Monday, April 07, 2008
Right now I'm not feeling the spark and really don't feel motivated to do what I think I need to do, which is to completely start my program fresh, including rehauling my sparkpage. I'm not feeling up to that, but I should write something.
Yesterday I was out for dinner in a group of 11 people and I finished eating first. My boyfriend finished soon after I did, and then everyone else finished MUCH later. That would be something to work on - eating slower. I looked at the half-eaten meals on other people's plates and it looked like they had so much food, somehow it looked like more than I'd had even though I knew that wasn't true. That's something I bet I do subconsciously all the time - think I'm eating less than I really am,
Another thing I need is more sleep...more water too...maybe I should seriously start oer with a fast break on sparkpeople again. Knowing everything I know now about what works, what messes me up, and what helps me keep things going...
I need to do an intensive independent study in moderation. I seriously need to figure that piece out or I will never make peace with my weight...I cannot strictly diet for long, and I can't let myself stay overweight either. I have to learn moderation because it is the only option I am willing to accept for the long term. But I don't know why it's so hard for me in the short term! Every day it's either "not yet, I'm still gonna binge today," or "I gotta lose a lot by X date, and then after that I will do moderation."
Why can't I start moderation RIGHT NOW???
I'm convincing myself. I am going to stop blogging for now and look into starting my program again, with a fast break. (Confession time - I skipped the fast break last time.)
Saturday, March 29, 2008
So I blew it at the gala...I ate until I hurt, and then I ate some more. I went up to 163.0 pounds on Friday. But on Friday I was very disciplined, stuck to my plan like glue, did my workout, and today I had lost it all and then some to 158.8. Tomorrow is the weigh-in. Today is going to be a STRICT DAY.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Today I am at 159.6 and I will not meet my March goal unless I remain very disciplined tonight. I have already eaten about a thousand calories today and it's just past 2 p.m. Tonight I must aim for only 200-300 calories, which I can accomplish by TASTING rather than EATING, and skipping alcohol. I can tell myself "I'm paying $35 to be here so I need to eat my money's worth" (FLAWED thinking), or I can tell myself, "I am learning to have fun and live my life while losing weight. In the end I will save money, in the short-term by meeting my March goal and not needing to pay for a WW meeting, and in the long term by being healthy and therefore saving on healthcare costs." A long time ago I realized that deprivation doesn't mean not eating something...deprivation is when I DO overat, because then I DEPRIVE myself of being thin, healthy, and attractive.
I believe I will meet my March goal if I am disciplined tonight and the rest of the month. I can weigh in on Sunday morning or Monday afternoon - preferably Sunday morning!! That means losing about five pounds in three days, which sounds nuts except that I put this weight on very quickly and it's coming off very quickly too - I'm already down 5 pounds in just 2 days. Plus TOM started today - FINALLY - it had been almost seven weeks!! So that will help me drop some water weight too. Then, once my weight is down, I should do my April weigh-in sooner rather than later. Then it will be back for attempt #9,999,999 at MODERATION (1,600 calories per day, 4-5 workouts per week, sloooooow weightloss, consistent behavior). It sounds so easy now. Why do I always mess it up?!?
One last thought. I need a REALLY GOOD REWARD to keep myself on track after my March goal. Maybe something around Memorial Day...last year I weighed 135 on Memorial Day weekend and looked my best ever on the beach. This year, weather permitting, I want to go again looking EVEN BETTER! I think another photo for my Spark Page comparing Memorial Days 2007 and 2008, showing improvement, would be a fantastic reward. :) I vowed not to let my thinness of 2007 be a one-year fluke!!!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I haven't had time to blog the past couple days, and before that I didn't really have the motivation to do so. I ate my way back to square one - yesterday I weighed 164.6. I was eating when I wasn't hungry, I was eating when I was full, it was disgusting. Anyway, I figured I absolutely needed to get extremely disciplined if I want to have any chance of meeting my March goal. So, yesterday and today I ate about 1,250 calories and did an hour at the gym (strength, stretching, and cardio). Tomorrow night I'm going to a "gala" with lots of food and wine, so I will have to work extra hard to stay disciplined. It's going to be almost impossible to meet my March goal. Today I was at 162.0. Tomorrow maybe I'll be down another pound or two. I need to be at 157 for my goal.....and the month ends in five days.....and I won't weigh 157 at a meeting unless I weigh 2 pounds less at home....and the last day of the month (which also happens to be Jess' birthday) is a Monday! Ugh!! I'll have to check out my options for meetings......
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Today my district had a "staff wellness day" so I got to exercise all day. I did Zumba this morning and it was so fun!! I would like to try classes at the gym as a change from the usual cardio machines. I also did Dance Dance Revolution (OK), learned to juggle scarves (not as hard as I'd thought), and Pilates (wish I'd used 2 mats). The zumba was really my favorite...and then after work I got together with my mom and brother and we went for a walk!
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