Saturday, September 29, 2007
Motivation, where have you been? I've missed you! I gained 15 pounds in a week by eating ridiculous amounts of food. I weighed 149.8 today (Saturday) and I weighed about 135 last Saturday. I am glad I weighed myself today - yesterday I was too scared because I knew it was up - but I am glad I am catching myself before I hit the 150s. I have been good all day and worked out 2 hours, but I seriously want to have a binge right now. RESIST THE URGE. Having Jess around helps a lot. I don't binge in front of him. If he weren't here, I'm sure I'd be pigging out right now.
I obviously am a disordered eater. Other people go off track and gain a pound in a week. I go off track and gain 15 pounds in a week (or in three days like that one time on the Cape). That's because there is a HUUUGE difference between when I'm good and when I'm bad. When I'm good, I'm really good, and when I'm bad, I'm terrible.
Here's a list of things that are different between when I'm "on program" and "off program":
*Tracking what I eat
*Paying attention to nutrition/balance of nutrients
*Drinking water/chewing gum/delaying eating
*Feeling proud of myself
*Wanting to get on the scale
*Wanting to wear cute clothes
*When I'm off program I want to go out at night
*Alcohol, salt, fat, chocolate, baked goods, etc.
*When I'm off program I just get all happy because I can eat something I really want to eat. I feel like I'm finally not depriving myself. I don't have to get that feeling of dread that I get when I know I've already eaten all my daily calories and have to cut myself off for the rest of the night - I can eat more when I want more.
*When I'm off program I sometimes eat when I'm not hungry and give myself stomach aches from getting too full.
My race is A WEEK FROM MONDAY! That's 9 days away! So I need to be eating in ways that keep my energy up - will have to do a little research into that, but so far I've planned 1,500 calories for today and tomorrow (and stuck to today's plan). I need to seriously work on conditioning myself at the gym. I don't think I should run a lot - I think I should just do a couple miles a day to remind my muscles of what running feels like, but I should spend a long time on the elliptical trainer every day with my heart rate between 160-170. I also need to be careful to warm up, cool down, and stretch. And I should strength train and get plenty of sleep.
As for eating...I have 5 servings of a crockpot dish and some hard boiled eggs ready to go...I'll weigh a little less in the morning and hopefully that'll motivate me to keep it going and see those numbers going down on the scale. I want a good first weight-in at my WW@Work on Thursday! And I want my new clothes to fit! And I don't want extra weight bothering my run.