tomorrow!!


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STEPHANON 10/29/2008 10:49PM

    I used to tell people I was large framed too! Then I actually looked it up and did the measurements to determine your "frame" size and turns out I have a small frame. Not surprising since I'm 5'3", but there goes my excuse for being on the high end of my weight range!!

Re the PPS - you need to get the kind that hook over your ears.

Comment edited on: 10/29/2008 10:47:23 PM

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SEEHOLZ 10/29/2008 10:35PM

    On the PPS--- Oh yes, very annoying, especially when you are in the middle of your speedworkout while running the "push"-haha...
OMG-- you don't even know how much you hit the nail on its head when you were talking about "old perceptions of self" ! I used to think I'm large frame with a slow metabolism and no athletic abilities --- klutz! It turns out I'm medium framed, have a normal metabolism and even though still a klutz, I can " impress" myself from time to time by my own abilities-- 44 min 10K PR is not bad....
I feel your energy ---- this week has been an energy low for me, so your blog is very upbeat and uplifting, reminding me that I need to listen to my body and hang in and my energy sources will be replenished.
So hear you on the extra sleep.. cannot seem to get enough, so I am sleeping in tomorrow- till 6am.
Off I go.....
PPS Do you ever get so sweety that you can barely hear out of your I-Pod ear plugs?

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SKYFYRE 10/29/2008 10:33PM


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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I have been REALLY, MAJORLY, SERIOUSLY on track with my health and fitness goals lately.

However, I have been REALLY, MAJORLY, SERIOUSLY slacking on some other areas of my life. It's as if I only have a certain amount of energy/focus and I was spending it ALL on diet, exercise, and SparkPeople!!!

Today I sent a note to a Spark friend to check in because I hadn't heard from her in a while. She wrote right back explaining that she had been really busy with the REST of her life (work, relationships, etc.). That got me thinking. Who am I to get all naggy on someone for not being on SparkPeople for a few days when I personally am not keeping up in the rest of my life? So, to this friend, who knows who she is, THANK YOU! You Sparked me to take care of some things I'd been totally slacking on! Rather than try to run off to a 4:30 class at the gym, I did the following:

*I applied for a new passport (Carribbean or Mexico in February, here I come!!!)
*I paid my car insurance bill
*I filled out the application for my next race (3.2 miles, December 7)
*I applied for a professional teaching license (my initial license expires in July 2009 and the Department of Education can be reeeeally backed up and take a long time to process applications and my district is no-nonsense about having the proper license!!! I could have been out of a job next year if I never took care of this!)
*I paid my condo fee for November - EARLY!

There! I feel SO much better now that I've done all that. Plus while searching around for envelopes, I found an old diary I'd used for a diet in January 2005. My weight was at an all-time high back then, starting at 183 (see pictures in my photo gallery), and I got some book on a tough two-week weight loss program to get ready for my very first trip to the Carribbean, scheduled for February 2005. I'd dated the first page 1/25/05 and had my measurements. Let's compare 1/25/05 with 10/28/08, shall we?!?!?

Measurements then/Measurements now:

Waist: 35.5"/28.25"
Bust: 38.75"/34"
Hips: 42"/36.25"
Right thigh: 27.5"/23"
Left thigh: 26.5"/21.25" (I guess it's always been my thinner leg!)
Right arm: 14"/11"
Left arm: 13"/10.5"

What a kick to happen to stumble across this diary the day after taking my measurements. I have made sooo much progress, and I'm 44 pounds thinner now than I was then!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I weigh 139 today.)

I lost 7.2 pounds the first week of that program and 4 pounds the second. I got down into the 160s for my vacation, but then I didn't write in the diary again until April 2006 - still in the 160s. I wrote for a few days and then nothing.

I started seriously using SparkPeople in January 2007...starting in the high 160s. I got down to the lower 130s by April 2007, then between April 2007 and July 2008 I had so many starts and stops and was soon back to the number I just mentioned yesterday, 167.6. I have been totally on track since July 2008.

