Tuesday, July 31, 2007
So apparently I have the ability to not only gain, but also lose 5 pounds in a single DAY. As shocking and painful as it is to admit, I weighed in at 154.2 yesterday after my weekend of eating TRASH foods on the Cape for 3 days. (Keep in mind that I weighed 139.5 on Thursday before I left, and ate healthy all day Thursday, so that's 15 pounds in 3 days only.)
Thank goodness I'd planned my food for Monday, because Sunday night I was already fantasizing about buying a whole pint of ice cream and eating it myself the next time I was alone. (I'm getting into my deep shameful secret thoughts here.) But planning ahead WORKS FOR ME. I need to do it, like I said a few months ago and then temporarily ignored, I need to plan and track my food to accommodate for my difficulties making good decisions on the spot. I make much better decisions in advance!
So yesterday I was very good. I ate just under 1,300 balanced, nutritious calories, did 65 minutes of the elliptical trainer plus stretching, then tried the first Turbo Jam workout called Learn & Burn. I am happy to report that I picked up the moves pretty easily, though had to modify some of the kicks because Jess' bedroom isn't big enough for me to really stick my feet out all over the place! I actually worked up a tiny bit of sweat even. It was kinda fun. I'm looking forward to trying the next Turbo Jam workout.
This morning I got on the scale 3 different times and each time had magically, mysteriously gained a bit over the previous weigh-in only minutes earlier, so who knows about scales really. The first weigh-in was 148.8, second was 149.0, and third was 149.4. Any way you look at it, I basically lost 5 pounds in 1 day. That's right on track considering over the weekend I GAINED an average of 5 pounds a day. I know I won't lose 10 pounds over the next 2 days to break even as quickly as I gained it, but I do know it'll come off.
I'm actually rather annoyed about the food situation this past weekend. Yes, it is my hand shoveling the junk in, and my mouth swallowing it all up, but why did it have to be there? Because in our society it's perfectly fine to have food that trashes up your system, but is packaged and artificially flavored/colored/designed to make you want to eat it? I don't keep that kind of trash-food around my place. I admit I am weak, I'd eat it if it were around. But why have it around, when it's not good for anybody, no matter how you slice it? There ARE so many healthy good foods. How good is mango?? (for example.) How about a rainbow salad with baby spinach, cherry tomatoes, yellow peppers, carrot slices? THESE are the foods I keep in my condo.
So, like I said, I need to be eating mostly foods I've prepared myself from now on. That way, I know I'm treating my body to the nutrition it deserves.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Weighed in this morning after 3 days on the Cape and found I'd gained 15 pounds. Yes, fifteen pounds. In three days. That shouldn't even be physically possible!?! But it happened. I blew it on my eating. And my drinking. The one area I didn't blow it on was exercise - we biked 50 miles on Saturday. So I thought I could eat "whatever I want," which included two ice cream cones, a bag of dark chocolate covered almonds, a bloomin' onion plus entire baked cod dinner, a fancy drink at a bar, and snack foods at the house. I don't do well around snack foods. Jess' mom is so thin, but she's not tempted by that stuff she buys. She has it around and then scolds Jess' brother and dad for eating it? I simply should not be around that stuff, it's like a drug addict being around drugs!!! There was the biggest BJs can of cashews I'd ever seen, and also BJs-sized bags of pretzels and chips, plus crackers, several kinds of cereal, dips, cheese, Oreos, granola bars... plus some WW yogurts and fruit. How often do you think I ate the WW yogurts and fruit? I was "good" all of one meal - Friday morning, my first meal there. I said no to the blueberry pancakes with real maple syrup and had a healthy breakfast. But then a few hours later, waiting for a boat to start so we could go tubing (it never did start..) I got hungry and had to go to the snack bar. I was pretty good then too - had a Greek salad (though with dressing and feta). But that was the last time I was even kinda good. I guess I figured I didn't want to be caught hungry out somewhere, plus there were sooo many delicious, unhealthy choices, and I didn't want to deprive myself, so I had them all. Cheeseburgers, flavored rice, muffins, ice cream bars, crab dip, you name it, I probably ate it. I think Jess' mom was subtly trying to suggest I eat less...asked me if I wanted steamed broccoli the night they BBQed some cheeseburgers, but I was too full to eat any vegetables that night. Basically I give myself an F- for eating.
But guess what. I learned a few things about myself in that disaster. I am not ready to attempt intuitive eating. I guessed this to be true, but didn't want to admit it, I guess. For whatever reason, I either go all out with dieting, or all out with food. No happy medium. I guess I know deep down that even if I'm moderate with my food choices I'll still probably gain a little weight, so screw it, let's eat like it's party time. It was so easy to come up with excuses for all that eating. It was vacation, I wanted to have fun, it was just there, and when I got back home, I'd get back on track (which I did).
