Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Ate within goal range today (about 1,560 calories), did a quick leg strength training routine that seems to have ruined my back all over again :( :( and.... ADVANCED step class! I warned the instructor that I am NOT an "advanced" stepper. This was the fittest woman I've ever seen in real life - probably the only woman the ever seen with a real live six-pack. She was so energetic and fun and encouraging. At one point she even moved her step right in front of me so I could see how to do a move. I didn't get most of the moves at all, but she still kept praising me and had the class clap for me at the end! Wow, was I sweating.
I did look pretty fat compared to everyone else in the class though. :( I soooooooooo miss being thin. :(
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Normally, the pattern starts small and snowballs. I am at a party, for example. I have a cooler full of my own, healthy, balanced, pre-portioned, pre-calorie-counted food. I see some chips and guacamole. "I wish I could eat that," I think. Other people dig in. "This is so unfair," I think. We sit down right in front of that evil junk. I sip my seltzer and munch on some GoLean from a baggie.
"I made this just for you!" my friend announces, handing me a cool glass garnished with both a strawberry and a mint sprig. She has made me an even prettier version of the "strawberry cobbler" I'd ordered at Eastern Standard on Saturday night, complete with rum and tonic (which, unlike seltzer, I've discovered, has plenty of calories, sodium, and sugar).
How can I resist? But once I've had the drink, suddenly eating a little guacamole doesn't sound too bad. Avacados are healthy, right?
"Do you have anything other than chips to go with the dip?" I ask, and end up with some slightly wrinkling grape tomatoes. I pick and choose the least shriveled ones, but they don't dip into the guacamole (or the equally appealing but even less healthy spinach dip) nearly as well as those Scoops would. So, I dig into the corn chips. And then, all of a sudden, I've eaten more dips and chips than anyone else.
My friend makes me another drink, but now I am in my food-obsessed mode. And I'm not thinking at all about the little bits of fruit and vegetables and yogurt in my cooler. No, I ask for a plate, and fill it high with BBQ drumsticks, corn, and potatoes. I eat until I feel practically sick, then I go lie on the couch to cuddle with the puppy, feeling horrible.
Okay, so that's exactly what happened last night, and this morning I'm up to 156.8. But what I MUST SAY is that while in the past I would have allowed my brain to switch into "gorge mode" for a few days, a week, a few months, whatever, that is NOT HAPPENING THIS TIME. I am back on track NOW!!! No eating less today to "make up" for yesterday, either. I am sticking with my 1,500 calories today, and I am going to go to the gym, and I am not going to recalculate what my weight could potentially be when I go on vacation, or any of it. I'm just back, and I'm wondering what lessons can be learned from yesterday. Yesterday was a great day, healthy-lifestyle-wise, UNTIL the evening. I did 45 minutes of strength training/stretching at the gym, then went on a really fun bike ride around Jamaica Pond and the Arboretum for over an hour with my boyfriend, didn't have too much of an appetite, and thought I was in for a fun time on the scale this morning. In my less-than-perfect moments I want to be angry at my friend who hosted the BBQ last night...she knows I am trying hard to get my weight problems under control.....but it is not her fault at all. I must learn to be in any situation life presents and still manage to make reasonable, healthy choices. And maybe what I did last night isn't the end of the world at all...everything in moderation, even moderation, right? I recognize what I did and I'm moving on. The end.
Monday, May 26, 2008
I am at 154.6 today. I realized that all these weekend meals at restaurants have really put my sodium at a much-too-high level, so I'm honestly relieved that my weight isn't even higher due to water retention!
We didn't end up going biking yesterday - we were both really tired. I think we'll go today, though not sure exactly where...Jess is being a little bit bratty about the whole thing ("How long of a bike ride do you want to go on?" "I don't want to go somewhere we've gone before." blah blah blah!) We did go to the gym both yesterday and today though. I noticed all of a sudden that when I flex my arms my biceps actually bulge out a little. Not sure I particularly like that, to be honest.
Anyway, in eight weeks we're spending a weekend on Welfleet in the Cape like usual. That means beach and bikinis. If I lose one pound a week til then, I will be at 147. Not very exciting, but I totally feel like I can lose a pound a week while still going to restaurants, having a life, and eating enough to keep my energy high. But a bikini at 147 pounds? Ick. So then I let my mind wander to dangerous places, and I calculated that if I lose two pounds a week, then by the time we go to the Cape I will be at 139. Unfortunately I have a magical unhealthy fantasy relationship with any weight that has a "3" in the tens place, so to think that I could be there for the Cape is HUGELY MOTIVATING for me. In fact, last summer I dieted hard and was at 139 for the Cape (though that was the weekend I gained 15 pounds in 3 days while we were there, ew). I don't want to diet hard ever again...I want a slow, healthy loss of fat without a loss of energy. So, I am going to shoot for any weight BETWEEN 139 and 147 for the Cape. I'll just have to deal if I'm not feeling quite bikini ready. There is no time limit for reaching my goals, because this is a lifelong quest - even after I hit my goal weight, I will still have to keep up all my healthy habits to maintain it.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
My weight is back up to 155.0 today. I just finished guestimating my calories from last night and ended up with about 2,700. Ugh.
At least I had fun and was very active......and today we're biking the Minuteman Trail! Twelve miles!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Yesterday I went to the gym and did 45 minutes of chest, back, abs, and stretching, and then 45 minutes on the elliptical. Then we walked to and from a restaurant for dinner...over an hour in all. I had almost 2,000 calories yesterday, but was down to 153.8 today anyway, which is a new low (for THIS time around, anyway). This morning I went to Zumba, which is just the most awesome routine because I feel so healthy and alive when I get up early for a great fun workout on Saturday mornings! Then I did another 45 minutes of legs, abs, and stretching. Then we got together with my friend with the puppy for a walk...but it wasn't much of a walk because every few minutes we got stopped by puppy admirers:
"Ohh! How cute! Is that a weimerainer?"
"No, he's a silver lab."
"Really! Wow! I've never heard of a silver lab."
"Yeah, they're rare. But he's beautiful!"
Gotta go. Dinner on Newbury Street tonight with the fam!
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