Please, please, please. Let this be the LAST time. Rest in peace, roller coaster.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRIANGEL 10/29/2008 11:04PM

    Cheers on the to-do list accomplishments!! Woo hoo! emoticon

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SKYFYRE 10/29/2008 10:31PM

    Your on such a high how will you ever be satisfied with a low again?! You are doing great, and congrats on all this inches lost, and getting some important errands done. Would have been sad to see the BF get on the plane to the Carribean without you, huh?!

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CATERPILLAR85 10/29/2008 9:57PM

    we're are definitely on this journey together & i couldn't do it without the love and support! :)

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JESSICAPAGE 10/29/2008 6:33PM

    Good luck!
We all need to get rid of that roller coaster.
Sounds like you accomplished a lot and if the result of one of those was to go to the Caribbean!!! WOW. Rock on.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Sounds like you are making real progress.

Keep up the good work.

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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Measurements taken this evening:

Neck 12.5"
Right bicep 11", left bicep 10.5"
Bust 34"
Narrowest part of waist 28.25"
Hips 36.25"
Left thigh 21.25", right thigh 23" (my thighs aren't very symmetrical?)
Right knee 15", left knee 15.75"
Both calves 14.5"
Left ankle 8.25", right 8"

According to the website I have 23.93 percent body fat, which is close to the bottom of the "moderate" range for my age (23.0 would be considered "low").

I checked a few other websites and found that my body fat percentage is considered to be within the "fitness" range (21 to 24 percent) by another standard, and within both the "recommended" range (20-25 percent) and the average for American adult women (22-25 percent) by yet another.

The first website also said that my BMR is 1,399 and my daily calorie expendature is 2,414. And my waist-to-hip ratio is 0.78. The website said that number is "within normal limits." I wanted more info, so I checked other websites and found that 0.7 is generally considered ideal from an attractiveness perspective, but anything under 0.8 (one website) or 0.85 (another website) is considered healthy. Apparently the waist-to-hip ratio is a good way to assess risk for heart disease and many other factors, even surprising ones like the intelligence level of one's children!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRIANGEL 10/29/2008 11:02PM

    HI there!

You're doing so GREAT!!! I can SO see and feel your enthusiasm when I read your stuff. YAHOO, sistah!!

I had my body fat done at the gym a couple weeks ago. Don't know what I was thinking. But it was like 24 and I didn't think that was ALL that bad, until the woman taking the measurements said "Now, don't freak out...body fat is just one measurement of fitness...blah blah blah..." I"m going withyour internet research and saying it's not bad! Phhhlphhllll! emoticon

I'm back, and it's just SO great to see you so on track. Rock on!!

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HRZ2UMZROBINSON 10/29/2008 4:54PM

    Yay!! Congrats on 30lbs "released" (as 1 sparker says)
You're on a roll :-)

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FITGIRL15 10/29/2008 1:33PM

    Looking at your measurements, you have done an awesome job!

Keep up the hard work, Sista! Woo Hoo

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RA4945 10/29/2008 11:20AM

    Thank you for always providing such helpful info! And big congrats on your 30 pounds lost. Yes, its still 30 pounds! emoticon

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BRUIN2 10/29/2008 9:44AM

    Hehehe. You really should have gone into a research field!! teehee.

I love that someone has come up with a scale of attractiveness. Bwahahaha.

You're doing great!

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MIMISCA 10/28/2008 11:25PM

    i meant to comment on the 30 pounds down blog- but either way- you're doing great!

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MIMISCA 10/28/2008 11:24PM

    that is so awesome! i am not surprised though- you have totally worked for it! great job!

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Gym Tonight

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Tonight I did a mishmash of stuff at the gym... first the Stair Master fit test - I scored average. That was 13 minutes.

Then I ran for 15 minutes - speed work - 1.75 miles.

Then 19 minutes on the stairmill - level 9 (tough for me).

Then stretching and one real push-up. I tried to do a second immediately after, and couldn't..

Then 13 more minutes on a different stairmill - levels 4/3. Easier. I was reading..

I also walked to/from the gym, but it's a short walk.

By the way, I checked my weight ticker and I was wrong - I have actually only lost 29.8 pounds - my starting weight was 167.6, not 167.8 like I'd thought. Haha, "only" 29.8 pounds...I'll take it!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKYFYRE 10/29/2008 12:41AM

    You are a stickler! 30 lbs I say! AWESOME!!

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