It is so incredibly hard. Even while typing this now, with the benefit of aftersight, I still kinda agree with my binge-mindset self of this past weekend. When else am I going to have unlimited access to all that junk food? This was just one weekend out of the entire year. I may have gained 15 pounds, but that's temporary...
I think that in the end, this is what works for me. I'm not sure I will ever give up my food-as-drug binge parties. I really don't know if I can really give that up, realistically. But I do know that I can always get back on track afterwards and lose whatever I'd gained. I don't think this is the best solution. It's probably unhealthy. I'd love to discover something else that works. But so far I haven't...and I've been living for almost 30 years.
Maybe if I had known how severe the weight gain was, I would have cut back a bit. But junk food was being flaunted in my face. I think the biggest lesson I can take from this experience is that I should try to prepare all my own food as frequently as possible. That I have a much harder time than the average person saying no thanks, or even more, saying sure, just half of one. If I'm going to say yes at all, I like it to be yes and keep 'em coming til I'm so stuffed I couldn't possibly eat another. I don't like to stop earlier. Knowing the food is there, that I COULD be eating it, that others can or are eating it, that's just hard for me. I can hardly think about anything else until I eat it!
Oh, and a full day of exercise does NOT give license to eat whatever you want.
Anyway, moving forward. I have stuck with my program very respectfully today - both diet and exercise - and have tomorrow's food all mapped out and lots of it already made. By the time I go to weigh in at WW on Thursday, I'm hoping I'll at least be back at a point where, even if it's a gain, it's not going to make the WW ladies think there was a typo on my card last week (in other words, within a couple pounds of my weigh-in from last week).
This is dangerous thinking but obviously something I can't avoid thinking: If I put it on in 3 days, shouldn't it come off extremely quickly, too? I hope so.
In the meantime, it's so weird, I am literally going from thin to fat and back so fast I have no idea who I really am right now. I sure hope I get this whole thing figured out soon, and the solution is NOT to just give up and resign myself to a life of being overweight.
In other news, Turbo Jam came in the mail today! Yay! I already went to the gym, but I'm going to try one of the DVDs at Jess' tonight.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Grrrr....just wrote a long blog entry and it disappeared with a note, "No html please." I guess I entered some symbols that looked like code or something.
Here's a summary of what I'd written: I weigh in the 130s again finally!!!
This weekend on the Cape I will maintain my weight by eating healthful foods ALMOST exclusively (maybe 1-2 treats), eating portions that seem a little small to me (gotta tell myself that til small portions are second-nature), not eating when I'm not hungry, and stopping before I'm very full. Also, LOTS of water (and coffee/tea when I can), and LOTS and LOTS of physical activity! Biking, walking up and down the huge Welfleet sand dunes, boogie boarding, dancing at the Beachcomber, etc. etc. etc.
I love the 130s and am here to stay!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
I just wanted to take a moment out to give myself a little praise. I really think I am getting there...working my way toward the ultimate goal of a permanent healthy lifestyle and healthy body. I have been learning all about myself and putting that knowledge to good use. I may slip up sometimes but I keep getting back on track, and even though I'd like to weigh less, my weight right now is healthy and looks good and is so much less than I ever weighed before I started this journey in 1/07. I know that eating the right amount of all my nutrients every day, and getting frequent exercise, is making me so much healthier for now and for my future. I am proud!!
Monday, July 23, 2007
1. Make it simple, easy, and pain-free to follow the plan, and the plan will be followed. That means skipping the tedious extras like calculating points, tracking water, tracking exercise. I need to count calories, but I will drink and exercise even without tracking, so why take the extra time?
2. When I think I can't track, go for simpler meals - even a frozen meal once in a while. Place a priority on tracking.
3. When I REALLY can't track or need a break from tracking, still remember to eat like a thin person - when I'm done you should still be able to tell what I was eating because I haven't polished away every last crumb (this one is seriously hard for me, but my thin boyfriend eats this way without even thinking about it). I should only be eating when I'm truly hungry - when delaying, having some water or gum haven't helped, OR when I'm about to need the energy for a workout, BUT I also need to stop when I've had a reasonable portion. I might still think I'm hungry, but 20 minutes later I'll feel fine.
I think that eventually I might want to try mini-goals toward my ultimate goal of maintaining my weight by eating intuitively. I should blog about goals for this weekend... I'm going to be on vacation, and was planning on taking a break from tracking, which I will, but I should probably use the weekend to practice intuitive eating!!! More on that later.
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